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For what it's worth I've spent some years of my life in that situation and now things are looking up. Not good, but getting better. "Good" is perhaps on the horizon even though it looked hopeless for years.
You know, one thing I'd try to do if I were you and I think you should really pull yourself on your feet and do it. Perhaps this is unconventional advice in a world where people will insist that you be yourself at every occasion, but here's how you get a job where I live when the simple dropping resume fails after using the conventional ways... Here's what you do, you dedicate a day, or a week, carry a stack of resumes and go to places where you feel you might be able to get a job. Hell, go to unlikely places too, because you just never know.
Here's what you do, you ask to see a manager, if the manager isn't there, you ask when he might be, and you come back when the manager is there to talk to him. Act excited about the prospect of working for them, be dynamic or fake it if you must, smile, odds are they won't have anything for you and they'll tell you they might call you back. Give them your resume, shake on it, move onto the next place and do the same thing.
Perhaps it's annoying to them, you don't give a fuck what they think. Perhaps it shows initiative, perhaps it shows a productive employee that'll replace the lazy previous ones once they go. Do a bunch of places. Way too many. You have time on your hands, and it sucks, but that's how it is.
Now here's round 2: you do the same thing again 1 or 2 weeks later, but on the phone. Call every place you dumped a resume at and ask to talk to the manager about your application, remind them of your name, tell them you dropped a resume before and ask if anything changed. If nothing else it's a little goal and a mission to have for yourself, better than doing nothing eh. Nothing broke my ego more than not having even tried.
Cheers.
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1001 YEARS KESPAJAIL22272 Posts
i give you a lot of shit and responsibility because i know you can do it
i don't get these things wrong.
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Norway28906 Posts
Get away from your dad. I understand that "pack your bags and leave" doesn't seem viable when everything is falling apart because at least you have a place to stay, and you have no money and no job, but it seems to me like that's what your efforts should be geared towards. From what you're writing, he is an absolutely toxic influence on your life, someone who will continue to make you feel shitty for as long as you stay around him. It really sucks when family is terrible, because they are supposed to always be there for you, always help you out, always make you feel good when the world makes you feel down, but in the instances where family is terrible, where they're not really there for you, when they have no interest in helping you out, and when they make you feel like shit even when the world makes you feel good.. In your case, you need to work towards distancing yourself from your dad; him being so terrible while being supposed to be so great is going to be a wound that keeps reopening. Anecdotal advice and whatnot, I know some people who have had fathers who made them feel worthless, and in every single case, it seemed like their life quality increased when they just accepted that ok, this guy is a scumbag and I'm not having any more to do with him, whereas the years spent hoping that maybe now he will be different, those were always emotionally stressful.
You're clearly a capable and intelligent guy, but you seem stuck in a circle of paralyzing self-loathing; you lack the confidence to improve yourself in ways you have been told you need to improve yourself, and you're not getting the confidence needed to improve yourself until you improve yourself. Your dad being a source of hatred when he is supposed to be a source of love and support makes this circle really, really hard to break out of - which is why to me, breaking away from him should be your chief priority. It sucks, but you can't be around someone who keeps telling you that you are a failure - this would make anyone question themselves. It also sucks for him, because he probably has some completely misguided sense of trying to help you out with "tough love" or whatever, but it's incredibly stupid and not really grounded in reality and in fact he is currently the main reason why he is insulting you.
And while I'm not going to give you any like, "pull yourself together" speech, I think it's incredibly important for you that you keep going to the gym, and that you don't fall out of the rhythm every time you are too busy or don't have the energy. Gym is such a great activity for depressed people because it is something that can make you feel progress and a sense of mastery virtually regardless of what level you start out at..
Basically like here's what I'd do
Completely drop out of school. Right now that's just draining you of energy. You're basically in the position where you a) need to find a job b) need to hit the gym c) need more education d) need to move out and establish yourself, and you're doing this from a situation where you are depressed and where your surroundings make you feel shitty. These are way too many big, important things to focus on at the same time for a depressed person, and when you have the mindset that you need to do all of this, you continue bringing yourself down through confirming the harsh words of your dad - you're not succeeding at any of it, thus you are a failure. But this stems from you having a completely unrealistic impression of what you can expect to achieve from where you are currently standing, not that you actually are a failure. The happiness equation is essentially reality minus expectation, now your reality is shitty and your expectations are too great.
So drop out of school. But do gym. That is the most important of all, because the sensation of mastery you get from it, as well as the routines you develop, are crucial to break out of the pattern of depression. Then focus on getting a job and a place to stay, accept that this is not gonna be anything that even qualifies as "nice" for a while. Once you've gotten in better shape, gotten a job and distanced yourself from a dad, that's when you re-enter the whole, "figure out what to do with the rest of my life" phase - which is still important, it's just not where you should be at this very moment. Most people have a very flawed perspective on time, that is, they believe they can accomplish far more than they actually can over a one year time span, but they also believe they can accomplish far less than they actually can over a 5 year time span. You're not quickly and easily going to get out of a situation that makes you feel like your life is disintegrating, it took time to get where you are now and it will take time to get out. But if you do it one step at a time, it's possible. Very many people at some points struggle with depression, and very many people get out of it. It feels like nobody can relate to you, but many people can.
Good luck!
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[B]On October 23 2014 13:46 peanuts wrote:
So I'm in 3 classes and I'm pretty confident I'm failing 2 of them. I haven't written either of the papers for my writing class, because I just keep freezing up with worry. When we had a midterm paper for Poli Sci, which is such a fucking easy class, like its stupid easy, I don't know why I worry, I threw up and just stayed in bed for a few days, too scared to write it since it's worth 10% of my grade. I've missed a dozen-odd days of English and 6 or 7 of Poli Sci and German. I keep trying to work on papers and projects for them, but I just can't do it.
2 birds.
1 stone
For the record, I don't condone killing birds with stones or anything else for that matter.
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United States124 Posts
Peanuts, ik for a fact that you are one of the most passionate, enthusiastic, and nicest guys around when it comes to e-sports. This may look tough now but it won't be this way forever. Just keep your head up and keep moving forward and believe that things will get better. We are all cheering for you!
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keep strong Peanuts! we are all going to make it,
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I was gonna say something more, but it seems everyone here has said it all.
I cannot agree more that this sounds like depression. I'm currently dealing with depression myself, having failed out of college a few years back.
I agree that you probably should see a professional. It's hard to even feel like you're at that stage, and even if you are willing to consider it, it can be hard to actually willingly go through with things, but it can make a world of difference if you're willing to talk to them.
Good luck, and remember, nothing is as important as your mental health. Not school, not work, not even family.
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Hey man, really sorry to hear that. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like going through all that and dealing with such a difficult situation. Um, but first off, I just want to echo what OtherWorld just said that you are absolutely NOT a failure. And I don't mean that in some feel good way either, this is just real legitimate truth .We're all humans. And really, we've all messed up and done stupid things. But the beautiful thing is that weren't not defined by our weaknesses. What makes you valuable isn't a sum of what you do. Rather your value comes from the fact that you are a unique individual unlike any other person in the world, and that is a fact that cannot be changed. So remember that. Even when other people criticize you and even when you don't necessarily even feel it yourself, remember that you are still you and that is good.
Second, you may think this is ridiculous, but this is what I think. I honestly think that you can find real peace from the problems you're facing in a guy called Jesus. Call me crazy, but if what I said previously appeals to you at all, know that my entire justification of that comes from Jesus. A relationship with Him is the one place where weakness is not only not condemned, but is actually encouraged. There is no shame, no guilt, no criticism. Only love.
So all that just to say I think it's worth at least checking Him out; what have you to lose? He's continually transformed my life each day, and I believe it can be the same for you.
Regardless though, I hope you feel better and get through this period. Fighting!
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that might sound a bit harsh but you might as well stop crying, you sound highly annoying and like a whiny bitch tbh
your dad beeing an ass to you and calling you names after you come back from lans is understandable
lans are a fucking waste of time ! just like video games in general
you fail simple school stuff and come back happy from a LAN ?
lol ofc your dad is going to be mad
just do stuff and stop beeing at your computer unless its to do something productive
like writing a fucking essay for school
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On October 24 2014 01:12 Liquid`Drone wrote:
So drop out of school. But do gym.
lmao
im pretty sure US social welfare is much less forgiving than Norway
what a fucked up advice
he isn't even rich or has any mean to earn money
you tell him to go work out ? o_O
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oh yea, don't worry, you're not the only one with this. there's a lot more people with these problems. especially as you get older, but even in the 20s. it's just that they don't like to show or talk about it in public. women are more open about it than men. also, the older people are, the more open about their problems they are, I think.
it's normal and it happens to a big number of people. it's actually hard to not find someone who has or had problems like these or someone that doesn't know someone close that's dealing with it.
+ Show Spoiler [personal side note] +at one point one of my good friends was feeling really shitty and everything was crumbling around her so we talked a bit about it, and once we hinted that we both had problems like these we opened up and talked about depression and other stuff. it helped her and calmed her to know it's not like she's the only one and handling it on her own. I was pretty much over with most of my problems by then, but it still helped me to talk to her, as well.
and as others have said, you're not a fuckup, you just got stuck for a while. it happens. there's good advice in this blog, but again, I'd advise seeing a doctor first to get you going a bit. it's not exactly like talking to a friend, but it does make you feel better (plus taking some medicine will help you get on your feet quicker than just trying to deal with it).
edit: ah, forgot, what others said is great advice. the benefit of visiting a doctor is that you can get withdrawals (I assume these work similarly like in my country) from the subjects you're listening to, to relieve some burden.  I did so and it's a great relief.
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I'll tell u this and hopefully it will suffice.
Every time u think your problems are unbearable, read below
I've visited a former nazi concentration camp near Berlin. I've learned that during ww2 there were people being injected gasoline for testing purposes. People were stuffed in a locker room so many until they were suffocating. They had to stay naked outside during winter and work. They made shoes from wood. They were shot if getting close to the fence. They were awoken during the night in their sleeping bunker and one was chosen randomly and beaten to death.
During all this, even with death awaiting them daily, they found time to carve beautiful chess pieces from stone and carve "I love u" on cups.
Get your shit together, period. Man up. Start working. Start living. Stop complaining. It's that simple.
U need a job? U have a computer. Khanacademy dot com, coursera dot com, udacity dot com, are all free learning resourfes. Some got hired by google after learning on udacity which is free. learn smth until u master it, get the job, work.
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United States23455 Posts
On October 24 2014 18:33 xtorn wrote:
Get your shit together, period. Man up. Start working. Start living. Stop complaining. It's that simple.
Depression isn't nearly that simple actually...
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On October 24 2014 19:22 Darkhorse wrote:Show nested quote +On October 24 2014 18:33 xtorn wrote:
Get your shit together, period. Man up. Start working. Start living. Stop complaining. It's that simple.
Depression isn't nearly that simple actually...
If fucking only. Unfortunately, some people just don't understand that.
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On October 24 2014 19:22 Darkhorse wrote:Show nested quote +On October 24 2014 18:33 xtorn wrote:
Get your shit together, period. Man up. Start working. Start living. Stop complaining. It's that simple.
Depression isn't nearly that simple actually...
And everybody that feels demotivated and lazy isn't depressive either... depression is a disease, and not only an emotional state
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Reading the reactions, it seems some people do not understand what depression is about :S "Get your shit together. Man up!" is exactly what you're completely unable to when you're depressed.
Like wise men before me posted:
a) get professional help
b) don't hesitate to contact the people who are there for you. They'll hear you out, they won't judge you.
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I've read a fair bit about the biochemical aspect of depression/anxiety/stress, it has a lot to do with cortisol. When we get stressed, our body releases cortisol to help maintain homeostasis, but constant stress and cortisol can have negative effects on the body and brain. Cortisol can block the effects of various hormones in the body including BDNF(which increases brain cell growth and cognition). Cortisol has an atrophying effect on the brain, and can induce depression.
The solution in a nutshell(imo): Get professional help and cultivate healthy habits, mainly nutrient dense diet/exercise/stress control
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On October 24 2014 20:20 Boonbag wrote:Show nested quote +On October 24 2014 19:22 Darkhorse wrote:On October 24 2014 18:33 xtorn wrote:
Get your shit together, period. Man up. Start working. Start living. Stop complaining. It's that simple.
Depression isn't nearly that simple actually... And everybody that feels demotivated and lazy isn't depressive either... depression is a disease, and not only an emotional state
He describes a few things which make it sound as if this wasn't the ordinary teenage emo phase. For instance his overwhelming demand to sleep all day. I don't think you can imagine how hard it is to just stay awake if that really is depression and keep doing the most ordinary tasks. "Get your shit together" is just not doable, even if he would want to - and he does from what he describes.
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On October 24 2014 21:40 GeckoXp wrote:Show nested quote +On October 24 2014 20:20 Boonbag wrote:On October 24 2014 19:22 Darkhorse wrote:On October 24 2014 18:33 xtorn wrote:
Get your shit together, period. Man up. Start working. Start living. Stop complaining. It's that simple.
Depression isn't nearly that simple actually... And everybody that feels demotivated and lazy isn't depressive either... depression is a disease, and not only an emotional state He describes a few things which make it sound as if this wasn't the ordinary teenage emo phase. For instance his overwhelming demand to sleep all day. I don't think you can imagine how hard it is to just stay awake if that really is depression and keep doing the most ordinary tasks. "Get your shit together" is just not doable, even if he would want to - and he does from what he describes.
the only thing he enjoys is going to lan and the fact cba to perform at school and all the complains about the bad parenting pretty much sounds like ordinary teen emo phase to me
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EPT
