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http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/445505-lost-a-part-of-myself?page=3#50
Drop everything and watch pro/star league. It used to be worth it, I don't know what's come out of the equation, but it doesn't feel worth it anymore.
A depressed office worker says "there is no beauty, none of the nice, lovely and fun things I used to enjoy, it's all dead, there are no more flowers blooming". Then a florist replies "screw you, what do you think I grow all these flowers for, why do you hate and invalidate all my work/effort". The depressed person isn't seeking to attack the flower guy, he's just too saddened and melodramatic to see past the haze of his disenchantment. He's too distanced, locked away in his office, and longs for his childhood, picking flowers for free, rather than having to (now) go to unfamiliar back alleys and barter with Korean-speaking flower merchants, just to get a semi-wilted flower that can never look as ideal and vibrant as the ones haunting his memory.
An ice-cream-man offers the guy some free ice-cream, but the guy is depressed and shortsighted, wishing he was a child again, rather than an adult with adult commitments and responsibilities. Is this sadness the ice-cream-man's fault? In no way. But will yelling "Are you not satisfied! STOP BEING SAD" at the guy solve the problem? The ice-cream-man's already doing everything he can, it's up to the guy to either stick with being morose, or to notice and appreciate.
The problem's with me/us, not with you. You're probably frustrated for not getting more love, attention and appreciation. Fair enough, but it's silly to to get angry at me just because I don't want your ice-cream. No, your posters and reviews and advertising of different flavors (players) is just fine. But I'm not forced to have any. I'm too tired to squint hard enough to imagine it'll be like ice-cream on the beach in my childhood. It won't be, that's not your fault, but it doesn't justify you to take personal offense at my individual loss of interest.
Sure you guys do a lot of work, and I'm sure a lot of people really follow it, appreciate it, and totally feel it. But I just don't, anymore. Is that your fault? No, it's mine. But does my nostalgia and sadness (at myself, and the general state of affairs) equate to saying "yall be wastin yo time" to people trying to improve it? Not at all. You're doing a lot of good, but that never guarantees I'll be feeling it too/again.
Your ice-cream doesn't suck, but it can't satisfy like ice-cream used to. That's the problem. Nowadays, to me it seems like nothing can satisfy, give purpose, meaning, identity, and value, like BW used to.
I apologize for not being clear, my post was about my personal struggles and feelings. Even if your content and effort is super sick, sad people will still be sad, that's not your fault/problem/responsibility, but theirs. By all means, continue what you're doing, it's really nice. Do it as long as it is satisfying and fulfilling. But what I'm pained by, is that following along is no longer satisfying and fulfilling for me.
The current stuff feels dead to me. Not by any fault of it's own, but rather, I feel dead to it. Obviously there are threads and write-ups that keep appearing (so saying we're currently 'without' so much is an exaggeration), but on a personal level, it certainly doesn't feel like there are / feel like it used to. Why is that, to me, even when there's still new content being put out there? Why feel this way?
Why? why? WHY?!
  
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1001 YEARS KESPAJAIL22272 Posts
Maybe you're diabetic
+ Show Spoiler +just trying to be consistent with the metaphors
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Well, you hit the nail right on the top. I have a couple of friends who think the same way, so i want to adress your thoughtprocess. For you, as for many of us, BW has been a loved and cherished hobby that accompanied you in grwoing up and perhaps even in your childhood. You used to dream of the game. You got inspired by your favorite player, bnot only for the game, but for life. You were the passionate fan, that makes ( i wont say "did") the game so great, unqiue and perfect. At least to us.
Now you are a grown up man and you still feel fondly about the old times. You realize, that a lot is happening around BW and content is coming from Korea first and foremost but also from our community. It might even sadden you, to realize that your passion might not be the same but that the passion still exists. It's a hard part to leave something behind and move on.
Now, i was in your shoes. I played another game, thought Broodwar and its magic was gone and kept denying all the good delelopments, my friends told me about. I coulndn't handle, that the old Glory should be witnessed again and i would have no part in it. I don't know if i could have gone on without denial, but i decided to live the dream again, to be a passionate fan, a supporter and a creator. I play the game everyday i watch everything from Korea that seems relevant to me, i try to create some content of my own. It's as good as it was back in the day. At least for me.
If you see yourself in my description, then you are a person i know all to well and i feel with you, im sad for you. I feel why you feel disconnected from your passion.
But please, try not to harm ours, we try to live the dream still, we post VOD's, write articles and translate interviews. We still live the dream. Try to be happy, that is is still alive, the old spirit never died and we are still here.
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So SC2 and LoL like the weeds, choking out the flowers of goodness?
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TLADT24920 Posts
That ice cream analogy >.> I can't comment much on how the BW scene was in the past since I didn't experience firsthand however if it's anything like how the SCII scene was when WoL was first released and up to 2-3 years after, then I can fully sympathize with you since my SCII experience was likely equivalent to your BW one. I miss the days of being really passionate about the game, theorycrafting and discussing it with online friends, having custom games or team games and just playing game after game after game and repeating the next day.
I don't think I was that passionate about anything compared to that but I will echo what Cele mentioned towards the end of his post. The current BW scene is definitely not like the old times but what you loved about the old times is still present to some degree. While the game is missing some of its best players like Flash and Jaedong, the scene gets better each day. Sonic has poured his heart out and the BW forums are seeing more activity than they've done in years. tbh I think it's a mental block. You believe that you'll never be able to experience BW the same way and aren't willing to accept it in its current form since you were used to something better(OSL/MSL compared to SSL for ex). I don't think there's anything wrong with that though. I do think you should give it another try like Cele is and see if your passion can be restored again.
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United Kingdom1685 Posts
The number one thing which always catalyzes it for me, is to play. Play the game.
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Cele:
Yeah 2Pacalaypse wasn't happy with me basically invalidating all of your/his efforts, which I'm sorry for, I didn't mean to say your stuff sucks and doesn't count. It's good, and it does count, just that, I'm not so excited for it anymore.
Fucking Blue Storm, Zodiac, or Katrina (2) man! OTHELLO! My first ladder games were on Gaia and LT. I like maps a lot, to the point of having emotional attachments to them. Different seasons of maps have different degrees of fondness in my heart, and let's just say, simply by association, I get far more excited over Medusa than Circuit Breakers (which is it's 4player version). I freaking HATED TvP 10/15 on Medusa and always avoided it. But now, I'd rather take that than just get macro stomped on FS and FS some more, with a little bit of Python on the side.
Nina:
Well, SC2's alright, seeing how many random streams/Fantasy games I watch. I don't know, they feel more like genetically modified/plastic flowers, which somehow lack some element of hearty natural goodness. Suitable for some distraction, but never something I'd stay up/wake up for.
BigFan:
Ok. My commitments have progressed over time from Speedcubing --> BW --> Breakdance --> Uni --> DJing . So naturally, as you go further down the line, you stop having availability for the initial things. But, I'm glad pursuing what I'm currently after, even if it's at the expense of some former hobbies.
ImbaTosS:
You're right, that's precisely the make-or-break element. For me though, it completely breaks it, because I don't want to come back and ladder, manually work up my computer game mechanics, and grind for two weeks, before I can start winning reasonable games. If I had that sort of time (hint, I don't, really) I'd be doing other things on that list, or travelling. Even if I did play computer games, I'd be finishing off this speedrun instead.
It's just no fun, and very frustrating and disheartening, when you go into a game where the only way you can win is if the guy is painfully worse than you. It sucks playing, and having game sense and knowledge, to know "oh, my macro and economy is way behind his by this point in the game, I know I've lost". "Yup, I lost my tanks, now he's starting his 4th, this game is un-winnable". Oooooh that 3rd is nice and close for me to take ... oh wait he's majorly outmacroed me so I've lost. (I still really love TvT since there are no racial imbalance frustrations, but even then, macro game = down the hill for me).
It's being intimately and painfully aware of exactly why you are, and will keep on, losing, and not really being able to do anything about it. I just can't fucking macro fast enough. I watch Terran FPVODs on Snipealot, which is great fun, but there's no way I can+ Show Spoiler [long list] +- Macro units and SCVs
- Maintain supply
- Maintain tech and research
- Expand
- Increase production structures
- Prepare for drops/recalls (turrets, mines, EVERYWHERE)
- Babysit my army and frequently nudge my tanks up and down ramps (lose them, game over)
- Deny expansions
- Scout enemy tech and positioning
- Harass, and lay mines
- Select hotkey rally and move out my army (and add turrets)
- Oh did I mention Macro?
Ah! It's a power and dominance thing. I want to feel skilled and able to beat other humans, I hope to be validated by defeating the competition. But by interlinking 'how I feel about myself' and 'how well I perform', it's ok when I do well, but just gets worse and worse when you lose and go on tilt, and overall, playing the game leaves you more frustrated and dissatisfied than when you started!
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TLADT24920 Posts
On March 14 2014 03:52 bITt.mAN wrote:
Ok. My commitments have progressed over time from Speedcubing --> BW --> Breakdance --> Uni --> DJing . So naturally, as you go further down the line, you stop having availability for the initial things. But, I'm glad pursuing what I'm currently after, even if it's at the expense of some former hobbies.
ya true. I do the same thing as well. It's natural although if you really miss BW, the community could also use more players and readers 
On March 14 2014 03:52 bITt.mAN wrote:
I freaking HATED TvP 10/15 on Medusa and always avoided it. But now, I'd rather take that than just get macro stomped on FS and FS some more, with a little bit of Python on the side.
I agree that playing FS on iccup has gotten tiresome and I've been playing different maps lately. Recent was La Mancha which was a nice change(wrote blog on it as well lol). FS gets also really annoying because it almost feels like it's impossible to get into the main mid game without being noticed unlike La Mancha which is bigger and such.
On March 14 2014 03:52 bITt.mAN wrote:You're right, that's precisely the make-or-break element. For me though, it completely breaks it, because I don't want to come back and ladder, manually work up my computer game mechanics, and grind for two weeks, before I can start winning reasonable games. If I had that sort of time (hint, I don't, really) I'd be doing other things on that list, or travelling. Even if I did play computer games, I'd be finishing off this speedrun instead. It's just no fun, and very frustrating and disheartening, when you go into a game where the only way you can win is if the guy is painfully worse than you. It sucks playing, and having game sense and knowledge, to know "oh, my macro and economy is way behind his by this point in the game, I know I've lost". "Yup, I lost my tanks, now he's starting his 4th, this game is un-winnable". Oooooh that 3rd is nice and close for me to take ... oh wait he's majorly outmacroed me so I've lost. (I still really love TvT since there are no racial imbalance frustrations, but even then, macro game = down the hill for me). It's being intimately and painfully aware of exactly why you are, and will keep on, losing, and not really being able to do anything about it. I just can't fucking macro fast enough. I watch Terran FPVODs on Snipealot, which is great fun, but there's no way I can + Show Spoiler [long list] +- Macro units and SCVs
- Maintain supply
- Maintain tech and research
- Expand
- Increase production structures
- Prepare for drops/recalls (turrets, mines, EVERYWHERE)
- Babysit my army and frequently nudge my tanks up and down ramps (lose them, game over)
- Deny expansions
- Scout enemy tech and positioning
- Harass, and lay mines
- Select hotkey rally and move out my army (and add turrets)
- Oh did I mention Macro?
. I know exactly what to do, but I can't make myself do it fast enough. I know what to be doing and how to win, I just feel powerless to progress towards that, which is extremely frustrating, and sometimes I devolve to BBSing people just to try and steal a win. That isn't satisfying either, because that mostly only stomps newbs, and makes me feel equally powerless and incapable. Ah! It's a power and dominance thing. I want to feel skilled and able to beat other humans, I hope to be validated by defeating the competition. But by interlinking 'how I feel about myself' and 'how well I perform', it's ok when I do well, but just gets worse and worse when you lose and go on tilt, and overall, playing the game leaves you more frustrated and dissatisfied than when you started!
what you wrote here pretty much describes my experience so far. I play terran and a lot of TvZs since I enjoy bio micro however my macro is terrible, my multitasking seems to have gotten worse because I'm playing pretty casually so I can't seem to use control groups well anymore and once I'm in a game and my zerg opponent has grabbed his 3rd (couldn't do anything about it since I lost my army or stuck in my base) or about to get his 4th or gets defilers/ultras out, it's pretty much gg. It feels really frustrating at times especially when you know what you need to do and how to progress but you're held back by your own limitations and nothing seems to be working. I've resolved after my recent match to start gg if I'm in a game that is pretty much hopeless. Maybe I can squeeze in more games and get my early to mid game much stronger with the extra time lol.
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