Hi everyone ~ Blog written after not reaching WCS S3 Premier league.
Losing in Challenger as a full-time player
I practice tons and tons and I like doing that. But not even my practice could carry me today. Too often I lose faith in my abilities and it happened today as well. I feel like I've hit a wall and that there's something missing.
A close friend of mine still makes fun of me for something I said in 2011. "I reached my limit, I can't get any better". Every time I won against someone I couldn't beat before, he'd make fun of me, reminding me of my skepticism that day. "I remember when you beat DeMusliM for the first time back in 2011, he said. You were so happy, haha." But I still, to this day, can't help but think that things are slowing down, once again. "Yeah," I said. "...and beastyqt, and EmpireKas... back when I couldn't beat them."
I'm no longer the 'underdog streamer' I was when you voted me into the ONOG Invitational 2 during March 2012. It's a whole different game now where I'm expected to perform. I do win against Koreans sometimes, but in most of my tournaments I end up losing to foreigners that people would expect me to beat.
I do win some tournaments and I don't want to be disrespectful to other players that try rly rly hard without enjoying the same opportunities, achievements and financial stability as a full-time gamer (or exposure if that's something desirable to ppl). But at the same time my mind is annoyed by the inconsistency in performance after HSC6. Certain things about my play have been frustrating and disappointing to work with over time. This performance was just another example to add to the list. Once you improve, self-expectations can go too high and you can become too emotionally invested. That's one of the things that I want to fix, but there's probably more to it.
As a pro-gamer when shit hits the fan and you can't take your game to the next level you will hear things like 'take a break' and 'try doing something else' and I've been doing that too without noticing any difference. Sometimes you need something unique that can give you that boost to break the ceiling. So far, for the past 6 months, I haven't found it. I have the awareness that something is wrong and it is now up to me to fix it. I'm looking forward to this challenge and at the same time I want to write down my struggles just to get it out of my mind and perhaps receive some tips for moving forward. I also want to shed some light on how it feels when your mind is in a dark place as a full-time player.
Full-time means you're investing a lot into the game and being one of the biggest try-hard foreigners can be tough when things go wrong. Your mind will tell you to look to others as more successful and to yourself as a failure. Part-time players leading happy lives and grabbing achievements here and there while you're sacrificing everything and gambling it all on this one thing: Reaching the very top of the top, becoming a champion. And then you lose, when you're not even competing at the highest level. Many thoughts appear that are only negative and unreasonable, but they are there and they become very real. While dealing with negativity might be effortless for some, it can be a very real struggle for others. I don't think one can reach the top, nor find peace with oneself, until certain things and thoughts are dealt with.
The piano story
I wanted to be a professional piano player, but there were problems with my improvement. I was good, definitely not by so-called 'talent' and being 'gifted' but rather a fair share of practice and skill obtained from enjoying playing the piano over many years. But when I tried to go pro, no matter how much I would practice, there would just seem to be things that couldn't be understood or mastered. Not even with the help of my amazing teachers and not even when I tried to practice for hours straight, I'd be able to do it the way it should be done and I eventually fell behind my younger peers, unable to enter the school I wanted.
Soon enough I grew impatient and began questioning myself. Was there a lack of talent? Was there a lack of gift? Was it meant to be that I would not be able to play these 4 voices at once, just because that's a limitation of my brain? Stupidity? Eventually I lost my passion and gave in to the doubt. I couldn't do it, I gave up. Eventually I started playing more and more StarCraft. I lost faith in myself on the music side of things. I wanted to do whatever I enjoyed the most in life, whatever made me happy. I had a great time playing lots and lots of SC2 as it was one of my favorite hobbies. Not too long after, I went full-time in the beginning of 2012.
Fast forward a year and a half and I'm questioning myself once more. This time with SC2. But I won't allow the same thing to happen. My struggles are not related to the game, it's about my the self-imposed limitations of my mind. I want to fix this once and for all, and that's one of the best bonuses about playing this game. It's so great at pointing out mistakes and bringing out sides of you that you can change for the better. To fix everything that holds me back.
As a piano player I didn't put in the hours that I do now. With StarCraft I didn't want to make the same mistake again and neglect practice. This is one of the reasons why I'm practicing my ass off today. But when your performance stays inconsistent and stagnant (when you start thinking of yourself as mediocre and you become a whiny bitch), there is a sense of urgency and desperation that attacks your mind. On a good day, you gain awareness and inspiration. On a bad day, you're struck with doubt and a sense of hopelessness. Doubt that will kill any hope of advancing through any tournament bracket or tournament group. Doubt that will make you lose a series to pretty much anyone.
I will now write some of the things that have struck my mind sometimes during games, sometimes after painful losses. Most of the times it's imaginary hate that just appears out of nothing, but it's there, and it is kind of interesting. And some times, you can take it very very seriously, no matter how ridicilous it sounds.
The negative mind and what it might tell you
Imagine being a foreigner. What would you do?
You're good, but not 'there'. I wouldn't watch your games and enjoy sophisticated beverages like I do when watching top Koreans. They know what's up. Most foreigners just can't be like them, that's all. I don't know why, but in the end I really don't care. I just watch games at the highest level and you're not interesting to me. Why should I watch you play when you're not even competing at the highest level?
What's wrong with you anyway? It shouldn't be that hard to understand how to get good at just one thing when you got like what 12 hours every day to think about it and just do it, right?
See, that's the difference between them and you. They just get it. You don't. And it's not just about SC2 either, it's probably just who you are. Some are smart, some are stupid. Some are good, others can't play. That's just how it is. Give up if you can't deal with it, or just be mediocre. I don't care anyway.
You've been doing this with all you got every day for how long now? You still can't hit your injects or spread creep properly. It's a fucking video game and it's your job. What is wrong with you?
Look at this strategy. It's not even legit, it's just some random all-in. And it's not a smart all-in like a Korean would do it, it's just stupid. Your playstyle won't hold up to someone truly good, you just happened to get lucky with your wins so far.
This one guy who just beat you probably plays 2 hours a day and still did better than you. He's probably getting wasted in the weekend with friends enjoying life with a brighter future than you while you're spending your best years in front of the pc doing the same thing over again. He's intelligent, more than you will ever be, so stop trying and spend your time on something you actually can do right already.
You're sad about losing games and feel like you can't do it anymore? You're a fucking professional, I thought you were paid to do this in a professional way. And you're now asking us for help? Get yourself together, this is a joke. I just lost all my respect for you. Stop whining, you have no right to complain or be sad. Oh, and you're also overpaid.
You totally threw that game. What's going on? Why did you do that?
You can't do this.
Can totally relate to this one.
Friends, fans and you
You can do it!! I never doubted you, I always believe in you. You just have to believe in yourself. I'll always believe in you no matter how it goes, even when you lose, even when you play your worst game, it's fine, I'll be there for you cheering you on. I always enjoy watching you play!
You might not win every time but always do your best. If you always do your best, then that's all you can do. It doesn't matter what happens after.
Just try! Just because they're good doesn't mean that you're different. You're good too, don't forget that!
Don't be so hard on yourself! It's good that you're passionate, but remember to be happy! Just look at what you've achieved already, don't forget it!
You will bounce back! Next time!!
Don't forget about your true fans!! We will cheer for you, no matter what.
I followed you since the very beginning and I'm still a huge fan, don't forget us!
It's so amazing that you have the balls to do something like what you're doing now, you're crazy! I'd never have the courage to do something like that. It's so different! You're brave, and it's so cool to follow and watch you!!
Let's do this.
Where to go from here
I'm not going to give up and switch profession just to find the same thing happening again. Not this time, because I love SC2. I want to find back to the peace of mind I had before. Playing to learn and to enjoy it as a passion, not to live up to expectations and deliver results. Not to avoid losing to people I'm not supposed to lose to. That's being afraid and disrespectful, and it feels wrong. But even if I know that, I don't know how to fix it yet in a way that works for me. But it is indeed possible. And with time, I will be able to do it.
I don't want to be the guy that wins a tournament without a smile. I can't identify with that, it doesn't feel human to me. But I don't want to be the one who's hating myself and feeling super emo about playing badly either. That, for sure, is not human. I always leave with a gg, I always respect my opponent winning and the game is the ultimate judge and one does not fuck around with that truth. But I hate myself way too often for my mistakes even if it doesn't help at all. So when I leave all of these things aside, the only thing that should be left for me is to have awareness and make the most out of every present moment in practice and in tournaments. So how does one reach that awareness and presence of mind in every in-game second, exactly?
The truth is, I don't know. But I will know soon. It might take time -- fortunately, I have lots of it. I'm a full time player because I made that choice back then. I made that space for myself, to fix this. And with time, anything is possible. Even to fix the most broken mind, even to overcome the greatest learning difficulties, to improve and have awareness. Maybe then I will be gosu. If I'm not, then well, at least I will be happy ^_^>
Wear a onesie and/or a fluffy robe. It makes things ten times more enjoyable.
Hitting a plateau can be really frustrating. There's a video on Top Gear about the belief that if you're not a professional racing driver then you hit a point that you find it really hard to improve upon no matter what. Sir Jackie Stewart said it was bullshit and showed that you can still improve, it's just much harder.
I can't link Youtube at work, but I'll look for it. I think it mirrors what's going on here quite well.
Getting to a point is just straight improvement, but then it slows off and gets much harder to keep improving.
This may be entirely useless, to you, but hey!
I'd say "It gets easier", but I don't think that's true. It may just get more manageable!
Thanks for posting this! I can identify so much to what your brain is doing to you and especially about the part where you're aware of the problem, but haven't got the solution to it. Some people seem to find happiness and inspiration in ambition and expectations, to some it's a burden weighing them down. Sadly I'm a guy who haven't found my passion in this world, I'm just studying in uni hoping to discover passion somewhere. In the meantime im beating myself down everytime I dont get an A. So i dont have any great advice, but one of your fan quotes says alot, you're doing more then most of us ever dare. You're going in with all you got with this SC2 thing, many really respect you for it and many have seen that you have potential for great things.
I can relate to your negative thoughts, to some extent. I've obviously never been anywhere close to pro-level in SC2, but I have a habit of falling into a similar mindset when failing to put as much time in and reach the results I want in my university studies. Having your mind tell you that you're awful is not an easy thing to overcome, and I imagine it's even more difficult when you have a job that is based around performing and not just doing.
I obviously have no insight at all in the life of an SC2 progamer, but something I've realised can help in other situations in life is to just lower your expectations on yourself, and stop assuming that you "should" be able to overcome this obstacle and that problem (or opponent). No idea if that makes any sense from a pro-gaming perspective, but yeah.
Either way, I really hope you're able to reach your goals, mental ones as well as tournament results. Best of luck and thanks for a really well-written blog entry.
I don't have much to say. I think you are a fantastic player but as a player myself I can relate to your feelings. What I have heard about you is that you sometimes need to be forced to eat so thats one suggestion I would make to you. You need proper food and nutrition to be focused and especially to learn :-)!
Other than that its a one liner, but it always motivated me:
Do you remember the guy that gave up? Neither do I, no one does.
I think you pretty much know what that means, keep going, you already had great success and you are a motivation to others, you are one of the more successful foreign players so yup, I think you can be very proud (WHY AM I COMFORTING A ZERG, DIE DIE DIE :D)
I really like that you want to face the problems! This is without doubt the right decision.
Concerning practice and unsatisfying results: I can relate from other fields (Go) that putting in long hours does not necessarily make you better. There are several examples for that, like typing. We all would have to use ten fingers while typing and do this really fast without errors, when you just look at the hours we use the keyboard. Joshua Foer describes this as the O.K. Plateau and talks about this quite a bit here: http://joshuafoer.com/conquering-the-ok-plateau/ Maybe this can help you.
The other thing I'd like to mention is a quote by Jaedong, where he says (somewhere along these lines) that you can't expect to be on top of the game, when you just practice hard for a couple of months let alone weeks. If you start now to practice hard, you'll get good results in about six months.
The most important thing: Keep your head up and enjoy life =)
Whenever I see posts like this, I am reminded of how hard it is to be the best in the world at StarCraft. There are so many people practicing their asses off, to the very limit... It is at the same level as the very best pianists, or the very best in pretty much any profession. I guess the only difference is (for now) there aren't that many 4 year olds practicing StarCraft to go pro, or people in their 40s, 50s, 60s, and so on who are still dedicating their entire lives to it.
When I first saw you play it was at HSC, you did amazingly and you played your heart out as we could all see in the emotions after the finals. To me personally having a tournament to watch without Stephano (back in the days) was impossible. To me all the koreans were obsolete as I wanted to watch people for their personality aswell, not only their skill. You were the 2nd person that I could watch and cheer for and it's basically for who you are and what you have showed both then and now.
How many foreigners or even Koreans do we see work this hard? You under the WCS flew back to Korea after having played your games to get in as much and as good practice you could for the next week. It's the first and the only time I've heard anyone do this. I was amazed. The happiness in interviews, the always so strict streaming thing (stopping if you feel you play bad when in reality you didn't). You have everything it takes to make it and what makes me so sure of that is your wonderful way of thinking! It's just a "wall" to some, where it can be a huge obstacle for some.. Some days everyone will have problems going against them and this hit harder for some than others, your valiant efforts in WCS are greatly appreciated and I believe we all know you will bounce back =)
You're easy to like both as your person in interviews and as a player in a tournament, I believe greater things are coming your way because you have both the charisma and willpower to do and be just that.
"But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!"
I've hit a similar feeling studying a subject I love at a very competitive university. Personally, I've found that it's not skill that's holding me back, but my mind that's holding my skill back. It's difficult to find the root of the problem, and it's even harder to fix it. I would highly recommend putting some time into something that focuses on mindfulness. For me it's yoga, for my partner it's kung fu, for some friends it's tai chi, and a few lucky friends find that mindfulness at the gym. Whatever it is, sometimes it really helps to be able to refocus unhelpful mental energy and reuse it in a healthy way. (:
I dont want to argue about the exact numbers thats not the point, but you are:
Top 10 in Europe Top 100 in the World
Europe has 740 Million people The World has around 7.1 Billion people
How many people can say "on a good day i am the best in what i am doing in fucking Europe"? People think they are good in their Job? You are in the Top100 of THE ENTIRE FRICKING PLANET in your Job.
I think that is something you should really be proud of, maybe in 20 years from now you can tell your kids: There were more astronauts in space, more Super Bowl winners, more prime ministers of Norway
than people that were better in Starcraft than me.
Nothing anyone can say can help you break this jens, it's really got to come from you.
Thanks for the blog, was very interesting and mirrors some of my thoughts and feelings on playing sc2 a lot. Hope you can break this, you're fans are always here for you.
Maybe you can talk to the coach TLO is working with Helped him alot, maybe can help you too. And ALWAYS remember, youre not playing for us, not playing for fame or money, not playing for the expectations of other. Youre playing for yourself and yourself only. I would switch positions with you all the time :D
Hang on, get out of the darkness and shine again, nobody doubts that you can do this
It's not like I didn't tell you for 1 year that your style is bad? Sure you can call me bm or the worst person ever but my point still stands even though i might not be sending it in a correct way. Practice is not about brainlessly massing games and it's not brainlessly massing games with replay analysis in between either. I always told myself i am not going to play pure practice sessions longer than 4 hours because it's simply counterproductive(not saying you can't play longer here.. for me it works like that). You can get mad at me at talking about your mass roach but it's what you did for like 1 year or so. You had good results but it's not the problem with mass roach. Your problem is that you don't change and Starcraft2 needs variety especially when you use something like that. It's type of play that can win the best people and lose against the worst and you just kept hanging to it because it helped you win something. Consistency is what makes a player the best and you can't achieve that by not changing(it doesn't quite make sense but it's true). With the ammount of hours you put into it you could have thousand different builds. This is why in terms of SC2 i always respected you for hard work(same as Kas) but nothing else.
TLDR: Mass roach is a bad style that will bring you random great results but in a big picture you will lose to the players you shouldn't lose.
As a piano player I definitely understand what it's like to feel like your skill level is stagnating. There are moments where you feel that your skill is rising exponentially, but as you improve those "big moments" start to go away and all you can really find are small advances that feel like nothing more than gaining a couple of centimeters. Part of improvement is accepting that "big moments" might not happen anymore.
Plateauing is one of the hardest feelings to struggle with when trying to master a craft. Sometimes it either takes a redoubled effort or a completely new mindset/strategy to improvement to sort of shake things up to start getting those improvements again.
This is an amazing blog, it feels like I can imagine exactly what's going on in your head...
There isn't a 'fix' to your doubts though, I don't think, other than you knowing that you are good enough. I was a die-hard Taeja fan, I thought. Going into the last HSC I ignored everyone else, assuming it would be a nice easy win or my favourite player. The group stages came and went. The quarter finals came, and you beat Stephano! The best foreigner in the world, losing to this guy who won last HSC, who won ESET... I couldn't help myself in rooting for you... Hyun though, I thought. Surely that will be the end of the road. To my great delight, it wasn't. You went on to create one of the best finals I can remember with two guys really digging in deep to succeed.
Small losses in the occasional tournament don't matter in the big picture. You gave it a try, and didn't come out successful, but there's always next time, or the time after that.
What I learn recently after failing at requilifying myself to Premier again, same as you, is that Starcraft 2 needs a strong mentality. You can never be like "he is better than me, what am I gonna do to beat him". You are the pro, you are the boss. Who is this guy called Bomber ? I'm gonna crush him. And it's the same against the opponents that you consider as weaker. You have to crush him, even tho it's just a stupid Zotac, play like if it was a GSL final. You must have experienced that throught the tournaments you've done. Sometimes everything goes wrong and you're starting to make more and more mistakes, and then you somehow manage to make something huge and nobody can stop you.
In your case, you're already on the top top level and as someone already said, you can be proud of it. Now I don't think there is an easy solution to free your mind and become that beast you want to be. It's not about beeing a winning or a looser, a genius or an idiot. It's about life. Have you ever seen someone beeing the best at what he is for years and years and years without a moment of doubt, hesitation and fails ? It doesn't exist. You're an human beeing and all you can do is practice. Not only the game, but also your mentality. You must know now when and why you're playing well, when and why you're playing bad. All you can do is practice it. Be proud and happy of who you are and get that strong mentaly.
As I said, you've been further than 99.999% others living beeing on earth when it comes to Starcraft 2. Be proud of it and keep going, not saying that you'll destroy everything, but make sure that you've already done something that you thought you'd never do. Think about that and get that strong mind you need.
Most of all, don't forget that it's your passion, our passion and you must be happy everyday you wake up to have this awesome life. Making a living from your passion. You've done it.
Sometimes when you just force yourself to play, you can get lost in the game and all these ancillary emotions, all this background noise just becomes muted.
By time you've grind out a whole bunch of games, you'll feel right as rain.
Great blog, thank you for sharing. Your fighting spirit is excellent. As simple as it sounds : you should really try to channel your anger and frustration into something positive.
On August 28 2013 22:22 Dayshi wrote: What I learn recently after failing at requilifying myself to Premier again, same as you, is that Starcraft 2 needs a strong mentality.
This. It might be a game about micro and macro, but what most people tend to forget is one persons mind. When you're going into a tournament or w/e most of your wins will happen due to confidence and a strong mentality, not solely because you practiced 10 hours every day the last 2 weeks. From my own experiences I know it's hard to stay confident in your ability to win, but you kinda have no other choice if you want to succeed.
competition is brutal. look at jaedong: who would have thought that he would become such a force in sc2 one year ago? his prime in bw was between 07 and 09, after that he kept losing to flash in almost every final they met. just imagine what jaedong could have won if he there hadn't been that guy called lee young ho. and still, jd is the third most accomplished player in broodwar history. a five time starleague winner, a proleague powerhouse. fast forward to now: jaedong just lost the wcs season finals to bomber, and it wasn't close. he also lost to hyun, polt and stardust. coming in second is actually the most terrible thing that can happen to you as a competitor. you were close, but you just barely didn't make it. and still, you could see that his spirit wasn't broken. everyone doubted his zvp - he fixed it. now his zvt seems kinda lackluster - but he will fix it. because he's driven by that will to dominate.
I followed your rise to fame and I really liked your stream when you first started climbing the ladder. I still remember your style back then, lots of crazy harassment, overlord drops, nydus worms...maybe not a very stable style, but very very entertaining. you went on to improve quickly, and you've won several big tournaments. sc2 is a very volatile game, which makes it almost impossible for a player to be successful over a longer period of time. the number of exceptions to this rule is pretty small. (players like polt, mvp, mc and stephano come to my mind)
Nerchio's post might sound a bit rude, but he's also saying something very true: The most successful sc2 players of all time are those who were able to adjust to a new metagame. Doing that is hard, because every person has a comfort zone, and leaving that zone is hard. Practicing new playstyles comes with lots of losses and also those terrible questions: Am I wasting my time? Is this really the right way to play this game? Am I actually getting worse?
Motivation is a bitch. Staying motivated can be really hard, especially when you have to deal with disappointments. Like in every other sport, there can only be a small number of people who stand above all the others. Reaching that point isn't possible for everyone. But everyone can try, everyone is able to put his heart into what he's doing. (Parting might choose his soul there.)
A very good example on how a different mindset and practice regime can work wonders is the tennis player Roger Federer. He was a very mediocre player in his early career, and he often smashed his racket on the court, because he got so mad with himself. Around 2004, he had revamped his whole approach. He changed his habits, analyzed his play and became much calmer. We all now what happened after that. His talent started to shine, and he won every fucking tournament possible.
Giving up is always an option, but as long as you've got the feeling in you that you're capable of doing better than you're doing now, it's not a considerable one.
What is your deepest fear? : Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people don't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Truth be told many people are stuck in a society that tells you to be do well in school so you can earn a decent living in life, deep down we are taught to be better than those around us but to not exceed them to the point of shaming them. They would say to take it easy on them, we are programmed this way but some people go beyond that and simply want to wake up tomorrow and be better than yesterday. Its not about believing if you can be better, its about accepting that you will become better.
Ask yourself snute do you want to be one of the best foreigners who looks up to the very best Koreans, or do you want to be one of the best players who looks onwards with the very best Koreans as equals?
Something tells me you already chose option 1 and you can only have option two when you overcome your deepest fear.
Im going to be the first semi-negative post. But I do wish you luck and fun in your journey. Fighting!
As you've learned the harsh lesson with playing piano. I dont believe a person can become a true champion without some luck, alot of practice AND some talent to some degree. Sure, practice can own talent but in order to be the best of the best youll need all 3 factors.
I havent followed the scene lately and I definitely dont know how good and/or talented you are. So you have to judge this by yourself: do you believe you can become the best of the best given the right opportunities. If its yes, then stop doubting yourself. If its maybe, then play your heart out and do your best. if its no, but you enjoy the game and make enough for a living then why complain?
To be honest I think some of the early good results were a bit of a fluke and I got to agree with Nerchio's sentiment. Tactically and in terms of variety you could do a lot of work and that has kept you down I feel. Changing technique in sport is difficult as it takes a fair amount of time to reap benefits and you'll do worse at first but I feel you should do that now. You have the team to discuss the tactics and changing styles should make you a lot better in the end, of course if you feel you have the skill to pull it all off.
Good read, this feeling happens in many and more professions. Climbing the ladder in an organization or profession is similar, but at least in things like sc2 or sports, almost all of the factors are completely within your control.
I'll always cheer for you buddy! I can understand how hard and how frustrating it can be when you feel that you are underperforming, but like you've already explained, it's always that negative mentality coming back to bite you in the ass.
Try something new, look at other people's builds. When your head gets you down, try getting inside someone else's. Watch a replay from someone else's perspective, be they a progamer like yourself, an amateur, a student, or even someone who plays a different race.
Take each game as it comes, but learn from your mistakes. Learn to love your losses, love them because they teach you. Love the player who beats you, he earned the victory, and you learned the lesson. At the end of the day, you both win.
You can sit down on your desk, and push everything else aside. Get a pen, and a piece of paper. Do you have a problem? How do you fix the problem? Write a list of issues you're having. Sit there and figure out solutions. Issues tend not to fix themselves, but instead fester until they become holes in our very mind, our mentality and our confidence suffers.
Are you happy with life outside of StarCraft 2? If not, what's troubling you? Think about that, and take measures to mend any troubles you are having. Contentment in your life serves to make you feel safe, comfortable, and allows for clarity of thought.
From there, it's really all on you to focus, knuckle down, and do your thing. Like I said, we fans are always cheering for you, Snute!
Strategy: Most of your wins were with the big roach builds so in a sense you play like a lot of Protoss and their 2base allins. It can cause huge upsets and winstreaks, but eventually you won't be a stable top contender with that style.
Mental: If you enjoy playing, chill out and maybe take a short break to revamp your desire. If you don't enjoy playing, don't force yourself and quit.
Without knowing much about professional gaming I would think that a mental coach can help overcome a lot of obstacles concerning motivation and the abilities of the mind. Lots of professional athletes use them to get a better mindset.
On August 28 2013 22:37 virpi wrote: [....] he also lost to hyun, polt and stardust. coming in second is actually the most terrible thing that can happen to you as a competitor. you were close, but you just barely didn't make it. and still, you could see that his spirit wasn't broken. [...]
WTF man, JD just took like 4 silvers in 4 months including the season finals, he made a lot of money and is in every pro-gamers comfort zone.
He earned 55k$+ and he is not done yet as far as 2013 is concerned. Without these second places his performance would be truly disappointing.
Our OP is not doing all too bad this year either. These kind of slumps happen to most pros, especially if the meta shifts away from the things they are comfortable with. You just take a look at the big picture (looks pretty good in 2013), adapt and climb right back up.
I'm a nobody and I'm really bad at this game. But I'm going to throw some advice out there anyway because despite not living on the stage that you do, I can empathize.
I think you need to stop seeing the game as the big, bad evil that you have to overcome and start seeing it how you use to. Something really fun! What I'd suggest is going on say...Kings of Tin or Chanman's UMS series and just play around to have fun! Start up your stream one day and just play some 4v4 fan games with your viewers! Hell, have a fan lend you a bronze account and go do some silly fun strategies so you can have some laughs while you play! Sure, this is still your job, but try and find the fun in it as well from time to time. Break up all the monotony and pressure with some silly games! I really think it would do wonders for you to do that once a week or so.
You're a total pro and damn good at what you do. You'll bounce back and you'll kick ass again.
snute ive been watching you since ive started sc2. i still remember the early bane timing you would do against protoss by taking out the cybo =p. people lose its just all about getting back up. :D
On August 28 2013 22:37 virpi wrote: [....] he also lost to hyun, polt and stardust. coming in second is actually the most terrible thing that can happen to you as a competitor. you were close, but you just barely didn't make it. and still, you could see that his spirit wasn't broken. [...]
WTF man, JD just took like 4 silvers in 4 months including the season finals, he made a lot of money and is in every pro-gamers comfort zone.
He earned 55k$+ and he is not done yet as far as 2013 is concerned. Without these second places his performance would be truly disappointing.
yes, his results have been amazing. I think I've said that clearly. He still won't be the happiest player alive, because losing sucks, even if you're losing in the finals.
I believe an deep and honest mind dump would help you find some answers to your inner conflicts. Someone around you should be capable of introducing you to the basics of Getting Things Done, which is my prefered catalyst for getting a clear mind. Of course you could already check it on wikipediawikipedia .
"while you're spending your best years in front of the pc doing the same thing over again."
i think this is something you should take a deeper look at. questioning your very lifestyle can have a huge impact on your mind and focus. so get som things clear. what are the benefits of your actual lifestyle. what are your very goals in life. how does your lifestyle support these goals.
Just re-read your written text and pick the little but fuzzy things, than start brainstorming about it, and write everything i mean really everything down that comes to your mind, don't value it, just write it down. get to the deeper questions for each of the item popping up. For complex Items stick with the natural planning model
Defining purpose and principles -- In defining purpose, one asks "why?" Answering this question provides the following benefits: it defines success, creates decision-making criteria, aligns resources, motivates, clarifies focus and expands options. Principles create the boundaries of the plan and define the criteria for excellence of behavior.
Outcome visioning -- A vision provides a picture of the final result. Allen discusses the Reticular Activating System within the brain and how it acts like a search engine. In defining the desired outcome, this filter in the brain brings to one’s attention those things that match the vision. In addition, Allen states that you won’t see how to do it until you see yourself doing it, and his advice is to view the project from beyond the completion date, envision "WILD SUCCESS", and capture features, aspects, qualities you imagine in place.
Brainstorming -- Brainstorming identifies how one gets from here to there through the generation of lots of ideas. Allen recommends writing down these ideas to help generate many new ones that might not have occurred had the brain not been emptied by writing down the original ideas. Writing ideas down also provides an anchor to keep one focused on the topic at hand. This idea of writing to spur thinking has been labeled as "distributed cognition". Keys to effective brainstorming are: don’t judge, challenge, evaluate, or criticize; go for quantity, not quality; and put analysis and organization in the background.
Organizing -- Allen describes the key steps to include: identify the significant pieces; sort by components, sequences and/or priorities; and detail to the required degree.
Identifying next actions -- Allen states that a project is sufficiently planned when every Next Action has been decided on every front that can actually be moved on without some other components having to be completed first.
(Source, Wikipedia)
there certainly are other ways to approach such a problem but from what i've read, i think a clear mind won't hurt. furthermore it is up to you finding the answers to those questions, since you are the guy living this life we can only read about. hopefully there was something helpful for you inside. greeting NanashiStarCraft
And what happens when the thing you enjoy is... winning?
You end up with Mvp, MC or Stephano I'd guess ?
OT: Do not take this too seriously, I'm by no mean a very competent thinker when it comes to this subject, but what I can see and witness is that you beat awesome players, and that this should be something that comes to mind when in doubt, not to think "i did better, now I'm terrible", but rather "I did, better, this time it hasn't worked out well, but next time it will, I know, I've already been there". And I'm confident that a player of your caliber can do it. I just can't imagine that you'll end up in a never ending losing streak, I just can't imagine that. At some point you can win against top tier players, and I think it will definitely rebuild up your confidence and a positive mind.
And as you failed to qualify for Premier league, I'd like to point out that many good players have from time to time dropped in lower "tier" of the SC2 competition, without it making them immediately bad players at all, nor preventing them from bouncing back.
I'm confident you clearly have what it takes to bounce back and go beyond your doubts, although it's far from easy, and I won't say it's just a matter of "dropping them", because, though I know many people that understand it wrongly, periods of doubts, depressive thinking, etc aren't something you can just "drop", it's something that must be overcome, and it takes effort to do that.
I do hope this thread will help you get back confidence in your ability to progress and get a fully positive mind back again !
Negative thinking is a huge problem in all aspects of life. Some people try to resolve it with arrogance, but really I think it's neither. You just have to devote yourself to your task, that's when you develop your potential.
I won't try to give you SC2 advice but I have had this experience of 'hitting the wall' in another sport so I'll share my experience of how I overcame that.
I swam competitively in HS and College. I joined the swim team my Freshman year of HS because I wanted something to do after school and later I was just a walk-on in college, but I eventually became one of the fastest breaststrokers in my conference of division 1. I improved throughout my career (when I started I was pretty awful) My sophomore and junior years of college, I hit this wall where I just couldn't break 1:07 in the 100 yard breaststroke. It put me in the top 16 but no where near the guys who were coming in 1-3rd, who were getting close to or breaking the 1:00 mark. For two years I just could not break this time, I tried very hard during practices, swimming as much breaststroke as possible. I would do a set of 20 100s on 1:30, when that didn't make me faster I'd do them on 1:25, when that didn't work I'd do sets of 25 reps. No matter how hard I practiced, I couldn't get faster. My senior year I went to the coach and told him I was thinking of quitting the team. My head coach was a drunk so he didn't do shit, but the assistant coach was this young guy and he talked me off the ledge. He worked with me to develop a new practice routine and it worked, I was able to improve my time (by 4 seconds!) after two years of total stagnation.
What I did to finally improve was actually counter-intuitive. Instead of practicing for breaststroke over and over, which was my stroke, I worked on improving my other strokes. I went to practices with the crew team and learned rowing. I started doing yoga to work on my core muscles. My assistant coach forced me to swim events that I hated, like the 1/2 mile freestyle. I did sets of butterfly (painful) during practice when everyone else was doing backstroke. I practiced with the diving team and worked on my starts. Basically by shifting my focus during practices away from my strengths and onto my weaknesses, I think I was able to develop muscles(?) mental capacity(?) that I had been neglecting. It worked, by my senior year I had my time down to a 1:03 and I went from top 16 to top 8. And this was against guys who had been swimming for much longer than me and typically were taller and had more muscle than me.
So anyway, not sure if that is applicable to starcraft, but thats how I got over my wall. Keep at it Snute! Theres no reason these Koreans have any true advantage over you. GL!
Hehe, thought ONOG would be a one hit tournament win for you after watching a really disappointed DH:Summer 12, but after you were in Korea in August last year, it was clearly sick improvements in your plays & understanding of the game. Also you have the best work ethic of all foreign players, so maybe a little burnout right now, but you'll come back stronger again. Good and nice read/blog. GLHF best Anti-mage
I think this is a aspect of life in general that western people (in particular) fail at when it comes to gaming professionally.
I've played football on a fairly high level up until I was 19, at which point I quit. Some of the people I played with, and was regarded better than play football professionally now. The difference between those who make it and those who don't, assuming the talent is fairly equal, is that the ones who make it keeps pushing through those bad streaks and stay motivated by the goal rather than present day results.
I pointed at "the western" world because most of us have enjoyed privileged childhoods. I was in school from 08.00 - 16.00, wen't to football practice between 18.00 - 20.00 every day. There is no doubt in my mind that every single Latin American or African child who had been given the same facilities, coaches and opportunities I had would have taken that chance and played professional football today. Mostly because their work ethics are better than ours, but also because it might be the one shot they have in life for greatness and success. Needless to say this makes it easier to stay motivated.
From what I've read about it, your work ethics are impeccable and your mindset when it comes to improving is too. You just got to learn to feel good about yourself (even when losing) and not caring so much about 1 result to another.
I'll leave this post with something Ole Einar Bjørndalen(Best biathlon athlete of all time) told us while he had a lecture for us when I was studying sports at the University; it's about focusing on the goal rather than the present:
He told us that due to his competitiveness, he couldn't stand when amateur skiers overtook him in the slopes as people knew who he was and wanted to "take him down" to show how fit they were. This actually became such a big issue that he had to visit a mental trainer to deal with it, since it fucked up his training schedule(he wen't faster than he should etc). The solution was to focus ahead on what he was training for and remembering that while the amateur skier just had 1 hour of skiing every night, he might be on a 3 hour training session. In order to have a shot at the gold medal in the World Championship he had to practice right and do his thing, even though it sucks sometimes.
I think this relates to your article since you talk about losing to people who don't play StarCraft professionally and having bad results. Just keep doing whatever you need to do and play your style even though it might mean you'll lose a game or two.
This might just be a useless wall off text, but I wanted to post it on the off chance you'll read it and get anything out of it.
So here are few words from me, sorry if some of the stuff don't sound too good in English, it's not my native languge, I do think the general idea of what I want to send across will be achieved.
You're takeing all this stuff way too serious. You are pro gamer, what that basicaly means is that you are able to devote your time to play games and get something in return. Everything else is down to you. That means you decide how to organise your pro gaming life, how you spend your time or your money and What will be your general attitude towards all things and people involved.
That stuff has come from the inside not from your parents, not from your friends and certainly not from your manager or sponsor. (I'll get to that later)
Don't worry about not doing the right stuuff, you have set your direction by chooseing a pro gamer career, you need to listen to yourself when it comes to decision on how exactly pro gaming career is going to unfold for you.
Chill out, you don't have to practice shitload, its actually contra productive.It takes time for your brain to integrate stuff that you are learning in game, and if you play 8-11 hrs a day it isn't happening. And no sleep does not cut it, for stuff to integrate and for brain to learn you also need some chillaxing "alpha" states. Often times pro gamers win tournaments after comeing back from vacationor from the break, when they have taken the time for their body to slow down and and let the bits and pieces they have learned to fall into the right places for them to be able to use them in game.
Bad stuff your brain tells you is actually something you need to pay some attention to. For example you need to hang out around people for your brain to activate circuits that will make it work efficiently. Same goes to all the "regular" stuff you might be missing due to too much practice like moveing around and excersising or dateing which is needed for your body to start generating and enjoying the right kind of chemicals for you to work well.
Few more tips, when imaginary stuff that involes other people starts playing around in your head, try actually getting in contact with the person (or equivalent) and have conversation about that and you are certain to be positively surprised when it comes to what will unroll.
Usually, merely thinking in that way you are forced to fully realise it's your brain conveying you a usefull message, listen to the message behind the words. Use all your senses when looking for the message and not just the words and you are certain to hear it,
In general do listen to your self, trust your self about what you are gonna do and decisions you are makeing, especially the big ones. On a regular bases ask yourself, Is this a career for me ? Is that what I am doing good for me, does it feel right to do this in my life ? If it does not, it's OK to move on. If it does, keep asking questions on how exactly is it right for you to proceed. Answer questions honestly until things are clear enough for you.
Here you might come to some answers that your managers, sponsors or any other entitiy that has some stock or interest in you might not like. Talk to them.
Notice how the really persistent and resiliant SC2 top players have a unique personality, the "I do what I feel is right way to approach things for me" attitude. They are into business of clearing stuff up regularly. And doing what is right to them. That makes them flexible and resiliant, good in the long run.
Take Naniwa, MC, Stephano, Polt.. to name the obvious ones who let their unique character shine and all have a fairly interesting carrer even if we would discount their achievements.
Don't stop until all the important questions are arisen and answered and until you are ready to sit infront of the computer and play the game with a clear and open mind ready to learn.
All the way until you are ready to enjoy whatever you are doing as much as you ever did.
Good luck to you and if you need some help in applying what I have written you are free to PM me.
Edit: Most of the stuff that I have written is not very well formatted and I bet there are typingt mistakes.. I hope it can further convey general attitude I was trying to convery in the post :-)
I wish a lot of sc2 players that get down on themselves look back at what they have accomplished and where they even are. Being flown around the world, having thousands of fans, competing at a video game tournament. Are they sacrificing a lot to do this? Some of them are yes, putting college on hold, or long-term careers (i would hope e-sports can eventually be a long-term career but its rough right now). However there are thousands of sc2 players who would KILL to have the opportunity and exposure that some of these guys get. Those tweets from Xenocider....YOU PLAY FOR FUCKING EVIL GENIUSES. You get to wear the jersey of one of the most prolific teams in the world. You're also insanely young and have many years to keep trying this.
And if you're a pro playing this game and not having at least some fun doing so, then you really need to rethink what you're doing. I'm not trying to say that the complaints and sadness from the players aren't legit or unwarranted, but you guys have seriously got to think about where you're at and how many other players probably wished they had the chance to be where you are and have the opportunity that you do. Snute even has a couple tournament victories to show for it, that should be proof enough that you have the skills to be good enough to win. Talk to other players, see what they do, exercise, eat more. Take a step back and look at what you've done. Even if you haven't won a tournament as a pro you still likely play for a big-name team, are probably mid to high grandmaster, etc. Every pro player has accomplished a lot to get where they are even if they're not putting out results.
I've been struggling with similar emotions in other areas of life, and I'd like to point you to a book that might be worth reading. I recently started reading "The Happiness Trap" (http://www.amazon.com/The-Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Living/dp/1590305841) that essentially is a book about how the standard ways (at least for me and many others) of dealing with negative emotions (fighting them / trying to suppress them / escaping to do something else) lead to more anxiety and even stronger negative emotions.
I have never considered self-help books as a tool for myself before, but this was pointed to me so I decided to read it after seeing what it is about. I haven't yet finished it, and can't really talk about any changes in perspective at this point, but the arguments and exercises in the book are definitely worth considering. The book talks about learning to deal with thoughts, images, emotions as what they really are. They are in your head, but you don't have to be invested in them if they are not helpful to what you see as important, which is your performance ingame.
Don't worry just somehow get Artosis to predict against you and all your fears will wash away. EDIT: Let me make this a typical post: Blah blah blah life blah blah blah mindset blah blah blah practice I reccomend this good read [insert book here]
Snute already gets enough moral support, he just needs to hear it!
If your focus is altered to the expectations of everybody else your passion will drown. If you absorb the expectations and find back to your own analytical self and start experimenting with the game like you did before, your passion will once again prevail!
Thank you for baring so much of yourself, Snute. I think it's reflected in the quality of responses, this thread is a gold mine for positive strategies for improvement, perseverance, motivation and all that. Really enjoyed Dayshi's response in particular.
My angle? Over the last seven years (I'm 23) I have let depression and my negative mindset stunt any attempts to persevere with anything or anyone important to me. I've made and am making some big changes (moving country to be with my girlfriend, starting a new course for a new career etc) but these won't matter much if my mindset isn't strong enough.
You have sacrificed a lot to be where you are, you are doing something challenging and scary, but you are persevering. Know this: what you are doing inspires me, and others, because you are committing to your passion through all the tough times.
Nerchio-you are over generalising to the point it is clear you are referring only to your own games vs snute. This level of bias results in your post just being a waste of time. Whilst stylistic comments may have merit to say that snute does mass roach only is just demonstrably false.
I could make exactly the same post about your play and it wouldn't be any less relevant. You mass roach yourself. Every zerg does. Literally every top zerg. Many top terrans go bio in all match ups. What do you say to them? Your post just sounds bitter because snute is winning against you with heavy roach play like 80% or more.
A small note on the guy who "probably plays 2 hours a day".
Of course it is possible that he plays less and still won. You know that's how ladder is, and he doesn't have your body of success. You might not view your past in starcraft like that, a body of succes, but you should know that others do. You have already succeeded, you really have. There are other successes to be had and it is not bad to hunger for them. But that guy who plays less and still beat you can be either of two categories. Either he is also applying himself to something right now, maybe he is studying, maybe he has another project. Or he isn't. he might not really be applying himself or really trying to do anything at all. If he does have a goal in his life, then he is going through the same shit you are, and you can remember this when you play against him. He is then like you are, when you take a break from the endless hours of SC2 practice. His mind is fresh and he feels free from his own daily burden. No wonder he can win, you are fighting from a position chained and burdened by all the expectation from yourself and others. He is just taking a break. This is a huge advantage. 99% of the time it is not enough of an advantage, because that is all of the players on ladder than you never face, but indeed in a small group of people they are good enough to be your practice, but not good enough to be you. And you should be happy about that! This huge bulk of people who are nearly as good as the pro's are clearly vital for your practice.
I just read a heap of stuff about cholesterol studies maybe 800 pages of dense material. Right now i know more about cholesterol in the bloodstream, than my doctor brother-in-law. I know for a fact that he couldn't get past some similar material. He said "How the fuck did you read that in a few days. I struggled with something like that for a week" And then he laughed it off - because i didn't do this during a 7 year education of endless tedious study of the same kind. I did it as a breake to my own life and it flew into my brain without any difficulty, after every line i just wanted to know the next. Who is going to care about that? It also wont stick half as well to me over time, because i don't have his huge system of medical contextual knowledge to insert it into.
Well, if you ever make a decision that you are going to do something bigger with your life, than just reading one single book on a subject. Then i think you are going to have to force yourself at some point. You can't maintain the same open and hungry mind, although you have proven to be able to do so much more than most.
With the ability to identify something like the stagnation in your own progress, like you have shown here, comes all that shit on top. You can't be good as seeing your mistakes without them weighing heavy on you.
I obviously know you can go further if you want to. That you can go to the end if you want to. But remember that you already succeeded at this point. Of course, there is much more success to be had if you go forward.
I think you should take some time off at the end of each day to just relax and unwind, preferable outside in a good wilderness setting, and if you can right after a huge bong rip or bring a joint along with you if you can Bring some Earl Grey and maple cookies along as well. It would work wonders for many programmers who struggle with stress.
I can only imagine what you must be going through when you experience these heartbreaking periods of time; but I think through posting this stream of consciousness... you gave a really good picture into not only who you are, as a person who is a pro-gamer, but also what the struggles you go through feel like.
One thing in particular that you said stood out:
"Most of the times it's imaginary hate that just appears out of nothing, but it's there, and it is kind of interesting. And some times, you can take it very very seriously, no matter how ridicilous it sounds."
I wonder how strongly this particular statement resonated within you. Was it an accurate summary of how you feel? You did say 'Most of the times'. If so.. this sounds exactly like the kind of thing which meditation would help you not necessarily combat, but understand. At its core, Meditation is just about getting to know the nature of your mind. It will give you incredible emotional stability as you begin to understand why you feel the things & ways you feel.
It's important to meditate with healthy goals though. One does not meditate to 'fix' problems, but to understand why they occur, and why we react the way we do; the benefits from this are just a side-effect of coming to wholly understand your mind.
Not sure if this jumps out as appealing to you; if it does though, don't hesitate to message me. I'd absolutely love to give you some starting points or answer any questions you might have.
Other than that, I'd just like to say to you.. thanks for being willing to express all the love you have for this game against the adversities you undoubtedly face.
Great blog, and you are right, your mentality is the only thing you need to improve the rest will fix itself, i always look up to Mvp, people can admire him for different reason but for me he is a multiple champion because of his mentality; injuries, ban to Code B, whatever he didn't care he put himself up again and is now rank #7 in WCS points. He have a beautiful girlfriend, great smile, great personality and a positive mentality that in reality is just a champion mentality.
"When you realize how perfect everything is, you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky." ~ Buddha
Really nice post, I identified with a lot of the things you had to say. I feel very similarly and definitely found this motivating and inspiring. Thanks
At my work people do expect some level of answers, work, analysis, etc. from me, since I've a university degree. But nowadays, people come to me and ask 2+2 and I answer fish, not good, not good at all. This happens multiple times so people are like "you aren't doing your job well" and obviously I don't blame them, they are right. The thing is, the pro-player loosing at a Challenger Leage against a person who plays SC2 2 hours a day, compared to a full time gamer of 12 hours, is just not acceptable. It can't happen. Just as a Analyst that answer tomato to 2+2 questions. I'll print this and read it again, over and over, to try to wake me up and start answering in my work (and life) as I'm suposed to... I'm not fucking Hawkins but I can give more at my job for sure. I guess, that some people like me, only react when we hit the floor. Thanks for the post, it really came to me when I needed it the most, I hope I can make good use of it.
Great blog, Snute! Like Waxangel said above it's cool to get some perspective on what your experience is like as a progamer. And I think your insight into awareness and presence of mind is a good one, and something most people have to have to learn and keep learning, regardless of what it is they do. Just remember that all the negative thoughts and feelings you have, no matter how bad they get, can only exert as much control on you as you let them.
For every winner there is a loser. Every time you win, your opponent feels the same way you do now. Every time you lose, you have just sparked your opponent's dreams (and in this case, likely Suppy). The circle of life...
I love you snute! =P Keep it up man, You're still improving lots and still have a huge passion for the game even if it's over clouded with sadness. You've come a long way in just a years time, When we were in MoW together and you qualified for IPL 4, You were so happy, and excited, it made the mood of the entire house great. Everyone wanted to party and celebrate for you because we knew how hard you had worked for it. So fast forward only a few months when you won HSC. You improved from a player that practises hard and "only" (I say this lightly because it's still a huge achievement) qualifies to a tournament to being a champion. I know you'll get around any slumps you find yourself in, You'll get over this and improve. I believe in you and have seen it first hand. Keep it up buddy, You're doing great.
So how does one reach that awareness and presence of mind in every in-game second, exactly?
Hmm, i was also thinking about that for a while. How to improve awareness? Being aware of every single moment in the game. Having a completely empty mind, not a single thought breaking the flow of what it is (= game). How to achieve that state of mind? Meditation?
Also i want you to read this, for me personally this is the greatest quote i know of. Your mentality (on the plateau thingy) is very similar to what Bruce Lee thinks. I admire that.
Bruce had me up to three miles a day, really at a good pace. We’d run the three miles in twenty-one or twenty-tow minutes. Just under eight minutes a mile [Note: when running on his own in 1968, Lee would get his time down to six-and-a-half minutes per mile].
So this morning he said to me “We’re going to go five.”
I said, “Bruce, I can’t go five. I’m a helluva lot older than you are, and I can’t do five.”
He said, “When we get to three, we’ll shift gears and it’s only two more and you’ll do it.”
I said “Okay, hell, I’ll go for it.”
So we get to three, we go into the fourth mile and I’m okay for three or four minutes, and then I really begin to give out.
I’m tired, my heart’s pounding, I can’t go any more and so I say to him, “Bruce if I run any more,” — and we’re still running — “if I run any more I’m liable to have a heart attack and die.” He said, “Then die.” It made me so mad that I went the full five miles.
Afterward I went to the shower and then I wanted to talk to him about it. I said, you know, “Why did you say that?” He said, “Because you might as well be dead. Seriously, if you always put limits on what you can do, physical or anything else, it’ll spread over into the rest of your life. It’ll spread into your work, into your morality, into your entire being. There are no limits. There are plateaus, but you must not stay there, you must go beyond them. If it kills you, it kills you. A man must constantly exceed his level.”
All fixed set patterns are incapable of adaptability or pliability. The truth is outside of all fixed patterns.
Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”
I also believe having 0 doubts in everything you do is the way to go. Having 0 doubts that you will break your plateau. 0 doubts that you will succeed.Every negative thought should be swept away, not interrupting you at any moment. But having this mentality is really really hard. I don't know how one can think like that every single moment of his life.
Snute, you are awesome! This was a great blog. I am glad you feel comfortable enough to vent your frustrations and doubts to us. If you think it will help you improve, keep doing it!
All I can say is that unlike most people (myself included), you have pushed to be the best at something that you love to do. Compared to others, you have put all your heart and soul into something. To me, you are an inspiration, someone to emulate! Although hitting a skill ceiling takes a lot out of your motivation, keep pushing through!
On August 28 2013 23:57 SaWse wrote: It feels like depression is very common in progaming.
Probably in every competitive sport. When the St. Louis Rams went 1-16 or whatever it was, you think they weren't depressed too? There's so much pressure. And even then, football is a team sport. Starcraft is very much a solo sport, everything has to come from within. Kind of like running! 90% mental.
Well Carbonyl, for SC2 it can get very lonely when you aren't feeling good about your game. I know some players feel very isolated. In team sports you feed off one another and that's where good coaches come in. They know when player's are struggling and it's their job to get them back on track. You have to look at the positives; stay on task; and, limit the distractions.
Maintaining the long term serene thoughts of practicing to enjoy the game and improve can be difficult, but I'm sure you can do it. I'm looking forward to seeing the change in your play from this in many months time. :3
I was really impressed by your ace victory in SC2L. I thought for sure Liquid would have Hero come in and clean house. But they were worried about Oz's masterful PvP messing that up, so they chose you. And you won handily. Maybe it will take more practicing in Korea to get past this wall, but in the meantime, maybe the only problem is that you're expecting too much out of yourself.
Besides, Suppy is getting really damn good with his muta timings.
You have found out what you love to do and at the same time that you are so good at it, it allows you to do so full time. This is a major achievement in life, not only for you but for all the progamers here! For that you can always be proud and more importantly perhaps, when doubt or frustration kicks in, grateful.
When I get frustrated with my work (this happens to us all I'm sure) it is almost always because of the stupid bureaucracy that keeps the organization I work for as a hostage. I love what I do, but sometimes when I'm fuming or getting the blues, I really have to remind me of the fact that I do have a great job and that I must be grateful of that. I have a job I love to go to. Not everyone can say that. You can! Be sure to enjoy it to the fullest while you're at it, because you can't enjoy it later!
I imagine learning builds and participate in tournaments can be a bit like learning new pieces for piano for a concert. My wife is a pianist, so I have some insights from an amateurs point of view. Take piano chamber music for example. You sit alone with your scores (or your build) and finally you nail it. But then you have to play with other musicians (or practice partners, ladder etc) and pay attention to what they are doing. That is where it gets really interesting, where you have to adapt and find the right rhythm, dynamic and improvise to make it work. Of course, as the highlight, it is time for the concert (or tournament) on the big stage. I have seen my wife's friends suffering from stage fright and my heart went out to them. I know how many hours of practice that went into it, and then the performance in the end was not what they hoped for.
I can imagine that a good sports coach can help you focusing on the right stuff (mentally as well as tactically) before tournaments and during practice, and, very importantly, get you through times of doubt. Your own writing might help with the latter as well! I wish you best luck and I hope to see you in many tournaments to come!
DDR at a high level teaches you to be present for this exact moment, arrow by arrow, and connects you with both breath, your body's movements, and also has an emotional/spiritual element. Yoga is the evolution of that practice, and is synergistic with starcraft. It allows you a daily opportunity to reach your personal limitations and surpass them, and through breath, connect you with the present moment. It is a much needed spiritual outlet and will help you have better health, mental clarity, and spiritual awareness.
Eat heathfully - fresh, local, non pesticide fruits & veggies (kale shakes in particular), and white meat/fish help to give you the nutrition to help your brain and body be successful
Steps to Mastery 1. Discover your calling 2. Submit to reality 3. Absorb the Master's power 4. See people as they are 5. Awaken the dimensional mind 6. Fuse the intuitive with the rational
Use these principles to help you accomplish your goals, and connect with the divine within you. You are your own hero. Live it.
GL Liquid'Snute! I always cheered for you once you won HSC! Hope you will be able to overcome the wall that you hit and that you will wow us next season!
gl snute, great blog and made me get alot of respect for you.
the only thing i would be able to advice you after being in the same sitation with my own life is to just feel the emotions and face them by being true to yourself and just feel them. not by trying to force yourself to be happy.
Well put Snute I'm delighted to know you still enjoy the game and follow your passion. Not everyone have realized what their passions are at your age, and I'm truly happy for you I still try to find games you play every day and follow you the best I can on the net. As a fellow Norwegian I feel proud that you have reached this far coming from a small community, and you've definitely not failed us. You've won! And you can keep playing for as long as you want as long as you have passion. And as a nice person, you make every one of us proud :D
That was extremly interesting to read. At some point, you aren't really that much responsible for what happends to you. You should tell yourself, that when you win, you did your best probably as much as when you lost. Feel grateful for what happened to you and never forget that anyway nothing is fair in this world, a fate is nothing about maths and logic, it's about having the good things at the right moment, it can be money, family support, friends, health.. As long as the world is made of people like you who try their best, everything is going well.
Also, since it's a game, if you feel like your results and/or your enjoyment for the time spent on it leads you to a depression, think about university etc, because it's never a bad decision to study!
Btw to avoid stress, you can try these : _The sadism way of play, you are trying hard to not miss your injects etc and you are thinking to "x" thing you hate and that the best you play the harder this x is in pain. Have a devil smile while doing it. _Rely on the maths, when executing a build orders that is truly safe and leads to critical things you know about, it feels safer, so when you loose it's less because of stress.
I practice a lot, many persons are in the shadows of the sc2 scene but don't succeed. Good luck for your future events!
Nerchio, I think You're a little sad because Snute is doing better than you, Snute recently won RedBull TrainingGrounds. You're team had a chance to win a tourtmant But you and your team lost.
Good blog. Maybe this will help you: in Starcraft there is always a winner and a loser. Always. No matter how good the players are, no matter how much they practiced, one of them is going to lose. Look at a, say, 64 player tournament. 63 players won't win it. The nature of Starcraft (and similiar sports of course) limits the space at the top. The issue is not only with yourself and the way you practice. There is no definite way that guarantees to reach the top. If there were, everybody capable of it would do it and everybody would succeed, which is (as I already said) impossible in Starcraft.
Writing this with hesitation, I also think you should lower your expectations. Why should you out of all the players be successful, and not somebody else? Of course you can reverse this question, but the point is, naturally, some players win and others lose. It's just a side you necessarily fall on. And looking at your achievements, you had a good share of wins.
And about other players (mostly koreans) being simply better than you: that's the same in every field. There is always somebody better than you. What do you expect? To be so good to cast a shadow on everybody else and be at the very top? If you think about the very best player: there is only one. In the whole goddamn world. Reading this myself it sounds a bit harsh, but that's not my intention. I just think that "hanging around" as professional player is all that you can hope for. If more happens, take it, but to actually expect something beyond it is a bit unrealistic especially in a tough competitive sport like Starcraft.
Losing to players practicing way less than you is a different story though. Even though there is a good chance that they have the stephano-gene and are just naturally better than you. Which is something that simply happens.
As someone who was in a depression for years and sure took me longer then Snute to start heading in the right direction the thing that made all the difference to me was to realize that the only competition is with myself. That has been something I have heard and thought I understood for years but when what that truly means clicked it started a change in me, and when you start to look at the champions of the world most of them have this mentality. It really doesn't matter if someone else is better then you or if you're the best in the world, as long as you challenge yourself and look to improve yourself in anyway, you will head in the right direction in life automatically.
When winning and losing becomes pointless it doesn't, in my experience, lower the drive to improve and succeed but it comes from a place within myself rather then from outside sources.
Not much to say except I'm cheering for you whenever you enter a tournament. You're one of those rare people in this "business" that I want so badly to be happy and succeed, whatever your definition of that might be.
Great blog, Snute. It took a lot to share that, and you did it well, too. Thanks for the read.
I don't have any real advice to give you. But, your piano analogy immediately brought to mind a short story (called "The Alien Corn") by the English writer Somerset Maugham. The story concerns the son of a wealthy landowner (and a Jew in early 20th century England) who fought his family and their plans for him because he really wanted to be a concert pianist. The question is whether he was good enough? Unfortunately, he was not. He would never be more than a good amateur.
Why do I tell you this? Simply that even if you are doing everything right, and please continue to explore other options (like other playstyles - SC2 has so much to offer, a lot more than people give it credit for), you may still not get to where you want to be. So, if in the end, you don't get to where you want to go (i.e. the very top of SC2). Then that's OK, too. If you've given it everything, it takes courage to realise you might not have what it takes to be the player you want to be. And to walk away. Whatever happens, for what it's worth, you'll have my support.
Given that Snute's good SC2 results seem largely based on discipline I think he has succeeded beyond expectations. We all have our plateaus, he can't expect to be as good as Flash and Jaedong even with the same training environment.
This is going to sound really silly, but perhaps you're just hungry? Hear me out.
This happens to me more often than I'd care to admit. I'm angry about something, but my girlfriend just tells me: -'You're just grumpy because you're hungry.' -'No, you silly girl, these are real problems I'm dealing with, this is important,' I think to myself. 'I'm not '"grumpy", I'm provoked by serious business'. -'Let's eat something,' she says. -'Okay, we can eat,' I say, 'but it's not going to change a thing,' I think to myself. *grumble, grumble, chew, chew, grumble, swallow* 5 minutes later. -'Perhaps it wasn't such a bit deal after all...,' I think to myself. 'But I'm certainly not going to tell my girlfriend she was right all along.' 10 minutes later -'You know, I think you were right. I was just hungry, is all,' I tell her. After all, my initial problem, as well the fact that she was right, were not such a big deal. In fact, I'm feeling perfectly fine.
Having learnt that I get grumpy if I'm hungry, I've also learnt to identify it. Sometimes, I find myself thinking angry thoughts for no apparent reason. Then I eat something and the angry thoughts go away. I was about your age when I realized that my mind wasn't some meta-physical entity of which I was in complete control. There's no static perpetual essence of me who always behave as I do. There's the nice me and then there's the grumpy me, who manifests itself if I'm hungry.
I don't mean to belittle your problems or undermine the other excellent advice you've gotten in this thread, but I'm just going to point out that you may not need it and that it's very easy to just try and see. If you're feeling down, grumpy or angry, grab a banana, yoghurt or a slice of bread. Go outside in the fresh air and eat it and relax for a couple of minutes. Then see how you feel. Try it for a week. It doesn't take a lot of time and it's not difficult to do, so if it's not some of the cause of your despair after all, well, at least you tried and it wasn't really such a bother, right?
However, reading NarutO's post and knowing that I, myself, often deplete my blood sugar levels during mentally taxing work (such as maths or SC2), I'm hopeful that it may actually help you Try it out, because you're an awesome guy and it would just be way too silly to have huge problems that a simple banana could fix...
My mother said there are two types of people: artists and smiths.
Smiths will work their ass off, perfecting every detail of their creation. They are the hard working bunch. Artists will spend little time on their creation but have loads of fun doing it. They are the 'gifted'/natural bunch.
Both traits have their limitations, both have bad and good sides. What I've found is that you have to foster whichever side you are lacking in to improve. I'm more of an artist in everything i do, but i can only get sup par result at any discipline i take because i dont put in the work. I'm just having fun exploring. And that takes me from 0 to a certain level in little to no time. But nowhere past that.
Now, You on the other hand clearly are Smith. What you need is a spark of inspiration, something that i know where to look for. You need to start having FUN. It sounds silly and simple, but thats what it is. You need to start trolling people with your builds, try stupid shit.
And yes, take a break, but make it a meaningful break. Stop practicing! Instead, talk to people about starcraft a lot. You will then find that what you missed was a perspective, a bigger picture. This is why a painter takes a few steps back from his painting.
The break is however, in my view, far less important than having fun. There are quite a few examples of succesfull players who dont put much practice into playing and instead just have fun. Just watch cellas stream
Stay awat from your practice regimen for a while, and collect ideas instead.
Take it from a guy who is the polar opposite of you.
You have just gained a new fan with your candid expression of frustration and failure. I have to say I feel the same way with my work. I am a web developer, and sometimes I get so upset with myself when my code doesn't work. I can spend hours trying to debug and troubleshoot and still not figure out the problem.
This can make me feel worthless and horrible. I feel like I am inadequate at my job, and I just want to smash my keyboard and imbibe large amounts of drugs and alcohol.
Your blog makes me realize that no matter how bad things feel; through all the failure and defeat; and despite all the self-criticism, we must not stop trying.
I am not alone in these feelings of self-worth, and it consoles me to know I am not alone. Please Snute do not give up, even if you do not become the best player. To know that you still continue doing what you do gives me assurance that I can keep going.
I have confidence that you will become great! When you gear up in that booth, with your headphones on and keyboard/mouse plugged in, you will remember this blog and you will feel a calm surrender; and you will play your greatest ever!
You're a good player and a good dude, Snute. I can't think of a single long-time player that hasn't slumped or gotten a result way less than what they deserved at some point. It'll come around =)
I'd say try to have a more positive approach to life in general. Even when you have just lost to JohnnyTheScrub, try to remember that you are young and in good health, that your family and friends love you, that you live on top of the world. Life is good, it really is. It is sonething a bit hard to do when you are your harshest critic and only tolerate perfection for yourself, but try it, it has improved my quality of life a lot.
Hello. You can CallMeJar. You can keep doing what you are currently doing and hope to get a different result. I however don't see this as happening. I'm not trying to discourage you but I would suggest for you to take a step back and gain the perspective you need in order to move forward.
Sometimes I think the foreigner/Korean divide hurts the foreigners in two ways, not just one.
When a foreigner plays a Korean, they often go into the match at a mental disadvantage right off the bat. "Everybody knows" that Koreans are better, and the foreign progamer internalizes this common knowledge and it shows in the games. The Korean player, meanwhile, goes in completely confident and knows that his skill will carry him to victory. Sure, the Korean player may have practiced more and with better practice partners, played on a better ladder, had a better coach (often the foreign player has no coach at all!) but on top of all this, he always starts with a mental advantage.
Okay, we can all see this. But after reading Snute's post, I think it hurts foreigners in another way.
At some point, with enough training, foreign players start taking games off Koreans. Obviously this makes them happy and gives them a mental boost because they beat an "impossible" player. Okay, but what happens when they play another foreigner? Now, if they lose, all the mental gain they got before is gone, because if they could beat a Korean but lost to a foreigner, they must have just lucked out before. They must really suck in actuality. Snute said it in his blog post: "I end up losing to foreigners that people would expect me to beat."
Whereas if a Korean loses to another Korean, so what? Happens all the time. Not a big deal. And if a Korean loses to a foreigner, they can chalk it up to the foreign player being "lucky". And they'll get "proof" of that the very next time they beat another Korean.
I think the skill gap between foreign pros and Korean pros is real, but it's actually somewhat less than is imagined. But the mental gap is huge.
I haven't seen any of his games yet actually, but from what I hear, Snute is a boss. Just keep remembering that even the greats "underperform" as you know Jaedong has had it rough (well, 2nd is awesome, but he's Jaedong right?...) and Innovation recently with his early exit at WCS Season II Finals. You'll be back next time and we're looking forward to it.
Sheth, you're a great part of this community, it's always good to see your comments and we know how tough SCII has been for you, I'm glad you can be positive so about it, and I hope Snute can take your words, and those of his other supporters here, to heart.
I think the skill gap between foreign pros and Korean pros is real, but it's actually somewhat less than is imagined. But the mental gap is huge.
Not so much the mental gap between Foreigner and Korean. Its the mental handicapping that is common place in the professional vernacular. Although I know where the terminology stems from but calling non-Koreans foreigners, even when most of the time the Korean is the visitor in a host nation. This has always intrigued me.
Secondly we place Korean players/teams/training on a pedestal that people aspire to and as a result of the difference in infrastructure we will find it very hard to copy their blueprint which permanently causes a discrepancy between the actual self and ideal self. This is another crutch that non-Koreans use to attribute outcomes.
'The best training is in Korea...If I dont get that then I wont be confident to win'
We do not know if Koreans are more mentally strong or have a better mental skill set when using starcraft players as a sample group. We can only work with players on an individual basis, no two players are the same so what works for another player may not work with Jens.
His honesty resonates with a lot of other pro gamers which is good for pro active change.
His honesty resonates with everyone. We can all feel worthless sometimes, and some more than others. That feeling of not good enough can be applied to everything we do in life. I applying it to Starcraft 2 is great though, because it gives other people who are striving to be pro an insight to the struggles involved.
I believe Nony had the same sentiment before. Didn't he state he had developed depression due to Starcraft 2?
On August 29 2013 09:36 Jett.Jack.Alvir wrote: @Yapa
His honesty resonates with everyone. We can all feel worthless sometimes, and some more than others. That feeling of not good enough can be applied to everything we do in life. I applying it to Starcraft 2 is great though, because it gives other people who are striving to be pro an insight to the struggles involved.
I believe Nony had the same sentiment before. Didn't he state he had developed depression due to Starcraft 2?
Of course, it is just nice to hear it from a pro gamer because we feel like they are living the dream when there is, in fact, a lot of pressure on them to get better. In the same way that it resonates with people in 'normal' jobs they too should be fine with asking for help when needed. I think Jens talking about this is good for newer players coming into the scene (the few that do) because I can see teams making changes to offer more pre-emptive support for players.
Ive watched a lot of Tylers streams as well, very informative and chilled streams for sure. I dont know if his depression stemmed from Starcraft or was accentuated by it.
Snute, this is exactly how I've been feeling, my dad directed me to here. This is a really great post and I wish you the best of luck this coming season.
This is a great blog. Snute, only a limited number of people can step outside themselves to identify their own frustration with themselves, and even fewer people can look beyond that to the fans and friends who motivate and are motivated by them. Being able to see both sides--how you see yourself, and how others see you--is so critical to ultimate success. It sounds simple, but that unique position is fuel for lasting inspiration and drive because it allows you to sidestep the pit of "I'm disappointing myself and I'm disappointing my fans" and to shift focus toward a more constructive mindset.
Thank you for this blog!! I've had the biggest dream and desire of becoming a great pianist for years now. I feel like I don't have what it takes and it frustrates the hell out of me.
I can practice a piece for 200 hours and still make stupid mistakes. I often too feel like it is a limitation of my brain. Is there any way around this problem? I wonder... I do not intend on ever giving up.
A few days ago I actually told my teacher I set my ultimate goal to master Chopin's Ballade No. 1 before I die. So I will probably live to be over a 100 years old. If I do manage to master it - I haven't even bothered to try yet - I will set a new goal anyway. I have had the idea of being incapable of playing certain pieces before only to find out I could. Once you put your mind to it right, the sky is truly the limit!
I hope you didn't completely neglect your piano skills. I have read many interviews about Flash back in his BW days. I remember him saying he didn't like to be called talented, because he works so incredibly hard to achieve his goals. He also said that to reach the top, being a star, you cannot be skilled at just one thing.
half the stuff in the "negative mindset" part, I'd put on a newly "reality" one it doesn't matter if you are not the best, dude as long as someone is paying you, there's no problem being mediocre I'm not in "sports" or "entertainment" tho, where the layman / fan opinion matters way more than your skills or technical knowledge
if you care enough to try be one of the best, and you already know ffs that you can't, you've tried everything, you'll just be depressed in my country we have a saying, that's sorta like "stop punching the tip of the knife" try other stuff, and live a happy life
Talk to Naniwa? He is the best example of this happening, then coming back from it. Going from code S top 8 to losing to unknowns in TSL. Now back in top finishes in international tournaments. Even TLO came back with avengeance earlier in the year.
This blog post was so well written, and to top it off you posted one of my new favorite tweets of all time.
Whenever you get sad or frustrated, I hope you flash a look at that tweet, as I will, and embrace the spirit of the greatest champion this game has ever had.
Those are, without a doubt, a true warrior's words.
On August 28 2013 20:55 USvBleakill wrote: Maybe think of it for a different side:
I dont want to argue about the exact numbers thats not the point, but you are:
Top 10 in Europe Top 100 in the World
Europe has 740 Million people The World has around 7.1 Billion people
How many people can say "on a good day i am the best in what i am doing in fucking Europe"? People think they are good in their Job? You are in the Top100 of THE ENTIRE FRICKING PLANET in your Job.
I think that is something you should really be proud of, maybe in 20 years from now you can tell your kids: There were more astronauts in space, more Super Bowl winners, more prime ministers of Norway
than people that were better in Starcraft than me.
It's HotS... it's normal never listen to David Kim, zergs are underperforming, every zergs in HotS winning are just lucky doing all-ins vs greedy no scout Fighting the overseer speed hehe x')
Xeno is terran... I guess his body can't do it ;o (Xeno tvt is like always being bad and... after hellbat patch... hmm well...)
Hey Snute, I just have a quick question: do you have really good practice partners from each race that you can call up whenever (24/7), and do you practice with them often? I feel that at least one thing missing in the analogy between your piano performance and SC2 is repeatability. You can practice a phrase in a piece at any tempo you want, however you want, 50 times over and over in the exact same way until you get it right. You can't do that with simple laddering + replay analysis IMO b/c the opponent will do something different without you planning it out. But if you practice the same scenarios over and over it might be better/you might see easier patterns. The other is supreme attention to the details, but I'm sure that as a classically trained pianist you already knew that
I wish you all the luck in future tourneys, but you probably don't need any
Snute you're probably one of the top 5 best foreigners out there, I'm sure that you could give both Naniwa and Scarlett a run for their money. You've got what it takes, you just needa go full JD. You can do it!
On August 28 2013 20:55 USvBleakill wrote: Maybe think of it for a different side:
I dont want to argue about the exact numbers thats not the point, but you are:
Top 10 in Europe Top 100 in the World
Europe has 740 Million people The World has around 7.1 Billion people
How many people can say "on a good day i am the best in what i am doing in fucking Europe"? People think they are good in their Job? You are in the Top100 of THE ENTIRE FRICKING PLANET in your Job.
I think that is something you should really be proud of, maybe in 20 years from now you can tell your kids: There were more astronauts in space, more Super Bowl winners, more prime ministers of Norway
than people that were better in Starcraft than me.
holy shit this guy gets it
I'm surprised that good player(s) can really look at it like that. Sure there are a lot of people in the world, but how many actually play SC 2? Sure, millions have played SC but I've also played tether ball before: how many actually put in the time/games required to be "good"? Not that many people even give themselves a chance to be considered good. SC 2 is also not an easy game, so for those few that actually do give themselves a shot of being good, you probably do need some form of talent, or at least something that is different about you, in a unique way.
In short, you end up not being overly impressed by say "being GM," and even if you are "talented," you realize that those ahead of you could very well be more talented/have a more rounded mind that isn't as 1 dimensional in its strength.
And even if you accept it as some amazing feat and feel talented, how depressing is it to wonder "why did I spend so much time doing this? I guess I could have had success in another field, and not only would more people care, but I'd probably have more financial stability and it wouldn't be considered something you can only do for a "few years."
I think, to some degree, players are a victim of time. In the US, if you played a major sport, as long as you're in the top 100-200 players, you will be making millions every year in salary and potentially even more in endorsements.
In SC 2, it doesn't feel ok to just be able to say "I'm top 200 in the world." Whether a valid comment or not, I don't even know if that guarantees you can get some McDonald's via that.
One must assume that very best at anything is an incredibly talented person. Given this burden of feeling like you have to win tournaments and be more of a "top 10 player in the world" than top 200 or w/e number, it is only natural to doubt how reasonable it is for any one person to be that good/talented. I mean, that's like winning the lottery. Those that buy a lottery ticket and feel as if they're going to win... we would call those delusional people or at least overly optimistic...
It's a tough balance between being objective enough to recognize faults and to improve upon them in SC, meanwhile being confident enough in your abilities to keep putting in the time and perhaps be arrogant enough to think "you're the lotto winner." It is normal to need positive results to keep your confidence level up.
The good news is, this isn't BW. No one is going to massively out macro you or w/e. One should be very thankful of that. It is definitely more of a strategy game. You seem very objective, which is needed, and as if you have high standards - also needed. A simple change in a build order can make a huge difference. Perhaps you simply need to spend more time making alterations and trying out different combinations.
Since it isn't BW, it is more possible to lose to players you "shouldn't," but on the plus side, it gives more of us a chance to regularly compete with Koreans. Given your piano background, this probably is more of a negative change for you than others, since you probably already had the apm to compete with them.
There are basically to types of "great" players. Those who hit a local peak by finding a good strategy and executing it well like say parting with the immortal sentry all-in. And those like MvP who have great mechanics know lots of strategies and just do what they want.
If you keep focussing on your playstyle too much trying to fit the game to your playstyle you will keep loosing. You are the one that has to bend, not the spoon;) You can do whatever you want outside of the normal build/timings/metagame you just have to do it within the boundaries of the game. Not the metagame or whatever forget that, just play what the game allows you to play. So as merchio said just putting in lots of hours isnt gonna cut it if the training you do during these hours is just blind repetition and metagame based analysis.
I made some pretty good predictions about which players are really promising and which arent, even tho they got hyped at some point.
I still feel pretty positive about you. You'll just have to emerge to a new ground in your head and become a dominant performer. Learn that role. Being the underdog is easy.
I love this video, and I feel it's appropriate to post it once more:
Remember- it's okay to be depressed after letting yourself down, as long as it doesn't last forever and you can be happy again I can relate from being a highly competitive rugby player but just falling short of the championship every. single. time. It absolutely sucks to feel like a failure and feel like you let yourself, but even worse, everyone around you, down, after pouring your entire life for the past 5 years into trying to be the best and win.
It's okay to be sad, angry, depressed. Don't invalidate your feelings- they make you a better man. But look to your true friends and fans and realize that you didn't really let them down. No matter how isolated and alone you feel about shouldering expectations, it's always a team effort - and no one's mad at you! Just the opposite - we admire your dedication and courage. To be able to put yourself out there and be vulnerable to failure takes a LOT of courage that 95% of the world doesn't have.
It takes time to heal and become happy again, and admit to yourself that you are not a failure. But the harder it is the dig yourself out, the stronger you become when you finally do! I wish you the very best, and hope it doesn't take too long for you to be happy again - it sounds like you already are You're doing a great job.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I like that you're human. Snute Fighting!
I will admit I was shocked to not see you get out of that group. But it happens. Winning is not the easiest thing in the world. All you can do is keep playing and enjoying the game. If you aren't enjoying it, I would say go to college.
I'm just a guy out there watching you play from my window to the world!
I cannot put myself in your shoes, but what you describe I feel it´s the very essence of existing! Only those who fight, exist! A scientist, a sportsman, a academic, a musician... Whatever you do, if you do it with all your might, it will taste like that. The more you put in, the larger the hurdles, the more the obstacles. Only the very few reach the top but none goes unscarred!!
Go back to the basics, recall what you enjoy in the game, make yourself the underdog, the challenger, the apprentice! Fight! In any case what I mean is get yourself together, because fans and friends will be here for you! No matter how many times you fall, we'll be here to lift you up!
I see 10 or 20 players who were at the top and for some time and now are kinda down on results! WCS AM is not easy as some ppl say and missteps will happen! keep fighting with your heart and results will come!
I think many of the people replying to this post seems to know what Snute should do. This post was only meant to show us what he's been going through, not asking for help. I'm positive he knows what do to most of the time, but asking a forum for tips have never been his intentions :p I appreciate Snute letting us in on his thoughts though, it's just a shame people not understanding them and trying to "help" him There's nothing wrong with him, and this post only gives us some insight on what it must feel like going through the things he has been facing the last few years. Kudos to him :D
Most of the times people seem to know the better of others, forgetting that other people are entirely different beings. Your own thoughts or behavior may not always apply to the next person.
That being said, there's a lot of love in this reply thread, and I enjoy reading so much praise for a person working so hard for a goal, and has indeed reached it in our eyes
Courage Wolf used to help me out when I was in a funk. Something about a confident voice in my head, a stern assertion that I Am Enough (to be the person I want to be) helps me in the dark times. Actually, right now, I'm on the up-and-up after a long depressive period. One thing I found is to listen to the bad voices, talk to them, see what they want, and have a healthy discourse with me fear. It's possible to ignore the voices, tamp them down into your core and use the bottled up pain as an engine for success, but that comes with heavy costs to health. Only once I've sat with my fear have I been able to identify the root of it, move past it.
Oh, and this is something I see rarely talked about, but the human brain needs rest. Grinding and grinding and grinding does just that. It takes a toll. My full-on brain healing can take months, so I don't find taking breaks particularly helpful until it's a very long one. So keep fighting. If you're going through hell, keep going. And if your body can't take it any more, it will shut down. Remember to balance with physical activity and water. Loving your body can help you put more into your passion.
Snute, you're an inspiration and a beacon of the merits of hard work. I believe in you! Only those who risk failure can truly break the mold. Risk, Fail, Risk again. Sock it to 'em!
Love you Snute! I don't care if you think you've hit a wall or you wont make a certain goal you set for yourself! Your a well mannered, good looking guy that listens to some great music and has some of the best Zerg concave's I have ever seen in my life!!!
I wish you all the best and hope no matter what it is you decide to do your happy, because in the end that's all that matters.
Part of being a pro, a pro at anything, and dealing with competition, is the realization that somewhere on earth, there is always a person better than you. Such is the nature of competition. You would never be motivated to do better if there wasn't someone you had to surpass.
I had the same problem! Except i was in masters and i started losing to diamond players who seemed to play so stupid and bad . Unfortunately i couldn't handle losses like that so i quit. SC2 is a tough game to master.
Don't doubt yourself in piano or SC, the strongest athletes/competitors/successful people are where they are because they have have an almost arrogant self-belief that carried them through where other people would crumble to their own insecurities.
Take the example of Ayrton Senna, dude honestly thought God was in the cockpit with him, this belief+ his unnaturally good ability to feel a car and keep it on right on the knife-edge of traction, meant that he was a god in his time as he was able to push boundaries that even guys like Alain Prost and Nigel Mansell had to just sit back and say "how the **** did he do that?"
If you can transition that mindset into your efforts I'm sure you will improve more with less practice than if you are playing 14 hour days but constantly in the back of the mind saying "i need to practice, I can't even play". Practicing like that you will never improve in the highly competitive events.
As a side note I strongly recommend taking up a martial art in order to work on self-confidence. GL HF, and remember mind always > body!
I am somehow olxer than most here and haave a full time job being a surgeon. So what i learned from my life experience - you have to work hard, jusr keep doing that. You are getting better without realizing that. Two other things: change the coach and go train to korea, even if its only for a month. It will give a new perspective on a things. Train systematically. Laddering i s not training systematically. You should ladder may be couple hours a day. The rsst is training on some aspect of your build or preparing for upcoming opponent. Just my 5 cents
Hey Snute have you heard of Josh Waitzkin? He was a chess champion who then moved on to be a world champion in tai-chi. His book "The Art of Learning" is a great book on the psychology of competition.
There are many who have experienced similar frustrations as you are now, and there is a lot of good literature out there. I think it's a worthy exercise to spend some time reading about it... I think there're even quite a few good resources on TL for this kind of shit.
Also, don't forget to take breaks now and again. Waitzkin was a big believer in taking a few weeks completely off from your competitive focus, to give you some perspective on your play and strategy. Best of luck! Your openness on here is admirable... it takes a lot to open up like this.
Absolsnutely loved this post. Your openness about your thoughts were very candid and real, I figure pretty much every person who strives for true excellence and greatness go through these thoughts and mindsets, and it probably never really goes away because once one breaks a threshold and plateaus to the next level, one can only realize that there are way more levels, perfection might be unattainable but near perfection is not.
Reminds me of Sukiyabashi Jiro, regarded as the best sushi chef in the world(has a wonderful top-rated documentary), been doing it 75 years and his timings/technique/quality is considered to be the ceiling of his craft - yet he thinks of himself ''not that good yet'' and says he probably never will be, which is why he's trying to instill his son to reach that next level.
Here he is telling Anthony Bourdain that perfection is unattainable. at 4:44.
On August 30 2013 01:28 m0lder wrote: I think many of the people replying to this post seems to know what Snute should do. This post was only meant to show us what he's been going through, not asking for help. I'm positive he knows what do to most of the time, but asking a forum for tips have never been his intentions :p I appreciate Snute letting us in on his thoughts though, it's just a shame people not understanding them and trying to "help" him There's nothing wrong with him, and this post only gives us some insight on what it must feel like going through the things he has been facing the last few years. Kudos to him :D
Most of the times people seem to know the better of others, forgetting that other people are entirely different beings. Your own thoughts or behavior may not always apply to the next person.
That being said, there's a lot of love in this reply thread, and I enjoy reading so much praise for a person working so hard for a goal, and has indeed reached it in our eyes
He wrote "... and at the same time I want to write down my struggles just to get it out of my mind and perhaps receive some tips for moving forward."
And besides, it is really natural and human to give your part of what you think might help.
After reading most of this I think you need a better training system. You just can't be the best by playing 16 hours a day when there are 2000 other people playing the same hours. I don't know if TL has a house and if you are a part of it, but you will be handicapped against other pros if you do not apply a proper systemic approach in your training. Talent has nothing to do with it. I do science now and used to do sports in my bachelor's years. It is very tempting to explain success in both by a very fuzzy concept of "talent". It is not talent that makes one better than everyone else, it's little things. Little things like how much salt or sugar you eat, when you go to bed every day, do you have sex before training/exam/event, do you drink alcohol, what hobbies you have and how much different are they from your work, how do you rest your eyes during training or is your chair comfortable. You need a system to manage all of the little things in your training and I don't think you can do it on your own. Guys like Hero and Taeja came to Liquid from oGs house (if I'm not mistaken) and were trained by the best coaches and shared practice tips with the best players, learnt to manage their time, stay healthy mentally and physically, endure losses and deal with wins in a team that was a highly sophisticated system. If you didn't have such experience and you still want to pursue a pro-gaming career, I think you should consider moving around and adopting a competitive training system.
On August 28 2013 21:52 Nerchio wrote: It's not like I didn't tell you for 1 year that your style is bad? Sure you can call me bm or the worst person ever but my point still stands even though i might not be sending it in a correct way. Practice is not about brainlessly massing games and it's not brainlessly massing games with replay analysis in between either. I always told myself i am not going to play pure practice sessions longer than 4 hours because it's simply counterproductive(not saying you can't play longer here.. for me it works like that). You can get mad at me at talking about your mass roach but it's what you did for like 1 year or so. You had good results but it's not the problem with mass roach. Your problem is that you don't change and Starcraft2 needs variety especially when you use something like that. It's type of play that can win the best people and lose against the worst and you just kept hanging to it because it helped you win something. Consistency is what makes a player the best and you can't achieve that by not changing(it doesn't quite make sense but it's true). With the ammount of hours you put into it you could have thousand different builds. This is why in terms of SC2 i always respected you for hard work(same as Kas) but nothing else.
TLDR: Mass roach is a bad style that will bring you random great results but in a big picture you will lose to the players you shouldn't lose.
classy nerchio . this post is like a well-meant, helpful and honest - kick in the nuts.
On August 29 2013 09:36 Jett.Jack.Alvir wrote: @Yapa
His honesty resonates with everyone. We can all feel worthless sometimes, and some more than others. That feeling of not good enough can be applied to everything we do in life. I applying it to Starcraft 2 is great though, because it gives other people who are striving to be pro an insight to the struggles involved.
I believe Nony had the same sentiment before. Didn't he state he had developed depression due to Starcraft 2?
No it was from before I was even a competitive SC:BW player.
not kidding when I say this but maybe try talking to a sports psychologist . I know alot of great athletes (especially in baseball) benefit from it. Good Luck. HAVE FUN. But I think you know that :D
Thanks for the great blog. Competing is hard. Without the bitter, the sweet isn't as sweet! Will be rooting for you Snute, and smiling when you break through this latest barrier goodluck!
Snute you are a truly talented player and should ride this thing out. i played on a very competitive private baseball league towards the end of high school and was our teams weakest batter. My coach taught me to forget who I am when i step to the plate and now it's automatic.
Our personalities inside the game and out are different but people are unaware of that. The "outside the game" you wants attention for your skills, praise for your efforts and recognition for your talents. The "inside the game" you ONLY wants to win. He doesn't care about the money from the tournament, the attention it will bring him or how bad losing can feel. The outside you is often louder than the inside and gives you bad advice which will cause you to go for cheap wins or strategies instead of winning in a reliable way.
been lurking on TL for quite some time (2-3 years) never really got around to making a account which i did a couple month ago. I can really relate to this blog because you see, in the past 10 years of my so called "sc career" i've always loved this game. knowing that there is no limit to how much you can do in a second in this game is actually unfathomable for me. fastforward from beta days to about 10 days ago, i've always been a diamond players even tho i knew i was better than most of the diamonds. But for some reason masters just seems so far away. season after season my subconscious just like the one Tom Hanks has in Cloud Atlas, feed me a web of lies about my assuring in winning the game. always sitting comfortable in my base not seeing if he's all-inning me, not scouting if he double expanded and when i lose my anger gets the best of me. Then something happened the last 10 days. I woke up one morning told myself I've been playing the game for how long? and I cant even make it masters? while these kids 18-19ish are raping grandmasters. Granted age isnt a issue here I know, but I've found motivation in those questions. So i began practicing HARD. fuck anger, fuck that last all-in timing fuck that supply block that cost me the game. just hit the search button because you lost that all by yourself cant blame your opponent that you handed him the game. and a few day later volia masters.I must admit, I got a bit emotional because its been a long time coming and i knew i had it in me but never tried. So here to you snute keep on practicing one day hard work will pay off one way or another.
Snute fighting! Xeno is a kid still, when I was 15-16 years old there were lots of things I didn't have the stones to overcome its part of growing up. Xeno isn't in an enviorment like a KESPA household that fosters comradery, a common goal and has a support structure of experienced people and coaches etc. People grow and hopefully their triumphs can carry them through the tough times.
I guess I will approach this topic by discussing my own experience trying to make it as a professional musician. I have been playing my instrument for about 10 years now. I have dedicated I don't know how many hours of practice into that piece of metal. The chances of making it into a full time orchestra are horribly low even if you are pretty darn good. I am 26 now and there are days when I sit down and wonder if I just started playing brass too late. There are days I wonder what if I had just gone full blown performance instead of getting a music education degree (which ate up sooo much time). Thinking about those things doesn't help me however.
One of the things I do appreciate about my education degree is that it can teach you how to learn. Knowing how to practice has got to be one of the most important things on the planet. Jumping back to when I was about twenty I started to feel really stuck with my playing. Things had been moving pretty sporadically up to that point. I had a couple large leaps in my playing ability but most of it was just a painstaking crawl. I was progressing so slowly that I remember thinking there was no way I could make it with other people moving faster than me. Then there were the long stretches where I would develop some kind of bad habit and my playing would get worse. I would spend months (in some cases years) trying to clean up some new stupid problem that had crept up.
About three years ago something started changing. I had spent so many years breaking through walls that it had started to become a habit. I have gotten so used to it that now when I reach my next wall it feels more like a pile of sand than Mt. Everest. What this has done for me is make my improvement very steady instead of sporadic. My last teacher commented on the fact that I was a strange student because of how consistently I improved. I could have a lesson with him and come back an hour later and be a better player. It took me seven years to figure out how to do just that.
It also took me seven years to figure out how to double tongue when there were people around me that could just seem to do it naturally. Now it is one of the things people complement me on when I play.
I was the absolute worst brass player on the planet when I started out. I actually saw people cringe when I played. I was bad and I knew it. Because I was so bad at everything that meant that I had to work on EVERYTHING. I remember a time I spent months playing nothing but whole notes trying to make a good sound. I was experimenting with where I put the mouthpiece and how my lips should be formed. I was determined to make the most beautiful sound possible. I remember crying having to listen to myself and know that if I couldn't figure it out then I might as well give up because who wants to listen to some barely audible gargly noise coming out the end of a bell?
Do you know what the number one compliment I receive is? That I have a beautiful sound. I took the absolute worst thing about my playing and made it the best. There was a concert a couple of years back where I played a lyrical solo in the middle of a band piece so well that it brought the audience to tears. I was surprised I could have that kind of emotional impact on people I didn't even know through my playing.
So what is the lesson in all of this? For one you have to get used to something called delayed gratification. If you really want something you have to be willing to put a ton of work into something now and wait for it to pay off way later. A very common payout time is about 2 years for a lot of things (you have been playing full time for about what? one year now?). It is okay, be patient with yourself. Getting better can really suck but at the same time it can be the best thing in the world. Do you know how good it felt to finally be able to double tongue after seven years? I felt like a million bucks when that started coming together. If you want to keep improving you have to find a way to practice that ensures that happens. You want to hit all of your injects so devote an hour a day to focusing on just your injects. Do that everyday for a year and that is 365 hours devoted to just hitting injects. I would think that you would be really good at it by then. Develop some kind of warm up routine dedicated to the mechanics of playing the game. I know some professional musicians that have a 2-3 hour warm up routine that they do everyday. They won't even touch etudes or music during that time.
If you are absolutely dedicated to getting better then I trust you will do whatever it takes to make that happen, but you have to be strategic in how your practice and you have to be incredibly patient with yourself. Good luck to you and I hope you enjoy the process of getting better as much as I have.
Amazing read. And sorry to hear you are burdened with this. Even playing and trying to improve in Masters I can relate to the tiniest part of your struggles. I can't imagine the depth of which it bothers you however.
There is one thing you seem to be lacking, or maybe it has been beaten out of you due to bad stints in game. Confidence. Confidence in your ability to become one of the best. You are going to have bad times, losing streaks. You will be tested immeasurably to the point you question whether or not it is worth it. You will doubt yourself and your confidence will take massive hits. But as you are here, playing the game to this level, somewhere deep down you believe you can be one of the best in the world. Don't let that vanish, believe it, inspire yourself and keep on going. Because that is the only way it will come to fruition. It may take years. But you have to keep believing in yourself.
I recognize what you are writing about so much. I have tried to play basketball and piano at a high level and I absolutely didn't have what it took to make it. But I think you have - and more importantly so does coach Park! But anyway, I have the deepest respect for you for trying.
Bättre lyss till den sträng som brast än att aldrig spänna en båge.
Life is always meant to be full of struggles and striving. Have faith that your unique sufferings and sacrifice do have a meaning, and what does not break you will make you stronger.
Well seeing some of your recent games on the KR ladder in ZvT looked like you were in your best shape yet, and it was some ferocious ZvT, just like Scarlett's, but I guess you know better.
You've been like my favorite Zerg since 2011 when you used to stream a lot, I only say "like" because Jaedong and Scarlett are also pretty awesome. I wish you the best and will always be rooting for you (full honesty: if it's you versus Jaedong I will have to resign to being happy with either result).
Let your ability to focus and overarching mental approach be what defines you, not StarCraft 2 or any specific hobby. You can apply your focus, for however long, towards whatever task you decide. This trait is something that goes beyond the shelf life of any competition. If winning a game of StarCraft 2 is still something that you find really fun then reapply your focus to the task at hand, and that is exploring build orders and not messing up basic mechanics, so when you find yourself in high pressure games the essentials are in muscle memory.
If you feel like you are missing out on something in the -going out for the evening life- then just check that out for a couple weekends until you reaffirm that all that stuff is boring.
If you feel stifled intellectually read a graduate level book from that subject, then go back to the ladder--don't let doubt get the best of ya--I have really enjoyed your stream, you are not afraid to try fresh builds and that is great for casual viewers.
On August 29 2013 09:36 Jett.Jack.Alvir wrote: @Yapa
His honesty resonates with everyone. We can all feel worthless sometimes, and some more than others. That feeling of not good enough can be applied to everything we do in life. I applying it to Starcraft 2 is great though, because it gives other people who are striving to be pro an insight to the struggles involved.
I believe Nony had the same sentiment before. Didn't he state he had developed depression due to Starcraft 2?
No it was from before I was even a competitive SC:BW player.
Depression can come out of freakin' nowhere man. Even at some of my most successful points in life, I've had tough bouts with depression. I've been completely clear for a bout 4 years now, feelsgoodman.
I know you've probably had 10,000 people tell you their various take on it, but for me (as a gamer), the feeling is always thwarted when I'm working towards something. Idling in my life has always made me slowly hate everything, but as long as I'm making progress towards something, anything, I feel much better. Academia has always helped: if you have an Associate's, get a Bachelor's. If you have a Bachelor's go to grad school. If that's not your jam, get a certification. For some reason, advancing myself in a way that is seen as valuable to "normal" people, non-gamers, my parents, etc. has always made me proud and fulfilled. I realize how silly it is that my self-worth is often predicated by how others view me, but it's how I am. Once I feel that way, I can game as hard as I want and really enjoy it. Everyone needs depth in life- if you're placing all of your self-value in your results, you're going to beat yourself up every time you lose.
I can relate to what you're saying. I was never good at copying&perfecting but that is a skill you need in sc2. I always try to find my own way to do it. For example i make drones when i see hellions and dont make lings and defend with queens. I have made a few unorthodox strategies in wc3 and sc2. Orthodox play never works for me. But unorthodox play gives you a plateau. As soon as meta changes you need to restart. i just studied computer science and hope i will be able to succeed in programming.
EPT
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. Unfortunately i couldn't handle losses like that so i quit. SC2 is a tough game to master.
