EPT![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/nRwMQ5k.png)
So close, yet so far away. (From a few weeks ago)
So what happened? Well I moved for one, and the there was the debacle of getting internet connected to my new unit. One week without a live internet connection, I managed to brush up on about 6 seasons worth of Simpsons quotes, see the new Star Trek and get most of my moving done but my bonus pool and associated mechanics accrued and rusted respectively. By the time I got my connection sorted Saturday, I sat at my keyboard and it felt foreign in my hands.
It isn't as though you completely forget how to play in such a short departure, in hindsight my points were nowhere near high enough relative to my win percentage in my opinion (combine this with a complete lack of plan for ZvT, I likely didn't have as much of a shot as I thought I did); you lose something else that I don't think is talked about much in the lower leagues: confidence. It could be confidence in your build, a set of units, or just a sense of knowing exactly what you can get done at a certain point with what is on the field.
![[image loading]](http://24.media.tumblr.com/87beaea72bd759b4613d1ee8e9f998f4/tumblr_mlwh4hIwIR1sp8g1bo1_500.gif)
Were this Starcraft, and me playing on Saturday, every one of those punches would have landed
I liken it to boxing, you lose the ability to deflect your opponent, or deal with reasonable aggression as efficiently as you had. Consequently damage which you otherwise would have shrugged off, you wind up taking squarely on the chin. Your falling onto your ass, generally follows.
You'll be able to see when your opponent is leaving themselves open for a body shot, but won't be able to exploit it; you are too focused on ensuring you don't take any shots yourself and missing the real opportunity in a game. When I was thinking about this blog, coming back to the game and the general boxing metaphor I was reminded of a quote from Hunter S. Thomson:
![[image loading]](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-nbHI_XpDUnE/TdafyY8O1hI/AAAAAAAAPeQ/tmTR414MSfI/s400/s_thompson_c.jpg)
"...which is interesting because you can actually watch yourself behaving in this terrible way, but you can't control it."
While I don't think most people ladder on ether, as Mr. Thompson was talking about in the context of the quote, the point stands that what you lose with that confidence is your sense of aggression and tact. That feeling for the game is quite often the edge you need to best your opponent. At the risk of sounding a bit out there, there is a marked difference between knowing and feeling your units and their upgrades relative to your opponents when compared to saying, "Oh good, the number next to missile attacks just went from zero to one."
Call it game sense, call it a timing, call it what you will, it all ties into confidence in your execution which is dulled when not used frequently. Unranked gameplay has done something to alleviate the process of regaining that killer instinct, but whenever I do play unranked I find the experience less involved than a ranked match.
Personally I find it difficult to regain that confidence when playing unranked games. At my core, I know that nothing is at stake and even if I win I really don't gain anything in terms of making it to the next league. I get a bit lazy, and invariably try something rather stupid which as a result of it being stupid either wins or loses me the game (I am sure this sounds familiar to a lot of people).
I've got a bit of that edge back, and have been trying to grind ladder games as much as possible. I know that Masters if not this season it will be the next one. For now I am just trying to shake the sense of anticipation after every match; incessantly looking to the bottom left corner eyeing the border of my portrait to see if it changes.My mistake a few weeks ago was in my state of mind, as I don't think I am much better today than I was when I took that screen cap. I was too excited at the prospect of getting that star, my new approach is much more simple:
Take it game by game, every opponent is beatable, keep a steady hand, head and react.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/hyl2zc5.png)
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/Cifbrqu.png)
I didn't expect to me making this update tonight, but I can't explain how good I feel right now.
