EPTNow the problem is that the owner of this thing is my neighbor, and my neighbor happens to be a huge douche. Every time one of my friends tries to talk to him about borrowing the plate, he flies into this huge rage and scares him away. This guy's ENORMOUS, I don't think anyone I know could beat him in a fight. Ridiculously enormous.
A couple of my friends said they'd got to the plate once, and lasted a few seconds before they realized that the neighbor, let's call him Mike, was looking right at them from the shadows. His face immediately contorted and Mike started throwing punches every which way. He missed all of them, he's not too bright or fast from the look of things, but it wouldn't be very fun to be on the receiving end of his fists so they just get the hell out of there and leave the plate behind.
Time went by and my friends got braver, I told them "don't touch his fucking plate" but do they listen? No. These morons are probably bigger idiots than Mike is. So while I stayed behind in the comfort of our home, every single one of them except for me decides it's a good idea to steal this plate and get it home, and these nincompoops don't realize Mike is staring right at them again. The guy's an idiot but he's not blind at all.
This time Mike got violent. He slams one of them against the plate and breaks at least one of his legs, he got out of Mike's place as fast as he could. Another one dodges one of his attacks but then can't turn around for Mike's other hand to pulverize his spine. I'm surprised he even survived that one, real fighter that kid is.
The other guys realize that this plate is way, way too heavy for them to lift and decide to abort mission. They scatter every which way and start running towards our place. Let me emphasize that for you - there is a huge potential murderer chasing them down and THEY ARE RUNNING TO THE PLACE WE LIVE. I'm trying to signal them to turn around and go somewhere else but they keep coming. Lucky for us all, Mike stopped being aggressive after we put some distance between him and the plate. I watched him peacefully leave my view, come back with some Windex, and whistle to himself while scrubbing the bloodstains off of the surface of his plate.
But these guys don't give up at all. All my friends who weren't too banged up by Mike decide to call in their friends, and all these retards start going in groups of three to five to start lifting this godforsaken hot plate all the way to our place. They're literally baiting the wolf to the pigs' house on this one. This time, Mike's all business. The first group goes in; he lunges at nearly every single one of them, and even KILLS one of the first guys to go in there.
But apparently the second group didn't get the message or hear anything because those neanderthals start their operation. They have as much success, although they all get out alive. Some of my friends (but not THEIR friends) start panicking and pass around a message that maybe this hot plate isn't worth all the trouble. Probably can't even be split between the whole crowd that's assembled outside of Mike's property.
Mike's going back to get some Windex and a trash bag for the bodies/limbs when the third group, probably the last one since everyone else including the survivors are backing the living hell away from the living embodiment of Satan. They land on the plate and decide it's so nice that they'll stay at least until Mike shows up. The last thing I saw was three of them murdered with three blows to the body. I think the more we tried to steal his plate, the more agile he got.
The last two guys I didn't stay to watch, but neither of them came to our place after several hours, so I don't think it's anything happy. But if you stuck your head out in Mike's direction, you could hear him speak. And between Windex sprays, all I heard was "Damn flies won't leave my computer alone..."
