• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 12:21
CEST 18:21
KST 01:21
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
Code S RO8 Preview: herO, Zoun, Bunny, Classic7Code S RO8 Preview: Rogue, GuMiho, Solar, Maru3BGE Stara Zagora 2025: Info & Preview27Code S RO12 Preview: GuMiho, Bunny, SHIN, ByuN3The Memories We Share - Facing the Final(?) GSL47
Community News
BGE Stara Zagora 2025 - Replay Pack2Weekly Cups (June 2-8): herO doubles down1[BSL20] ProLeague: Bracket Stage & Dates9GSL Ro4 and Finals moved to Sunday June 15th13Weekly Cups (May 27-June 1): ByuN goes back-to-back0
StarCraft 2
General
Jim claims he and Firefly were involved in match-fixing The SCII GOAT: A statistical Evaluation Code S RO8 Preview: herO, Zoun, Bunny, Classic DreamHack Dallas 2025 - Official Replay Pack BGE Stara Zagora 2025 - Replay Pack
Tourneys
[GSL 2025] Code S: Season 2 - Ro8 - Group A [GSL 2025] Code S: Season 2 - Ro8 - Group B RSL: Revival, a new crowdfunded tournament series SOOPer7s Showmatches 2025 Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament
Strategy
[G] Darkgrid Layout Simple Questions Simple Answers [G] PvT Cheese: 13 Gate Proxy Robo
Custom Maps
[UMS] Zillion Zerglings
External Content
Mutation # 477 Slow and Steady Mutation # 476 Charnel House Mutation # 475 Hard Target Mutation # 474 Futile Resistance
Brood War
General
BGH auto balance -> http://bghmmr.eu/ FlaSh Witnesses SCV Pull Off the Impossible vs Shu BW General Discussion StarCraft & BroodWar Campaign Speedrun Quest Will foreigners ever be able to challenge Koreans?
Tourneys
[ASL19] Grand Finals [BSL20] GosuLeague RO16 - Tue & Wed 20:00+CET NA Team League 6/8/2025 [Megathread] Daily Proleagues
Strategy
I am doing this better than progamers do. [G] How to get started on ladder as a new Z player
Other Games
General Games
Path of Exile Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Nintendo Switch Thread Beyond All Reason What do you want from future RTS games?
Dota 2
Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion
League of Legends
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Heroes of StarCraft mini-set
TL Mafia
TL Mafia Community Thread Vanilla Mini Mafia
Community
General
US Politics Mega-thread UK Politics Mega-thread Things Aren’t Peaceful in Palestine Russo-Ukrainian War Thread Vape Nation Thread
Fan Clubs
Maru Fan Club Serral Fan Club
Media & Entertainment
Korean Music Discussion [Manga] One Piece
Sports
TeamLiquid Health and Fitness Initiative For 2023 2024 - 2025 Football Thread Formula 1 Discussion NHL Playoffs 2024
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread
TL Community
The Automated Ban List
Blogs
A Better Routine For Progame…
TrAiDoS
StarCraft improvement
iopq
Heero Yuy & the Tax…
KrillinFromwales
I was completely wrong ab…
jameswatts
Need Your Help/Advice
Glider
Trip to the Zoo
micronesia
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 18540 users

My Douchebag Neighbor

Blogs > [UoN]Sentinel
Post a Reply
Normal
[UoN]Sentinel
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
United States11320 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-04-20 23:28:43
April 20 2013 23:28 GMT
#1
So recently I found this really nice place with a few friends of mine, we decided to all rent it out together and live there. It's pretty spacious, I'm surprised we can all live comfortably. So everything's going fine and I get home this one evening and my friends can't stop talking about some ridiculous hot plate that one of them found. I'm not exactly sure at this point what a hot plate is or what it's used for, but these guys are talking about it like it's a huge gift from God so I decide to check it out.

Now the problem is that the owner of this thing is my neighbor, and my neighbor happens to be a huge douche. Every time one of my friends tries to talk to him about borrowing the plate, he flies into this huge rage and scares him away. This guy's ENORMOUS, I don't think anyone I know could beat him in a fight. Ridiculously enormous.

A couple of my friends said they'd got to the plate once, and lasted a few seconds before they realized that the neighbor, let's call him Mike, was looking right at them from the shadows. His face immediately contorted and Mike started throwing punches every which way. He missed all of them, he's not too bright or fast from the look of things, but it wouldn't be very fun to be on the receiving end of his fists so they just get the hell out of there and leave the plate behind.

Time went by and my friends got braver, I told them "don't touch his fucking plate" but do they listen? No. These morons are probably bigger idiots than Mike is. So while I stayed behind in the comfort of our home, every single one of them except for me decides it's a good idea to steal this plate and get it home, and these nincompoops don't realize Mike is staring right at them again. The guy's an idiot but he's not blind at all.

This time Mike got violent. He slams one of them against the plate and breaks at least one of his legs, he got out of Mike's place as fast as he could. Another one dodges one of his attacks but then can't turn around for Mike's other hand to pulverize his spine. I'm surprised he even survived that one, real fighter that kid is.

The other guys realize that this plate is way, way too heavy for them to lift and decide to abort mission. They scatter every which way and start running towards our place. Let me emphasize that for you - there is a huge potential murderer chasing them down and THEY ARE RUNNING TO THE PLACE WE LIVE. I'm trying to signal them to turn around and go somewhere else but they keep coming. Lucky for us all, Mike stopped being aggressive after we put some distance between him and the plate. I watched him peacefully leave my view, come back with some Windex, and whistle to himself while scrubbing the bloodstains off of the surface of his plate.

But these guys don't give up at all. All my friends who weren't too banged up by Mike decide to call in their friends, and all these retards start going in groups of three to five to start lifting this godforsaken hot plate all the way to our place. They're literally baiting the wolf to the pigs' house on this one. This time, Mike's all business. The first group goes in; he lunges at nearly every single one of them, and even KILLS one of the first guys to go in there.

But apparently the second group didn't get the message or hear anything because those neanderthals start their operation. They have as much success, although they all get out alive. Some of my friends (but not THEIR friends) start panicking and pass around a message that maybe this hot plate isn't worth all the trouble. Probably can't even be split between the whole crowd that's assembled outside of Mike's property.

Mike's going back to get some Windex and a trash bag for the bodies/limbs when the third group, probably the last one since everyone else including the survivors are backing the living hell away from the living embodiment of Satan. They land on the plate and decide it's so nice that they'll stay at least until Mike shows up. The last thing I saw was three of them murdered with three blows to the body. I think the more we tried to steal his plate, the more agile he got.

The last two guys I didn't stay to watch, but neither of them came to our place after several hours, so I don't think it's anything happy. But if you stuck your head out in Mike's direction, you could hear him speak. And between Windex sprays, all I heard was "Damn flies won't leave my computer alone..."

****
Нас зовет дух отцов, память старых бойцов, дух Москвы и твердыня Полтавы
docvoc
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
United States5491 Posts
April 20 2013 23:33 GMT
#2
Why the fuck are they trying to steal a plate? Why not just buy one? They aren't a precious metal lol.
User was warned for too many mimes.
[UoN]Sentinel
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
United States11320 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-04-20 23:46:39
April 20 2013 23:40 GMT
#3
Plates are pretty expensive. My plate cost $300.

+ Show Spoiler +
Reread the last sentence of the story
Нас зовет дух отцов, память старых бойцов, дух Москвы и твердыня Полтавы
pebble444
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
Italy2497 Posts
April 20 2013 23:45 GMT
#4
wtf is this i don t even know why are your friends so crazy about the hot plate, food is important and the ability to make a hot meal is very good but comon, was is this
"Awaken my Child, and embrace the Glory that is your Birthright"
DarkPlasmaBall
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States44114 Posts
April 20 2013 23:45 GMT
#5
lol that was clever

On April 21 2013 08:33 docvoc wrote:
Why the fuck are they trying to steal a plate? Why not just buy one? They aren't a precious metal lol.


I don't think you read the whole thing lol
"There is nothing more satisfying than looking at a crowd of people and helping them get what I love." ~Day[9] Daily #100
docvoc
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
United States5491 Posts
April 20 2013 23:52 GMT
#6
Fuck. I missed the last line... don't judge me
User was warned for too many mimes.
13th Marine
Profile Joined January 2011
United States344 Posts
April 20 2013 23:53 GMT
#7
haha well done, well done.
Bomber | BoxeR | Dear | Flash | fOrGG | HerO | INnoVation | Jaedong | Life | MarineKing | Maru | MMA | MVP | NaDa | Polt | Taeja
sths
Profile Blog Joined October 2012
Australia192 Posts
April 20 2013 23:54 GMT
#8
Wait wait wait...... Flies have a lair???
[UoN]Sentinel
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
United States11320 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-04-20 23:59:17
April 20 2013 23:58 GMT
#9
On April 21 2013 08:54 sths wrote:
Wait wait wait...... Flies have a lair???


Apparently. This morning I was cleaning my windows and I found out where all the flies have been coming from. It's like a crack between the window and the frame filled with brown stuff (compost?) and fly husks. I sprayed over their whole place with canned air and hopefully they all froze to death. I guess I'll find out tomorrow morning
Нас зовет дух отцов, память старых бойцов, дух Москвы и твердыня Полтавы
Praetorial
Profile Blog Joined May 2011
United States4241 Posts
April 21 2013 00:21 GMT
#10
I almost fell for it.
FOR GREAT JUSTICE! Bans for the ban gods!
DenTenker
Profile Blog Joined March 2013
United States606 Posts
April 21 2013 00:31 GMT
#11
I was wondering why a plate was so heavy.

Also, some life advice: If your friends repeatedly run into a murderous neighbor's house, you should probably get some new friends.
If your all in didn't work, you didn't pull the workers.
Aerisky
Profile Blog Joined May 2012
United States12129 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-04-21 00:40:42
April 21 2013 00:40 GMT
#12
I was wondering whether the plate was slang for a place to live until you started to talk about physically stealing it, then I just got pretty confused lol. After the part where you mentioned someone dying I assumed the story wasn't real, and then the ending wrapped things up lol
Jim while Johnny had had had had had had had; had had had had the better effect on the teacher.
a_flayer
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
Netherlands2826 Posts
April 21 2013 00:53 GMT
#13
I don't get it. Is this some pop culture reference?
When you came along so righteous with a new national hate, so convincing is the ardor of war and of men, it's harder to breathe than to believe you're a friend. The wars at home, the wars abroad, all soaked in blood and lies and fraud.
OmniEulogy
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
Canada6592 Posts
April 21 2013 01:00 GMT
#14
that is pretty nicely done
LiquidDota Staff
Epishade
Profile Blog Joined November 2011
United States2267 Posts
April 21 2013 03:22 GMT
#15
Argh, but why was the neighbor labeled a douchebag instead of your friends?

Also I wouldn't have said that people were dying in that story. It immediately told everyone the story was not real.
Pinhead Larry in the streets, Dirty Dan in the sheets.
Antimatterz
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
United States1010 Posts
April 21 2013 03:28 GMT
#16
Hahaha that was good, took me a few minutes and the comments to really get what happened. Knew it was a joke but wow that was subtle.
"HotBid [11:45 AM]: i dunno i kinda like the big muta shooting smaller mutas out"
32
Profile Joined February 2010
United States163 Posts
April 21 2013 03:29 GMT
#17
It's not supposed to be the most clever trick story ever, it's supposed to be funny. Which it is. I like it that the windex is literal but the trash bag most likely is not. Also the minor self reference in the story was done well.
[UoN]Sentinel
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
United States11320 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-04-21 03:46:11
April 21 2013 03:45 GMT
#18
On April 21 2013 12:22 Epishade wrote:
Argh, but why was the neighbor labeled a douchebag instead of your friends?

Also I wouldn't have said that people were dying in that story. It immediately told everyone the story was not real.


I think by the time you were approaching the end of it you were supposed to figure out something's up. Otherwise it just seems like I have a bunch of idiot friends who keep messing with some jock And not everyone figured it out, at least completely. The first few comments evidences this.

On April 21 2013 12:29 32 wrote:
I like it that the windex is literal but the trash bag most likely is not.


Well it was a small bag that I was putting dirt and stuff into so I could throw it away in one neat package.
Нас зовет дух отцов, память старых бойцов, дух Москвы и твердыня Полтавы
instantdry
Profile Joined September 2007
Canada308 Posts
April 21 2013 03:55 GMT
#19
ahhhh fuck you =p
yokohama
Profile Joined February 2005
United States1116 Posts
April 21 2013 04:03 GMT
#20
I must be missing something. Seems to have gone over my head :/
Najda
Profile Joined June 2010
United States3765 Posts
April 21 2013 04:48 GMT
#21
I still don't get what exactly the hot plate is. Are they trying to lift your plate of food? Wouldn't they just sit on it and eat right there.
Lokk
Profile Blog Joined September 2011
Canada635 Posts
April 21 2013 05:27 GMT
#22
go cut their grass
@Lokk_2/Go Woori 우리
Incze
Profile Blog Joined December 2011
Romania2058 Posts
April 21 2013 08:15 GMT
#23
So many confused people because they didn't read the last sentence. Wow
Religion: Buckethead
Burrfoot
Profile Blog Joined July 2012
United States1176 Posts
April 21 2013 10:59 GMT
#24
Narrator = a fly. OP = Mike. Plate = his wank sock ;-D
http://us.battle.net/d3/en/profile/Davlok-1847/career
Wohmfg
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
United Kingdom1292 Posts
April 21 2013 11:03 GMT
#25
I read the last sentence and don't get.

I need it spelled out to me exactly.
BW4Life!
gg_hertzz
Profile Blog Joined January 2004
2152 Posts
April 21 2013 11:32 GMT
#26
at first i thought this was told from the perspective of a fly, but then why would you need to pay rent at the apartment?
[UoN]Sentinel
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
United States11320 Posts
April 21 2013 12:30 GMT
#27
On April 21 2013 20:32 gg_hertzz wrote:
at first i thought this was told from the perspective of a fly, but then why would you need to pay rent at the apartment?


I never said it was an apartment. Or even a building. I say "home", but that could be anything. Digging a ditch in the woods and sleeping there makes that ditch your home.

As for "rent", the flies rent the crack above my window and pay me in fly shit and compost.

I still don't get what exactly the hot plate is. Are they trying to lift your plate of food? Wouldn't they just sit on it and eat right there.


The "plate" is my computer monitor. It gets warm after I use it and for whatever reason it attracts all the flies.
Нас зовет дух отцов, память старых бойцов, дух Москвы и твердыня Полтавы
HwangjaeTerran
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
Finland5967 Posts
April 21 2013 16:15 GMT
#28
I looked up hot plate on urbandictionary and learned something new today.
https://steamcommunity.com/id/*tlusernamehere*/
Normal
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
Next event in 4h 39m
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
mouzHeroMarine 210
ProTech78
EnDerr 24
MindelVK 6
StarCraft: Brood War
Calm 7244
Sea 3070
Hyuk 1561
Rain 1475
Snow 459
Soulkey 182
sorry 120
Zeus 102
PianO 94
HiyA 70
[ Show more ]
hero 49
Rush 46
TY 40
Terrorterran 30
Yoon 29
Nal_rA 23
Noble 13
IntoTheRainbow 10
zelot 6
scan(afreeca) 5
Dota 2
Gorgc6215
qojqva3242
Fuzer 202
League of Legends
Dendi1560
Counter-Strike
fl0m5757
olofmeister2342
Foxcn173
rGuardiaN87
Super Smash Bros
Chillindude32
Heroes of the Storm
Khaldor158
Other Games
singsing2562
FrodaN805
C9.Mang0678
Mlord525
Beastyqt510
crisheroes396
Hui .191
ArmadaUGS147
elazer117
Mew2King115
Trikslyr91
XaKoH 85
KnowMe79
Organizations
StarCraft 2
WardiTV870
Other Games
BasetradeTV32
StarCraft 2
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
sctven
[ Show 16 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• intothetv
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• LaughNgamezSOOP
• Migwel
• sooper7s
StarCraft: Brood War
• HerbMon 14
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
Dota 2
• C_a_k_e 3024
• lizZardDota271
League of Legends
• Nemesis5053
• Jankos3456
• TFBlade1330
Upcoming Events
OSC
4h 39m
ArT vs ReBellioN
HonMonO vs Ziomek
Shameless vs LunaSea
MilkiCow vs GgMaChine
Moja vs HiGhDrA
Jumy vs TBD
Demi vs NightPhoenix
Solar vs Cham
Replay Cast
7h 39m
OSC
7h 39m
WardiTV Invitational
18h 39m
OSC
20h 39m
Korean StarCraft League
1d 10h
SOOP
1d 16h
sOs vs Percival
CranKy Ducklings
1d 17h
WardiTV Invitational
1d 18h
Cheesadelphia
1d 22h
[ Show More ]
CSO Cup
2 days
GSL Code S
2 days
Rogue vs herO
Classic vs GuMiho
Sparkling Tuna Cup
2 days
Replay Cast
3 days
Wardi Open
3 days
Replay Cast
4 days
Replay Cast
4 days
RSL Revival
4 days
Cure vs Percival
ByuN vs Spirit
RSL Revival
5 days
herO vs sOs
Zoun vs Clem
Replay Cast
6 days
The PondCast
6 days
RSL Revival
6 days
Serral vs SHIN
Solar vs Cham
Liquipedia Results

Completed

CSL Season 17: Qualifier 2
BGE Stara Zagora 2025
Heroes 10 EU

Ongoing

JPL Season 2
BSL 2v2 Season 3
BSL Season 20
KCM Race Survival 2025 Season 2
NPSL S3
Rose Open S1
CSL 17: 2025 SUMMER
2025 GSL S2
BLAST.tv Austin Major 2025
ESL Impact League Season 7
IEM Dallas 2025
PGL Astana 2025
Asian Champions League '25
BLAST Rivals Spring 2025
MESA Nomadic Masters
CCT Season 2 Global Finals
IEM Melbourne 2025
YaLLa Compass Qatar 2025
PGL Bucharest 2025
BLAST Open Spring 2025

Upcoming

Copa Latinoamericana 4
CSLPRO Last Chance 2025
CSLPRO Chat StarLAN 3
K-Championship
SEL Season 2 Championship
Esports World Cup 2025
HSC XXVII
Championship of Russia 2025
Murky Cup #2
Esports World Cup 2025
BLAST Bounty Fall 2025
BLAST Bounty Fall Qual
IEM Cologne 2025
FISSURE Playground #1
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2025 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.