I’m still waiting for him, but I’m all the way over here. I’m irrelevant. Sometimes the mountain seems too high to climb. I’m chasing a ghost that doesn’t exist. I’m chasing a fading dream that even I don’t believe in anymore. Is it time to move on?... Not from the memory of him, not from the game itself, but him.
I found a picture of him with Boxer, an old one where they were teammates. It sparked a sadness in my heart. I had to write this. What am I doing and is it going to change anything. Will he ever come home?
I watch both games and he’s not there. Starcraft 1 fills itself with a league of new and old players. But I’m still hung over from the last fall. Is it time to find a new player to love, whose play will capture my eye, whose personality is captivating? Starcraft 2, I watch many games for the last 3 years, checked every schedule, read every result. I still do. All this time waiting knowing he would be there and so I made sure I was informed so I could cheer for him, be informed for him, but he is nowhere to be found. Will he just please come home?
For a while I cared about his wellbeing while selfishly I cared more for my own. I would only be happy seeing him play games. I didn’t care about win or lose. I stopped caring about Team 1.
What do I spend my time doing now? I think I’m searching. Searching for a new “him”. Sometimes I even think I found a replacement. I spent time talking to Killer (from BW) two days ago. His English knowledge was limited but he took the time to befriend me, care about me, know I exist… but he is a zerg and I am a protoss. I spend my days casting Korean tournaments hoping it will make a difference. That somehow if I become more and more involved then maybe Korea will understand how much the last 7 years of my life spent on Starcraft 1 meant to me and maybe they will give me everything I dream about happening. I spend time interviewing foreign players for the TLS hoping to help support a scene that needs all the strength it can get.
Deep down I know I’m not doing enough and am unsatisfied. I can’t give up on him because he is the driving force for me. The one who introduced me to a world of beauty not many will appreciate in a lifetime. He is the reason I cheered for so many others. I had to rely on others to win so I could see him play, those times were the hardest.
There are many goals that I’d like to set here, to promise, to give to everyone who still has a respect for the original game. Starcraft 1 won’t bring me the fame worldwide that SC2 could have brought me if I decided to invest my time in it as a writer/caster/w.e but that doesn’t bother me. I feel powerful when at least one other person out there acknowledges my love for the game as much as me. When I’m the only one left that’s when I’ll give up.
Is he going to come home? I would like to think he will one day, but I will always have his back. Until then there are so many others that need my support now too and it’s time I’m there for them.
Please don't make me wait to long Bisu.