EPT
Lack of happiness and goals
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Styze
Canada12 Posts
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hoby2000
United States918 Posts
Zerost - (I wrote first... first and am lazy) You may not be depressed. The suicide thing says you may have been depressed, but I think for the moment, you above depression. How much that is, I'm not going to guess. First - you are depressed because you have nothing constant in your life. How this is cause will be discussed later, but from what I see, you have several examples you have listed above about having nothing permanent basically since you left your friends from Germany, if I am reading your story correctly. If you want to fix your depression, get something constant, and stick with it. Second - writing this blog was a good idea. I always feel better after writing my thoughts down. Especially on a forum because it helps you release a lot of anxiety. I do this a lot, trust me. Third - What you seem to be experiencing the most is anxiety. This isn't really that unnatural and was actually something I was just thinking about. I get anxiety when I get in a situation where I don't know what's going on but I'm some how involved. When that happens, I start to think about all the stupid shit I've done in my life. All the horrible things I've said to my parents, the time I completely betrayed my brother, how lazy I was some times among other things. Ironically, anxiety goes away when you have someone to talk to who will listen to you and not say (either out loud or through their actions) that you're crazy. Even if they don't mean to make it sound like they think you're crazy or even think you do, and they end up sounding like they do, it ruins everything. I've been there. You need someone who will listen to you and say "You're not crazy. You're just human. I know because I do the same fucking thing." Fourth Through a very general knowledge of bits of science, I have come to my own conclusion that a lot of medications seem to cause more problems than they solve. I'm a personal believer in... other remedies which I highly recommend every one to try at least once (marijuana, acid, dmt, mushrooms, alcohol (not too much on that one though)), but that's just me. There may be other methods, but I assure you that you will not yourself until you have tried at least one of those. People who argue that you may lose control, then do it in a safe environment and let yourself lose control there. How can you learn to control yourself without losing control to start with? You're not crazy. You're just human. I know because I do the same fucking thing.  I also have friends and family who have similar thoughts, even myself. I can't promise you things will get better because you have to make that promise to yourself, but I can say that a little effort helps you get out of your hole. | ||
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Styze
Canada12 Posts
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hoby2000
United States918 Posts
On January 29 2013 12:02 Styze wrote: For some reason I always thought the word anxiety meant something similar of being anxious to do something, as in can't wait to do it. I've been chewing my fingers for at least a whole decade and can't seem to stop, I'm always tapping my foot/finger and I'd rather run in a circle instead of sitting which apparently are all symptoms. thanks for the heads up there hoby. Yeah dude, anxiety is a bitch, but it's just about conquering it. There can't be nothing in the world you don't like to do. Don't rely on other people to help you want that thing either because this causes your anxiety issue later. If you don't have a personal reason for doing it, then you should have no reason at all. I just say that because I found myself in similar situations, but what I end up doing now is just play SC2 or read a book, or talk on the phone. Talk even if the person is boring because you'll learn what you don't like and why. When older people said to me, just experience life, I think what they meant is dip your toe into everything until you find the right water to swim in. Then drown yourself in it (not literally.... haha, come on. You have to joke around a little about it, or it's always going to be a serious thought in your mind. I'm serious, making fun of yourself for shit like that helps you so much. Just don't do it around your parents unless they're the type to join in on the fun. I joke around about serious shit I've done all of the time and it doesn't make me any less aware that it's there, it just helps me appreciate what it did to be who i am now, so it always has to be there). | ||
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DanceSC
United States751 Posts
First and probably most important: forget about your past, it is in the past, keep it that way. We remember our past so that we can learn off of it and better prepare ourselves for the future, but often the past has a way of dragging us down and distracting us from what is more important. Feeling depressed or left with no motivation to do anything is something you fix with a change in lifestyle, find what is important to you. Every night before I go to bed, I look at the ceiling and I think of all the things I could have done better that day, and no matter how much I want to live that perfect image, every day is the same. I want to be more active, I want to be happier with my life, I always want to be taking 1 step forward. What I realized is that happiness is not something you obtain by doing simple activities, it is something you create. If you are looking for something to make you happy, but nothing seems to work, then stick with nothing My advice is start with the little things in life, take 15 mins out of your day to sit in the sun and breathe. What hoby said about the medications is true, they will cause more problems then they tend to fix. Marijuana, acid, shrooms, alcohol, etc... are just as bad. You do not fix any problems, you simply cover them up, your problems get worse, and whatever you used to blanket your problems will add more problems to the list. Simple fix, drink more water. The fear you mentioned about something deep inside you being terribly wrong, or broken is as you said, a fear. It is like walking with a friend who is afraid of heights. You both come to a cliff or a good vantage point and your friend starts flipping out in fear of falling, slipping, or something going terribly wrong. To you there is no need to worry even if the height was dangerous. You know that of all the possible things that can happen, worrying about it will not help or solve any of them. The only thing that the fear did, was made things worse. I took martial arts to combat what seems to be the same thing you are going through. It was simple, it got me away from the patterns in life that I felt were dragging me down (for me those were: no exercise, too much time in front of the computer, no social life, too much time indoors, etc) and it kept my interest and turned into something I could be competitive with and/or obsess over. I took something simple such as a fighting style, and researched and broke it down so that I could understand every reasoning and method behind it. I spent my time outside exercising, or when I got bored and could not find anything fun to do, I went for a long walk. Basically take pleasures in the little things in life, like a nice breeze or a sunny day. I never was one to like chores, but mowing the lawn and washing the dishes turned into a moment of the day where I could clear my mind. I hope something similar will work for you. As a summary: Forget about your past, take time out of your day to relax and clear your mind, drink more water / tea, spend more time outdoors, find joy in the small things in life, and don't worry about life, just experience it as it happens. Then things will get better, life's a bitch, shit happens, tomorrow's another day. | ||
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