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The old one was pretty successful but it seems to be gone now, so I figured I'd make another one and see if people use it. Basic directions for this blog: Post ya girl problems and we can all give advice. I'll start off with my own story.
Some of you may remember me posting in the old girl advice topic. At that time, I was dating a girl who ended up cheating on me and was basically as much of a homewrecker as one person can be. That was about 8 months ago now. I've hardly talked to her since then, and I never want to see her again.
I've been dating a different girl now for about 7 months (sidenote: yes, I know one month isn't a big break between serious relationships, and if I could do it over again, I'd wait longer. however, it is what it is and I'm not going to throw this relationship away just because it might've started too fast). I've recently run into some problems and seeing as how you guys tend to give good advice (and putting it all down in concrete form is therapeutic for me), I figured I'd post about it and see what you guys think.
So, to give some background, me and GF have been seriously dating for a while and things were really great when we started. I picked a much better lady this time; she's everything that my ex could never be. Things were amazing for the first four months or so; practically no fights, very open and a mature relationship overall. Then, we started fighting a lot and that's become the norm since. The problem I'm having, as best as I can describe it, is this: GF almost always seems cranky and just plain angry when we're together (she admits it so it's not just me assuming), and I'm having a hard time dealing with it because she's just not fun to be around when she's cranky. She gets really negative and it becomes impossible to make her smile. For example, silly jokes or actions that would normally make her laugh receive a "why are you doing stupid things" angry look when she's in a bad mood. Trying to be more lovey or physically affectionate just makes her angrier because she gets "tactile defensive" (her phrase) when she's in a bad mood.
The overall problem is that she seems cranky a majority of the time, and I don't enjoy being around her anymore. She's cranky so often that it's become the norm of our relationship, and I'm noticing that during the few times she's actually in a good mood, I'm so accustomed to dealing with her being cranky that I get the same up-tight feelings and pangs of anxiety when I'm around her, regardless of how she's feeling (this is how I feel when she's being cranky. I'm an anxious person by nature so this definitely isn't good). This has been going on for a few months, and for the longest time, I tried to convince myself that it was a problem with me and that I just needed to get over it. However, I've come to the realization that I don't feel that way around anyone else. I feel perfectly at east around friends, family and even when I'm at work. I only get those intense anxious feelings when I'm with her.
I think I'm coming to the realization that maybe, she's just too negative for me (I'm a very positive person by nature, but negative people tend to bring me down). When she's in a bad mood, it rubs off on me and makes me feel awful. I can't help it... She says I'm not the source of her crankyness (for the most part), but that doesn't matter too much when I'm the one dealing with it. I desperately want to make this work because I do love her, but I'm getting to the point where I don't know how to make it work anymore. I can't be happy around her because of too many built-up negative feelings. We've talked about all this a few times and we always say we're going to try and make it better, but things never actually seem like they get any better. I'm getting to the point where I'm sick and tired of the talk and I need to see some action or I'm gone. I want to talk to her about all this, but part of me is absolutely terrified because even though things aren't working out, she's a huge part of my life and the thought of losing her makes me sick all over. Has anyone here been in a similar situation?
so, that's the story for now. questions/comments/advice welcome. also, feel free to post your own relationship issues and get advice from the friendly denizens of TL 
 
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IMO if you really want to be with the girl for the rest of your life you will learn how to deal with the person you love in the hardest and happiest circumstances. When you learn when they are in a bad mood and how to make them happier or how to allow them to get to a better mood you have learned a great deal about them. I would say you guys have gone past the honeymoon stage are entering the part where things get hard, but if you push through i think things will get brighter. If she really means that much to you, learn when not to be anxious and when not to be. And you need bro's. Don't spend 24/7 with her you guys need your own space too. You need other guys you can talk to about your problems with her and just relax from relationship problems or relationship issues. Relationships= stress. Well thats my side of the coin, but good luck (:
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On December 29 2012 06:51 pigtheman wrote:
IMO if you really want to be with the girl for the rest of your life you will learn how to deal with the person you love in the hardest and happiest circumstances. When you learn when they are in a bad mood and how to make them happier or how to allow them to get to a better mood you have learned a great deal about them. I would say you guys have gone past the honeymoon stage are entering the part where things get hard, but if you push through i think things will get brighter. If she really means that much to you, learn when not to be anxious and when not to be. And you need bro's. Don't spend 24/7 with her you guys need your own space too. You need other guys you can talk to about your problems with her and just relax from relationship problems or relationship issues. Relationships= stress. Well thats my side of the coin, but good luck (:
I agree with everything you said except for the "learn to not be anxious" part, simply because it's not that easy. I really wish it was. Dealing with anxiety has been a lifelong problem, and right now, she's my biggest trigger. I don't see that changing much unless I can make her happier.
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It seems you're dating a witch who is making you anxious through black magic.
Luckily the Museum of Icelandic Sorcery and Witchcraft has a simple, elegant solution: write this symbol on the shoulderblade of a seal with the blood of a mouse and carry it with you on your person.
![[image loading]](http://galdrasyning.is/images/stories/galdrastafir/hagallhinnminni.jpg)
Alternatively, be a man and end the relationship. If you've tried to talk it out with her and she's not willing to either explain or attempt to make things better, what's the point of it?
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I think you may be spending too much time with and around her. Her foul mood is rooted in something that may or may not be related to being around you, but this current behavior will create a feedback loop which will lead to inevitable end. My suggestion is to breathe new life into her attitude by allowing her to pick up her own life and generate new hobbies and interests (possibly some that you both enjoy together). You cannot force her to do this for herself, so your best bet is to give her plenty of room in the form of free time, as well as freeing her from the requirement to keep you happy.
tl;dr
If she wants to be grumpy, let her do it on her own time.
EDIT: woops, guy above me nailed it. She's a witch.
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sounds like she sucks and you should dump her. someone you've known for under a year annoys you more often than not. what is the question?
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Definitely dump. And who knows, maybe she will come back to you with renewed perspective and you will get some hand in the relationship.
You seem to know how to upgrade your ladies, so I think you will be just fine.
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Your girlfriend sounds exactly like my mother. Fun to be around when she's in a good mood, spiteful, irritable, oversensitive whenever she's slightly off-balance. When she gets older she will likely have a job that will be too stressful for her because she is on bad terms with co-workers and then you won't even have any control over her moods anymore. Every day you'll approach her, wondering whether she'll bite or be nice this time. Please get very far away from her. :o (I mean, my mother had a period of two years of stress at her work during which my brother actually joined the navy just to get away from home)
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United States10341 Posts
I don't enjoy being around her anymore
Your own words. What else is there to say?
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On December 29 2012 09:26 MountainDewJunkie wrote:Your own words. What else is there to say?
Maybe he's a masochist
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On December 29 2012 09:47 Roe wrote:Show nested quote +On December 29 2012 09:26 MountainDewJunkie wrote:I don't enjoy being around her anymore Your own words. What else is there to say? Maybe he's a masochist
A lot of people just have trouble moving on from a relationship. It's not easy to do, especially if you still care about the person. For the OP I agree that you have to end it. There is no point in the relationship if you are always miserable together.
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On December 29 2012 07:02 bonifaceviii wrote:It seems you're dating a witch who is making you anxious through black magic. Luckily the Museum of Icelandic Sorcery and Witchcraft has a simple, elegant solution: write this symbol on the shoulderblade of a seal with the blood of a mouse and carry it with you on your person. Alternatively, be a man and end the relationship. If you've tried to talk it out with her and she's not willing to either explain or attempt to make things better, what's the point of it?
I have to say I've been to Iceland, and if that worked for the bad-ass vikings that lived there stealing women from Sweden and Norway, it should work for you as well.
Dump her. You deserve better.
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Sounds like you dont make the girl happy. Dump her ass and move on I'd say.
On a side note I'd be like the last person to take relationship advice from 
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Have you ever noticed what actually makes her cranky? You've said that she does seem happy a couple of times. Have you ever thought why she is happy now, instead of being cranky?
Also, can you describe one specific instance in greater detail which made her especially cranky? Perhaps the exact joke you claim to have made, and the exact response you received from her?
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I would say ending the relationship is probably your best bet, but if you want to give it the old college try, here is my advice.
1. Talk to her and ask if she has some time for a serious conversation (i.e. don't do this when you guys only have 15 minutes to talk or something.
2. Tell her how it feels from your perspective, make sure you use lots of "I" language, like, "Lately I've been feeling anxious because it seems to me that you are often in a bad mood, and I don't want to do anything to upset you further." Specifics are good, so if you can discuss the details of a specific time that it seemed to you she was in a bad mood and you felt anxious, all the better. Just remember to keep the focus on you and your reactions, rather than being like, "why are you always in a bad mood, that sucks."
3. Hopefully, the conversation above will prompt a response from her about what has been causing the bad moods, but if not, you might venture into asking what has been causing them, and if there is anything you can do to help/prevent them.
4. If she doesn't take this conversation well, and gets all defensive, it probably means you should end it. Most likely, the reason she is always upset is that she is thinking about ending the relationship as well and neither of you want to take the step to do it.
Good luck!
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I'm gonna agree with Grumbels that a mother who argues a lot and is moody leads to a very unhappy lifestyle.
Girl blogs generally have one primary story. I think the last one failed because separate threads is a better structure.
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The situation sounds familiar. I had a similar relationship for a bit more than one and a half years. In the beginning, some 7-8 months in my case, everything was good and fluffy and so forth. But then we started getting pissed off at each other from anything. While she knew how to show negative feelings and did show those as well, I just clumped them up and wouldn't say anything. I think this is what killed our relationship, I didn't tell her how I felt nor did I ask her why she felt was the reason for losing her previously good humor.
So speak to her. Tell her how you feel, and ask her how she feels. That won't make things any worse. If you guys cannot come up with any good reasons for the state of your relationship you might want to worry a bit.
I don't enjoy being around her anymore
This is a problem, how do you live in a relationship like this? So I repeat myself, talk with her and try to figure out why you are in such a situation. If nothing productive comes up you better start planning your lifes without each other. And that sucks, I know. 
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On December 29 2012 12:57 alQahira wrote:
I would say ending the relationship is probably your best bet, but if you want to give it the old college try, here is my advice.
1. Talk to her and ask if she has some time for a serious conversation (i.e. don't do this when you guys only have 15 minutes to talk or something.
2. Tell her how it feels from your perspective, make sure you use lots of "I" language, like, "Lately I've been feeling anxious because it seems to me that you are often in a bad mood, and I don't want to do anything to upset you further." Specifics are good, so if you can discuss the details of a specific time that it seemed to you she was in a bad mood and you felt anxious, all the better. Just remember to keep the focus on you and your reactions, rather than being like, "why are you always in a bad mood, that sucks."
3. Hopefully, the conversation above will prompt a response from her about what has been causing the bad moods, but if not, you might venture into asking what has been causing them, and if there is anything you can do to help/prevent them.
4. If she doesn't take this conversation well, and gets all defensive, it probably means you should end it. Most likely, the reason she is always upset is that she is thinking about ending the relationship as well and neither of you want to take the step to do it.
Good luck!
Second suggestion is spot on and I try to do it with my girlfriend (we've been living together for 2 years at this point). Prevents her from getting on the defensive and becoming emotional and it really does work. Not sure if other people do this but whenever my girlfriend and I have a major fight and we need to talk, I usually write down the things I want to say and any specifics. I find once my emotions get going in these conversations, there's a lot that I might forget to say or bring up in the heat of the moment and it's usually the best time to do it. But every relationship is different so what might work for some of us here may not work for you..but you have nothing really left to lose at this point.
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Lol this sounds like one of my my exes. She was usually in a bad mood due to external forces (school, mainly). I even used the same word to describe her (cranky). She especially got mad when I called her cranky, as if letting her know she was being a douche was off-limits.
Basically, there is nothing you can do. Either she will deal with the thing(s) that put her in a bad mood, or she (probably) won't. Eventually, you should probably move on (as I did). It isn't your fault something in her situation/environment/personality makes her "cranky," and there isn't much you can do it change it.
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EPT
