New girl advice general (relationship blog) - Page 2

On December 29 2012 10:26 Ender985 wrote:


I have to say I've been to Iceland, and if that worked for the bad-ass vikings that lived there stealing women from Sweden and Norway, it should work for you as well.

Dump her. You deserve better.

On December 29 2012 12:57 alQahira wrote:
I would say ending the relationship is probably your best bet, but if you want to give it the old college try, here is my advice.

1. Talk to her and ask if she has some time for a serious conversation (i.e. don't do this when you guys only have 15 minutes to talk or something.

2. Tell her how it feels from your perspective, make sure you use lots of "I" language, like, "Lately I've been feeling anxious because it seems to me that you are often in a bad mood, and I don't want to do anything to upset you further." Specifics are good, so if you can discuss the details of a specific time that it seemed to you she was in a bad mood and you felt anxious, all the better. Just remember to keep the focus on you and your reactions, rather than being like, "why are you always in a bad mood, that sucks."

3. Hopefully, the conversation above will prompt a response from her about what has been causing the bad moods, but if not, you might venture into asking what has been causing them, and if there is anything you can do to help/prevent them.

4. If she doesn't take this conversation well, and gets all defensive, it probably means you should end it. Most likely, the reason she is always upset is that she is thinking about ending the relationship as well and neither of you want to take the step to do it.

Good luck!

On December 29 2012 15:21 iamahydralisk wrote:
also this is the first girl I've dated who I can legitimately see myself spending the rest of my life with, so it's hard to let that go without really trying everything to save it.

On December 30 2012 03:35 GaNgStaRR.ElV wrote:
Don't listen to GnarlyArbitrage's post, that kind of stuff only really works on girls you are looking to hook up with/just met, ignoring your girlfriend/defying requests is just going to make you look like an asshole; good look for pickups, but your giving your girlfriend fuel to her bitch-fest when she tells all her friends about it.

As a veteran of a 6 year relationship that is undergoing exactly what you describe, I feel your pain. In my case my GF is doing exactly what you describe, she seems to go off on me at unexpected times/sees the negatives alot, trouble is it is only with me and her close family(sister, parents), so it makes it hard on me because all our friends see a friendly, bubbly person whereas me and her family are treated to some extroadinary bitchouts and ultra-critical attitude.

My only advice would be to stop thinking emotionally and think rationally; you are 6 months in and this has already begun, I personally didn't notice this trait at all in my GF until a very serious life-changing trauma(rape by a family friend) which seemed to be where this change of personality came from. So my best piece of advice is really dig into her brain, don't accept the answers she will give you at first and be more analytical, because your only hope of fixing the problem will be to atleast understand the exact issue that is causing this behavior; even then it might not be something you can change, it might be a personality trait of hers, something in you she that doesnt work for her.

I will finish by saying I know it's hard to walk away from someone, especially when you are still in love with them. Hopefully you can get out or fix your issues before you get too emotionally involved; dont end up like me. Due to these issues and the constant critical, personal attacks I've been pretty down on myself the last 6 months or so despite my professional career improving steadily and and finding more and more confidence in my skill set, my girlfriend has been undermining this to the point where after a discussion I have had strong thoughts of suicide because there's too much floating around in my head.

On December 30 2012 04:27 GaNgStaRR.ElV wrote:
^^ We've talked about it SO much, she acknowledged the issue for the last year, and then suddenly about 6 months ago it started to be about my failings more than her. Like for example our sex life has dropped off considerably(which for 5 years was VERY healthy, not so much after the afore-mentioned issue which was about 2 years ago, had about a 3-6 month break where we had to ease back into sexuality as she was feeling very uncomfortable about it), we still have sex but more like once a week(and im 24), I try to instigate and im "horny all the time", if I let her instigate then we never have sex and she blames me because I don't put her in the mood....it has got to the stage where if we break up its going to take a long time for me to be able to have sexual relations with someone else because I don't feel at all comfortable with my sexuality anymore, I feel useless, which is a shame because she always praised my unselfish attitude in the sack as one of the reasons our sex was so great...

Sorry for the threadjack I just have a lot of steam about this kind of stuff pent up(ive been with family for the last 2-3 weeks without her, and I cant really talk to anyone in my family about this kind of stuff), and I feel by expressing my problems it might help others to make sense of their issues...I've spent 6 years(18-24) with this person who I would die for and I feel like i've thrown away the prime of my life for someone who cant even stand to be with me anymore.

On December 31 2012 09:55 iamahydralisk wrote:
We were playing Mario Party (sound silly yet?) and it was me, her, and two comps. She was losing pretty badly, and I was winning. She was understandably frustrated (nobody likes to lose), so I was comforting her by agreeing with all her bitching about the game and how unfair it was, saying I was sorry the game was being so unfair to her, etc. I ended up winning the game and I could see she was noticeably pissed. I tried to comfort her by giving her a hug and saying comforting things and she started laying into ME with her frustration. Then she had the audacity to accuse me of somehow instigating the fight, and for the first time, I walked out on her, got in my car and just drove away. I just couldn't take it anymore, so I left.

On December 31 2012 11:45 GnarlyArbitrage wrote:


To me, it sounds like you were patronizing her. People don't really like that all too much. Especially when they're getting pissed. Next time, just beat her ass at the game. Don't console, just destroy.

Also, don't be sorry. Never be sorry for something you meant to do.

On December 31 2012 11:46 iamahydralisk wrote:

lol. come on brah

On December 31 2012 11:48 GnarlyArbitrage wrote:



Am I wrong? Wouldn't you find it annoying if someone you were playing a game with kept telling you how sorry they were for winning? I mean, who the fuck says sorry for winning? Winners don't say sorry for winning. They bask in eternal glory.

On December 31 2012 12:05 iamahydralisk wrote:

girls are different dude. they're sensitive and squishy and stuff

On December 31 2012 12:24 Mstring wrote:
Demolishing someone in a game does not preclude you from demonstrating your love. She doesn't give a crap about winning or your excuses--you are a masterful nerd after all--she just wants to feel loved and secure, which all went out the window when you walked away. Seriously, read the book I recommended. If everyone understood the ideas within in their hearts, girl blogs would not and could not exist.