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The old one was pretty successful but it seems to be gone now, so I figured I'd make another one and see if people use it. Basic directions for this blog: Post ya girl problems and we can all give advice. I'll start off with my own story.
Some of you may remember me posting in the old girl advice topic. At that time, I was dating a girl who ended up cheating on me and was basically as much of a homewrecker as one person can be. That was about 8 months ago now. I've hardly talked to her since then, and I never want to see her again.
I've been dating a different girl now for about 7 months (sidenote: yes, I know one month isn't a big break between serious relationships, and if I could do it over again, I'd wait longer. however, it is what it is and I'm not going to throw this relationship away just because it might've started too fast). I've recently run into some problems and seeing as how you guys tend to give good advice (and putting it all down in concrete form is therapeutic for me), I figured I'd post about it and see what you guys think.
So, to give some background, me and GF have been seriously dating for a while and things were really great when we started. I picked a much better lady this time; she's everything that my ex could never be. Things were amazing for the first four months or so; practically no fights, very open and a mature relationship overall. Then, we started fighting a lot and that's become the norm since. The problem I'm having, as best as I can describe it, is this: GF almost always seems cranky and just plain angry when we're together (she admits it so it's not just me assuming), and I'm having a hard time dealing with it because she's just not fun to be around when she's cranky. She gets really negative and it becomes impossible to make her smile. For example, silly jokes or actions that would normally make her laugh receive a "why are you doing stupid things" angry look when she's in a bad mood. Trying to be more lovey or physically affectionate just makes her angrier because she gets "tactile defensive" (her phrase) when she's in a bad mood.
The overall problem is that she seems cranky a majority of the time, and I don't enjoy being around her anymore. She's cranky so often that it's become the norm of our relationship, and I'm noticing that during the few times she's actually in a good mood, I'm so accustomed to dealing with her being cranky that I get the same up-tight feelings and pangs of anxiety when I'm around her, regardless of how she's feeling (this is how I feel when she's being cranky. I'm an anxious person by nature so this definitely isn't good). This has been going on for a few months, and for the longest time, I tried to convince myself that it was a problem with me and that I just needed to get over it. However, I've come to the realization that I don't feel that way around anyone else. I feel perfectly at east around friends, family and even when I'm at work. I only get those intense anxious feelings when I'm with her.
I think I'm coming to the realization that maybe, she's just too negative for me (I'm a very positive person by nature, but negative people tend to bring me down). When she's in a bad mood, it rubs off on me and makes me feel awful. I can't help it... She says I'm not the source of her crankyness (for the most part), but that doesn't matter too much when I'm the one dealing with it. I desperately want to make this work because I do love her, but I'm getting to the point where I don't know how to make it work anymore. I can't be happy around her because of too many built-up negative feelings. We've talked about all this a few times and we always say we're going to try and make it better, but things never actually seem like they get any better. I'm getting to the point where I'm sick and tired of the talk and I need to see some action or I'm gone. I want to talk to her about all this, but part of me is absolutely terrified because even though things aren't working out, she's a huge part of my life and the thought of losing her makes me sick all over. Has anyone here been in a similar situation?
so, that's the story for now. questions/comments/advice welcome. also, feel free to post your own relationship issues and get advice from the friendly denizens of TL 
 
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IMO if you really want to be with the girl for the rest of your life you will learn how to deal with the person you love in the hardest and happiest circumstances. When you learn when they are in a bad mood and how to make them happier or how to allow them to get to a better mood you have learned a great deal about them. I would say you guys have gone past the honeymoon stage are entering the part where things get hard, but if you push through i think things will get brighter. If she really means that much to you, learn when not to be anxious and when not to be. And you need bro's. Don't spend 24/7 with her you guys need your own space too. You need other guys you can talk to about your problems with her and just relax from relationship problems or relationship issues. Relationships= stress. Well thats my side of the coin, but good luck (:
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On December 29 2012 06:51 pigtheman wrote:
IMO if you really want to be with the girl for the rest of your life you will learn how to deal with the person you love in the hardest and happiest circumstances. When you learn when they are in a bad mood and how to make them happier or how to allow them to get to a better mood you have learned a great deal about them. I would say you guys have gone past the honeymoon stage are entering the part where things get hard, but if you push through i think things will get brighter. If she really means that much to you, learn when not to be anxious and when not to be. And you need bro's. Don't spend 24/7 with her you guys need your own space too. You need other guys you can talk to about your problems with her and just relax from relationship problems or relationship issues. Relationships= stress. Well thats my side of the coin, but good luck (:
I agree with everything you said except for the "learn to not be anxious" part, simply because it's not that easy. I really wish it was. Dealing with anxiety has been a lifelong problem, and right now, she's my biggest trigger. I don't see that changing much unless I can make her happier.
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It seems you're dating a witch who is making you anxious through black magic.
Luckily the Museum of Icelandic Sorcery and Witchcraft has a simple, elegant solution: write this symbol on the shoulderblade of a seal with the blood of a mouse and carry it with you on your person.
![[image loading]](http://galdrasyning.is/images/stories/galdrastafir/hagallhinnminni.jpg)
Alternatively, be a man and end the relationship. If you've tried to talk it out with her and she's not willing to either explain or attempt to make things better, what's the point of it?
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I think you may be spending too much time with and around her. Her foul mood is rooted in something that may or may not be related to being around you, but this current behavior will create a feedback loop which will lead to inevitable end. My suggestion is to breathe new life into her attitude by allowing her to pick up her own life and generate new hobbies and interests (possibly some that you both enjoy together). You cannot force her to do this for herself, so your best bet is to give her plenty of room in the form of free time, as well as freeing her from the requirement to keep you happy.
tl;dr
If she wants to be grumpy, let her do it on her own time.
EDIT: woops, guy above me nailed it. She's a witch.
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sounds like she sucks and you should dump her. someone you've known for under a year annoys you more often than not. what is the question?
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Definitely dump. And who knows, maybe she will come back to you with renewed perspective and you will get some hand in the relationship.
You seem to know how to upgrade your ladies, so I think you will be just fine.
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Your girlfriend sounds exactly like my mother. Fun to be around when she's in a good mood, spiteful, irritable, oversensitive whenever she's slightly off-balance. When she gets older she will likely have a job that will be too stressful for her because she is on bad terms with co-workers and then you won't even have any control over her moods anymore. Every day you'll approach her, wondering whether she'll bite or be nice this time. Please get very far away from her. :o (I mean, my mother had a period of two years of stress at her work during which my brother actually joined the navy just to get away from home)
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I don't enjoy being around her anymore
Your own words. What else is there to say?
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On December 29 2012 09:26 MountainDewJunkie wrote:Your own words. What else is there to say?
Maybe he's a masochist
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On December 29 2012 09:47 Roe wrote:Show nested quote +On December 29 2012 09:26 MountainDewJunkie wrote:I don't enjoy being around her anymore Your own words. What else is there to say? Maybe he's a masochist
A lot of people just have trouble moving on from a relationship. It's not easy to do, especially if you still care about the person. For the OP I agree that you have to end it. There is no point in the relationship if you are always miserable together.
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On December 29 2012 07:02 bonifaceviii wrote:It seems you're dating a witch who is making you anxious through black magic. Luckily the Museum of Icelandic Sorcery and Witchcraft has a simple, elegant solution: write this symbol on the shoulderblade of a seal with the blood of a mouse and carry it with you on your person. Alternatively, be a man and end the relationship. If you've tried to talk it out with her and she's not willing to either explain or attempt to make things better, what's the point of it?
I have to say I've been to Iceland, and if that worked for the bad-ass vikings that lived there stealing women from Sweden and Norway, it should work for you as well.
Dump her. You deserve better.
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Sounds like you dont make the girl happy. Dump her ass and move on I'd say.
On a side note I'd be like the last person to take relationship advice from 
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Have you ever noticed what actually makes her cranky? You've said that she does seem happy a couple of times. Have you ever thought why she is happy now, instead of being cranky?
Also, can you describe one specific instance in greater detail which made her especially cranky? Perhaps the exact joke you claim to have made, and the exact response you received from her?
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I would say ending the relationship is probably your best bet, but if you want to give it the old college try, here is my advice.
1. Talk to her and ask if she has some time for a serious conversation (i.e. don't do this when you guys only have 15 minutes to talk or something.
2. Tell her how it feels from your perspective, make sure you use lots of "I" language, like, "Lately I've been feeling anxious because it seems to me that you are often in a bad mood, and I don't want to do anything to upset you further." Specifics are good, so if you can discuss the details of a specific time that it seemed to you she was in a bad mood and you felt anxious, all the better. Just remember to keep the focus on you and your reactions, rather than being like, "why are you always in a bad mood, that sucks."
3. Hopefully, the conversation above will prompt a response from her about what has been causing the bad moods, but if not, you might venture into asking what has been causing them, and if there is anything you can do to help/prevent them.
4. If she doesn't take this conversation well, and gets all defensive, it probably means you should end it. Most likely, the reason she is always upset is that she is thinking about ending the relationship as well and neither of you want to take the step to do it.
Good luck!
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I'm gonna agree with Grumbels that a mother who argues a lot and is moody leads to a very unhappy lifestyle.
Girl blogs generally have one primary story. I think the last one failed because separate threads is a better structure.
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The situation sounds familiar. I had a similar relationship for a bit more than one and a half years. In the beginning, some 7-8 months in my case, everything was good and fluffy and so forth. But then we started getting pissed off at each other from anything. While she knew how to show negative feelings and did show those as well, I just clumped them up and wouldn't say anything. I think this is what killed our relationship, I didn't tell her how I felt nor did I ask her why she felt was the reason for losing her previously good humor.
So speak to her. Tell her how you feel, and ask her how she feels. That won't make things any worse. If you guys cannot come up with any good reasons for the state of your relationship you might want to worry a bit.
I don't enjoy being around her anymore
This is a problem, how do you live in a relationship like this? So I repeat myself, talk with her and try to figure out why you are in such a situation. If nothing productive comes up you better start planning your lifes without each other. And that sucks, I know. 
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On December 29 2012 12:57 alQahira wrote:
I would say ending the relationship is probably your best bet, but if you want to give it the old college try, here is my advice.
1. Talk to her and ask if she has some time for a serious conversation (i.e. don't do this when you guys only have 15 minutes to talk or something.
2. Tell her how it feels from your perspective, make sure you use lots of "I" language, like, "Lately I've been feeling anxious because it seems to me that you are often in a bad mood, and I don't want to do anything to upset you further." Specifics are good, so if you can discuss the details of a specific time that it seemed to you she was in a bad mood and you felt anxious, all the better. Just remember to keep the focus on you and your reactions, rather than being like, "why are you always in a bad mood, that sucks."
3. Hopefully, the conversation above will prompt a response from her about what has been causing the bad moods, but if not, you might venture into asking what has been causing them, and if there is anything you can do to help/prevent them.
4. If she doesn't take this conversation well, and gets all defensive, it probably means you should end it. Most likely, the reason she is always upset is that she is thinking about ending the relationship as well and neither of you want to take the step to do it.
Good luck!
Second suggestion is spot on and I try to do it with my girlfriend (we've been living together for 2 years at this point). Prevents her from getting on the defensive and becoming emotional and it really does work. Not sure if other people do this but whenever my girlfriend and I have a major fight and we need to talk, I usually write down the things I want to say and any specifics. I find once my emotions get going in these conversations, there's a lot that I might forget to say or bring up in the heat of the moment and it's usually the best time to do it. But every relationship is different so what might work for some of us here may not work for you..but you have nothing really left to lose at this point.
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Lol this sounds like one of my my exes. She was usually in a bad mood due to external forces (school, mainly). I even used the same word to describe her (cranky). She especially got mad when I called her cranky, as if letting her know she was being a douche was off-limits.
Basically, there is nothing you can do. Either she will deal with the thing(s) that put her in a bad mood, or she (probably) won't. Eventually, you should probably move on (as I did). It isn't your fault something in her situation/environment/personality makes her "cranky," and there isn't much you can do it change it.
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Really good advice from everyone. The reason I haven't ended it yet is because despite the fact that I'm not happy now, things were good before and I was happy then. I want to at least try to get it back to that point before I call it quits. I don't think GF realizes how much her constant negativity is effecting our relationship. If I can get her to realize that, maybe things can change for the better again.
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also this is the first girl I've dated who I can legitimately see myself spending the rest of my life with, so it's hard to let that go without really trying everything to save it.
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On December 29 2012 10:26 Ender985 wrote:Show nested quote +On December 29 2012 07:02 bonifaceviii wrote:It seems you're dating a witch who is making you anxious through black magic. Luckily the Museum of Icelandic Sorcery and Witchcraft has a simple, elegant solution: write this symbol on the shoulderblade of a seal with the blood of a mouse and carry it with you on your person. Alternatively, be a man and end the relationship. If you've tried to talk it out with her and she's not willing to either explain or attempt to make things better, what's the point of it? I have to say I've been to Iceland, and if that worked for the bad-ass vikings that lived there stealing women from Sweden and Norway, it should work for you as well. Dump her. You deserve better.
Except that, that is all off. Icelandic vikings were mostly Norwegian settlers (the men) and irish/british women (which they stole since they had a shortage of women). The vikings had some liking to those women for some reason, possibly they were thought more beautiful. It is to this day assumed that they were kidnapped and brought back as slaves etc. but there are also theories on them finding the viking life more to their liking. Viking women had more rights than women in Britain at the time and usually managed farms etc. while the men went to war. Women also had the right to inheritance. This took most countries in Europe until the 1900s before it was legalized.
That is why the Nordic (especially Icelandic) saying goes about Icelandic women being so good looking, because the vikings only took the good looking Irish/British girls. This is very obvious when looking at DNA as well.
(Sources: all pages on the first page after googling)
+ Show Spoiler +
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On December 29 2012 12:57 alQahira wrote:
I would say ending the relationship is probably your best bet, but if you want to give it the old college try, here is my advice.
1. Talk to her and ask if she has some time for a serious conversation (i.e. don't do this when you guys only have 15 minutes to talk or something.
2. Tell her how it feels from your perspective, make sure you use lots of "I" language, like, "Lately I've been feeling anxious because it seems to me that you are often in a bad mood, and I don't want to do anything to upset you further." Specifics are good, so if you can discuss the details of a specific time that it seemed to you she was in a bad mood and you felt anxious, all the better. Just remember to keep the focus on you and your reactions, rather than being like, "why are you always in a bad mood, that sucks."
3. Hopefully, the conversation above will prompt a response from her about what has been causing the bad moods, but if not, you might venture into asking what has been causing them, and if there is anything you can do to help/prevent them.
4. If she doesn't take this conversation well, and gets all defensive, it probably means you should end it. Most likely, the reason she is always upset is that she is thinking about ending the relationship as well and neither of you want to take the step to do it.
Good luck!
I agree. You can either end it (if you're not happy around her, what's the point of being in a relationship?) or you can try to communicate. If communicating still doesn't work out, I'm afraid you'll have to draw your conclusions.
If you really see her as someone you'd spend the rest of your life with, it means that she's someone worth fighting for.
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Take note of alQahira's second point. This is called non-violent communication. If you don't know anything about it then the time is now to learn it and take it to heart because it has the power to transform every relationship in your life.
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A small bit of advice:
If you're doing something, or even if you're not, if a girl you're trying to get with tells (asks) you to "come here", don't. Simply, don't. Keep up what you're doing, and make her come to you.
I remember one of my friends was trying to get with a chick who had complete control over him. She stopped being interested. If she said "come here", there he came, like a little puppy.
Best advice I can give, though, is to be attractive. ^^
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On December 29 2012 15:21 iamahydralisk wrote:
also this is the first girl I've dated who I can legitimately see myself spending the rest of my life with, so it's hard to let that go without really trying everything to save it.
If you really feel this way then stay with her and do your best to get through this rough patch.
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Don't listen to GnarlyArbitrage's post, that kind of stuff only really works on girls you are looking to hook up with/just met, ignoring your girlfriend/defying requests is just going to make you look like an asshole; good look for pickups, but your giving your girlfriend fuel to her bitch-fest when she tells all her friends about it.
As a veteran of a 6 year relationship that is undergoing exactly what you describe, I feel your pain. In my case my GF is doing exactly what you describe, she seems to go off on me at unexpected times/sees the negatives alot, trouble is it is only with me and her close family(sister, parents), so it makes it hard on me because all our friends see a friendly, bubbly person whereas me and her family are treated to some extroadinary bitchouts and ultra-critical attitude.
My only advice would be to stop thinking emotionally and think rationally; you are 6 months in and this has already begun, I personally didn't notice this trait at all in my GF until a very serious life-changing trauma(rape by a family friend) which seemed to be where this change of personality came from. So my best piece of advice is really dig into her brain, don't accept the answers she will give you at first and be more analytical, because your only hope of fixing the problem will be to atleast understand the exact issue that is causing this behavior; even then it might not be something you can change, it might be a personality trait of hers, something in you she that doesnt work for her.
I will finish by saying I know it's hard to walk away from someone, especially when you are still in love with them. Hopefully you can get out or fix your issues before you get too emotionally involved; dont end up like me. Due to these issues and the constant critical, personal attacks I've been pretty down on myself the last 6 months or so despite my professional career improving steadily and and finding more and more confidence in my skill set, my girlfriend has been undermining this to the point where after a discussion I have had strong thoughts of suicide because there's too much floating around in my head.
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On December 30 2012 03:35 GaNgStaRR.ElV wrote:
Don't listen to GnarlyArbitrage's post, that kind of stuff only really works on girls you are looking to hook up with/just met, ignoring your girlfriend/defying requests is just going to make you look like an asshole; good look for pickups, but your giving your girlfriend fuel to her bitch-fest when she tells all her friends about it.
As a veteran of a 6 year relationship that is undergoing exactly what you describe, I feel your pain. In my case my GF is doing exactly what you describe, she seems to go off on me at unexpected times/sees the negatives alot, trouble is it is only with me and her close family(sister, parents), so it makes it hard on me because all our friends see a friendly, bubbly person whereas me and her family are treated to some extroadinary bitchouts and ultra-critical attitude.
My only advice would be to stop thinking emotionally and think rationally; you are 6 months in and this has already begun, I personally didn't notice this trait at all in my GF until a very serious life-changing trauma(rape by a family friend) which seemed to be where this change of personality came from. So my best piece of advice is really dig into her brain, don't accept the answers she will give you at first and be more analytical, because your only hope of fixing the problem will be to atleast understand the exact issue that is causing this behavior; even then it might not be something you can change, it might be a personality trait of hers, something in you she that doesnt work for her.
I will finish by saying I know it's hard to walk away from someone, especially when you are still in love with them. Hopefully you can get out or fix your issues before you get too emotionally involved; dont end up like me. Due to these issues and the constant critical, personal attacks I've been pretty down on myself the last 6 months or so despite my professional career improving steadily and and finding more and more confidence in my skill set, my girlfriend has been undermining this to the point where after a discussion I have had strong thoughts of suicide because there's too much floating around in my head.
I'm sorry you're dealing with such a rough time. Have you talked to her about this stuff? I mean, saying exactly what you typed here. "Since that happened, I feel like you've been a different person and I just want us to be happy again." Try using phrases like "I feel...." instead of just "you do x wrong" so she doesn't feel like she's being accused. If she's anything like my girlfriend, she'll get defensive immediately and stop listening to you completely.
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^^ We've talked about it SO much, she acknowledged the issue for the last year, and then suddenly about 6 months ago it started to be about my failings more than her. Like for example our sex life has dropped off considerably(which for 5 years was VERY healthy, not so much after the afore-mentioned issue which was about 2 years ago, had about a 3-6 month break where we had to ease back into sexuality as she was feeling very uncomfortable about it), we still have sex but more like once a week(and im 24), I try to instigate and im "horny all the time", if I let her instigate then we never have sex and she blames me because I don't put her in the mood....it has got to the stage where if we break up its going to take a long time for me to be able to have sexual relations with someone else because I don't feel at all comfortable with my sexuality anymore, I feel useless, which is a shame because she always praised my unselfish attitude in the sack as one of the reasons our sex was so great...
Sorry for the threadjack I just have a lot of steam about this kind of stuff pent up(ive been with family for the last 2-3 weeks without her, and I cant really talk to anyone in my family about this kind of stuff), and I feel by expressing my problems it might help others to make sense of their issues...I've spent 6 years(18-24) with this person who I would die for and I feel like i've thrown away the prime of my life for someone who cant even stand to be with me anymore.
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On December 30 2012 04:27 GaNgStaRR.ElV wrote:
^^ We've talked about it SO much, she acknowledged the issue for the last year, and then suddenly about 6 months ago it started to be about my failings more than her. Like for example our sex life has dropped off considerably(which for 5 years was VERY healthy, not so much after the afore-mentioned issue which was about 2 years ago, had about a 3-6 month break where we had to ease back into sexuality as she was feeling very uncomfortable about it), we still have sex but more like once a week(and im 24), I try to instigate and im "horny all the time", if I let her instigate then we never have sex and she blames me because I don't put her in the mood....it has got to the stage where if we break up its going to take a long time for me to be able to have sexual relations with someone else because I don't feel at all comfortable with my sexuality anymore, I feel useless, which is a shame because she always praised my unselfish attitude in the sack as one of the reasons our sex was so great...
Sorry for the threadjack I just have a lot of steam about this kind of stuff pent up(ive been with family for the last 2-3 weeks without her, and I cant really talk to anyone in my family about this kind of stuff), and I feel by expressing my problems it might help others to make sense of their issues...I've spent 6 years(18-24) with this person who I would die for and I feel like i've thrown away the prime of my life for someone who cant even stand to be with me anymore.
No worries about threadjacking lol. I made this blog as a relationship advice general type of thing where everyone can post and get advice.
Anyway, I know it's hard to hear (and probably not what you want to hear), but it sounds like you should end it with her. It sounds like you're only in it at this point because you've put so much into it and not because it makes you happy anymore. If you've talked to her about it and she won't change, there's not much more you can do, sadly.
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update: I talked to her about everything and did my very best to use non-combative communication, but it went horribly because she still immediately slipped into her defensive ways and tried to make me seem like the bad guy. She walked out on me and I followed her, and even used the phrase "All I'm trying to do here is explain to you what isn't working for me about this relationship, and you walk out on me." Maybe not the best choice of words there, but 100% true. We ended up making up though (this was last night) and I thought I finally got through to her, but now I don't think so. We got into another really stupid fight when I was leaving today, and this fight is a picture-perfect representation of all of our fights. Here's the situation:
We were playing Mario Party (sound silly yet?) and it was me, her, and two comps. She was losing pretty badly, and I was winning. She was understandably frustrated (nobody likes to lose), so I was comforting her by agreeing with all her bitching about the game and how unfair it was, saying I was sorry the game was being so unfair to her, etc. I ended up winning the game and I could see she was noticeably pissed. I tried to comfort her by giving her a hug and saying comforting things and she started laying into ME with her frustration. Then she had the audacity to accuse me of somehow instigating the fight, and for the first time, I walked out on her, got in my car and just drove away. I just couldn't take it anymore, so I left.
This is how all of our fights go. She'll be frustrated about something unrelated to me and then she starts taking it out on me and things go badly from there. I've tried to explain to her time and time again that this keeps happening and I NEED it to stop if we're going to stay together, but nothing's changed. I really thought I got through to her last night because we both made a list of things we wanted the other to work on and this was the number one thing on my list for her, but after today, it seems like yet again, it was all talk and nothing actually changed. I'm sick and tired of being the main outlet for her frustrations when the majority of the time, I'm not even the one who caused them. I'm sick and tired of feeling like I can't do a damn thing right because even when I try to cheer her up or comfort her, it never works anyway and she still keeps laying into me. I'm going to give her one last chance and if she can't change, I'm gone. I've never broken up with anyone before (always been the one who gets broken up with), so it'll be hard for me to do... but I feel like I have to at this point. I can't stand beating my head against a brick wall and seeing no improvement anymore.
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I recommend the book "Way of the superior man" by David Deida. It is filled with brilliant and often exceptionally simple insights (that you will recognize as truth in your gut immediately) into the masculine and the feminine; but it's not for the feint of heart. "I'm sick and tired of being the main outlet for her frustrations when the majority of the time, I'm not even the one who caused them" reminds me of a few chapters: "Stop hoping for your woman to get easier", "Tolerating her leads to resenting her", "Her complaint is content-free". If you are at all feeling frustrated by relationships and are interested in personal development, this is surely a book to look into.
"If you are like most men, however, you probably end up feeling burdened by your woman's mood. You feel your woman is a pain in the ass. You wish your woman would leave you alone and take care of herself. Eventually you feel worn down, or frustrated. You end up simply tolerating your woman's moods, while resentment builds up inside of you. You wonder, what's her problem? Why can't she just be happy?"
Sound familiar?
Good luck
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On December 31 2012 09:55 iamahydralisk wrote:
We were playing Mario Party (sound silly yet?) and it was me, her, and two comps. She was losing pretty badly, and I was winning. She was understandably frustrated (nobody likes to lose), so I was comforting her by agreeing with all her bitching about the game and how unfair it was, saying I was sorry the game was being so unfair to her, etc. I ended up winning the game and I could see she was noticeably pissed. I tried to comfort her by giving her a hug and saying comforting things and she started laying into ME with her frustration. Then she had the audacity to accuse me of somehow instigating the fight, and for the first time, I walked out on her, got in my car and just drove away. I just couldn't take it anymore, so I left.
To me, it sounds like you were patronizing her. People don't really like that all too much. Especially when they're getting pissed. Next time, just beat her ass at the game. Don't console, just destroy.
Also, don't be sorry. Never be sorry for something you meant to do.
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On December 31 2012 11:45 GnarlyArbitrage wrote:Show nested quote +On December 31 2012 09:55 iamahydralisk wrote:
We were playing Mario Party (sound silly yet?) and it was me, her, and two comps. She was losing pretty badly, and I was winning. She was understandably frustrated (nobody likes to lose), so I was comforting her by agreeing with all her bitching about the game and how unfair it was, saying I was sorry the game was being so unfair to her, etc. I ended up winning the game and I could see she was noticeably pissed. I tried to comfort her by giving her a hug and saying comforting things and she started laying into ME with her frustration. Then she had the audacity to accuse me of somehow instigating the fight, and for the first time, I walked out on her, got in my car and just drove away. I just couldn't take it anymore, so I left. To me, it sounds like you were patronizing her. People don't really like that all too much. Especially when they're getting pissed. Next time, just beat her ass at the game. Don't console, just destroy. Also, don't be sorry. Never be sorry for something you meant to do.
lol. come on brah
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On December 31 2012 11:46 iamahydralisk wrote:Show nested quote +On December 31 2012 11:45 GnarlyArbitrage wrote:On December 31 2012 09:55 iamahydralisk wrote:
We were playing Mario Party (sound silly yet?) and it was me, her, and two comps. She was losing pretty badly, and I was winning. She was understandably frustrated (nobody likes to lose), so I was comforting her by agreeing with all her bitching about the game and how unfair it was, saying I was sorry the game was being so unfair to her, etc. I ended up winning the game and I could see she was noticeably pissed. I tried to comfort her by giving her a hug and saying comforting things and she started laying into ME with her frustration. Then she had the audacity to accuse me of somehow instigating the fight, and for the first time, I walked out on her, got in my car and just drove away. I just couldn't take it anymore, so I left. To me, it sounds like you were patronizing her. People don't really like that all too much. Especially when they're getting pissed. Next time, just beat her ass at the game. Don't console, just destroy. Also, don't be sorry. Never be sorry for something you meant to do. lol. come on brah
Am I wrong? Wouldn't you find it annoying if someone you were playing a game with kept telling you how sorry they were for winning? I mean, who the fuck says sorry for winning? Winners don't say sorry for winning. They bask in eternal glory.
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On December 31 2012 11:48 GnarlyArbitrage wrote:Show nested quote +On December 31 2012 11:46 iamahydralisk wrote:On December 31 2012 11:45 GnarlyArbitrage wrote:On December 31 2012 09:55 iamahydralisk wrote:
We were playing Mario Party (sound silly yet?) and it was me, her, and two comps. She was losing pretty badly, and I was winning. She was understandably frustrated (nobody likes to lose), so I was comforting her by agreeing with all her bitching about the game and how unfair it was, saying I was sorry the game was being so unfair to her, etc. I ended up winning the game and I could see she was noticeably pissed. I tried to comfort her by giving her a hug and saying comforting things and she started laying into ME with her frustration. Then she had the audacity to accuse me of somehow instigating the fight, and for the first time, I walked out on her, got in my car and just drove away. I just couldn't take it anymore, so I left. To me, it sounds like you were patronizing her. People don't really like that all too much. Especially when they're getting pissed. Next time, just beat her ass at the game. Don't console, just destroy. Also, don't be sorry. Never be sorry for something you meant to do. lol. come on brah Am I wrong? Wouldn't you find it annoying if someone you were playing a game with kept telling you how sorry they were for winning? I mean, who the fuck says sorry for winning? Winners don't say sorry for winning. They bask in eternal glory.
girls are different dude. they're sensitive and squishy and stuff
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Demolishing someone in a game does not preclude you from demonstrating your love. She doesn't give a crap about winning or your excuses--you are a masterful nerd after all--she just wants to feel loved and secure, which all went out the window when you walked away. Seriously, read the book I recommended. If everyone understood the ideas within in their hearts, girl blogs would not and could not exist.
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On December 31 2012 12:05 iamahydralisk wrote:Show nested quote +On December 31 2012 11:48 GnarlyArbitrage wrote:On December 31 2012 11:46 iamahydralisk wrote:On December 31 2012 11:45 GnarlyArbitrage wrote:On December 31 2012 09:55 iamahydralisk wrote:
We were playing Mario Party (sound silly yet?) and it was me, her, and two comps. She was losing pretty badly, and I was winning. She was understandably frustrated (nobody likes to lose), so I was comforting her by agreeing with all her bitching about the game and how unfair it was, saying I was sorry the game was being so unfair to her, etc. I ended up winning the game and I could see she was noticeably pissed. I tried to comfort her by giving her a hug and saying comforting things and she started laying into ME with her frustration. Then she had the audacity to accuse me of somehow instigating the fight, and for the first time, I walked out on her, got in my car and just drove away. I just couldn't take it anymore, so I left. To me, it sounds like you were patronizing her. People don't really like that all too much. Especially when they're getting pissed. Next time, just beat her ass at the game. Don't console, just destroy. Also, don't be sorry. Never be sorry for something you meant to do. lol. come on brah Am I wrong? Wouldn't you find it annoying if someone you were playing a game with kept telling you how sorry they were for winning? I mean, who the fuck says sorry for winning? Winners don't say sorry for winning. They bask in eternal glory. girls are different dude. they're sensitive and squishy and stuff
Yes, this is true. Women are sensitive and squishy and bubbly and all that sorts of stuff. Men aren't. Are you a man or a woman? What is it that your woman wants?
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On December 31 2012 12:24 Mstring wrote:
Demolishing someone in a game does not preclude you from demonstrating your love. She doesn't give a crap about winning or your excuses--you are a masterful nerd after all--she just wants to feel loved and secure, which all went out the window when you walked away. Seriously, read the book I recommended. If everyone understood the ideas within in their hearts, girl blogs would not and could not exist.
it's true, she's raging pissed at me for walking away and says she doesn't know if we can be together after that. in hindsight, I shouldn't have, but it's easy to understand why I did at the time. the night before, we'd talked about the exact thing that ended up being the source of the mario party fight (makes me laugh just writing that) and I was pissed because it seemed like she hadn't truly listened to a word I said.
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and by the way, it wasn't even me apologizing for winning. I agree that'd be a douche thing to say. it was more along the lines of "I'm sorry the game's being so unfair to you" which is a logical thing to say because if you've played any mario party game, you know it's largely based on chance anyway. regardless though, I was on my absolute best behavior after that (as I always am when I can tell she's cranky) and she still used me as the primary outlet for her frustration. that's what I'm sick of. I can't be with someone or be around someone who takes out all of their negative feelings on me.
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On December 31 2012 12:40 iamahydralisk wrote:Show nested quote +On December 31 2012 12:24 Mstring wrote:
Demolishing someone in a game does not preclude you from demonstrating your love. She doesn't give a crap about winning or your excuses--you are a masterful nerd after all--she just wants to feel loved and secure, which all went out the window when you walked away. Seriously, read the book I recommended. If everyone understood the ideas within in their hearts, girl blogs would not and could not exist. I was pissed because it seemed like she hadn't truly listened to a word I said.
You said it best: girls are different. She listened, but girls work on a different plane. You spoke in words but she heard the intent, the feeling, what your heart was saying. All she heard was your frustration when she really wants you to be a rock solid core. There's only so much a person can unload 'negative feelings' onto a rock solid core before it becomes futile and they melt around it.
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On December 31 2012 12:46 Mstring wrote:Show nested quote +On December 31 2012 12:40 iamahydralisk wrote:On December 31 2012 12:24 Mstring wrote:
Demolishing someone in a game does not preclude you from demonstrating your love. She doesn't give a crap about winning or your excuses--you are a masterful nerd after all--she just wants to feel loved and secure, which all went out the window when you walked away. Seriously, read the book I recommended. If everyone understood the ideas within in their hearts, girl blogs would not and could not exist. I was pissed because it seemed like she hadn't truly listened to a word I said. You said it best: girls are different. She listened, but girls work on a different plane. You spoke in words but she heard the intent, the feeling, what your heart was saying. All she heard was your frustration when she really wants you to be a rock solid core.
I disagree. I don't think you can say it's possibly a problem on my end when she's the one who's been cranky practically all the time lately (which she admits, and she says it's not because of me) and she's the one who's just unloading tons of negativity on me with reckless abandon. it's pretty easy to understand why it's hard to be around someone who's constantly picking at you, and even worse when they don't realize it.
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On December 31 2012 12:51 iamahydralisk wrote:Show nested quote +On December 31 2012 12:46 Mstring wrote:On December 31 2012 12:40 iamahydralisk wrote:On December 31 2012 12:24 Mstring wrote:
Demolishing someone in a game does not preclude you from demonstrating your love. She doesn't give a crap about winning or your excuses--you are a masterful nerd after all--she just wants to feel loved and secure, which all went out the window when you walked away. Seriously, read the book I recommended. If everyone understood the ideas within in their hearts, girl blogs would not and could not exist. I was pissed because it seemed like she hadn't truly listened to a word I said. You said it best: girls are different. She listened, but girls work on a different plane. You spoke in words but she heard the intent, the feeling, what your heart was saying. All she heard was your frustration when she really wants you to be a rock solid core. I disagree.
What is it you disagree with? You don't think she's perceptive of your frustration and confusion?
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On December 31 2012 13:02 Mstring wrote:Show nested quote +On December 31 2012 12:51 iamahydralisk wrote:On December 31 2012 12:46 Mstring wrote:On December 31 2012 12:40 iamahydralisk wrote:On December 31 2012 12:24 Mstring wrote:
Demolishing someone in a game does not preclude you from demonstrating your love. She doesn't give a crap about winning or your excuses--you are a masterful nerd after all--she just wants to feel loved and secure, which all went out the window when you walked away. Seriously, read the book I recommended. If everyone understood the ideas within in their hearts, girl blogs would not and could not exist. I was pissed because it seemed like she hadn't truly listened to a word I said. You said it best: girls are different. She listened, but girls work on a different plane. You spoke in words but she heard the intent, the feeling, what your heart was saying. All she heard was your frustration when she really wants you to be a rock solid core. I disagree. What is it you disagree with? You don't think she's perceptive of your frustration and confusion?
I disagree that me being a "rock solid core" would make the situation much better. She'd still be using me as an outlet for her frustrations. Maybe more so, even, because if I didn't let on that it was bothering me, she might get even worse without realizing it.
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On December 31 2012 13:04 iamahydralisk wrote:Show nested quote +On December 31 2012 13:02 Mstring wrote:On December 31 2012 12:51 iamahydralisk wrote:On December 31 2012 12:46 Mstring wrote:On December 31 2012 12:40 iamahydralisk wrote:On December 31 2012 12:24 Mstring wrote:
Demolishing someone in a game does not preclude you from demonstrating your love. She doesn't give a crap about winning or your excuses--you are a masterful nerd after all--she just wants to feel loved and secure, which all went out the window when you walked away. Seriously, read the book I recommended. If everyone understood the ideas within in their hearts, girl blogs would not and could not exist. I was pissed because it seemed like she hadn't truly listened to a word I said. You said it best: girls are different. She listened, but girls work on a different plane. You spoke in words but she heard the intent, the feeling, what your heart was saying. All she heard was your frustration when she really wants you to be a rock solid core. I disagree. What is it you disagree with? You don't think she's perceptive of your frustration and confusion? I disagree that me being a "rock solid core" would make the situation much better.
All I'm saying is that's what she wants; a solid masculine core, not someone she can't trust to not walk out when the going gets tough. She is probably just as frustrated and confused by the situation as you are. I don't have any recommendations for your situation, only for your character and personal development so you can make your own decisions in each moment.
She'd still be using me as an outlet for her frustrations.
If you are looking for an escape from this I think you'll have to start dating men XD
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On December 31 2012 12:43 iamahydralisk wrote:
and by the way, it wasn't even me apologizing for winning. I agree that'd be a douche thing to say. it was more along the lines of "I'm sorry the game's being so unfair to you" which is a logical thing to say because if you've played any mario party game, you know it's largely based on chance anyway. regardless though, I was on my absolute best behavior after that (as I always am when I can tell she's cranky) and she still used me as the primary outlet for her frustration. that's what I'm sick of. I can't be with someone or be around someone who takes out all of their negative feelings on me.
Is it logical to say that a game of chance is unfair to women? Are you saying that? Because a game of chance, to me, seems like a pretty fair deal if everyone gets the same chances. Kind of like poker. Unlike blackjack, where the house has the inherent advantage, poker is a level playing field. Much like mario party. Just an observation.
Also, it seems like you're protecting your gf or whatever from whatever. Don't be a father to her, be an equal. Don't protect her from bullshit trivial things like losing in a game. Protect her from someone that is trying to cause her physical harm or something.
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On December 31 2012 13:08 Mstring wrote:Show nested quote +On December 31 2012 13:04 iamahydralisk wrote:On December 31 2012 13:02 Mstring wrote:On December 31 2012 12:51 iamahydralisk wrote:On December 31 2012 12:46 Mstring wrote:On December 31 2012 12:40 iamahydralisk wrote:On December 31 2012 12:24 Mstring wrote:
Demolishing someone in a game does not preclude you from demonstrating your love. She doesn't give a crap about winning or your excuses--you are a masterful nerd after all--she just wants to feel loved and secure, which all went out the window when you walked away. Seriously, read the book I recommended. If everyone understood the ideas within in their hearts, girl blogs would not and could not exist. I was pissed because it seemed like she hadn't truly listened to a word I said. You said it best: girls are different. She listened, but girls work on a different plane. You spoke in words but she heard the intent, the feeling, what your heart was saying. All she heard was your frustration when she really wants you to be a rock solid core. I disagree. What is it you disagree with? You don't think she's perceptive of your frustration and confusion? I disagree that me being a "rock solid core" would make the situation much better. All I'm saying is that's what she wants; a solid masculine core, not someone she can't trust to not walk out when the going gets tough. She is probably just as frustrated and confused by the situation as you are. I don't have any recommendations for your situation, only for your character and personal development. If you are looking for an escape from this I think you'll have to start dating men XD
trust me, I've considered it  lol
Is it logical to say that a game of chance is unfair to women? Are you saying that? Because a game of chance, to me, seems like a pretty fair deal if everyone gets the same chances. Kind of like poker. Unlike blackjack, where the house has the inherent advantage, poker is a level playing field. Much like mario party. Just an observation.
Also, it seems like you're protecting your gf or whatever from whatever. Don't be a father to her, be an equal. Don't protect her from bullshit trivial things like losing in a game. Protect her from someone that is trying to cause her physical harm or something.
no, I'm saying it's logical to comfort her when a. she's upset, b. it's a game of chance and c. she's getting the short end of the stick from the game. nothing to do with her gender.
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On December 31 2012 13:14 iamahydralisk wrote:Show nested quote +On December 31 2012 13:08 Mstring wrote:On December 31 2012 13:04 iamahydralisk wrote:On December 31 2012 13:02 Mstring wrote:On December 31 2012 12:51 iamahydralisk wrote:On December 31 2012 12:46 Mstring wrote:On December 31 2012 12:40 iamahydralisk wrote:On December 31 2012 12:24 Mstring wrote:
Demolishing someone in a game does not preclude you from demonstrating your love. She doesn't give a crap about winning or your excuses--you are a masterful nerd after all--she just wants to feel loved and secure, which all went out the window when you walked away. Seriously, read the book I recommended. If everyone understood the ideas within in their hearts, girl blogs would not and could not exist. I was pissed because it seemed like she hadn't truly listened to a word I said. You said it best: girls are different. She listened, but girls work on a different plane. You spoke in words but she heard the intent, the feeling, what your heart was saying. All she heard was your frustration when she really wants you to be a rock solid core. I disagree. What is it you disagree with? You don't think she's perceptive of your frustration and confusion? I disagree that me being a "rock solid core" would make the situation much better. All I'm saying is that's what she wants; a solid masculine core, not someone she can't trust to not walk out when the going gets tough. She is probably just as frustrated and confused by the situation as you are. I don't have any recommendations for your situation, only for your character and personal development. She'd still be using me as an outlet for her frustrations. If you are looking for an escape from this I think you'll have to start dating men XD trust me, I've considered it lol Show nested quote +Is it logical to say that a game of chance is unfair to women? Are you saying that? Because a game of chance, to me, seems like a pretty fair deal if everyone gets the same chances. Kind of like poker. Unlike blackjack, where the house has the inherent advantage, poker is a level playing field. Much like mario party. Just an observation.
Also, it seems like you're protecting your gf or whatever from whatever. Don't be a father to her, be an equal. Don't protect her from bullshit trivial things like losing in a game. Protect her from someone that is trying to cause her physical harm or something. no, I'm saying it's logical to comfort her when a. she's upset, b. it's a game of chance and c. she's getting the short end of the stick from the game. nothing to do with her gender.
You're still seeing her "problems" though a lense of man-logic. Saying that the game is unfair or whatever is logical and true but does nothing to solve the emotional issue at hand. You solve the emotional issue by laughing like a crazy man because you're so good at the game, then taking her out for ice-cream at the beach*.
*or whatever the hell you want. ANYTHING BUT talking about the issues like you would man to man. To paraphrase the book it would behoove you to read: if you are talking with a woman about an emotional state that she is still in, you are on the wrong path already.
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I see where you're coming from, but this particular girl is more sensitive than most and she'd think I was laughing at her, and going out would probably be unpleasant because once she gets cranky, she fuckin' stays that way. also, we've had issues like this before and she's given me pointers on how I should respond to make her feel better, but they never actually work so I don't think she has any idea what she actually wants.
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On December 31 2012 13:14 iamahydralisk wrote:Show nested quote +On December 31 2012 13:08 Mstring wrote:On December 31 2012 13:04 iamahydralisk wrote:On December 31 2012 13:02 Mstring wrote:On December 31 2012 12:51 iamahydralisk wrote:On December 31 2012 12:46 Mstring wrote:On December 31 2012 12:40 iamahydralisk wrote:On December 31 2012 12:24 Mstring wrote:
Demolishing someone in a game does not preclude you from demonstrating your love. She doesn't give a crap about winning or your excuses--you are a masterful nerd after all--she just wants to feel loved and secure, which all went out the window when you walked away. Seriously, read the book I recommended. If everyone understood the ideas within in their hearts, girl blogs would not and could not exist. I was pissed because it seemed like she hadn't truly listened to a word I said. You said it best: girls are different. She listened, but girls work on a different plane. You spoke in words but she heard the intent, the feeling, what your heart was saying. All she heard was your frustration when she really wants you to be a rock solid core. I disagree. What is it you disagree with? You don't think she's perceptive of your frustration and confusion? I disagree that me being a "rock solid core" would make the situation much better. All I'm saying is that's what she wants; a solid masculine core, not someone she can't trust to not walk out when the going gets tough. She is probably just as frustrated and confused by the situation as you are. I don't have any recommendations for your situation, only for your character and personal development. She'd still be using me as an outlet for her frustrations. If you are looking for an escape from this I think you'll have to start dating men XD trust me, I've considered it lol Show nested quote +Is it logical to say that a game of chance is unfair to women? Are you saying that? Because a game of chance, to me, seems like a pretty fair deal if everyone gets the same chances. Kind of like poker. Unlike blackjack, where the house has the inherent advantage, poker is a level playing field. Much like mario party. Just an observation.
Also, it seems like you're protecting your gf or whatever from whatever. Don't be a father to her, be an equal. Don't protect her from bullshit trivial things like losing in a game. Protect her from someone that is trying to cause her physical harm or something. no, I'm saying it's logical to comfort her when a. she's upset, b. it's a game of chance and c. she's getting the short end of the stick from the game. nothing to do with her gender.
You're saying the chances are not fair for her, but if it's a game of chance, then shouldn't the chances be the same? Is it the controller she is using? The character she picks? There should be absolutely no fucking reason why the game should be unfair to her. I've played the game before and I know it's a level playing field.
I think you're just projecting something here...
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On December 31 2012 13:20 iamahydralisk wrote:
she'd think I was laughing at her
You'll never know if you are always worried about how you'll be received. Besides, if your intent is pure, why would you even consider this as a possibility?
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what's everyone's opinion on their significant other going out to the bars alone? girlfriend (same girl) randomly told me she was contemplating going out alone tonight and for whatever reason, I have a pretty huge issue with that. is it just me or is there something wrong with a taken person going out drinking alone?
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and when I say alone, I do mean alone. I'm fine if she goes out with her friends. I just don't want her going by herself because I don't think that's something that someone who's in a relationship should be doing.
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I have been listening to old episodes of Loveline at work (about 3-4 episodes a day) which I acquired from a piratebay torrent. (Carolla and Dr.Drew) starting at 2002. I also have been saving the bits that I deemed the most important, that I myself have learned from, as well as people I know who fall into such patterns should listen to and learn from.
If you don't know, this is a radio program that has been on the air since the 80s and deals with everything from relationships, drugs/addictions, people, psychology, diseases, and life. It is also a very funny and generally intelligent show.
When I get around to it, I will upload a 'best of' and/or 'most informative' onto youtube or something and make a thread. If you guys will take the time to listen to the stuff, or maybe just the show itself. You won't be so confused and won't be making so many "girl help threads". + Show Spoiler +http://thepiratebay.se/torrent/6276179/Loveline_Archive
PS- In the last year alone, I have learned so much and noticed many of the topics on the show in my own shortcomings regarding ~relationhardshipwrecks, and I'm 28.5 years old. Probably the single most important thing I have done in the last 5 years, maybe more, has been listening to this show religiously.
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have you tried morphing into a lurker?
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On January 19 2013 13:07 Griffiththehawk wrote:
have you tried morphing into a lurker?
nah man. I'm from russia.
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2 choices really.....
choice 1: cut that bitch loose....since you are clearly not willing to admit any fault whatsoever on your part and you think you are clearly a perfect partner, it may be best to just drop it and find someone who will put up better with that side of you.
choice 2: straight up explain where you stand like a fucking man, don't be a pussy just be like look, your constantly negative and i'm trying to enjoy my life and be a positive person, if you can't do that then you can't be part of my life. this way if it was done it was done but if it has a chance then will get to see this and if she doesn't change up her atitude/stop acting like a dick....call her out on it again, not in a whiny bitchy way like ughhhh stop being so moody, just be cool, just be like stop acting up its childish and embarrassing.
but maybe you aren't sexually pleasing her....if the sex is weak as fuck it would explain the symptons i would be cranky as fuck if my partner hadn't got me to orgasm for the duration of our relationship, sometimes fucking the shit out of a girl is the solution to your relationship problem as much as your 'emotional and caring' side think it isn't
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On January 19 2013 13:07 Griffiththehawk wrote:
have you tried morphing into a lurker?
I loled SO damn hard.
Also, I agree with the guy above me. She's showing so many of the classic symptoms of a girl who's not getting laid right. In my experience, cock magic works way better on women than trying to engage with them in the treacherous swamplands of emotion/feelings. That is a territory best left to the likes of women, poets, and Bob Ross.
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EPT
