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Not just yet, actually, it's December 8th.
Honestly, I feel as though I've outgrown my birthday. The whole point of the occasion is for a person's friends to congratulate them, tell them how much they've grown, maybe even send a few gifts. Yet...what will I receive but empty "hbd"s and "Congrats"s on Facebook?
Really, it's been 15 years and 361 days already? That comes out to what, 5800 days? That's a very long time, certainly, but it feels a lot longer than that. I've been across the globe, read thousands of books, won competitions and tournaments. I've had my best moments in my most recent years.
Yet, there's something like an itch that I can't scratch bugging me.
All of my childhood friends have exceeded me. Really! They've become their own prodigies in math and science, skipped grades and won accolades. When other wish them happy birthday, they mean it, because they recognize that they're geniuses. But I've never gotten a college solicitation letter before I even became a sophomore.
My father tells me that jealously and envy are nothing but mistakes, and that I should stop comparing myself to others and be content that I've reached my full potential. But I haven't. All the areas in which my skill exceeds other children my age-reading, writing, historical knowledge, modern global knowledge, economics(finished off two textbooks this weekend, for a college course)-none of them allow me to demonstrate my knowledge of them in any way. Instead, I have to wait and wait while my wonderful friends get praise, grades, and more friends simply be showing off their intelligence and being who they are.
There was a Speech tournament last weekend. I didn't go. It was at George Mason University in Washington D.C., the GMU Patriot Games. Yet, my school couldn't send me there. We didn't have the funding. And so, when the scores became available today, I looked.
The same names that I always see: Nellans, Leys, Harrison, Evans, Wartel.
They're only a year old than I am, and the only reason that they win so much, and are so good, is because their schools have the money to send them flying across the nation week after week, with coaches and tutors to train them into speaking machines.
What a fucked up world, where a person can be so young and just a tiny bit above average, but feel so dwarfed by the giants striding forward around him.
Oh, here's a picture of me because I'm insecure:
+ Show Spoiler +
 
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so you're gonna be 16? You should throw a sick party with your friends then. I had my 4 closest friends over and we had a 36 hr lan marathon, it was great. If you feel you've outgrown your birthday, get a present you've wanted for a while or have a lot of friends over who you normally couldnt. I know on any other day my family wouldn't let me and my friends scream at 5 in the morning because we made a big play in dota.
Also, colleges take the financial situation of the school into account when you apply, so they will understand that you couldn't make the big, impressive tournaments because the school couldn't send you. It looks like you are doing what you can academically so good for you.
Jealousy and envy aren't mistakes, they're part of human nature and they exist so you can better yourself by getting rid of them. Also, I highly doubt you have reached your full potential, if you want it enough you can accomplish amazing things. It sucks to not be where the speech tournament winners are, but the world isn't fair and it sucks =( Do you think that if you are not successful, people won't like you? Certainly, the 100s of happy birthdays on facebook dont matter (although your close friends will certainly want you to have a great birthday...), but your friends should like you for who you are, and if you're not the smartest guy in the world, they dont care because they like you any way.
Happy birthday and good luck!
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I don't like birthdays. My own I mean. Mostly I just don't like people buying me things I don't really want and then having to act grateful for it. I tell people over and over, "PLEASE don't buy me anything this year. I'm not being modest, I seriously do not want a single present," but they still do.
Unless the present is something like birthday sex. That's fine.
Anyway, about the whole envy thing, just do whatever it is you want to do. Society will always pressure people to think they have to be successful which means they have to go get some high powered career and make lots of money. If you are into that, go for it, if not, don't even worry about it. Life is more about relationships with people than about any of that other crap. Besides dude you are only 15!!! You should be enjoying life instead of stressing about what you will be when you are 40 years old.
Seriously, stop worrying so much about the future, enjoy your youth. And happy birthday, man.
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Sweet sixteen and never been kissed totally done with optimism, hahahaha.
Happy early birthday. Try to find enjoyment in some things  And I somewhat disagree with your father: Jealousy isn't necessarily a mistake; it may very well be you wishing to rise to a challenge that someone else has already faced. Stay competitive, even if you don't have the means to compete at the moment.
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I just turned 29 today. Enjoy being young while you still can lol.
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Aw I feel you. For what it's worth, you will have ample opportunity to showcase your skills in college, even if you don't end up getting accepted into ridiculous programs at t1 unis and such. For what it's worth, possessing that knowledge and being unable to display can be excruciating, but it's preferable to not having that knowledge in the first place, which is the case for an overwhelming number of people--I accept that I'm part of this group, in fact. Also, consider that facebook friends are inherently worthless once you have hundreds of people with whom you cannot possibly speak live on a regular basis. Your father's a boss if he can straight-up tell you the folly of that kind of superficial competitiveness. In 2.5 years from now, you will post that you got a bunch of acceptances to t1 schools, in all likelihood. Also college letters from colleges are worthless unless it's a likely or acceptance letter.
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Hey Prae,
I'd like to say that I completely understand what you're talking about, but saying that you understand something completely is not quite a smart thing to say, so I won't. First off I'd like to wish you a happy birthday. Happy birthday! I sometimes feel that most of the birthday wishes I receive are only received because of social obligation, and it doesn't bother me as much. I mean, what's to celebrate about being one year older? Don't think too much about genuine birthday wishes, although you raised a really good problem that we share.
We toil in mediocrity, and we see our friends race past us in life with all their fancy tournament wins and whatnot. I think it's natural to feel insecure around these friends. I have friends that are in the top echelon of schools in Singapore, they belong in the group that local newspapers refer to as "elite students" while I belong to the "neighbourhood school students" group. These friends usually attend international tournaments for math and science, compete in numerous debate competitions that I don't have the chance to attend (because my school lacks the funding to train and send), and are in bands that performs on a national stage occasionally. And sometimes I get disappointed thinking about how inferior I am compared to these kids and start feeling bad about how I want to develop my talents and sharpen my skill, but don't get the chance to prove myself.
But it's all good. When I got around to thinking about it, hyper-achievement is great and all for your portfolio when you're applying for a job or college, but it isn't something that I want to aim for. I'm not saying to not want to achieve anything, but simply adapt to forget about these tournaments you're missing out on, and enjoy things as it is. Sure it irks me that I'm not the best on paper and I don't have all the tournament wins in my records, but so what? There is nothing wrong with being average. I realized that if I kept feeling jealous about others being better than me, then when will I be good enough? I'll constantly think of myself as inferior and inadequate, and never living and enjoying where I am in life at the moment.
However, your goal may be to win all the tournaments and become some debate bonjwa. I had these goals before until I spoke with a teacher of mine. He was a rather good debater when he was in high/secondary school, and is a debate coach now. I'm not sure how applicable his advice is to you in the US, but debating in high school here doesn't give much benefit to the debators other than a feel of the arena. Try to stay up to date and knowledgeable about current events, and when you're presented with the opportunity to debate, you'll be able to do well enough (this was what he told me paraphrased).
The last thing I want to say is that I know plenty of people who seem to have an uncountable number of friends that really mean "Happy Birthday!" when they mean it. Don't think too much about it. How would you know whether they're genuine anyway? Try to keep one or two close friends, because you'll lose most of the "unimportant" friends as the years go by.
Cheers buddy.
+ Show Spoiler +I like to listen to this sometimes when things seem to get out of hand:
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Well, to me it's something to be glad about humanity if others are genuinely strides above me in terms of progress and achievement, and I don't mean ones arbitrarily defined and rewarded on the basis of societal evaluation. Making the conscious distinction of your own ineptitude and mediocrity and the societal forces that create the present situation is a very important decision point in what actions and attitudes you take. Just have fun and don't take things so seriously.
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Pandemona
Charlie Sheens House51463 Posts
Birthdays suck pretty much when you lose the 'teen in your age.
As soon as i was 20 i thought FARK, halfway to 40, then i reached 21 and thought FUCK YEAH ITS VEGAS TIME BABY. Went to Vegas, probably my best birthday to date, was awesome. You can do something you always wanted to do, just make sure you do it atleast once.
Moral of story, sometimes birthdays suck, but they'll always be that one birthday that stands, mine is my 21st. I didn't even celebrate my 21st with friends, it was with my family and basically my auntie and uncle too. Oh and VEGAS FUCKING ROCKS!!
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you're handsome, smart, nice, and a good friend, how can you be insecure?
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Holy cow, this is the time to be born! ALL MY DECEMBER BABIES OH YEAH. We're the best babies. :-)
Don't worry, I'm 28. There is still a lot more life ahead of you for you to achieve all sorts of stuff. Compete with yourself to improve each year.
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Was gonna give it 5/5, seemed like the natural thing to do for a birthday.
Then i actually read your blog.
1/5...
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EPT![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/TNxzf.jpg)
