|
I feel like I need to write this blog. I just want to let everything off of my chest because I feel so overwhelmed by all of these emotions that I am feeling right now. I hope that some of you lend me a brief moment of your time and immerse yourself in my story.
I met this girl. I really like her. We have a lot of things in common and we can relate to each other so well. We both like the same things: hobbies, music, love for Starcraft and gaming in general.
The problem is I can't be with her.
It's been hard to sleep recently. All I think about is her. In fact, I see her in everything that I do. Whenever I see something funny on youtube or reddit, or some forum that I'm browsing, make sure to save it so that I show her later. I dream about her all the fucking time. Quite often I dream about us just spending time together and hanging out doing absolutely nothing. And I'm happy. Again, I can't be with her. Whenever I encounter a song that remind me of her, I save it. I've been doing this for quite sometime now and I've found enough songs to sufficiently express how I feel about her and compiled them in a playlist. http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2MtQo_QhE5Nl-fiaoWLIqC6NsL20PE6-&feature=mh_lolz
Edit: made playlist private, thanks for clearing things up for me guys <3
It drives me crazy whenever she's not around or when we haven't spoken to each other for days. I feel so lonely, even when I'm with my friends. All I think about is her and how I can make her laugh, and smile and how I can make her happy. Which is also a reason why I can't be with her. I feel that she's already happy with her current situation and I wouldn't want to compromise our friendship by doing something so fucking selfish such as admitting my feelings for her.
I can honestly say that some of the happiest moments in my life have been the ones where we spend time together. So much of these moments just replay over and over again in my head; I even remember some of the conversations we had when we just met. When I met her, I was filled with excitement. There was so much I was learning about her and there was so much I wanted to know about her. She is so interesting and unique to me. She makes every girl I talk to look mediocre. She is unbelievably playful, the way she talks. It's cute.
She motivates me too. I work so damn hard for her. Not that my hard work would benefit her in any way but I want to impress her. I want to impress her in every way. Because of her, I strive to become a better man by working on my inconsistencies and by trying my HARDEST to not show any emotion. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not very good at hiding my emotions but I feel that I've bottled up enough and I can't hold it in anymore. Here are all my feels TL.
To take my mind off of her, I've tried to occupy myself with assignments, work, gaming and talking to other girls but at the end of the day all I think about is her and wanting to be with her. I replay some of the conversations we've had together and I try to imagine how I could've made my replies better and how I could've been funnier to make her laugh etc. and sometimes I bite myself because I say something too cheesy or something too obvious as to hinting my love for her.
Fuck you love.
 
|
It might help if you say 'why' you can't be with her.
Also, fuck you zeus.
edit: After reading properly, I assume that she already has a boyfriend whom she is happy with?
|
if she has a boyfriend already, you only have two possibilities. If you think that the risk of losing her is too big it and you would rather have a friendship than being without her you could just try to "lower" the feelings and build up a firendship instead. It sounds stupid but that is just the way to go.
the other, far more manly, way would be to go for it. But don't just tell her "I love you" that's lame and unsuccessfull in 99% of cases. Just kiss her in an appropriate moment and see how she reacts. If there is in any way a positive reaction you are good.
|
First and foremost let me say that I hate your blog's title! 
I can only imagine what you're going through. I mean, I recently met a girl that would be just perfect (sadly I'm very picky) - but in my case she mentioned that she had a boyfriend. So, luckily I was able to stop thinking about her in time before any feelings/ideas/expectations could manifest.
It might be helpful to know how long this has been going on, because that might change things drastically. From what you wrote I derive that you've known eachother for quite some time and that she has no boyfriend (otherwise I'm sure you would have mentioned him; and if you don't know I suggest you find out whether she does or not first).
So... you're probably in love *newsflash*. I can also tell you that your current situation is not good for you longterm (it's actually crucial that you understand that). Of course you do enjoy spending time with her, but at what cost? It's not going to get easier the longer you wait with your decision, that I can guarantee you.
In my oppinion a very important aspect for a healthy and stable(!) friendship is balance between giving and taking. You seem to be putting quite a bit into this friendship and from my experience one-way relationships (of any kind) do not work out. I've been on both the receiving and the giving end (in a friendship and w/ an ex-gf)... sooner or later somebody will get hurt because of expectations that have not been met.
Don't get me wrong, I believe you if you say you don't expect anything in return (oh boy, have I been there). But even if you continue the friendzone-approach, you have to realize that eventually your friend will notice that she's receiving more than she's able/willing to give back.
So, I'd say the key is to (re-)establish a balance between giving and taking. And as you might guess, there are two ways to achieve this. If you want to go the friendship route, try to take some weight off your side of the G&T-balance. It's not going to happen over night, but if you try not to think about her and how you could make her happy/smile constantly and (re-)find other joys in your life it will get better. Continue seeing other people.
And of course, the other solution would be to take the risk and reveal your feelings for her, which can be done by telling her or doing it the "manly" way, as RolleMcKnolle suggested.
But hey, after all that I might also have good news:
Women are usually better at reading someone else's emotions/feelings than men. If you've spent a long time together and on top of that you admitted that you're not the best at hiding emotions, there's a high chance she knows you're interested in her. And given it is the case, there's an even higher chance that she'd feel uncomfortable spending (so much?) time together if she wouldn't consider you boyfriend material.
What you do is up to you of course. The thing about risks is, that even if you end up taking the shorter end of the stick, at least you tried. Sure you might have paid a price for it, but don't have to spend the rest of your life wondering whether or not you could have made more out of a situation. Even if it ends up being really awkward, a good friend will understand and not turn his/her back on you. Good friendships can recover from such a blow.
On a side note; you said it would be selfish if you admitted your feelings. Not sure I agree... I mean I completely understand where the thought is coming from, but wouldn't she deserve to know how you feel?
Aren't you "hiding information"? You might say it's for the greater good for the both of you. But as I said before, I highly doubt it's good for YOU SIR, which is part of the TWO of you. Note that I'm trying to deliver a 'counter-point' to your statement. I'm NOT suggesting you should go tell her how you feel if you decide to stay friends with her!
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
