this sucks. There's a monstrous pigeon on my balcony. He's the size of a mid-sized turkey and he's here to stay. I tried shoo-ing him away, he sits, stoically, like a king in his castle.
Not that I usually mind something like this, but the fellow is visibly old. And I'm talking ancient, antedeluvian, a living fossile. Sometimes a younger, slimmer pigeon comes, pecks at him, so I have to shoo the young one away, but he always comes back.
Here's my problem:
The elderly fatso looks like he's partly decomposed. He might be blind, he's losing feathers, he's about to die. So if I can't get him to fly away in the next approximately 3 hours (seriously, I'm being generous here...), he'll die right on my balcony, leaving behind an enormous, rapidly decomposing corpse.
I tried rapid movement, making noise with the shutters, spraying him with water...
How do I get him to take wing? Should he die, how will I get the carcass off of my balcony? I don't even own a shovel...
pretty simple, pick it up and throw it off the balcony. Wash hands after. or if you value your hands more, use a broom and shove him off the balcony. OR if you watch man vs wild and envy to be bear grills, eat it raw.
"Shove" him off the balcony? Have you ever seen a balcony without a benister / parapet?
The cardboard box idea seems fine, but where do I take him? I can't very well throw him off of the balcony. If he dies on it's own, there's nothing I can do, but I won't kill him...
On August 28 2012 00:10 kafkaesque wrote: "Shove" him off the balcony? Have you ever seen a balcony without a benister / parapet?
The cardboard box idea seems fine, but where do I take him? I can't very well throw him off of the balcony. If he dies on it's own, there's nothing I can do, but I won't kill him...
I shouldn't have named him Hen-ry...
Put it in the box, close it off with a newspaper or something, take it outside on the street or a piece of grass. slowly remove the box and then retreat to the safety of your flat.
This sounds like an excuse for you to buy one of several very useful tools.
Throwing him off the balcony is fine as long as you look down and make sure nobody is at the bottom (imo). After all, if he died while standing on the banister that is the direction he might fall anyway.
On August 28 2012 00:16 Psychobabas wrote: meanwhile in Africa... + Show Spoiler +
Does this mean that, because there are people with much worse problems than you, you should never seek help with problems you currently face?
I could understand a slight job to this nature, combined with offering help, but I can't understand why you would post solely to try to show the OP how is problem isn't that bad.
Get a baseball bat. Then get one of those stand things you use for the ball and put a baseball on it. Then hit it at the pigeon. This is good for 3 reasons, it improves your baseball skills, gets rid of the pigeon and if anyone wonders why a fucking monster pigeon landed on your head you have a good excuse.
On August 28 2012 00:16 Psychobabas wrote: meanwhile in Africa... + Show Spoiler +
Does this mean that, because there are people with much worse problems than you, you should never seek help with problems you currently face?
I could understand a slight job to this nature, combined with offering help, but I can't understand why you would post solely to try to show the OP how is problem isn't that bad.
I tried to scare him with the shutters, but I must have hit him in the process, so I thought he was done for.
Using a cardboard box, I wanted to throw him off the balcony, but he stirred, so I panicked and he landed on my neighbour's kitchen-window-sill. She's been screaming for a minute straight now...
I'm in agreement with the cardboard box crowd, but once you get it in there just toss it off the balcony. If the bird can still fly it will, otherwise it will meet its natural fate. Circle of life.
On August 28 2012 00:30 kafkaesque wrote: Fuck me...
I tried to scare him with the shutters, but I must have hit him in the process, so I thought he was done for.
Using a cardboard box, I wanted to throw him off the balcony, but he stirred, so I panicked and he landed on my neighbour's kitchen-window-sill. She's been screaming for a minute straight now...
On August 28 2012 01:27 Holgerius wrote: Pics or it didn't happen.
Second.
If it does end up dying on your porch/balcony/whatever, contact animal control. I'm pretty sure they will come and pick up dead animals if you ask nicely. (Last time we asked, it was a dead deer. You might have a harder time with a pigeon, regardless of it's enormity.)
And finally, pics or it didn't happen. Once more for good measure.
e: dear != deer. Dead dear is very different from a dead deer.
Silently shaking with laughter while tears run down my face! Trying not to wake the girlfriend but I can't stop laughing at your descriptions of the monster lol!
pretend you're a 16 year old asian girl and take peace / v sign photos with it till its annoyed enough and either flys off or dies in anger. this also mean we get pics!
On August 28 2012 02:28 PiGStarcraft wrote: Silently shaking with laughter while tears run down my face! Trying not to wake the girlfriend but I can't stop laughing at your descriptions of the monster lol!
Glad I could make you laugh. Had I thought to make a picture, you'd probably be more inclined to feel bad for it, though.
Judging by the title, I was assuming you had actually created a mutant pigeon for sexual purposes. I was somewhat disappointed to find it to be something this normal Glad to see you... Uh, got rid of it though!
On August 28 2012 04:37 KalWarkov wrote: you should give him food and a bed. you will fall in love with him and he will become ur pokemon. Gonna catch em all
Jesus fuck OP you gave me shivers. I have this sort of dead-pidgeons (or more generally birds) phobia, and a pidgeon once crashed into my balcony window, dying after half an hour of convulsions. I literaly, and by that I mean that I literaly did it, started jumping around like a little girl, shivering in disgust and shouting in French "OHMAHGAHWHATTHAFACK". Fortunately, there was my cat's litter box on the balcony. So I took a broomstick, and taped a small shovel onto it, and dropped the pidgeon inside while looking away (he was heavy, like a rat, Jesus).
In fact, I don't even want to tell the rest of the story.
Pictures of the gigantic bird are required to assess the immediate risk to your health, sir. I've made myself present as part of the Team Liquid Medical Association in order to assist you, but pictures are definitvely required.
No, seriously dude, those damn birds are rats with wings. They carry an endless ammount of (not very nice) germs. Get rid of it, ASAP. Preferably with a box, poking stick and a pair of gloves and a surgical mask. And yes, I am a doctor. I'm not joking. Get rid of it.
Wait can't you just go over to your neighbours house to get a picture of it? I mean it just flew a short distance. I don't understand why you can't just visit her (him?) and say do you mind if I take pictures of what you were screaming at?
Hopefully it hasn't flown off!! Please Kafka try to get a picture! . Also great blog, who knew a monster pigeon could bring so much happiness to TL
EPT
![[image loading]](http://aphs.worldnomads.com/safetyhub/30993/congo_disaster.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/g2Mnk.jpg)
Glad to see you... Uh, got rid of it though!
. Also great blog, who knew a monster pigeon could bring so much happiness to TL
