EPTThe background
As a reference, to those who read my last couple blogs, my gf is not insane or crazy but well within her rights, she is not this.
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Like many males, I masturbaet. Though I come from a religious family, masturbating has never been some untouchable thing. I have personally done that since I'd say 14-15 which is medium for most guys. My girlfriend knew that I did that, its not like masturbating is some terrible thing. In fact she would sometimes, when we couldn't be together, i.e. over the phone, masturbate with me. As much as I love giving out personal tastes of people that I love, thats is where I'll stop describing anyone but myself.
As a backstory to the day itself, it was terrible and full of 1st world probs. I got into a crash with a pole because it was put in the back of a parking lot and I had too many people in my car, i'll get to that in a sec, and luckily no one was hurt, including my car, but I was pissed nevertheless. There were WAYYY to many fucking people in my car; I had driven to say hey to a friend who had his birthday, ended up driving to the wrong TCBY, then finally arrived when they were all leaving, so of course being the good friend I am, I drove people (4) home. I had done terribly in school, and by terribly I mean I fucked up a lab HARD, I got a B on an english test that I could have aced, I wouldn't be so angry if I didn't know inside that I could have done so much better, and I'm generally angry at my IB program because we do not get the perks other schools get for no reason other than the fact that the year before me just screwed it all up for us.
Lets be clear about a few things here.
- Masturbating is not a bad thing, and is healthy
- Masturbating is something I have been doing since about two years ago
- Masturbating is something my girlfriend did not seem to have any issues with
- I do not blame my debate coach for any of this
- about 50% of females masturrbate compared to about 90% of males
- about 50% of females are ok with their partner watching porn, compared to males being once again near 90%
- My girlfriend thought about dumping me over this
Now back to the story!
The Story
I was talking with my girlfriend yesterday, and she had been told by the tech worker at our school - also our debate coach - who we are both quite close to, and is around our age (young 20's, we are 15-16, 17-18 [gf is first 2, I am second 2]), that, "If Lee (yeah thats the name I go by) were to stop watching so much porn he might actually do his debate work." Now to give you some info on this, I am the most medalled person on our debate team.
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I am just 2 kewl 4 skewl
Though that remark was funny at the time, it got my girlfriend thinking, and eventually, last night that is, questioned me. She asked me if I watch porn and if I masturbate. I, and rightfully so answered truthfully, I do both. She was not happy. She was in fact quite angry about it. Now, as I stated, 90% of guys masturbate, and with good reason, its healthy, especially for single guys. My girlfriend was furious. She was, "upset on so many levels," and I just could not understand it at all. I could not tell if she was angry because I was watching porn or because I was masturbating because she questioned me and it seemed so ambiguous. I previously thought at worst she was generally ambivalent to the fact. Boy was I FUCKING WRONG. She was absolutely pissed - she gets very passive aggressive btw - and thought about breaking up with me, which was a text I got the next day after she decided to forgive me. She was so angry at me that she actually considered breaking up with me, this is 4 months after she said that she thought I was the "one" for her, the guy she was destined to fall in love with. Don't go apeshit on her for saying that, where I live (Memphis, Southern area of the U.S.) it isn't uncommon for people to marry their highschool sweethearts. She felt like I was cheating on her, with my right hand, but nonetheless cheating on her.
Now onto the two sides to the argument, I want your opinions, and I'd like them to be as impartial as possible, take both sides into account please.
Two Sides to the Argument
My side of the argument will go first, mainly because I want her side to be last in order to make sure you guys read it. My argument is centered around the thesis that since I love her and only her, some random girl, I.E. porn (which i am willing to give up) should not have any effect on our relationship, and that masturbating is healthy, so much so that it si unhealthy to not do that.
- It is unhealthy not to masturbate, for a couple reasons, 1. is that it leads to semen build up and unhealthy semen, which feels terrible; 2. because it allows me to not feel horny constantly as a teen male, hormones are incredibly rampant at my age and since I am personally a slow grower, they will continue for at least a couple more years
- I should be allowed to have control over MY body, no one is allowed to tell me what I can and cannot do to my body
- Guys that say they don't masturbate are liars, they physically have to, its a biological need
- Pornography is one way to make the action take less time, I personally last a long time, much longer than most guys that I know, and because of that, porn makes it not a 30 minute ordeal.
- I'm willing to give up porn, but if I have to do that, then my girlfriend has to take a larger, more sexualized role in my life (this one is not really an argument, but everything is an action reaction, you can't just leave a vacuum and just say, GO FILL IT!)
My Girlfriend's argument. Please read this since its the other gender's opinion. Her thesis relies on the idea of "cheating." I will be giving a lot of sub points to these, not to be patronizing, but to clarify the points.
- She, as a girl doesn't have to masturbate, therefore if she gets little out of it, why should she expect a guy to. (note, this may seem stupid, but if you have never experienced an orgasm that you gave to yourself, but rather one given to you by another person, this is more understandable.)
- She has guy friends who say they don't masturbate or watch porn (most of the guys on this site will recognize this line as complete and utter Bullshit, but she takes it as a fact. For her, there is no reason to think they are lying.)
- I'm looking at other girls with lustful eyes. It doesn't matter that they are unattainable, or that I would never leave her for them, the idea is that she is not my muse compared to them. Its like I'm cheating.
- She frankly dislikes that I do masturbate, and about 50% of girls are on her side here, she thought it was like a once a month thing, but now that she realizes that it is more like 1-2 times a week or maybe 1-2 times a month, she likes it much less.
- She frankly does not like the fact that I watch porn, she thought it was a joke, but realizing I do is kind of a rude awakening, about 50% of girls agree with her on this also.
So guys, the idea lays in your hands, what should I do? I do not want to lose my girlfriend, I love her, but for me this is too far (as in not being in control of my body). I don't care about porn, having a girlfriend WAYYYYY outsurpasses it, but not being able to masturbate would be a huge blow in my sexual health, I'm trying to be as mature as possible about this right now. I am not sexually addicted, but at the same time I understand where my girlfriend is coming from on this one. Yet, we don't live together so its not like she can satisfy my sexual needs with a snap of the fingers. Well TL what do you think?
Please try to take this as seriously as possible and not turn into one big sex joke, LOL.
EDIT: changed all words that were baiting or masterbaiting to its correct spelling for maturity sake, and to make it easier on readers.
EDIT #2: I am a stupid-ass punk kid, haha. Thank you guys for all the comments, I told her some of the stuff you guys had said, and also thank you so much for all the reasoned responses, you guys are great
. She said baiting was fine, but that porn made her feel like she isn't enough to please me, which she very much is, but I understand where she is coming from. Than you so much to all the help guys, I sincerely appreciate it .P.S. Best community on teh interwebz.
