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Hey TL! I'm back with another blog, that is of course about my girlfriend. Now, I'm not going to bore you with all the boring mushy gushy stuff; however, I think you all might [/s]sustain yourselves[/s] enjoy an argument my girl and I had.
The background
As a reference, to those who read my last couple blogs, my gf is not insane or crazy but well within her rights, she is not this.
+ Show Spoiler +
Like many males, I masturbaet. Though I come from a religious family, masturbating has never been some untouchable thing. I have personally done that since I'd say 14-15 which is medium for most guys. My girlfriend knew that I did that, its not like masturbating is some terrible thing. In fact she would sometimes, when we couldn't be together, i.e. over the phone, masturbate with me. As much as I love giving out personal tastes of people that I love, thats is where I'll stop describing anyone but myself.
As a backstory to the day itself, it was terrible and full of 1st world probs. I got into a crash with a pole because it was put in the back of a parking lot and I had too many people in my car, i'll get to that in a sec, and luckily no one was hurt, including my car, but I was pissed nevertheless. There were WAYYY to many fucking people in my car; I had driven to say hey to a friend who had his birthday, ended up driving to the wrong TCBY, then finally arrived when they were all leaving, so of course being the good friend I am, I drove people (4) home. I had done terribly in school, and by terribly I mean I fucked up a lab HARD, I got a B on an english test that I could have aced, I wouldn't be so angry if I didn't know inside that I could have done so much better, and I'm generally angry at my IB program because we do not get the perks other schools get for no reason other than the fact that the year before me just screwed it all up for us.
Lets be clear about a few things here.
- Masturbating is not a bad thing, and is healthy
- Masturbating is something I have been doing since about two years ago
- Masturbating is something my girlfriend did not seem to have any issues with
- I do not blame my debate coach for any of this
- about 50% of females masturrbate compared to about 90% of males
- about 50% of females are ok with their partner watching porn, compared to males being once again near 90%
- My girlfriend thought about dumping me over this
Now back to the story!
The Story
I was talking with my girlfriend yesterday, and she had been told by the tech worker at our school - also our debate coach - who we are both quite close to, and is around our age (young 20's, we are 15-16, 17-18 [gf is first 2, I am second 2]), that, "If Lee (yeah thats the name I go by) were to stop watching so much porn he might actually do his debate work." Now to give you some info on this, I am the most medalled person on our debate team.
+ Show Spoiler +![[image loading]](http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/007/508/watch-out-we-got-a-badass-over-here-meme.png) I am just 2 kewl 4 skewl
Though that remark was funny at the time, it got my girlfriend thinking, and eventually, last night that is, questioned me. She asked me if I watch porn and if I masturbate. I, and rightfully so answered truthfully, I do both. She was not happy. She was in fact quite angry about it. Now, as I stated, 90% of guys masturbate, and with good reason, its healthy, especially for single guys. My girlfriend was furious. She was, "upset on so many levels," and I just could not understand it at all. I could not tell if she was angry because I was watching porn or because I was masturbating because she questioned me and it seemed so ambiguous. I previously thought at worst she was generally ambivalent to the fact. Boy was I FUCKING WRONG. She was absolutely pissed - she gets very passive aggressive btw - and thought about breaking up with me, which was a text I got the next day after she decided to forgive me. She was so angry at me that she actually considered breaking up with me, this is 4 months after she said that she thought I was the "one" for her, the guy she was destined to fall in love with. Don't go apeshit on her for saying that, where I live (Memphis, Southern area of the U.S.) it isn't uncommon for people to marry their highschool sweethearts. She felt like I was cheating on her, with my right hand, but nonetheless cheating on her.
Now onto the two sides to the argument, I want your opinions, and I'd like them to be as impartial as possible, take both sides into account please.
Two Sides to the Argument
My side of the argument will go first, mainly because I want her side to be last in order to make sure you guys read it. My argument is centered around the thesis that since I love her and only her, some random girl, I.E. porn (which i am willing to give up) should not have any effect on our relationship, and that masturbating is healthy, so much so that it si unhealthy to not do that.
- It is unhealthy not to masturbate, for a couple reasons, 1. is that it leads to semen build up and unhealthy semen, which feels terrible; 2. because it allows me to not feel horny constantly as a teen male, hormones are incredibly rampant at my age and since I am personally a slow grower, they will continue for at least a couple more years
- I should be allowed to have control over MY body, no one is allowed to tell me what I can and cannot do to my body
- Guys that say they don't masturbate are liars, they physically have to, its a biological need
- Pornography is one way to make the action take less time, I personally last a long time, much longer than most guys that I know, and because of that, porn makes it not a 30 minute ordeal.
- I'm willing to give up porn, but if I have to do that, then my girlfriend has to take a larger, more sexualized role in my life (this one is not really an argument, but everything is an action reaction, you can't just leave a vacuum and just say, GO FILL IT!)
My Girlfriend's argument. Please read this since its the other gender's opinion. Her thesis relies on the idea of "cheating." I will be giving a lot of sub points to these, not to be patronizing, but to clarify the points.
- She, as a girl doesn't have to masturbate, therefore if she gets little out of it, why should she expect a guy to. (note, this may seem stupid, but if you have never experienced an orgasm that you gave to yourself, but rather one given to you by another person, this is more understandable.)
- She has guy friends who say they don't masturbate or watch porn (most of the guys on this site will recognize this line as complete and utter Bullshit, but she takes it as a fact. For her, there is no reason to think they are lying.)
- I'm looking at other girls with lustful eyes. It doesn't matter that they are unattainable, or that I would never leave her for them, the idea is that she is not my muse compared to them. Its like I'm cheating.
- She frankly dislikes that I do masturbate, and about 50% of girls are on her side here, she thought it was like a once a month thing, but now that she realizes that it is more like 1-2 times a week or maybe 1-2 times a month, she likes it much less.
- She frankly does not like the fact that I watch porn, she thought it was a joke, but realizing I do is kind of a rude awakening, about 50% of girls agree with her on this also.
So guys, the idea lays in your hands, what should I do? I do not want to lose my girlfriend, I love her, but for me this is too far (as in not being in control of my body). I don't care about porn, having a girlfriend WAYYYYY outsurpasses it, but not being able to masturbate would be a huge blow in my sexual health, I'm trying to be as mature as possible about this right now. I am not sexually addicted, but at the same time I understand where my girlfriend is coming from on this one. Yet, we don't live together so its not like she can satisfy my sexual needs with a snap of the fingers. Well TL what do you think?
Please try to take this as seriously as possible and not turn into one big sex joke, LOL.
EDIT: changed all words that were baiting or masterbaiting to its correct spelling for maturity sake, and to make it easier on readers.
EDIT #2: I am a stupid-ass punk kid, haha. Thank you guys for all the comments, I told her some of the stuff you guys had said, and also thank you so much for all the reasoned responses, you guys are great  . She said baiting was fine, but that porn made her feel like she isn't enough to please me, which she very much is, but I understand where she is coming from. Than you so much to all the help guys, I sincerely appreciate it .
P.S. Best community on teh interwebz.
 
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Unfortunately I have no advice to offer, but that was a pretty fun read lol.
I don't know if you think you might end up married to her but for what it's worth, the fact that both of you guys are in high school partially explains a lot of this. :x You guys are 17 ffs and I've got to side with you here mostly.
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Cant u just bait to her? Just say give me a recording doing couple of things with you or take a couple of pics, just convice her that way, if shes thinking that ur cheating it wont be a problem if ur thinking about her.
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Please try to take this as seriously as possible and not turn into one big sex joke, LOL.
I'm not the one bating over baiting....
This is one of those issues that will go away over time as you both grow older. If youre willing to tell this to the internet, why not a real life adult willing to help your girlfriend understand?
On August 23 2012 07:41 Shock710 wrote:
Cant u just bait to her? Just say give me a recording doing couple of things with you or take a couple of pics, just convice her that way, if shes thinking that ur cheating it wont be a problem if ur thinking about her.
Right answer. Get nudies out of this.
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On August 23 2012 07:44 RoyGBiv_13 wrote:Show nested quote +Please try to take this as seriously as possible and not turn into one big sex joke, LOL. I'm not the one bating over baiting.... This is one of those issues that will go away over time as you both grow older. If youre willing to tell this to the internet, why not a real life adult willing to help your girlfriend understand? Show nested quote +On August 23 2012 07:41 Shock710 wrote:
Cant u just bait to her? Just say give me a recording doing couple of things with you or take a couple of pics, just convice her that way, if shes thinking that ur cheating it wont be a problem if ur thinking about her. Right answer. Get nudies out of this.
See I did talk to her about this, but at this time she is resolute. Also I'm not in touch with anyone but her parents, who at this point think we are no longer having sex.
On the second topic, I would, but recently where I live someone got busted for that since its technically child pr0n.
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On August 23 2012 07:39 Aerisky wrote:
Unfortunately I have no advice to offer, but that was a pretty fun read lol.
I don't know if you think you might end up married to her but for what it's worth, the fact that both of you guys are in high school partially explains a lot of this. :x You guys are 17 ffs and I've got to side with you here mostly.
Thanks for the compliment ^^, also I'm not saying I will end up getting married to her, but I'm just saying that her opinion of that is more common than one would think. Also yeah we are very young which does feed into this.
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baiting this baiting that, why can't you just put masturbating? I was confused for the first half of your post. You type it out fully later on, I don't know why you could do that since the beginning.
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wait, wtf is baiting
edit, never mind, why not just call it what it is, or is masturbation an untouchable word
also if your girlfriend gets upset over a silly problem, how do you think she would react over a real problem
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On August 23 2012 07:50 thoraxe wrote:
baiting this baiting that, why can't you just put masturbating? I was confused for the first half of your post. You type it out fully later on, I don't know why you could do that since the beginning.
Yeah, I was so confused as to what OP meant. Never heard "baiting" before in my life until now. Usually it's "jerking off" or "beating one out" or masturbating.
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Changed the OP to make it the full song. Also really you guys have never heard that? Its pretty commonly used where I am, also yeah jerking off and beating it are popular, but not as mono-syllable.
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On August 23 2012 07:31 docvoc wrote:
the idea lays in your hands
You so punny.
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so a 15-16 year old girl is having a hissy fit at something very childish? Can't say I'm very surprised. The correct response to "do you masturbate" when in your teens is always no, every guy says no, every guy know every other guy is lying, but girls buy that shit so easily to repress the ridiculous amount of insecurity and jealousy that all teenage girls possess
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I honestly don't think you can reason your way out of this by justifying baiting.
Maybe you can negotiate like this: "I'll masturbate less, if you do xyz for me." etc
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you put value into a 15 year old girl saying you might be "the one" for her? oO You expect a 15 year old girl to have a stable, funded opinion about something? what is wrong with you? :D (same goes for trusting your own opinions btw, see below)
also, close to 20's is NOT "similar" age to 15 and probably not to 17 either, so much changes in that short time at that young age..
but .. quit justifying with "not masturbating is unhealthy" x) your explanation sounds like you feel the need to go at it at least every second day or you would die, that's definitely not required to be healthy. And keep in mind that you don't know how you would actually feel if she would do it too, unless she actually does it. You may think you are fine with it, but it might as well be that you feel your "manliness" attacked by it since you are obviously not providing enough or some crap, so don't judge based on what you want yourself to feel if it were so.
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On August 23 2012 08:05 MisterD wrote:
you put value into a 15 year old girl saying you might be "the one" for her? oO You expect a 15 year old girl to have a stable, funded opinion about something? what is wrong with you? :D
also, close to 20's is NOT "similar" age to 15 and probably not to 17 either, so much changes in that short time at that young age.
amen, finding out that people masturbate is like finding out there is no santa claus for some people. Give it time. lol
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On August 23 2012 08:05 MisterD wrote:
you put value into a 15 year old girl saying you might be "the one" for her? oO You expect a 15 year old girl to have a stable, funded opinion about something? what is wrong with you? :D (same goes for trusting your own opinions btw, see below)
also, close to 20's is NOT "similar" age to 15 and probably not to 17 either, so much changes in that short time at that young age..
but .. quit justifying with "not masturbating is unhealthy" x) your explanation sounds like you feel the need to go at it at least every second day or you would die, that's definitely not required to be healthy. And keep in mind that you don't know how you would actually feel if she would do it too, unless she actually does it. You may think you are fine with it, but it might as well be that you feel your "manliness" attacked by it since you are obviously not providing enough or some crap, so don't judge based on what you want yourself to feel if it were so.
It is unhealthy, idk if you have gone a month without it, but you tend to get semen build up. its not healthy and it hurts a lot, along with the fact that it makes hormones go off the charts lol. Also I am confused by the other part of your statement.
about the statement she made about being the one, I'm not putting weight on it, I'm saying that simply for the gravity of what her breaking up with me would be. Thats an enormous break. Its supposed to be a showing of how meaningful this is for her.
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Don't matter where you got the apetite, so long you get home for dinner it's all good
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LOL, your gf thought you only masturbate once a month? A lot of guys do it multiple times a day! Tell her that and take pics of her reaction.
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On August 23 2012 08:25 SnipedSoul wrote:
LOL, your gf thought you only masturbate once a month? A lot of guys do it multiple times a day! Tell her that and take pics of her reaction.
I used to watch a lot of the CoD Youtubers, and I still watch some of my favorites, but one of the things that Woody's Gamertag said that has always stuck with me is that if he only masturbated once a day, "it was a slow day."
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well the obvious solution is to jerk off as much as you want and not tell her about it
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On August 23 2012 08:12 docvoc wrote:Show nested quote +On August 23 2012 08:05 MisterD wrote:
you put value into a 15 year old girl saying you might be "the one" for her? oO You expect a 15 year old girl to have a stable, funded opinion about something? what is wrong with you? :D (same goes for trusting your own opinions btw, see below)
also, close to 20's is NOT "similar" age to 15 and probably not to 17 either, so much changes in that short time at that young age..
but .. quit justifying with "not masturbating is unhealthy" x) your explanation sounds like you feel the need to go at it at least every second day or you would die, that's definitely not required to be healthy. And keep in mind that you don't know how you would actually feel if she would do it too, unless she actually does it. You may think you are fine with it, but it might as well be that you feel your "manliness" attacked by it since you are obviously not providing enough or some crap, so don't judge based on what you want yourself to feel if it were so. It is unhealthy, idk if you have gone a month without it, but you tend to get semen build up. its not healthy and it hurts a lot, along with the fact that it makes hormones go off the charts lol. Also I am confused by the other part of your statement.
ever heard of anybody having his balls explode due to semen build-up? No? That's because it's bullshit
Read up on Nofap (just google the term if you don't know what it is). There certainly have been people who haven't done anything for even a year at a time or longer still (admittedly they might be rare, but probably not as rare as you thin, there are lots of people in the world). the body has ways to get rid of that stuff on it's own. Don't buy into some guys advocating that it's not true just because they feel the need to have a medical excuse to beat off ever other day. Depending on how long it takes for you to feel pain, you actually should maybe visit a physician.
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Zurich15325 Posts
Finally something along the lines of a proper girl blog. Has the right amount of subtle bragging (or not so subtle), complete misreading and misrepresenting of real life situations, and finally, the author is a teenager.
Bravo, we need more of this shit and not the boring how can I possibly attract that one cute girl in class that has never looked at me ever type.
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On August 23 2012 08:49 zatic wrote:
Finally something along the lines of a proper girl blog. Has the right amount of subtle bragging (or not so subtle), complete misreading and misrepresenting of real life situations, and finally, the author is a teenager.
Bravo, we need more of this shit and not the boring how can I possibly attract that one cute girl in class that has never looked at me ever type.
we're still waiting on your take zatic.. 
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On August 23 2012 08:49 zatic wrote:
Finally something along the lines of a proper girl blog. Has the right amount of subtle bragging (or not so subtle), complete misreading and misrepresenting of real life situations, and finally, the author is a teenager.
Bravo, we need more of this shit and not the boring how can I possibly attract that one cute girl in class that has never looked at me ever type.
<3 I live to please. Trust me, there will be plenty more, my gf and I have a stable relationship, so every once in a while there is a squabble that happens, this one happen to be pretty large but I can assure you more these will come, the more time I get the more I write these blogs on TL  . Also yes, my subtle bragging is amazing .
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On August 23 2012 07:31 docvoc wrote:Lets be clear about a few things here. - Masturbating is not a bad thing, and is healthy
- Masturbating is something I have been doing since about two years ago
- Masturbating is something my girlfriend did not seem to have any issues with
- I do not blame my debate coach for any of this
- about 50% of females masturrbate compared to about 90% of males
- about 50% of females are ok with their partner watching porn, compared to males being once again near 90%
- My girlfriend thought about dumping me over this
Now back to the story! [
ya i gave up after reading that
you have much to learn young one. much to learn ^^
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Calgary25980 Posts
This has nothing to do with her.
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She, as a girl doesn't have to masturbate, therefore if she gets little out of it, why should she expect a guy to. (note, this may seem stupid, but if you have never experienced an orgasm that you gave to yourself, but rather one given to you by another person, this is more understandable.)
Girls or women are just as sexual as men. It's not socially accepted that they are but they get wet just as often as you get a boner during the day (or night). If a woman can't or doesn't want to embrace her sexuality, well, she shouldn't get a partner. I'm pretty damn sure she has some kind of personal issue (she is valueing the opinion of that random coach over yours or hers. Something is wrong there.) - This issue isn't about masturbation. My personal guess is she's insecure (hell, she's young) and isn't sure whether you're really into her or not.
She has guy friends who say they don't masturbate or watch porn (most of the guys on this site will recognize this line as complete and utter Bullshit, but she takes it as a fact. For her, there is no reason to think they are lying.)
I'm looking at other girls with lustful eyes. It doesn't matter that they are unattainable, or that I would never leave her for them, the idea is that she is not my muse compared to them. Its like I'm cheating.
Let's reframe that issue. What she is saying here is that she is afraid of losing you. Not more, not less. She is unsure of whether you would be with her if a prettier/smarter/sexier girl would come along. Your job is to give her emotional assurance here, not a logical argument.
PS: Tell her that every guy who tells her that crap wants to fuck her. Also he wants to marry her and have children with her, afterwards she can freely cut his balls off.
She frankly dislikes that I do masturbate, and about 50% of girls are on her side here, she thought it was like a once a month thing, but now that she realizes that it is more like 1-2 times a week or maybe 1-2 times a month, she likes it much less.
See above. This is about being unsure of the relationship itself, it's an issue of stability.
She frankly does not like the fact that I watch porn, she thought it was a joke, but realizing I do is kind of a rude awakening, about 50% of girls agree with her on this also.
Fuck those 50% you keep mentioning. Neither of you have lots of experience with the other gender. I will tell you what's highly likely to happen after the next part, which is a key chain of thought of yours:
I'm willing to give up porn, but if I have to do that, then my girlfriend has to take a larger, more sexualized role in my life (this one is not really an argument, but everything is an action reaction, you can't just leave a vacuum and just say, GO FILL IT!)
Dingding. First, this sounds as if you're not having a lot of sex (or low quality sex). This goes back to her being young and unsure of the entire issue. For some reason she is getting less pleasure out of sex compared to you. Otherwise she would want more of it. If you haven't talked about this, you should do that. Good communication is the basis for good sex and also the basis for a stable relationship.
Let's assume you'll promise to "give up masturbating to porn". What will happen is that sooner or later you will do it in secrecy. You will keep looking at other women. When your girl wants you to get a new haircut, you'll get that one, too. Later down the road you'll end up sexually frustrated and visit prostitutes on a regular basis. Once she finds out, she will cheat with your debate coach (who wants to fuck her btw) and get pregnant from him. hf raising his kid. (jk, =P)
Back to the real issue (once again, this isn't about masturbation at all):
You didn't tell your girlfriend that you did badly in that debate class. First, she took that as a trust issue. You tried to hide something from her. Then your "debate coach" walks in and takes a dump on that first insecurity: He calls you a lieing, cheating bastard. There is no legitimate reason to bring jerking off to porn into the equation besides badmouthing you and looking good to your gf. Maybe he's envious of you, maybe he's into her. No one knows.
What she wants from you is security and trust. She wants to get some kind of emotional security that even if you DO look at other girls, she's the one you want to come back to day after day after day.
Or, to quote Kundera: "There are lots of women a man wants to sleep with, but only one he wants to fall asleep with.", try throwing that one at her because it's true for most men I know.
Some questions to understand the situation better:
-How's your sexlife? How often, how good does it feel for you, how good do you think it feels for her?
-What's your relationship with that coach? Any specific good/bad blood going around there?
-Same question about your gf. What's her relation with that coach? Or rather: What's his relationship with her?
-Wait what. BIG ONE. WHY DO HER PARENTS KNOW WHEN OR HOW OFTEN YOU TWO HAVE SEX WTF?
I feel like I'm slapping you around with a hammer so I'd love to add some cool and lovely nice last sentence. I'm out of them today tho, sorry. =/
But, yeah. Overall it sounds as if you're 35, she's 30 and you're about to plan a family and just bought a house on credit. Logic doesn't work in relationships. Relationships aren't about what others think, they aren't about how many people are for what. You won't find a right or wrong like in your debate classes. Less brain, more feelings.
I understand that you're even asking us "what we think about this issue" and not about any advice (hi debateclass), but here's one: You're young. Take that shit more lightly. It's gonna get rough all by itself soon enough.
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Norway28659 Posts
tell her that you will not masturbate if she is willing to get you off instead. obviously this means that as long as you're long distance, you'll masturbate.
further, tell her that you'll stop watching porn (of other girls) if she makes you porn of herself.
i she's willing to comply, then you should stop masturbating and stop watching porn of other girls. otherwise, don't stop masturbating, don't stop watching porn, and let her make the next move.
Being in a relationship can be great. But one of the benefits is actually supposed to be sexual in nature. A relationship where you're not having sex and where you're not masturbating, is actually sexually inferior to being single and masturbating. Also, it sounds like she had a momentary lapse of reason, which is okay, as long as it's momentary.
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OOohhh I got the solution:
tell her that after much hard thinking you have decided to quit masturbating and watching porn (because u luv her so much obv). and then proceed to masturbate fast and furious in secret.
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tl;dr girl gets mad at boy for masturbating
short answer: dump her ass.
long answer: I think you should leave her for someone who isn't mentally retarded
it's so absurdly silly I can't even fathom the notion of someone being so so so uptight.
OP if this is too personal, don't answer, but how many times a week would you say you two enjoy sexy times? on average.
/e don't listen to the psudeoscience shit about increased testosterone serum levels that gets thrown around on various internet channels. they are what they are, psudeoscience. FAKE SCIENCE IS NOT SCIENCE.
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On August 23 2012 09:37 Liquid`Drone wrote:
tell her that you will not masturbate if she is willing to get you off instead. obviously this means that as long as you're long distance, you'll masturbate.
further, tell her that you'll stop watching porn (of other girls) if she makes you porn of herself.
i she's willing to comply, then you should stop masturbating and stop watching porn of other girls. otherwise, don't stop masturbating, don't stop watching porn, and let her make the next move.
Being in a relationship can be great. But one of the benefits is actually supposed to be sexual in nature. A relationship where you're not having sex and where you're not masturbating, is actually sexually inferior to being single and masturbating. Also, it sounds like she had a momentary lapse of reason, which is okay, as long as it's momentary.
Yeah it was momentary, she sent later today that she didn't mean both, but only porn. Also I would have her do that but A. She said no, and B. Thats technically child pornography  . So yes, I can masturbate once more.
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Try and become better in bed so you two can fuck more. Give eachother massages, sit together naked and breathe together ( this works wonders ). Take dancing classes together. This kind of shit is so good for your sexlife. Just feel eachothers bodies in different ways. Bring some romance in there. Then sex.
And try to go for eyecontact when you orgasm. She will trust you more after that since it is so intimate.
It seems she is a bit insecure. No wonder she is, she has an insecure boyfriend who asks for advice in a place littered with nerds who barely dare talk to a girl. If you have absolutely mindblowing sex you won't even feel the need to masturbate. Nor the need to write shitty blogs on TL.
Just do it more, have better sex. Don't fucking tell her : 'if I am going to masturbate less, we will have to fuck more' . Just do it. Stop rationalizing this, thinking about who is right and who is wrong. This is a sexual ( insecurity ) issue. Solve it with sex. Not with words.
The more I think about it, the more sense it makes. You are both in a debate club. How sexy is that? NOT!
You need to talk and think less and have better sex. Look at your post man, it just screams: I am not in control.
Take control. Go for a romantic evening. Go take salsa class together instead of fucking debating. Take her out for dinner. Take a bath together. Massages, candles. Sit naked on eachothers laps, looking in eachothers eyes and breathing simultaneously. After what seems like forever, start moving. feel her. Make her come. Do this kind of shit once a week and your issues are gone.
Stop being a highschool sweetheart to her start being a lover.
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A relationship where you're not having sex and where you're not masturbating, is actually sexually inferior to being single and masturbating What she wants from you is security and trust. She wants to get some kind of emotional security that even if you DO look at other girls, she's the one you want to come back to day after day after day. well the obvious solution is to jerk off as much as you want and not tell her about it you put value into a 15 year old girl saying you might be "the one" for her? oO You expect a 15 year old girl to have a stable, funded opinion about something? what is wrong with you? :D
quoting some people who are much wiser than me, in case you missed them.
my personal opinion is dump her ass. Why the fuck do you need to explain yourself to her? You aren't doing anything wrong. If she says you can't masturbate anymore, tell her she's not allowed to pee anymore, or you're dumping her.
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Yeah I think you're right that a lot of girls don't want their SO to masturbate and watch porn. I personally feel like that's a big consideration to take on whether I even want a person. Also wet dreams. No masturbation leads to thoughts about sex leads to inability to concentrate. Tell her that.
I think if there are guys who are telling her they don't masturbate and they really don't, then those guys aren't old enough yet.
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She's a 15 year old girl who is utterly clueless about the sexual adult world, and is getting her facts from other clueless 15 year olds. My advice, try to open her eyes a bit on how totally and completely normal masturbating and (in these days) porn is. If she's stubborn in her ignorance, she's just not mature enough to have an adult relationship with.
Also, show her this: The Gossard Big M Survey interviewed 1,000 women, ages 18-30, and their answers indicate that not only do 9 out of 10 women play with themselves, two-thirds do it three times a week.
http://jezebel.com/5107639/92-of-women-masturbate-but-how-often-do-they-do-it
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Don't listen to those people who say that you just need her to satisfy all your needs. I've lived with women before and sometimes you just rather wack it than have sex. It's sex with someone that always loves you and is there for you.
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She just sounds really naive and immature. Don't think too much about it.
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here is a lecture recording on masturbation. it's from a 3rd year psychology at SFU. psychological perspectives on sexuality.
http://www.mediafire.com/?wm3kw6hgkas0tmw
i'd give you my opinion, but my opinion is really the professors opinion. and i think you would probably find her to be more authentic and legit.
but it seems to me this goes way beyond just masturbation and encompasses much more. perhaps communication problems. the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse. or she was socialized in a really weird background.
more likely then not... this will not be a big deal and it will be smooth sailing from here =p
but seriously... listen to the lecture recording.
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On August 23 2012 12:36 TheKwas wrote:She's a 15 year old girl who is utterly clueless about the sexual adult world, and is getting her facts from other clueless 15 year olds. My advice, try to open her eyes a bit on how totally and completely normal masturbating and (in these days) porn is. If she's stubborn in her ignorance, she's just not mature enough to have an adult relationship with. Also, show her this: Show nested quote +The Gossard Big M Survey interviewed 1,000 women, ages 18-30, and their answers indicate that not only do 9 out of 10 women play with themselves, two-thirds do it three times a week. http://jezebel.com/5107639/92-of-women-masturbate-but-how-often-do-they-do-it
Though for what it's worth, that survey is for 18-30 and she's 15.
But the fact that she's 15 means something as well lol...expecting her to be reasonable=eh.
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On August 23 2012 12:55 Aerisky wrote:Show nested quote +On August 23 2012 12:36 TheKwas wrote:She's a 15 year old girl who is utterly clueless about the sexual adult world, and is getting her facts from other clueless 15 year olds. My advice, try to open her eyes a bit on how totally and completely normal masturbating and (in these days) porn is. If she's stubborn in her ignorance, she's just not mature enough to have an adult relationship with. Also, show her this: The Gossard Big M Survey interviewed 1,000 women, ages 18-30, and their answers indicate that not only do 9 out of 10 women play with themselves, two-thirds do it three times a week. http://jezebel.com/5107639/92-of-women-masturbate-but-how-often-do-they-do-it Though for what it's worth, that survey is for 18-30 and she's 15. But the fact that she's 15 means something as well lol...expecting her to be reasonable=eh.
wait, she's 15? so the op is that too? LOL ok . /thread.
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I think if my gf made me choose between her and jerking it I would dump her so fast. I hope you're not considering giving it up forever? Cuz that shit cray.
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your girlfriend is stupid and you should have laughed in her face and kicked her to the curb the second she thought about dumping you for that
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she's young and stupid it's ok
just treat her like she's being illogical girls love that
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why not just lie and say that u'll stop but do it when she doesnt notice?
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Basically it boils down to, she's inexperienced, you're (comparatively) inexperienced, you'll have to work through all that shit together. The big problem is that any kind of "LOL DUMP HER", "LOL JUST KEEP DOING IT" or "LOL SHES RETARDED" advice leads to girls keeping those issues until they're 40.
The problem with relationships is that most people don't know what's really going on in their heads when they feel bad (or good) about certain things. The good old "Stop looking at other girls 'like that', it makes me feel bad" is nothing more than "I'm not sure if you'll be around tomorrow, will you?" and a sign of fear and insecurity. No one likes to admit that, but either doing so from one side or just looking through the bullshit and treating it like that is what leads to a healthy relationship.
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On August 23 2012 18:34 r.Evo wrote:
Basically it boils down to, she's inexperienced, you're (comparatively) inexperienced, you'll have to work through all that shit together. The big problem is that any kind of "LOL DUMP HER", "LOL JUST KEEP DOING IT" or "LOL SHES RETARDED" advice leads to girls keeping those issues until they're 40.
pretty much this.
You never mentioned though the extension of your habit. Once, twice or even three times a week especially at your age is, i guess, pretty normal. More is overdoing it.
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She is ignorant and had a very conservative education. Sucks to be you bro.
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Just explain to her that how you prefer her over porn any day of the week but you are a male and have a high sex drive.
Make sure you articulate how you really feel and maybe offer a compromise.
If she still has a problem with it after you use reason and she has had time to let it sink in, you have to choose: her, porn, or lie.
I do think respect is needed, regardless.
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Wow, some of your arguments are fucking HILARIOUS. I don't give a shit about the situation at hand to be honest, I just want to point out that YOU DON'T HAVE TO MASTURBATE, stop acting like you can't live without it.
"Guys that say they don't masturbate are liars, they physically have to, its a biological need"
Keep telling yourself that to alleviate the SHAME. It's not a biological need. There are a lot of people who are able to function without masturbating. These arguments that you've made up are a product of the fact the we are part of a generation of guys who surf the Internet, constantly looking at insanely, out of this world, beautiful women. All these sexual emotions create anxiety and you feel like you have to masturbate all the time to get rid of that feeling. That might make it seem like you HAVE to masturbate, but there are other ways to get rid of that anxiety. For instance, spend less time watching beautiful women on the Internet.
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Entertaining blog 5/5
But... regarding the actual subject matter, she's got to understand that it's a natural routine of a man's life. Stressed out from work? Fap. Too full from dinner to do anything? Fap fap. Saw something remotely sexy on TV and can't forget it? Fap more. Can't sleep? FAP.
A MAN'S GOTTA DO WHAT A MAN'S GOTTA DO
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On August 23 2012 20:41 russian wrote:Show nested quote +On August 23 2012 18:34 r.Evo wrote:
Basically it boils down to, she's inexperienced, you're (comparatively) inexperienced, you'll have to work through all that shit together. The big problem is that any kind of "LOL DUMP HER", "LOL JUST KEEP DOING IT" or "LOL SHES RETARDED" advice leads to girls keeping those issues until they're 40. pretty much this. You never mentioned though the extension of your habit. Once, twice or even three times a week especially at your age is, i guess, pretty normal. More is overdoing it.
If you think there's a 'standard' for how active a person's sex drive is, then you're foolish.
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For most kids these days, it's not about sex drive. It's about anxiety. A lot of people masturbate out of boredom, I mean, if you have to masturbate the instant that you see a hot girl on the Internet, you probably have issues.
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On August 23 2012 18:34 r.Evo wrote:
Basically it boils down to, she's inexperienced, you're (comparatively) inexperienced, you'll have to work through all that shit together. The big problem is that any kind of "LOL DUMP HER", "LOL JUST KEEP DOING IT" or "LOL SHES RETARDED" advice leads to girls keeping those issues until they're 40.
what leads to them keeping that mentality is the same thing that got it there in the first place: an ultra conservative, probably religious based upbringing
lets see, who is gonna win this battle:
15+ years of upbringing in that environment
or
horny teenager who the gf is already mad at and threatened to dump...
the only way that mentality changes is if enough guys tell her she is stupid and dump her. expecting someone to change is the dumbest thing you can do in a relationship
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On August 23 2012 23:25 QuanticHawk wrote:Show nested quote +On August 23 2012 18:34 r.Evo wrote:
Basically it boils down to, she's inexperienced, you're (comparatively) inexperienced, you'll have to work through all that shit together. The big problem is that any kind of "LOL DUMP HER", "LOL JUST KEEP DOING IT" or "LOL SHES RETARDED" advice leads to girls keeping those issues until they're 40.
what leads to them keeping that mentality is the same thing that got it there in the first place: an ultra conservative, probably religious based upbringing lets see, who is gonna win this battle: 15+ years of upbringing in that environment or horny teenager who the gf is already mad at and threatened to dump... the only way that mentality changes is if enough guys tell her she is stupid and dump her. expecting someone to change is the dumbest thing you can do in a relationship
I partially agree.
A few years back my martial arts trainer told me "The second 20 years of your life are there to resolve issues you started to drag along during the first 20 years of your life". I was 19 at that time and was like "nah, I don't have that many issues wtf". Boy, was I wrong. =D
When it comes to relationships I think most people are way too fast about the whole dumping. Both from my own relationship and from friends or people I worked with I actually DO see people change over the course of one. A lot. Change and mutual growth are part of what makes a good relationship (imo) awesome.
However, change or growth does happen neither by dropping someone at the first chance nor by nodding to things you don't want to. I have a hard time judging that age because it doesn't say that much in that range but once people start questioning the believes and values they were brought up with (usually 20-25+) I see hornyness overcome 20 years of upbringing rather easily. =P
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EPT![[image loading]](http://i.qkme.me/3pncn6.jpg)
