I'm not usually the type of person to write these...but I guess if I wanted to vent and write stuff, and know that someone reads it, regardless of who they are or what they think, this is where I would do it.
About 3 months ago, I went through a breakup. Sounds typical eh? Something that happens to everyone probably. Now let's talk about this relationship a little to give you some background information! There's going to be enough info in this for people who know me to id who I am, but who cares!
So I was in grade 12 and I had a crush on this girl, I found her absolutely adorable and cute. But I later found out, she was going out with someone already. That someone happened to be a friend of mine. I was devastated, but what could I do about that? Disregarding this fact, I just got to know her better and became pretty close friends. As time passed, we became closer and closer, and she became more distant from the person she was going out with. Actually she knew how I felt about her because I got fed up one day and just told her. Nothing much changed from that though other than the fact that she knew.
Their relationship eventually deteriorated, which I have a feeling was partially my fault. I'm a total douchebag for this as the guy was my friend, but I seemed to want to go to any lengths for this girl. This is the part where people might roll eyes and go wtf and hate me. They eventually broke up. I was the first person she told after it, guess what I did the next day? I asked her out...one day after her breakup. Wow...looking back at that, now I realize why so many people hated me that year.
We had a bunch of similarities, we both wanted to pursue a similar career, we didn't exactly have the most outgoing personality but we felt comfortable with each other. It was like perfect. Fast forward a bit, we went to the same University, same program, whatever.
Let's skip all this gibberish. All this started more than 5 and a half years ago. She was always there for me, I went through a lot of shit during these 5 years in University. School wasn't exactly the easiest thing for me once we hit University but I made it thanks to her. I was going to drop out during my second year due to my Father's death...it completely destroyed me. My University wasn't exactly near home so I didn't get to spend much time with him during those last couple years. But I kept going because of her.
Now I have graduated, more than 5 years of hard work, I got the piece of paper that costed me well over $40,000. We broke up shortly after finishing our degrees, for reasons I cannot really disclose. But I can say we're still friends and still keep in touch, the breakup was inevitable due to some specific reasons.
Finally we come to the problem. For the first month, some may be able to guess how I was feeling. But I thought I got over that...but I just realized I can't stop thinking about her and how much I actually miss her still. I mean I graduated 3 months ago, but I have yet barely started looking for a job because I feel so lost and don't feel like doing anything at all. Everything in my life seems to remind me of her, I don't even know what to do. We did nearly everything together, so there is like almost nothing I do now that does not remind me of her...
So what have I been doing? Play games and sleep. I started watching Korean dramas again recently, but shit...that stuff is just making me feel even worse but I can't stop watching.
So this is the story of my first relationship and my first breakup...
This is why it's dangerous to get into too serious relationships when too young. When you've been with someone for such a large percentage of your life, it's hard to adapt when it eventually doesn't work out.
Have you watched MGIAG? that's a good drama. Anyway.... plenty of fish in the sea man. Just actively pursue other girls and thoughts of her will eventually leave your head as your starting to develop other relationships. The only problem I see occurring really is that your out of college, so it might be hard to meet someone; well at-least not as easy as it would have been in university.
Err thinking about it your not really looking for advice/reassurance. I think this blog is a step in the right direction... adding closure to the events and starting the next chapter of your life.
On August 10 2012 04:10 Tobberoth wrote: This is why it's dangerous to get into too serious relationships when too young. When you've been with someone for such a large percentage of your life, it's hard to adapt when it eventually doesn't work out.
True that; girl I got with seven months ago only was in one true relationship since she was 17, and was with this guy for 12 years and had a kid with him. He's basically the only family she really has, so naturally, it was hard to compete with anything she's gotten used to (especially when they're young and easily influenced), and because of the child situation and he's one of her best friends, they always still hung out. It becomes impossible to reason with that side of them, so naturally, it ended (about a month and a half ago) and she's most likely going to get back with him.
What can I say... Not really much, it's just really normal to feel lost when you've been through much with a person you had a relationship, when you spend so much time together, also at school or whatever. The person is just even more in the foreground. You'll get over it eventually, no, 100% sure you will. It will take time, maybe more than normally. Just do what you want, watch these frickin dramas cause they'll help in some way. Play games, sleep, give yourself a break. I mean it.
There's a saying that it takes as long to get over somebody as you were with them. I've found that to be remarkably true. Keep your head up and don't think you'll just forget some day soon ... but there will be a day, some time down the road, when all of this isn't even the tenth thing on your mind. Until then just keep yourself busy and, for god sakes, *don't* bring up your ex/this relationship to anybody you didn't know while you were dating. In general, don't talk about it unless someone asks you, and then be curt.
Yea 3 months of doing nothing post-graduation isn't bad at all. Just enjoy the moment, one at a time. Korean dramas are, imo, great for catharsis...
I went through something similar but on a much much smaller scale than yours and it still took me 4 months to get over it. I tried having a mindset of "I need to get over this and get my life back on track" but it didn't help me at all. I kept having thoughts like "I can get over her, I'm better than this.. Am I? Can I not get over her? Do I just enjoy feeling awful? What's wrong with me?"
Looking back, I think what was wrong with me was precisely that: Thinking there was something wrong with me. I can't presume to tell you how you feel but I can tell you that how you feel is perfectly fine.
Eventually, I met some new friends, reestablished some old, and stopped worrying about actively trying to make things better. One day I just woke up and realized, things are ok now. Not great, but ok. And that's a great start. + Show Spoiler +
Or alternatively, as you once told me, you can go find yourself an adorkable shorty and call it a day
On August 12 2012 09:55 Release wrote: Fawkes bro, you wasted the best years of your life with ONE girl. Are you serious?
My advice for you now is to make up for lost time.
Why kick him while he's down? Plenty of guys are very much monogamous, romantic types, and there's no shame in not wanting to fuck everything in sight. For guys like us, it can be much better to just stay single for a long time after something like this.
On August 12 2012 10:11 Release wrote: No, I'm saying he should stop focusing on the one that broke up with him and distract himself with someone else.
Speaking from experience, when you've been with somebody for a long time and it ends, this is just a recipe for disaster. It's also unfair to the girl who becomes this "distraction."
EPT
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/pDbP9.jpg)
Play games, sleep, give yourself a break. I mean it.
