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So I turn 23 today, and I'm depressed as fuck.
It goes something like this for the majority of men.
When one's in kindergarten, everyone wants to be and feels like they can be the president.
When one steps into primary school, the dream is lowered to the level of CEOs and chairmen.
As one enters middle/high school, the sight is dropped further to a respectable and high-paying job.
Once in university, one simply looks for stability and a comfortable lifestyle.
And ultimately as one becomes part of the workforce... goals, dreams, ambitions, no longer factor into any significant part of one's thought processes. Everyday becomes a boring routine and a struggle to stay afloat.
I had such a bright future. graduating at the very top of my high school and entering a good program at respected university with all kinds of scholarships, I possessed a passion, burning ambitions, and most importantly, a earnest zest for life. I wasn't arrogant and full of myself in any way; I was merely confident in my ability and personality to achieve any realistic goal that I should set myself up for.
Then shit happened. More specifically, a total lack of self-control engulfed me as I entered a lifestyle of endlessly excessive partying, decadence, sex, drugs and just utter hedonism in its most horrific state. Barely scrapping enough grades to graduate, mediocrity soon followed.
I'm not really complaining as I have no one to blame but myself, and it's not as if I'm homeless or desperately unemployed, but the feeling of revolting regret and overwhelming sadness simply incapacitates me whenever time reminds me of the fact that I am slowly but surely, running out of it.
First world problems as they might be, I just can't bring myself to lower my sights and expectations. The fact is, I am not and can never be happy stepping into my tiny Civic every morning as the lure of BMWs and Mercedes or perhaps even Aston Martins cruelly taunts me. And it's not that I am not loved or have no one to love, but rather that I can't help it but always dream of someone just a little prettier who loves me more with a bigger heart.
I read a quote in high school and I still remember to it this day, I can't recall it exactly so I'll paraphrase:
"When you encounter a problem in life, you'd better face it as rationally and quickly as you possibly can. Problems are problems precisely because they make you unhappy; ultimately they are just sources of negative emotions. There are only two ways of combating them; you either ameliorate the external circumstances so that they are no longer problems, or at the very worst if that's not possible, change your internal self to alleviate the aforementioned negative emotions."
I feel as if I can no longer realistically achieve my ambitions of the past. It's simply just not very possible to multiply my current net worth by a factor of ten to hundred any time soon in the future.
"Be happy with what you have. There are billions worse off than you. Suck it up and stop being a little bitch."
Easier said than done.
Fuck my life, fuck mediocrity. Get rich or die tryin'. Going to quit my day job later today and convert as much of my assets as I can into liquid currency, stepping into the extremely profitable yet volatile world of jade trading here in the motherland. It's like the gold market but a fuck ton less established and stable so I either double/triple my money in a matter of weeks or lose 1/2 to 2/3 of it.
Wish me luck, I'm going to need it.
Edit in:
Thanks for the replies, and wow I can't believe how most people here brush off money as something so trivial.
I understand that money isn't everything; I also want to love someone passionately who returns the affection, good health, and a happy family. But at the same time I also firmly believe in the quote, "Money isn't everything; but without it you are nothing."
I've discussed the issue of correlation between money and happiness many times with friends and mentors, and the general consensus is that the main variables/factors are the amount of money in question, personal upbringing (satisfaction line), and how important money is in the culture/environment that you live in.
How much money you make PERFECTLY correlates with your happiness when you make under a certain amount. This amount of course differs between different countries and cultures, but the fact is, by my very rough and biased estimate (although accuracy here isn't the main concern as I'm merely trying to convey my point), if you make under 20K per year in the U.S./Canada you probably aren't going to be terribly happy, so from $0 - $~30 000 yearly every additional dollar pretty much linearly increases your happiness.
Once you reach the "comfort line", or satisfaction line" as I'd like to put it ($~30 000/year), I agree that for a good portion of the population every additional dollar decreases in importance exponentially. I'll clarify this point in graphical form.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/BwWIQ.png)
However, your upbringing and maybe genetics do decide your satisfaction line, so for some people it's quite a bit higher than others. Additionally, the country/environment, and to a certain extent your social circles, also influences just how much money directly translates into happiness.
For me, unfortunately, my upbringing and also the revoltingly materialistic environment that I live in (China) have put my comfort line quite a bit higher than others. I only make about 180 000 RMB, or just under 30K USD per year. With purchasing power parity considered, that gets raised to about 60K USD per year which still isn't much by my standards.
Moreover, as I posted in the this guy's girl blog http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=350652 , I am also going through a tough time due to the fact that I am absolutely in LOVE with someone who probably doesn't love me back. My thoughts spontaneously jump to her at least a few dozen times a day, and I'm tortured by the fact that she's also my co-worker and good friend so telling her how I really feel is a complicated and delicate matter. We spend at least 50 hours a week sitting 2 feet away from each other so awkward fuckups are something that I try my best to avoid. The main issue here though, is surely again, that I just don't have enough bills in my wallet. She's a really good person with a HUGE heart, but her education and upbringing has shaped her to want someone older who can provide her with a more comfortable lifestyle. I guess what I'm trying to say is, although money can't directly buy you love, it creates endless possibilities for initiating new relationships and security for maintaining existing ones.
I haven't quit my job yet but I've been drowning myself in data (econ and finance major boohoo) for the past few days trying to find out if I'd make it in the jade market. Fueled by a lot of Beethoven and Rachmaninoff mixing in a little bit of Eminem, it's time to get down.
In the words of Eminem,
Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?
  
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Be a good person or die trying :/
If you've admitted to personal irresponsibility, maybe the solution is to be responsible and moral rather than trying to exploit a market which has inproportionate returns for money and more irresponsibility.
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16962 Posts
There's more to life than money.
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Good luck, I understand your struggle. I also have problem dealing with mediocrity and couldn't disagree more with On July 03 2012 10:47 Empyrean wrote:
There's more to life than money.
I also regret a ton of choices I've made in the past that lead me to said mediocrity.
And I've pretty much lost all hope of ever being able to fix this problem.
Leading to depression.
At one point I might do a similar thing and put everything on black and hang a rope up if I miss.
But for now I live one day at a time, trying to always smile.
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On July 03 2012 10:47 Empyrean wrote:
There's more to life than money.
It is easier to say that when you have a totally different background and circumstances surrounding you.
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I feel the same way about life right now, and I wish I could have what you had.
I possessed a passion, burning ambitions, and most importantly, a earnest zest for life. I wasn't arrogant and full of myself in any way; I was merely confident in my ability and personality to achieve any realistic goal that I should set myself up for.
Though I never had the luck of even being able to slip into the kind of hedonism you describe. I'm just continuously sinking into mediocrity because I just don't have any vision or "one goal" I need to get to in life. At any rate why do you want those cheesy cars anyway? Is it all just about being worth a lot of money and having other people know it? If you can't be happy without having an expensive car I think that's probably the best place to start questioning.
Good luck though, your new path seems fairly exciting. It takes a lot of guts to do this.
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On July 03 2012 10:58 TuElite wrote:Good luck, I understand your struggle. I also have problem dealing with mediocrity and couldn't disagree more with:
What does making money have to do with mediocrity?
If the OP is unhappy and feels down on himself because he isn't earning as much money as he feels he should that is silly, and probably more than a bit unhealthy. If he is depressed because he knows he can achieve more than what he is now (i.e. excelling at his career/ambitions/hobbies) then is probably a good thing, or at least for the right reasons.
It goes something like this for the majority of men.
When one's in kindergarten, everyone wants to be and feels like they can be the president.
When one steps into primary school, the dream is lowered to the level of CEOs and chairmen.
As one enters middle/high school, the sight is dropped further to a respectable and high-paying job.
Once in university, one simply looks for stability and a comfortable lifestyle.
And ultimately as one becomes part of the workforce... goals, dreams, ambitions, no longer factor into any significant part of one's thought processes. Everyday becomes a boring routine and a struggle to stay afloat.
I call BS here. I can understand people dreaming of things like being the president or a great athlete or a celebrity. I don't know anyone who dreams of being a CEO/making tons of money in elementary or middle school. I also don't see this goal lowering you talk about that happens between HS->college-> end of college. Just about anybody that has reasonable intelligence, work ethic, and comes from a background to make it possible can have a respectable high paying job (i.e. doctor, lawyer, engineer, etc.).
As to the bolded part...why? That sounds like a horrible, useless mentality; and certainly not one that would be conductive to changing your situation or even to happiness in general.
The fact is, I am not and can never be happy stepping into my tiny Civic every morning as the lure of BMWs and Mercedes or perhaps even Aston Martins cruelly taunts me.
I feel as if I can no longer realistically achieve my ambitions of the past. It's simply just not very possible to multiply my current net worth by a factor of ten to hundred any time soon in the future.
Get rich or die tryin'. Going to quit my day job later today and convert as much of my assets as I can into liquid currency,
Is this really what motivates you? It sounds like your ideas of "success" and "mediocrity" are based almost entirely on how much money you pull in.
Not to mention you'll never be satisfied if this is what your chasing, you'll always be wanting more, more, and, more. Chasing money and having lots of money just doesn't result in happiness and usually seems to result in an insatiable hunger that prevents happiness and keeps the person in a cycle of stress, anxiety, and greed.
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Firstly, you're 23. You're very young. It sounds like you've come to a critical point in your life where you can keep doing what you've been doing or make a choice and try something different. I don't know what that choice is, but you have complete control over where you put your effort and energy. Just make a choice, head where you want to do.
Secondly, it's a bit demoralizing to hear that you think driving a BMW or an Aston Martin is going to make you happy. Cliché I know, but money really *really* doesn't buy happiness. It sounds more like you don't have a purpose or an ambition beyond being rich. What's the point in being rich for being rich's sake?
Meh I feel like an old man saying all this but again, work out what it is that really matters to you and do something about making it part of your life. Someone once told me to "follow the white rabbit" which is a bit of a childish analogy but it makes sense to me at least.
For context, I'm 28, I got married last year and have an 8 week old daughter. I have a well paying job now which I enjoy *most* of the time but when I was 23 I was still a poor student who had no idea what to do. I'd just graduated as an actor and was really freaking depressed. I did this solo show in a Fringe festival and had audiences of 12 people some nights... So I made a decision, applied for IT jobs (I have a BSc in computer science as well), and made this all happen and I'm happy now. A bit overwhelmed by it all, but I wouldn't want anything different than it is.
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One should always strive to do the best that you can, but common. You're 23 and you want to be rich?
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even though i am only 20, my life has changed a lot in this last year and i've had some of these same feelings to the point where now I'm just gonna do what I enjoy life is too short to sweat what could have been so my new outlook is just to live it up every chance I get and I must say that I have had a total 180 in my attitude towards everything
I've felt that way many a time before in the end all that matters is not how much you make or what house you live in, its what you make of everything you have
good luck man, keep us posted...hope everything works out fantastic for you
OH also I know its been said but money won't always make you happy
I was raised a multi millionare just outside Washington, DC and recently my family has lost everything (its complicated) and I'm happier now than I've been in 20 years of being alive
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It's all about perspective. Give it some time, and you'll enjoy life again.
And wait a week or so before liquidating all your assets. Of course you can do what you want to do, but don't make such a drastic choice on the eve of your crisis. After you cool off, think about it some more before you take the plunge. Maybe read a book or two in the meantime to relax.
And happy birthday dude.
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As a fellow 23 year old TL'er, I can safely say the most important lesson bestowed upon me during my 4 years of college, through non-educational happenings mind you, is to take everything just a little less seriously, right down to the point where a perfect balance is had between drive and lack of overt negativity. I can honestly say there are easily dozens of little events that occur during during my day that remind me to enjoy life, and my life is not a traditionally fortunate one by any means. It's all in your head.
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Fuck you!  I'm 29 going on 30 this year when I was 23 I didn't even have time to think about being 23. Now I don't party as much...but i still have more fun than lots of people I know. Well just know that everything will be ok. Cheers.
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Honestly, it's also probably the combination of culture clash that has you down. 23 in China is generally perceived as older than 23 in Europe/US. Young adults here are worried about marriage and buying a home already, and they're only a year older than me.
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16962 Posts
On July 03 2012 10:58 TuElite wrote:Good luck, I understand your struggle. I also have problem dealing with mediocrity and couldn't disagree more with
Really? Money is the only important thing in your life?
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Mmm I disagree with your beginning, I don't think expectations really drop as you grow older (but thats besides the point)
I think... you should perhaps think about your options a little more. I mean, you're ONLY 23, not everyone is rolling in money at that point (in fact, I think very few people are).
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On July 03 2012 11:42 Empyrean wrote:Show nested quote +On July 03 2012 10:58 TuElite wrote:Good luck, I understand your struggle. I also have problem dealing with mediocrity and couldn't disagree more with On July 03 2012 10:47 Empyrean wrote:
There's more to life than money. Really? Money is the only important thing in your life?
You have to expect that as a predictable consequence of a educational and social system that more often than not offers money as the most desirable and ONLY solution though, I don't blame the individual.
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Kid... shut up.
You've barely been out on your own.
You're just overwhelmed because you don't know shit and life's a lot to take in.
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24 year old here. I teach in South Korea. I'm not rich, I was super smart at school, but got lazy when bitches started to show interest. However I feel that everything that I did in England growing up, has led me to this point where I couldn't be happier, even if I did get the job I used to dream of (scientist and lawyer).
I got lazy when I realised that I really don't enjoy anything work related in those fields. They were super interesting to me, but nothing I would take further. English language however I found a challenge (grammar and shit) and also super easy...so I took that.
I could be earning millions, I could have been that guy who has too much money...but you know what? I'm happy where I am. I'm happy that I was so depressed after finishing with an ex (Right before finishing uni) that I decided to work in Korea, I'm happy with the mediocre pay that I recieve in comparisson to the super rich, I'm happy with my life with a beautiful girlfriend and a good place to live (paid for by the school). I don't know where I will end up, I don't know what's going to happen but as long as I'm happy and enjoying myself I'm content with life.
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EPT
