EPTIts been something like 16 days since you left us - I miss you more then I did before. I will love you whatever you do, what ever you have done. You mean more to me then most of the people in my life.
Yesterday the police said they found your car. Today they said they found your wallet near the edge of a cliff, and that the helicopter thought they thought they saw a body at the bottom of the cliff. My thoughts can only turn in one direction.
Do you remember when I was little and I used to talk about how you could buy a motorbike, and how you could get a side car so that I could ride with you while the rest of the family drove in the car? Mum still teases me about that today.
Do you remember when you drove the truck, taking all of the stuff to our new place, and I came with you? I loved spending time with you, from the very first moment I remember you. I remember wanting to be just like you, doing what you did and being who you were.
Do you remember dragging me around the house on a blanket? I used to love those rides - they are one of my fondest memories.
Do you remember giving me piggy back rides up the stairs? It was always around bed time and you would carry me up and then tell me a story before tucking me in.
Do you remember cooking lunch for me those times when I was sick and you were at home? How we sat down together and watched movie's all day.
Do you remember playing chess with me all those nights? I had to get ready extra, so that when we finished it wasn't too far past my bed time. You never tried your best, always giving me a shot at winning, letting me move my pieces if I had screwed up.
Do you remember how I used to cuddle up with you when you watched the 6 o'clock news after getting home from work? How you let me have a sip of your beer when I was like 6 years old.
Do you remember your 50th birthday? All those people that came to wish you happy birthday. Even that wasn't enough to make you happy.
Do you remember telling me how you were proud of me? How you loved me? Do you remember hugging me?
Do you remember telling me how sorry you were that it had come to the point that you had to go to hospital?
Do you remember?
You're dead Dad, you're fucking dead and there's nothing I can do about it. How could you love alcohol more then us - how could you think that dying was better then leaving us in this mess. I will be strong for my brothers, my sisters and my mother. I will persevere. I will help. I will comfort.
I will remember.
I'm sorry
