EPT
Another Breakup Blog -- 4 Months Later
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trancey
United States430 Posts
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B-Roll
United States403 Posts
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Mogwai
United States13274 Posts
I guess without more info about how she took the breakup and your ability to just deal with this being a long distance friendship, my advice would be to try talking to her casually about the sorts of things you'd talk about with her back before you were dating. Stay in touch and explore the option of getting back together when you're at a phase of your life when the logistics of the relationship don't have to be so difficult, but stay away from doing a long distance relationship. | ||
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MaximusT
United States126 Posts
"We can still be friends right?" Fuck that. I wouldn't even talk to her on Facebook or texting or anyway. I don't think I would delete her, but I would be social and not give a shit if she saw. Move on, get a new girl, post pictures of you super happy on Facebook so this current one can see and be all sad face  | ||
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Alpino
Brazil4390 Posts
Dude, we're 1 month away from Diablo 3, you'll be fine no matter what. An emotional wreckage like me is probably not the best person to give advice to anyone, but are you going just for summer? Actually you shouldn't even go, since you're going you'll get hurt no matter what happens. You can't just erase someone from your brains, my real tip is spoilered anyways. | ||
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Rice
United States1332 Posts
On April 17 2012 04:34 MaximusT wrote: Under no circumstances allow yourself to get back together. Not worth your time, only to hear this later on: "We can still be friends right?" Fuck that. I wouldn't even talk to her on Facebook or texting or anyway. I don't think I would delete her, but I would be social and not give a shit if she saw. Move on, get a new girl, post pictures of you super happy on Facebook so this current one can see and be all sad face ^this guy knows whats up. I hate to break it to you, but at this point if you are the one to give in you're basically just going to be her bitch, for lack of a better word, if the the relationship actually does reform. In fact, thats probably exactly what she wants, to exert her dominance over you by forcing you to be the one to make amends. Either that or she doesnt give a fuck about you, in which case the choice is the same. | ||
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OpticalShot
Canada6330 Posts
Also, I think it's fine that you started seeing someone your mother's hometown, but if you still have confused feelings for your ex, then you better start sorting things out before it gets more complicated. | ||
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cmen15
United States1519 Posts
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Vod.kaholic
United States1052 Posts
On April 17 2012 04:40 Rice wrote: ^this guy knows whats up. I hate to break it to you, but at this point if you are the one to give in you're basically just going to be her bitch, for lack of a better word, if the the relationship actually does reform. In fact, thats probably exactly what she wants, to exert her dominance over you by forcing you to be the one to make amends. Either that or she doesnt give a fuck about you, in which case the choice is the same. Whoa, calm down, where are you getting this super aggressive dominance subtext? Now, for advice. My roommate went through something similar recently where a girl he really liked for a long time and got together with moved away last year. He tried the no-contact thing, but he couldn't stop thinking about her, and now the best thing that happened for him was finding another girl and developing feelings for her, and getting over the old girl. If you're going to be apart from this girl for a long time, the best you can do is just move on and keep seeing other people like you've been doing. You can still be civil with her, keep your own social life going (even on fb), but the sooner you can invest your emotional energy in something else the better. To expand on this and my roommates situation, the problem my roomy had was that she had moved on slower than her, but he's moved on now and he's better for it. They broke their nc a few weeks ago, about a month before she was due back, and the best way to get resolution from something like this is to know where you each stand, and where your relationship stands. I won't go into too many more details on what happened, but you need to know where she is, and judge what you're both willing to do. If you're seeing someone else that's probably a good move if you're ready to move on, but it's hard to tell how that will affect your relationship with your old girl when you move back. So TL;dr: you can break the nc if you're close to moving back next to her, just figure out where you both stand now before you can move forward. Edit. To exp | ||
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SoniC_eu
Denmark1008 Posts
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MaximusT
United States126 Posts
On April 17 2012 04:40 Rice wrote: ^this guy knows whats up. I hate to break it to you, but at this point if you are the one to give in you're basically just going to be her bitch, for lack of a better word, if the the relationship actually does reform. In fact, thats probably exactly what she wants, to exert her dominance over you by forcing you to be the one to make amends. Either that or she doesnt give a fuck about you, in which case the choice is the same. This sounds right. She would probably say no anyway, because women don't like needy men. At least most women don't. Don't be the guy The Offspring were singing about in Self-Esteem. On April 17 2012 04:36 Alpino wrote: An emotional wreckage like me is probably not the best person to give advice to anyone, but are you going just for summer? Actually you shouldn't even go, since you're going you'll get hurt no matter what happens. You can't just erase someone from your brains, my real tip is spoilered anyways. This is solid advice. Stay away from her. Period. I'm speaking from past experiences, trial and error; if you will. Lots of errors. | ||
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Silentness
United States2821 Posts
On April 17 2012 05:00 cmen15 wrote: wait so have you started seeing other people? According to the OP post he said yes. I think it is bad to have a gf as a "rebound". Either stick with the new girl or be real with her and tell her that you still have feelings for ex gf. I only say this because my ex gf used me as a rebound so I left her ass. | ||
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RogerX
New Zealand3180 Posts
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Vod.kaholic
United States1052 Posts
Are you moving back to where she is for good, or just for summer? If it's just for summer, move on right now and don't even bother talking to her, because agonizing over her during summer and having to move away again will just damage you. That's about all the cases I can think of covering. Good luck. | ||
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Sablar
Sweden880 Posts
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sieksdekciw
240 Posts
On April 17 2012 04:23 trancey wrote: \she was going through some mental strain after quitting heavy marijuana use She felt after cause she quit pot? Quite unusual, I say... On a more serious note, as far as I know, marijuana is illegal in the United States, which is where I presume you live. Didn't you get bothered that your ex was constantly breaking the law while you were dating, thus putting herself and maybe you in danger of incarceration/fine/whatever the penalty is? | ||
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trancey
United States430 Posts
I'm planning to move back permanently to near her area (LA), currently living in Seattle, to explore job opportunities. I am seeing another girl here, someone much more grounded, going to see where it goes for now. There's pros and cons of both I haven't mentioned. My ex is a straight up bombshell, LA princess (9-10 on the looks scale) -- charming personality and humor, we just got along very well. She's also less motivated than I though, still in school but comes from a wealthy family. The fact she was a babe and loved my nerd side really was the attraction I guess. The latest girl I'm dating is a little older, but a grad student, physician's asst., and dances in a hip-hop group on the side. She's got a lot more going for her actively and has a pretty face... She's not as funny as the ex, but a sweet girl none the less. I guess I'm going to just keep going with the new girl, and when I'm ready for a move, I'll just hit up my ex and see where shes at. | ||
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trancey
United States430 Posts
On April 17 2012 06:16 sieksdekciw wrote: She felt after cause she quit pot? Quite unusual, I say... On a more serious note, as far as I know, marijuana is illegal in the United States, which is where I presume you live. Didn't you get bothered that your ex was constantly breaking the law while you were dating, thus putting herself and maybe you in danger of incarceration/fine/whatever the penalty is? We were both from Southern California and legally prescribed pot throughout most of our relationship. I quit before I left and she did soon after... She had been a pro-longed smoker for many years though and began having panic attacks/anxiety over almost anything. I actually went through the same thing previously when I quit smoking after high school, uncontrolled irritability and anxiety for the first month or so. | ||
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metbull
United States404 Posts
+ Show Spoiler + On | ||
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Vod.kaholic
United States1052 Posts
On April 17 2012 06:19 trancey wrote: Thanks for the advice everyone, really. I'm planning to move back permanently to near her area (LA), currently living in Seattle, to explore job opportunities. I am seeing another girl here, someone much more grounded, going to see where it goes for now. There's pros and cons of both I haven't mentioned. My ex is a straight up bombshell, LA princess (9-10 on the looks scale) -- charming personality and humor, we just got along very well. She's also less motivated than I though, still in school but comes from a wealthy family. The fact she was a babe and loved my nerd side really was the attraction I guess. The latest girl I'm dating is a little older, but a grad student, physician's asst., and dances in a hip-hop group on the side. She's got a lot more going for her actively and has a pretty face... She's not as funny as the ex, but a sweet girl none the less. I guess I'm going to just keep going with the new girl, and when I'm ready for a move, I'll just hit up my ex and see where shes at. Ok, not bad. The choice is yours now, but don't burn bridges, it sounds like you're treating the Seattle girl too casually, and you could end up screwing things up with both girls if you're not careful. If you weren't straight up with her from the beginning that could complicate things a lot, and you're still not sure how your ex would receive you. All I'd say at this point is tread carefully. | ||
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triangle
United States3803 Posts
If you want to be friends again (JUST friends) with LA girl, you need to be extremely explicit that you are only interested in friendship. I ended up lurching into a mess of pseudo-relationship bullshit where neither party was sure if we were going out again or not. You should be upfront that you have a new girl and that you are no longer romantically interested in LA girl. It sounds like that isn't the case, which makes me think you shouldn't talk to your ex until that is the case. If you are still romantically interested in your ex, friendship is a bad idea and planning on using her in case your current relationship goes south is a really bad idea. | ||
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Puph
Canada635 Posts
essentially, just do whatever you think will lessen any burdens you may feel and then just be yourself afterwards. once you get back home you can assess the situation further, although i wouldn't stall it until then. good luck! | ||
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UniversalSnip
9871 Posts
You have a current relationship and you should either stick with it or get out, not sorta half ass and end up sleeping with your ex while you're dating someone else, but if you break up with your current gf that's the time to go hit that... I don't understand why not. | ||
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khaydarin9
Australia423 Posts
On April 17 2012 06:19 trancey wrote: Thanks for the advice everyone, really. I'm planning to move back permanently to near her area (LA), currently living in Seattle, to explore job opportunities. I am seeing another girl here, someone much more grounded, going to see where it goes for now. There's pros and cons of both I haven't mentioned. My ex is a straight up bombshell, LA princess (9-10 on the looks scale) -- charming personality and humor, we just got along very well. She's also less motivated than I though, still in school but comes from a wealthy family. The fact she was a babe and loved my nerd side really was the attraction I guess. The latest girl I'm dating is a little older, but a grad student, physician's asst., and dances in a hip-hop group on the side. She's got a lot more going for her actively and has a pretty face... She's not as funny as the ex, but a sweet girl none the less. I guess I'm going to just keep going with the new girl, and when I'm ready for a move, I'll just hit up my ex and see where shes at. That you're comparing them seems like a bad sign. | ||
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MaV_gGSC
Canada1345 Posts
Strong words and so true T_T | ||
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yukit
United States6 Posts
I also didn't heed anyone's advice and just did what I was going to do anyways, but that depends on the person you are. I probably would go for it and regret it afterwards. Logical me doesn't beat hopeful me. | ||
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ETisME
12538 Posts
being rational all the time, especially when it comes to love is kind of sad imo | ||
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Arcanefrost
Belgium1257 Posts
I'd go for the ex btw, she sounds delightful :p | ||
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Tommylew
Wales2717 Posts
but your seeing someone else? if your even thinking about this other girl perhaps you should rethink that? Your ex reminds me of my ex and the more I look back the more im glad its over.. just for the unpredictability, the grounded girl seems the better option as long as she isnt too plain and no fun. Looks arent anyting after all.. | ||
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