|
Hey guys...Nimesha here, Or NeoDreamerZ as some of you know me.
I've never wrote a blog before, nor started a thread of Teamliquid, only replied.
This will probably be very shoddily written as I'm struggling to lift my head at the moment due to the tiredness, But I'd thought I go a little in depth about my life, in and outside of Starcraft.
It all started in my 6th year of School, My attendance was slipping like no other (I'd always been stubborn about going, just never had the power to stand up and say no.) my friends were starting to drift apart, give up hope on me. I was becoming a liability.
I had about 55-60% attendance at the end of year 7 (Where I left middle school, Yes we have a middle school between First > High school in England).
I entered High school with a new mental attitude, I was going to go back, full time...Everything was gonna be great!
and it was, for about ....4-5 months, then, things went on the decline again.
By the end of year 9 I was completely out of school, And becoming stupid-er by the day.
I now should be in year 11, Which I am, and I haven't attended school once this year.
More to my current situation, I have luckily got myself onto a "Internet tutoring" program thanks to the school. But unfortunately, I have lost too much time in my Education to understand less than half of this..And that left me very demotivated, Instead of trying to catch up. I took to watching Films, YouTube videos and playing Starcraft.
My Friends, if I can call them that any more are passing their GCSE's, moving out, going to parties, getting drunk, having sex and getting a job.
More than anything, I lack/miss the social. The only thing I can get is a lucky "Hello" on Facebook every now and again, No-one wants to contact me any more, And too be honest, I don't blame them.
No-one wants to be with the fuck-up who wrecked his life.
Now, a-lot of you might ask, "Where does Starcraft come into this?".
To that I answer you, Starcraft is my out-let, My way of saying "Fuck it, I'm going to enjoy this 'x' amount of hours I can play for. I'll turn my music all the way up and forget about everything"
But recently, I'm becoming a-lot more stressed in the game, People are starting to wind me up, every game will be some sort of all-in I can't hold or something to generally aggravate me.
I'm starting to feel like I have no out-let anymore, I've tried other games, and nothing seems to feel the way Starcraft did.
But it's 10:42, on a Monday night, and to know I'm going to have to go through another week of this is pretty much tearing me apart.
Thanks for Reading TL.
<3
 
|
i think more of us might ask "where are your parents" lol
|
What'd you mean by that then?
|
Your life isn't wrecked. If you're unemployed, find a job, preferably one you can make female friends at too, but any would do. A little bit of responsibility to keep yourself a little bit busy can go a long way.
On April 03 2012 07:03 FFGenerations wrote:
i think more of us might ask "where are your parents" lol
On April 03 2012 07:07 Offensive wrote:
What'd you mean by that then?
If your parents are letting you skip most of year 7, they're doing an awful job
|
@Cyber_Cheese.
I'm about to leave school with no qualifications, no record of *ANYTHING* That has ever said I've done a good job, or I was on time.
In the current situation of England, even people with 4-5 GCSE's and a great CV fail to find work, let alone someone with none.
|
On April 03 2012 07:09 Cyber_Cheese wrote:Your life isn't wrecked. If you're unemployed, find a job, preferably one you can make female friends at too, but any would do. A little bit of responsibility to keep yourself a little bit busy can go a long way. Show nested quote +On April 03 2012 07:03 FFGenerations wrote:
i think more of us might ask "where are your parents" lol If your parents are letting you skip most of year 7, they're doing an awful job
They probably were, But it wasn't a case of "Letting me skip"
It was a case of I would use everything in my power to get away from School/them.
|
On April 03 2012 07:12 Offensive wrote:
@Cyber_Cheese.
I'm about to leave school with no qualifications, no record of *ANYTHING* That has ever said I've done a good job, or I was on time.
In the current situation of England, even people with 4-5 GCSE's and a great CV fail to find work, let alone someone with none.
Does that mean you shouldn't try?
You might be surprised yet. Maybe the job will be far less than ideal. but I guarantee it's there somewhere.
|
your responsibilities are your own. you may think you're not hurting anyone but you're clearly hurting yourself.
|
On April 03 2012 07:03 FFGenerations wrote:
i think more of us might ask "where are your parents" lol
Agreed.
|
On April 03 2012 07:14 Cyber_Cheese wrote:Show nested quote +On April 03 2012 07:12 Offensive wrote:
@Cyber_Cheese.
I'm about to leave school with no qualifications, no record of *ANYTHING* That has ever said I've done a good job, or I was on time.
In the current situation of England, even people with 4-5 GCSE's and a great CV fail to find work, let alone someone with none.
Does that mean you shouldn't try?
I'm never going too, but it's going to be pretty damn tough
|
You still have plenty of time, my friend didn't go to school for around 7-8 years when he should have been doing middle/high scool. He was home schooled a bit but didn't get very far with it and on top of that smoked a shit load of weed all the time. When he hit 18 he decided he didn't want to go down that path so he went to college and did his core GSCE's (maths, science and english + some others) and A levels within a few years and he passed a lot of them.
You're obviously past the age where the idea of "you go to school and you bloody do the work" can be burnt into your brain so you will need to decide it's what you want to do before you get anywhere with it, but trust me, from someone who works in education, you WILL regret every single day you don't get up off your arse and put some effort into your own learning and self-enrichment.
Just go and do it, the feeling of satisfaction after you have will be better than winning 1000 starcraft games.
edit: spelling
|
I don't really know what the point of this blog is?
First you say you are depressed because you don't go to school and have no friends.
Then you complain that starcraft is not enough of a drug to let you forget all of what you have done wrong.
You say you want friends, but you don't want to go you school, don't want to get a job (if you say there's none you are a liar), and you don't want to do anything other than playing games.
Sorry, but you aren't drifting away from society, you already are miles away.
They probably were, But it wasn't a case of "Letting me skip"
It was a case of I would use everything in my power to get away from School/them.
Sorry but if your child does everything possible to get away from you, you have done a more than awful job as a parent.
If you were serious about getting into society, you would certainly find help at your school.
I bet there are tons of ways to get you on track again. Otherwise you'd go find a fucking trashy job,
that is still better than nothing.
Next you would make new friends , go to parties, have sex and all the other good stuff.
|
|
|
On April 03 2012 07:32 Luepert wrote:
What do you do all day?
Play Starcraft, Lurk TL, Lurk Facebook and sleep
|
On April 03 2012 07:37 Offensive wrote:Play Starcraft, Lurk TL, Lurk Facebook and sleep
Where do you live and how do you support yourself? This is no way to live.
|
It seems that you're like me, using the computer to escape from reality. Im soon turning 25 now, and it has begun to lose its flavor for me too. Unlike you, thankfully ive stayed in school. But my life seems to have no direction and i never do things to my ability. Its called "self-handicapping" in psychology. Never giving it a shot, because youre afraid youre gonna fail. So you just dont do it and watch life drift off to a big nothing. Its a terrible thing facing your ultimate fear, something that could shatter your perception of yourself. The only way to get out of that muddle of shit is to plan and follow up every day in the week. If youre doing night school, say "This week im gonna do homework X hours every day" and actually do it. No computers, no television, no nothing. Go to a public library and study there. Become a slave to your schedule and keep adding on more "positive" things as you master everyday life. And as all was _seek professional help_ if you can afford it.
The most productive but severe measure if to sever your internet connection. It fucking sucks, but i lived without internet and no friends (studied in another city) and actually read 8 hours a day 7 days a week. You actually do productive stuff because its boring.
Facing yourself is a tough task, and i wish you luck.
|
On April 03 2012 07:49 Nick_54 wrote:Show nested quote +On April 03 2012 07:37 Offensive wrote:On April 03 2012 07:32 Luepert wrote:
What do you do all day? Play Starcraft, Lurk TL, Lurk Facebook and sleep Where do you live and how do you support yourself? This is no way to live.
I still live with my Parents, who are nice enough to support me.
And you're right, it isnt, I'm battling with my emotions daily, knowing that soon enough I'll have to support myself.
|
if you dont me me asking, which part of the UK are you from? seems seriously odd that youve missed so much of school without some pressure from teachers, goverment or parents. I went to a pretty grotty school in east london and even people who are in prison now had a better attendance then you. You honestly dont come across as one of "those" students.
|
On April 03 2012 08:01 Littlemuff wrote:
if you dont me me asking, which part of the UK are you from? seems seriously odd that youve missed so much of school without some pressure from teachers, goverment or parents. I went to a pretty grotty school in east london and even people who are in prison now had a better attendance then you. You honestly dont come across as one of "those" students.
I'm from a small town near Brighton, the only reason I haven't found myself with Fines/Prison is due to interest to improve and an outlining barrier between School
|
On April 03 2012 08:04 Offensive wrote:Show nested quote +On April 03 2012 08:01 Littlemuff wrote:
if you dont me me asking, which part of the UK are you from? seems seriously odd that youve missed so much of school without some pressure from teachers, goverment or parents. I went to a pretty grotty school in east london and even people who are in prison now had a better attendance then you. You honestly dont come across as one of "those" students. I'm from a small town near Brighton, the only reason I haven't found myself with Fines/Prison is due to interest to improve and an outlining barrier between School
Well one of my mates at uni failed most of his GCSEs and got a dead end job for 7 years. Finally decided it was time to sort him self out and redone them, done his A levels all whist working full time (so evening classes) and then foundation year at uni. hes now final year and getting 80%+ in most of his modules. If anything hes better of than most, especially me who just wants to chill and play games all the time because he's done it all before and is 10 times more focused.
As Gloria Gaynor once said "if you want it, go out and get it". good song.
|
So you never actually stated a reason for all this. Why are you in this situation?
It sounds to me like you stopped showing up to school regularly because you didn't feel like it, and then your friends stopped calling you because you were never around (which is what most people would do), and then you stopped showing up to school altogether. And now all you do idly watch your peers grow up and pass you by, while you sit around feeling sorry for yourself, instead of doing something about it.
You mention "battling emotions". What emotions specifically? You say you have "an interest to improve", but it sure as hell doesn't sound like you do. If that were the case, you'd be out looking for jobs or going to school or at the very least, doing something more productive than dicking around on the internet and sleeping all day. You aren't going to get anywhere waiting for your life to magically turn itself around. If you want something, you're going to have to work for it.
|
I sat around playing games and barely working (~25 hours a week) for a month in the uni break when the rest of my family was on a long holiday. It's really, really bad man. Go to school to learn, interact and combat depressive tendencies from developing, until you either start an apprenticeship or graduate. At your age stopping going to school is actually stupid.
|
As someone who's battled depressive tendencies myself I can empathise with your position to some extent. A lot of the previous posts had great advice about getting back on track and I strongly advise you to follow them.
The only thing I can add is that you need to have positivity in your life. If you feel shit all day from sitting inside then go outside. Exercise, talk to people, or just be around them. Engage in online communities such as an online clan where you can at least enjoy a social aspect of gaming. Focus on improving your play at sc2 instead of just sitting there wondering why you're losing. If you feel your brain slipping away then go to school, or read books, or articles.
Just remember that it's not what society says you have to do, it's your own friggin life and you can do whatever the fuck you like with it. Do you need to complete high school? No. Do you need to have social interaction? Yes. Do you need exercise? Yes. Do you need fun? Yes.
It's not not going to highschool that's making you feel like shit it's your lack of any drive, interaction or motive. Surely there are things you love in this world, so work at them. If Starcraft is an escape from all the things that stress you in life then why not work at improving and involving yourself in the sc2 community and maybe one day your job will be as a progamer or caster. Don't just have the negative attitude of "oh like that's gunna happen". Anything that builds positivity and happiness in your life is something you should be investing your time into. Once you are feeling more well things like school, job and social interaction will find their way back into your life.
I had a similar experience disappearing into gaming and sitting at my pc all day instead of going to uni. What eventually got me out of it was making sc2 my life. I enjoyed improving at it so much that I just kept doing it because it gave me so much positive energy. Eventually I quit uni and began coaching starcraft full-time (30-40 hours/week) and everything steadily got much happier in my life. I'm now playing fulltime, getting back into shape through regular exercise, enjoying fresh foods and spending lots of time with my girlfriend (who i met just before i started coaching). It seems so different to when I was alone and quite isolated from society but it serves as an example of how vastly things can change if you do what you love.
Now does that mean go become a progamer? Nope. What I'm saying is try to do what makes you happy, but not in an addictive-escapist sort of way. Try to do things that keep you mentally and physically motivated, even if they don't deliver money or career paths. You're really young and at a point where that shit doesn't matter! What matters is your happiness and health!
|
This is such a ridiculous blog and could only come from a child.
What could possibly entitle you to feel that you could just drop out of school, ignore everyone's advice and still lead a good life playing computer games and doing what you want? You don't deserve an outlet, you haven't earned an outlet at all, you've earned literally nothing, that's why you get no sense of satisfaction from it. I got a tonne of satisfaction out of sitting on my ass all weekend, playing Path of Exile and some other games, got a bit stoned too, I was satisfied because I'd spent the last month working almost non stop on my masters thesis (particle physics woo!) and I earned my break.
Are you taking your GCSE's or have you just dropped out?
The country is in a pretty terrible spot right now, youth unemployment is at an all time high, now granted you can put a decent amount of this down to 'graduates' from shitty ex-polytechnics thinking they deserve a real graduate job but it still doesn't change the facts, there aren't enough jobs for your average low end graduate so why will there be a job for you.
The very fact that you stopped going to school at such an early age and (as you suggest) the fact that you will fail to get a single GCSE* is only going to tell employers, not only are you potentially illiterate and innumerate but you also have almost no motivation, I'm not even sure the armed forces will take people with no GCSE's, although maybe they have their own test which you could take.
Of course that doesn't mean you're totally screwed, oh no, you're young and you've fucked up really bad but you still have another 40+ years in you to fuck up still if you so chose.
My advice, leave your parents house, all you will do there is sit on your ass and do nothing, leave.
Don't take anything with you bar clothes and some books, live on the welfare state for a few months and you'll see how shitty things are, you won't be able to afford a computer, let alone the games to play on it, you'll have to learn to budget shop for food and watch every penny you spend.
Then once you've learnt not to be such a leech, go back and do your god damn GCSE's.
* To put this into context for everyone, I have 11 GCSE's A-C, 1 or two people out of 120ish in my year at school failed to get 11 (they got 5 or more, I cant remember exactly) and one person got 14 A* grades
|
I don't understand what prevented you from going to school and why whould you do everything possible to not go. However to the point. You won't have a good time while playing games anymore, unless you fix your life first. It doesn't work like that. You can't be escaping forever by playing games or just surfing the net, this will consume you totally.
I have gone through some rough stages in life and always when i tried to escape it by doing nothing, i ended up in much worse situation. I know it is hard, but you have to fight it. START DOING SOMETHING NOW, FIX PROBLEMS STEP BY STEP. There must be something besides sitting behind a computer screen, that you wish to do or dream about and there is nothing that is stopping you except yourself.
|
|
|
On April 03 2012 07:03 FFGenerations wrote:
i think more of us might ask "where are your parents" lol
Yeah, his parents definitely aren't doing a very good job letting him skip on school like that...
From my perspective, living a life like that is really really dreary and depressing although I'm sure it feels much more normal to you. Eventually reality is going to catch up and bite you in the ass.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
