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xiaofan
United States513 Posts
On March 24 2012 17:54 synapse wrote: This is a horrible TL girl blog... stop being so calm and mature about it, we have a reputation to uphold here! hahaahahahahah. I only posted this because the trolls are asleep =P | ||
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xiaofan
United States513 Posts
On March 24 2012 17:55 hazelynut wrote: xiaofan  such a touchpad master of BW can only attract hordes of attractive women in the future things are probably hard but you have a great mindset. i need one of those for myself. best of luck and hope you can pursue your own goals and happiness in due time  thx mona =) | ||
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Arterial
Australia1039 Posts
destroy her families. | ||
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hazelynut
United States2195 Posts
yeah ok so in the name of procrastinating on my thesis i will drop my personal opinion here in my case, my ex is in general a good person and i would in a vacuum still like him as a friend; as with all former significant others we were best friends and after a particularly catastrophic breakup we were still close and stayed friends for a while BUT in the end, it is better to take all our memories (in the form of letters, objects, etc), sell them, and burn what can't be sold. it might not be the same in your case, but being the bigger person will only last so long before you realize you're still hurt by the other person's existence /end debbydowner | ||
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xiaofan
United States513 Posts
On March 24 2012 18:13 hazelynut wrote: yeah ok so in the name of procrastinating on my thesis i will drop my personal opinion here in my case, my ex is in general a good person and i would in a vacuum still like him as a friend; as with all former significant others we were best friends and after a particularly catastrophic breakup we were still close and stayed friends for a while BUT in the end, it is better to take all our memories (in the form of letters, objects, etc), sell them, and burn what can't be sold. it might not be the same in your case, but being the bigger person will only last so long before you realize you're still hurt by the other person's existence /end debbydowner debbydowner indeed haha. I will keep that in mind. What you said echos the general consensus on Google, so I don't doubt what you say will likely happen... I already threw away/deleted everything that reminds me of her, and we agreed not to talk for exactly a month. I don't want to be best friends, or even close friends, but it's a shame to start burning a bridge that was never on fire. Edit: And I think the whole remaining friends after a breakup heavily depends on the nature of the breakup. My first gf, I never want to talk to again because she was nuts lol. But yeah, it's definitely tough to stay friends =(. I hope this blog maybe helped sway your mind a bit. If your ex is worth keeping as a friend, then give it some time and maybe try again? | ||
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hazelynut
United States2195 Posts
I experimented with not burning the bridge and it's not easy. I don't actually think there's any easy path after this haha D: EDIT in response to your edit: I think what you'll find is that if you still communicate with your ex, you will realize you have higher expectations for that person than usual people. They will have the capacity to hurt you in the slightest ways because of their change in priorities that no longer include you. It's a huge change and actually makes them different people...and I think it takes time for you to realize that, so it's better to cut off and start a friendship in an indefinite time in the future. I had a really sad talk where I tell my ex I don't know whether to burn the bridge but everyone keeps telling me to, and he tells me not to listen to all the people who don't know the situation, and that he doesn't even think of me as an "ex" but just "Mona"...that maybe stereotypical responses don't apply and that he still cares for me a lot. And my response? + Show Spoiler + LOLOL fk dat burn everything | ||
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xiaofan
United States513 Posts
On March 24 2012 18:28 hazelynut wrote: It's interesting, I would've agreed with you and said that Google doesn't know the situation, cliche blanket responses of burn-and-destroy are not one-size-fits-all, etc. But in some sense, stereotypes are stereotypes because they're true to a certain degree. I experimented with not burning the bridge and it's not easy. I don't actually think there's any easy path after this haha D: The best solution here is to forget about everything and work on getting into GM. | ||
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sc4k
United Kingdom5454 Posts
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xiaofan
United States513 Posts
On March 24 2012 21:05 sc4k wrote: I'm sure the chinese guy was extremely upset and sad that she left him and went for you. She sounds like a pretty poor quality person imo. Flitting between people based on geography. It is a bit more complicated than that, with all of us moving around and things falling into place. They broke up because she came to America to go to school, and now he came here as well. He came last Friday, out of nowhere, and within days, my ex broke up with me. That is why I say it is circumstance. I do agree that fitting between people based on geography (and such a fast turnover) is poor quality, but I understand. She wanted to go back to China, and I couldn't do that for her, so she was cutting it off now for someone who could. Is it selfish? Yes. But it was the right choice for her, so I must respect that. It's such a shame that is the reason we broke up. So that is why I say it is not personal. | ||
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Jayjay54
Germany2296 Posts
On March 24 2012 17:54 synapse wrote: This is a horrible TL girl blog... stop being so calm and mature about it, we have a reputation to uphold here! this! you either rage the shout of life or her, or you whine how cruel the world is. people around here can't stand the fact that others deal with situations like this properly! | ||
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HaXXspetten
Sweden15718 Posts
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jabberwockzerg
United States294 Posts
On March 24 2012 16:31 TheAmazombie wrote: It sucks, but you know, it happens to all of us sometimes. Listen to this: the Mountain Goats are the bomb. | ||
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Merry
United States3 Posts
My girlfriend also just left me for her ex-boyfriend. On Sunday (MArch 25) it'll have been 1 full week since she left. It was a 2.5 year relationship, and she had moved in for the last 8 months or so. A lot of crap happened, about 1 year into the relationship she called me up crying that she missed her ex BF. I was pretty upset but I said fine. I went to her house to grab my stuff and she begged me to stay and that she was sorry, she'd never do that again. When I questioned why this came up at all, she said she'd gotten a facebook message from him. She showed me the facebook message and it was a very.. emotional email saying he missed her etc. Fast foward about 6 months and everything is going well enough that I decided to invite her to live with me. While here over the course of a few months, I started to notice she was on Facebook more and more - we're talking 4-5 hours a day. I figured this was usual for a chick. She'd started chatting with him again, and eventually they decided they should be together. The one thing I learned from this, and have no regrets is because honestly we were never meant to be together. She never had closure from the last relationship and had only left him because she thought he'd ask her to marry him. So she got scared and left. The only thing I wish is that she'd chosen to leave sooner, so we both could be happy sooner. So word for the wise and the OP; if it doesn't work it, maybe it wasn't meant to be and happiness will come along (maybe even from your past). It sounds like you know the mantra to get past the heartache and nothing cures it faster than hanging with friends and chilling. | ||
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(The Doctor)
Canada40 Posts
That's a good thing! Super cool. | ||
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xiaofan
United States513 Posts
On March 24 2012 23:33 Merry wrote: My girlfriend also just left me for her ex-boyfriend. On Sunday (MArch 25) it'll have been 1 full week since she left. It was a 2.5 year relationship, and she had moved in for the last 8 months or so. A lot of crap happened, about 1 year into the relationship she called me up crying that she missed her ex BF. I was pretty upset but I said fine. I went to her house to grab my stuff and she begged me to stay and that she was sorry, she'd never do that again. When I questioned why this came up at all, she said she'd gotten a facebook message from him. She showed me the facebook message and it was a very.. emotional email saying he missed her etc. Fast foward about 6 months and everything is going well enough that I decided to invite her to live with me. While here over the course of a few months, I started to notice she was on Facebook more and more - we're talking 4-5 hours a day. I figured this was usual for a chick. She'd started chatting with him again, and eventually they decided they should be together. The one thing I learned from this, and have no regrets is because honestly we were never meant to be together. She never had closure from the last relationship and had only left him because she thought he'd ask her to marry him. So she got scared and left. The only thing I wish is that she'd chosen to leave sooner, so we both could be happy sooner. So word for the wise and the OP; if it doesn't work it, maybe it wasn't meant to be and happiness will come along (maybe even from your past). It sounds like you know the mantra to get past the heartache and nothing cures it faster than hanging with friends and chilling. Wow thank you for this post. | ||
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Dante08
Singapore4119 Posts
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docvoc
United States5491 Posts
On March 24 2012 17:54 synapse wrote: This is a horrible TL girl blog... stop being so calm and mature about it, we have a reputation to uphold here! haha this is what i was thinking xD, this was too profound and astute to be a [girl]blog. | ||
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wchigo
China71 Posts
It's all a bit of a blur at this point. She's not a super traditional Chinese girl in all respects, but in certain areas she is SUPER traditional. She had previously wanted to only date once and marry that person, but it didn't work out partially because of some issues between them and also the fact that her parents didn't really like him. Then one weekend she went home for a cousin's wedding party and ran into him... and then I guess she realized that she still greatly cared for him and so decided to break things off on the Monday. The worst part? It was less than 2 weeks after Valentine's Day. Wait, I can top that. It was less than one week after our 6 month anniversary... It still hurts a bit now, about a month after the break-up. Not nearly as bad, I'm fairly surprised at the rate in which I'm getting better. I've not really had to do the burning bridge thing too much either: a lot of the stuff she gave me I've hidden away but for Valentine's Day she had given me a really nice watch, much better than the one I was using before, so I've kept that and am still using it. Oh, I guess I should mention that I came to China to work in the hospitality industry, specifically a hotel. She also works there, so by necessity we run into each other at times. Definitely been awkward on more than one occasion and we still don't really speak. Last time we ran into each other at the staff canteen I walked by her and actually said "Hello." All she managed was a little "peep-like" noise and a sheepish look. Ah well, better than a couple weeks back when she walked into the office and I felt my heart tighten up in pain when I saw her. It does get better, and I'm surprised how well you've done with the situation. I know I'm fairly okay with it now, but there was some slight resentment on my end when it first went down. I even had a dream a couple nights ago that I ran into her and her ex-boyfriend (I don't know what he looks like in person, but somehow I knew it was him in the dream) at some restaurant. They didn't see me as I was sitting behind them with some friends, but at some point they left the restaurant happy and arm-in-arm and it was fairly depressing, haha. I've only shared this dream with like two of my friends so far and yet I'm posting here, the internet's power of anonymity! Keep at it dude, you'll find someone better who cares for you and actually deserves your love. ^_^ | ||
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Allied
United States129 Posts
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MindBreaker
United States574 Posts
Edit: lol just realized "screw her" | ||
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