When life gives you lemons..

Lately they've been hinting that they want to move back to California.

On March 08 2012 18:23 Murlox wrote:
I'd argue that betrayal implies trust, hence only a friend/relative can betray you.

However, a back-stab is a hit you didn't see coming, so even if a friend can back-stab you, anyone can, really (trust not necessarily involved here).

So in your case it was both, but it's not always true to say they're the same thing :captainobvious:

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On a side note, no you're not.

Grab your pair, find a job and a new flat over there.

Edit : not saying that's easy. But *growing up* is also going for it.

On March 08 2012 18:34 Lemonworld wrote:
I think you need to take a look from your friends perspective. They moved over it isn't working how they wanted, you want them to stay because you have nothing left back home while they have something. Once you reach a certain age you need to realise that unless your married to someone life isn't a team game in the sense that people need to do what is right for them (they are not trying to screw you, they are just trying to figure out what is the right thing for them). If you want this to work out for yourself you may need to branch out, man up and find some new people to split the rent with.

If they do move back it will potentially help you find your feet faster (socially) because you will lose the crutch of having existing people to socialise with from your previous circle and you could meet some cool new people!

Don't feel the need to burn bridges and say words like 'betrayed' to your friends when they are just humans trying to find out where they want to be. You can still be friends with people who have different goals and are at different stages in their life.

On March 08 2012 18:35 Dubzex wrote:
Call me paranoid parrot but maybe they want to move back because they are actually secretly having a relationship behind your back and know you do not want to leave, so they plan on leaving so they avoid the messy cheating/ breakup confrontation that will happen.

But then again they could just really miss their family.

On March 08 2012 18:29 NoctemSC wrote:

I already have a stable job here, why would I move back to California to an area where I don't have a job that's much more expensive to live at? It's counter productive.

Also thanks everyone for the kind words.

On March 08 2012 18:43 NoctemSC wrote:

The problem is they're leaving me with a year long contract with almost nine months still on the lease. They fully plan on taking off, whether I go or not which is what's fucked up. I'm more pissed that they've given me next to no warning.
When you tell your best friend to move down, guarantees at least a year and then all of the sudden get homesick and take off, that's shrugging responsibility, not just to me but to his job and the landlord. As it stands I won't have enough to cover rent when they leave so I'll have to move as well, which will suck because I just finished unpacking.

Finding out what you want is all fine and dandy but when it involves screwing someone else over is when I have a problem.
If they weren't sure they shouldn't have had me come down. Ciest la vie .



I don't think you understood my first post. I'll clarify. They're in a committed relationship, they're engaged. They hardly ever socialize with anyone else so I doubt they'd be cheating on each other as they plan on living in my room mates parents house until they get jobs.

On March 08 2012 18:45 Murlox wrote:


Say what? I never said to move back... Great then, just need a room. Problem?

Ok, just read your post above, this is kind of a legal issue. Don't know how USA legislation handles it. You have to read the contract to see how the departure of your room-mates is handled (are they obliged to pay the rent or not).

Anyway, you could :
1. talk about that particular fact with them / their parents, this is heavy money and totally unacceptable tbh
2. talk with your landlords (?) to change the contract and accept new room mates in
3. seek legal advice

On March 08 2012 18:00 NoctemSC wrote:
I'm slowly realizing that people don't mature fast enough, It's depressing. Why the hell would you invite your best friend down, have him leave his job and everything behind for a chance at a new life, only to want to fucking move back to the festor heap back in California? It makes no sense. That's like that retarded person that keeps going back to the abuser.

On March 08 2012 19:00 aebriol wrote:

You you you you you.

They are not having a good time. They are not having fun. They are not doing well.

You wanted quieter, you are having fun, you wanted a pet, so f them - they are wrong.

You are too selfish, need to mature and grow the fuck up and realize that you don't live others peoples life for them.

You are basically asking them to give up one year of their life because of their relationship with you, and no other benefits for them.

That's extremely selfish of you.

What you should say is:
We signed for a year ... now you want to leave ... I can understand that, but, that costs us a lot of money. I think it's fair that you cover it, since you are the ones breaking the contract. And I need to find a new place to stay here ...

On March 08 2012 19:22 Murlox wrote:
Legal advice doesn't imply going to court, it's just... advice in what to do with legal issues, if the continuation of the contract was a problem, for instance.

I do not agree with the selfish, even less so with the extremely selfish. I'd been mad too. However your conclusion sounds good to me.

In the end, another example of why living alone with a couple should be avoided. I've been there/done that for a year, it just feels wrong compared to regular room mates - often times things get 'complicated', unspoken tensions can arise... not a good plan, imo.

On March 08 2012 19:26 Murlox wrote:
Yeah this was off-topic.

Also if they are sort of childish, and if a money problem remains, and if you believe any legal action would be inappropriate, you should consider talking directly to their parents, that should give the best pressure/results.

On March 08 2012 19:13 NoctemSC wrote:


I don't think you understand.
How is it selfish of me to not want my room mate to abandon a contract because they're simply not having fun?
Life isn't all about having fun, it's about responsibilities.
They told me they wanted the same thing before I moved down, we had similar thoughts, views and expectations.
I'm not very mad at the fact that they're leaving, I'm mad at the fact that they're screwing me over financially after they were the ones to tell me to come down.

They have a responsibility and you're saying "well shit man, they can do whatever they want"
If everyone thought like that this world would be in Chaos all of the time.
Life isn't as fickle as you seem to think.

On March 08 2012 19:13 NoctemSC wrote:
I'm not very mad at the fact that they're leaving, I'm mad at the fact that they're screwing me over financially after they were the ones to tell me to come down.

On March 08 2012 22:41 Mementoss wrote:
When life gives you lemons throw a lemon party. If you know what I mean.

EDIT* On a more serious note, they should have to pay the rent until they find replacements if they do go back and you stay. But that is a huge dick move. If you all committed to a year, unless all 3 of you agree upon leaving, no one should leave. A new city, a new life, you need that support from your friends.

On the other hand your all individuals, and you all chose your own way. It is a dick move, but if they're not enjoying it at all they should leave cause that's best for them. They still owe you financially however. If you're having a good time, i'm sure you can make a lot of new friends down there and catch up with these friends when you visit cali again.

Also is it your girlfriend or his?