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When life gives you lemons..

Blogs > NoctemSC
Post a Reply
1 2 Next All
NoctemSC
Profile Blog Joined November 2011
United States771 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-06-11 08:31:55
March 08 2012 09:00 GMT
#1


http://www.twitch.tv/noctemsc <--Most epic fun times
Joni_
Profile Joined April 2011
Germany352 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-03-08 09:19:36
March 08 2012 09:19 GMT
#2
First of all... I call bullshit ! Who does stuff like that? I'm completely with you on that...

The only thing you actually can do is tell them. You may want to think about the way you say it and I guess you already did talk to them about it, but on the other hand
Lately they've been hinting that they want to move back to California.

doesn't sound as if you actually talked it through sufficiently..

Just try talking to them and if they aren't ready for the big move yet and realized it too late... You can still stay and just look for new roommates? I don't know the situation in New Hampshire regarding finding roommates, but being alone forces you to get to know new people, which rocks.
Murlox
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
France1699 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-03-08 09:27:05
March 08 2012 09:23 GMT
#3
I'd argue that betrayal implies trust, hence only a friend/relative can betray you.

However, a back-stab is a hit you didn't see coming, so even if a friend can back-stab you, anyone can, really (trust not necessarily involved here).

So in your case it was both, but it's not always true to say they're the same thing :captainobvious:

---

On a side note, no you're not.

Grab your pair, find a job and a new flat over there.

Edit : not saying that's easy. But *growing up* is also going for it.
Resistance ain't futile
opsayo
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
591 Posts
March 08 2012 09:24 GMT
#4
if its any consolation i have had a friend go back on a promise over years that we would go on a trip after we graduated then he ended up not being able to

it is raging

you have every right to be pissed
NoctemSC
Profile Blog Joined November 2011
United States771 Posts
March 08 2012 09:29 GMT
#5
On March 08 2012 18:23 Murlox wrote:
I'd argue that betrayal implies trust, hence only a friend/relative can betray you.

However, a back-stab is a hit you didn't see coming, so even if a friend can back-stab you, anyone can, really (trust not necessarily involved here).

So in your case it was both, but it's not always true to say they're the same thing :captainobvious:

---

On a side note, no you're not.

Grab your pair, find a job and a new flat over there.

Edit : not saying that's easy. But *growing up* is also going for it.

I already have a stable job here, why would I move back to California to an area where I don't have a job that's much more expensive to live at? It's counter productive.

Also thanks everyone for the kind words.
http://www.twitch.tv/noctemsc <--Most epic fun times
ImDrizzt
Profile Blog Joined February 2011
Norway427 Posts
March 08 2012 09:31 GMT
#6
Fuck your friends, you've got a Ferret, life seem pretty awesome to me.

I really want a ferret. Can you upload pic??
Link to my serious blog, where I am serious and spreads truth, knowledge and "serious" stuff: http://www.liquidpoker.net/blog/viewblog.php?id=982066
Lemonworld
Profile Joined April 2011
Australia5 Posts
March 08 2012 09:34 GMT
#7
I think you need to take a look from your friends perspective. They moved over it isn't working how they wanted, you want them to stay because you have nothing left back home while they have something. Once you reach a certain age you need to realise that unless your married to someone life isn't a team game in the sense that people need to do what is right for them (they are not trying to screw you, they are just trying to figure out what is the right thing for them). If you want this to work out for yourself you may need to branch out, man up and find some new people to split the rent with.

If they do move back it will potentially help you find your feet faster (socially) because you will lose the crutch of having existing people to socialise with from your previous circle and you could meet some cool new people!

Don't feel the need to burn bridges and say words like 'betrayed' to your friends when they are just humans trying to find out where they want to be. You can still be friends with people who have different goals and are at different stages in their life.
Dubzex
Profile Joined October 2010
United States6994 Posts
March 08 2012 09:35 GMT
#8
Call me paranoid parrot but maybe they want to move back because they are actually secretly having a relationship behind your back and know you do not want to leave, so they plan on leaving so they avoid the messy cheating/ breakup confrontation that will happen.

But then again they could just really miss their family.
"DONT UNDERESTIMATE MY CARRY OR YOU WILL BE CARRIED INTO THE ABYSS OF SUFFERING" - Tyler 'TC' Cook
hp.Shell
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States2527 Posts
March 08 2012 09:36 GMT
#9
Everything in this life is temporary, including friendship. Make the most of what you have in the present moment.
Please PM me with any songs you like that you think I haven't heard before!
NoctemSC
Profile Blog Joined November 2011
United States771 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-03-08 09:45:07
March 08 2012 09:43 GMT
#10
On March 08 2012 18:34 Lemonworld wrote:
I think you need to take a look from your friends perspective. They moved over it isn't working how they wanted, you want them to stay because you have nothing left back home while they have something. Once you reach a certain age you need to realise that unless your married to someone life isn't a team game in the sense that people need to do what is right for them (they are not trying to screw you, they are just trying to figure out what is the right thing for them). If you want this to work out for yourself you may need to branch out, man up and find some new people to split the rent with.

If they do move back it will potentially help you find your feet faster (socially) because you will lose the crutch of having existing people to socialise with from your previous circle and you could meet some cool new people!

Don't feel the need to burn bridges and say words like 'betrayed' to your friends when they are just humans trying to find out where they want to be. You can still be friends with people who have different goals and are at different stages in their life.

The problem is they're leaving me with a year long contract with almost nine months still on the lease. They fully plan on taking off, whether I go or not which is what's fucked up. I'm more pissed that they've given me next to no warning.
When you tell your best friend to move down, guarantees at least a year and then all of the sudden get homesick and take off, that's shrugging responsibility, not just to me but to his job and the landlord. As it stands I won't have enough to cover rent when they leave so I'll have to move as well, which will suck because I just finished unpacking.

Finding out what you want is all fine and dandy but when it involves screwing someone else over is when I have a problem.
If they weren't sure they shouldn't have had me come down. Ciest la vie .

On March 08 2012 18:35 Dubzex wrote:
Call me paranoid parrot but maybe they want to move back because they are actually secretly having a relationship behind your back and know you do not want to leave, so they plan on leaving so they avoid the messy cheating/ breakup confrontation that will happen.

But then again they could just really miss their family.


I don't think you understood my first post. I'll clarify. They're in a committed relationship, they're engaged. They hardly ever socialize with anyone else so I doubt they'd be cheating on each other as they plan on living in my room mates parents house until they get jobs.
http://www.twitch.tv/noctemsc <--Most epic fun times
Murlox
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
France1699 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-03-08 09:52:52
March 08 2012 09:45 GMT
#11
On March 08 2012 18:29 NoctemSC wrote:
Show nested quote +
On March 08 2012 18:23 Murlox wrote:
I'd argue that betrayal implies trust, hence only a friend/relative can betray you.

However, a back-stab is a hit you didn't see coming, so even if a friend can back-stab you, anyone can, really (trust not necessarily involved here).

So in your case it was both, but it's not always true to say they're the same thing :captainobvious:

---

On a side note, no you're not.

Grab your pair, find a job and a new flat over there.

Edit : not saying that's easy. But *growing up* is also going for it.

I already have a stable job here, why would I move back to California to an area where I don't have a job that's much more expensive to live at? It's counter productive.

Also thanks everyone for the kind words.


Say what? I never said to move back... Great then, just need a room. Problem?

Ok, just read your post above, this is kind of a legal issue. Don't know how USA legislation handles it. You have to read the contract to see how the departure of your room-mates is handled (are they obliged to pay the rent or not).

Anyway, you could :
1. talk about that particular fact with them / their parents, this is heavy money and totally unacceptable tbh
2. talk with your landlords (?) to change the contract and accept new room mates in
3. seek legal advice
Resistance ain't futile
Dubzex
Profile Joined October 2010
United States6994 Posts
March 08 2012 09:47 GMT
#12
On March 08 2012 18:43 NoctemSC wrote:
Show nested quote +
On March 08 2012 18:34 Lemonworld wrote:
I think you need to take a look from your friends perspective. They moved over it isn't working how they wanted, you want them to stay because you have nothing left back home while they have something. Once you reach a certain age you need to realise that unless your married to someone life isn't a team game in the sense that people need to do what is right for them (they are not trying to screw you, they are just trying to figure out what is the right thing for them). If you want this to work out for yourself you may need to branch out, man up and find some new people to split the rent with.

If they do move back it will potentially help you find your feet faster (socially) because you will lose the crutch of having existing people to socialise with from your previous circle and you could meet some cool new people!

Don't feel the need to burn bridges and say words like 'betrayed' to your friends when they are just humans trying to find out where they want to be. You can still be friends with people who have different goals and are at different stages in their life.

The problem is they're leaving me with a year long contract with almost nine months still on the lease. They fully plan on taking off, whether I go or not which is what's fucked up. I'm more pissed that they've given me next to no warning.
When you tell your best friend to move down, guarantees at least a year and then all of the sudden get homesick and take off, that's shrugging responsibility, not just to me but to his job and the landlord. As it stands I won't have enough to cover rent when they leave so I'll have to move as well, which will suck because I just finished unpacking.

Finding out what you want is all fine and dandy but when it involves screwing someone else over is when I have a problem.
If they weren't sure they shouldn't have had me come down. Ciest la vie .

Show nested quote +
On March 08 2012 18:35 Dubzex wrote:
Call me paranoid parrot but maybe they want to move back because they are actually secretly having a relationship behind your back and know you do not want to leave, so they plan on leaving so they avoid the messy cheating/ breakup confrontation that will happen.

But then again they could just really miss their family.


I don't think you understood my first post. I'll clarify. They're in a committed relationship, they're engaged. They hardly ever socialize with anyone else so I doubt they'd be cheating on each other as they plan on living in my room mates parents house until they get jobs.

Oh the way you wrote it made it sound like of was your girlfriend.
"DONT UNDERESTIMATE MY CARRY OR YOU WILL BE CARRIED INTO THE ABYSS OF SUFFERING" - Tyler 'TC' Cook
Lemonworld
Profile Joined April 2011
Australia5 Posts
March 08 2012 09:55 GMT
#13
Did not realise how the lease thing works in the US I somehow thought it was different to here. I was in a similar situation and moved out 5 months into a 6 month contract with my best friend at the time. Though I paid for my portion of the remaining time I wasn't there seems it was the right thing to do. If they do move out without fixing up your living arrangement either via getting a new person or getting out of the lease all together (is this possible in us?) then yes they did screw you.

Have a serious non aggressive discussion about what their actions are going to do for you financially and try and get a comprimised win win. If that fails crack some skulls and post a battle report!
NoctemSC
Profile Blog Joined November 2011
United States771 Posts
March 08 2012 09:58 GMT
#14
On March 08 2012 18:45 Murlox wrote:
Show nested quote +
On March 08 2012 18:29 NoctemSC wrote:
On March 08 2012 18:23 Murlox wrote:
I'd argue that betrayal implies trust, hence only a friend/relative can betray you.

However, a back-stab is a hit you didn't see coming, so even if a friend can back-stab you, anyone can, really (trust not necessarily involved here).

So in your case it was both, but it's not always true to say they're the same thing :captainobvious:

---

On a side note, no you're not.

Grab your pair, find a job and a new flat over there.

Edit : not saying that's easy. But *growing up* is also going for it.

I already have a stable job here, why would I move back to California to an area where I don't have a job that's much more expensive to live at? It's counter productive.

Also thanks everyone for the kind words.


Say what? I never said to move back... Great then, just need a room. Problem?

Ok, just read your post above, this is kind of a legal issue. Don't know how USA legislation handles it. You have to read the contract to see how the departure of your room-mates is handled (are they obliged to pay the rent or not).

Anyway, you could :
1. talk about that particular fact with them / their parents, this is heavy money and totally unacceptable tbh
2. talk with your landlords (?) to change the contract and accept new room mates in
3. seek legal advice


The contract only has an abandonment clause, so if they leave the landlord takes the security deposit.
I'll be looking for a new room mate/calling up people to see if they have a room for rent. I can't stand living with such flakey people. I've always been a man of my word, if I say I'm going to do something, I do it. Period.
I expect the same from my friends, keep getting let down lately but heh...that's life.

As for legal advice, I'd never take them to court for breach of contract. Yes I'm furious with him, but in the end, he's still my friend. The worst part is he won't even tell me himself, he has his girlfriend do it for him. If you're going to screw over a friend, have the balls to say it yourself.
http://www.twitch.tv/noctemsc <--Most epic fun times
aebriol
Profile Joined April 2010
Norway2066 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-03-08 10:01:46
March 08 2012 10:00 GMT
#15
On March 08 2012 18:00 NoctemSC wrote:
I'm slowly realizing that people don't mature fast enough, It's depressing. Why the hell would you invite your best friend down, have him leave his job and everything behind for a chance at a new life, only to want to fucking move back to the festor heap back in California? It makes no sense. That's like that retarded person that keeps going back to the abuser.

You you you you you.

They are not having a good time. They are not having fun. They are not doing well.

You wanted quieter, you are having fun, you wanted a pet, so f them - they are wrong.

You are too selfish, need to mature and grow the fuck up and realize that you don't live others peoples life for them.

You are basically asking them to give up one year of their life because of their relationship with you, and no other benefits for them.

That's extremely selfish of you.

What you should say is:
We signed for a year ... now you want to leave ... I can understand that, but, that costs us a lot of money. I think it's fair that you cover it, since you are the ones breaking the contract. And I need to find a new place to stay here ...
NoctemSC
Profile Blog Joined November 2011
United States771 Posts
March 08 2012 10:13 GMT
#16
On March 08 2012 19:00 aebriol wrote:
Show nested quote +
On March 08 2012 18:00 NoctemSC wrote:
I'm slowly realizing that people don't mature fast enough, It's depressing. Why the hell would you invite your best friend down, have him leave his job and everything behind for a chance at a new life, only to want to fucking move back to the festor heap back in California? It makes no sense. That's like that retarded person that keeps going back to the abuser.

You you you you you.

They are not having a good time. They are not having fun. They are not doing well.

You wanted quieter, you are having fun, you wanted a pet, so f them - they are wrong.

You are too selfish, need to mature and grow the fuck up and realize that you don't live others peoples life for them.

You are basically asking them to give up one year of their life because of their relationship with you, and no other benefits for them.

That's extremely selfish of you.

What you should say is:
We signed for a year ... now you want to leave ... I can understand that, but, that costs us a lot of money. I think it's fair that you cover it, since you are the ones breaking the contract. And I need to find a new place to stay here ...


I don't think you understand.
How is it selfish of me to not want my room mate to abandon a contract because they're simply not having fun?
Life isn't all about having fun, it's about responsibilities.
They told me they wanted the same thing before I moved down, we had similar thoughts, views and expectations.
I'm not very mad at the fact that they're leaving, I'm mad at the fact that they're screwing me over financially after they were the ones to tell me to come down.

They have a responsibility and you're saying "well shit man, they can do whatever they want"
If everyone thought like that this world would be in Chaos all of the time.
Life isn't as fickle as you seem to think.
http://www.twitch.tv/noctemsc <--Most epic fun times
Murlox
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
France1699 Posts
March 08 2012 10:22 GMT
#17
Legal advice doesn't imply going to court, it's just... advice in what to do with legal issues, if the continuation of the contract was a problem, for instance.

I do not agree with the selfish, even less so with the extremely selfish. I'd been mad too. However your conclusion sounds good to me.

In the end, another example of why living alone with a couple should be avoided. I've been there/done that for a year, it just feels wrong compared to regular room mates - often times things get 'complicated', unspoken tensions can arise... not a good plan, imo.
Resistance ain't futile
NoctemSC
Profile Blog Joined November 2011
United States771 Posts
March 08 2012 10:23 GMT
#18
On March 08 2012 19:22 Murlox wrote:
Legal advice doesn't imply going to court, it's just... advice in what to do with legal issues, if the continuation of the contract was a problem, for instance.

I do not agree with the selfish, even less so with the extremely selfish. I'd been mad too. However your conclusion sounds good to me.

In the end, another example of why living alone with a couple should be avoided. I've been there/done that for a year, it just feels wrong compared to regular room mates - often times things get 'complicated', unspoken tensions can arise... not a good plan, imo.


The thing is, I get along great with both of my room mates, despite them being a couple. We hang out all of the time, we give each other privacy as well. This just feels like a complete blindside to me.
http://www.twitch.tv/noctemsc <--Most epic fun times
Murlox
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
France1699 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-03-08 10:28:52
March 08 2012 10:26 GMT
#19
Yeah this was off-topic.

Also if they are sort of childish, and if a money problem remains, and if you believe any legal action would be inappropriate, you should consider talking directly to their parents, that should give the best pressure/results.


Edit : I'm realizing this could just have been a venting blog more than anything. In any cases, good luck
Resistance ain't futile
NoctemSC
Profile Blog Joined November 2011
United States771 Posts
March 08 2012 10:30 GMT
#20
On March 08 2012 19:26 Murlox wrote:
Yeah this was off-topic.

Also if they are sort of childish, and if a money problem remains, and if you believe any legal action would be inappropriate, you should consider talking directly to their parents, that should give the best pressure/results.


Yeah true, maybe I'm just taking this to personally.
I don't make it a habit of screwing over friends, even if they did the same thing to me.
I don't know, I'm just not used to having room mates this fickle.
I've been on my own since I was 17, all of my room mates up to this point have been stable.
Maybe I'm just expecting too much because he's a friend.
http://www.twitch.tv/noctemsc <--Most epic fun times
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