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Active: 1411 users

Most awkward moment of my life in my consult...

Blogs > UmbraaeternuS
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1 2 3 Next All
UmbraaeternuS
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
Chile476 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-02-24 15:23:51
February 24 2012 15:19 GMT
#1
Hello TL.
I want to share with you another of my medical tales.

I was attending my medical consult today. The last patient of the day was a 9 years old girl who came with her mother, who was a lady about 30 years old.

-So what brings you to my consult?

-Well, my daughter has been having these weird episodes of blackouts and spasms back home for the last month, and it has me so worried. I think it might be epilepsy, so I brought her right away...


So I calm the mom down, and begin taking up the little girl's medical history. Remarkabely healthy, all her vaccinations up to date, no family history of epilepsy, nothing. Then I asked a few more questions regarding the so-called spasms, while the little girl payed a lot of attention to what her mother and I were talking about, and randomly smiling.

-Tell me a little more about those spasms she has... Any specific thing that detonates them? How many times a day/week does she have them? Does she fully recover consciousness after the black-outs you describe or is she a little sleepy and disoriented afterwards? Does she lose control of her sphincters?

-Well... It always happens like this. She likes to sit on the arm of this big couch we have on our living room, like riding it, so she begins rocking back and forth and after a while she turns red, sweaty and suddenly she begins grunting and has these spasms, then blacks out for a few seconds in the couch... And no, she does not lose control of her sphincters...


... I begun looking at the mother in disbelief. What was going on was so obvious!! I put on my best poker-face, gather all my power to not burst into laughter (the whole situation was so damn funny) and ask the little girl:

-So how do you feel, honey? Have you felt ill the last few days?

-No mister Doctor, I feel wonderful! But I feel so much better after playing horsie in the couch! It feels so good I want to do it again and again! I don't want mommy to be worried, I feel fine!....


Her mother looks at her with her mouth gaping open... Then looks at me.
You can imagine the rest of the chatter. I had to break her still-in-denial-and-so-damn-naive mother the news... Still with my best poker face.
Her little girl had discovered the big O'.

God, was that awkward... I don't want that to ever happen again.

****
therealwinters - Skype / @DrUmbra - Twitter // "There is nothing more cool than being proud of the things that you love" - Sean "Day[9]" Plott <3
Masq
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
Canada1792 Posts
February 24 2012 15:23 GMT
#2
....

i dont know what to say
scDeluX
Profile Blog Joined October 2007
Canada1341 Posts
February 24 2012 15:25 GMT
#3
LOL that must have been a funny day at the office
Brood War is forever
MisterD
Profile Blog Joined June 2010
Germany1338 Posts
February 24 2012 15:25 GMT
#4
LOL i so want to know what the mom did when you told her.
Gold isn't everything in life... you need wood, too!
KoBlades
Profile Joined April 2011
Austria248 Posts
February 24 2012 15:30 GMT
#5
hahahahaha how awesome is that? great story! 5* ^^
"What do you know about fear?" -"Everything."
Gatsbi
Profile Joined April 2010
United States1134 Posts
February 24 2012 15:33 GMT
#6
LOL wow dude. That had to be extremely awkward hahaha
"IF WHAT YOU DO NOT KNOW IS MORE THAN WHAT YOU HAVE KNOWN. THEN YOU HAVE NOT KNOWN ANYTHINIG YET." - Rev Kojo Smith
hai2u
Profile Joined September 2011
688 Posts
February 24 2012 15:39 GMT
#7
lmao pls share with us how you explained it to the mom afterwards and her response =D.
Ph4ZeD
Profile Joined September 2011
United Kingdom753 Posts
February 24 2012 15:40 GMT
#8
Epic story, and wow how did that daughter come into the world if the mother is that clueless?
N3rV[Green]
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
United States1935 Posts
February 24 2012 15:42 GMT
#9
so that part in one episode of House has actually happened to doctors before? Holy shiet.
Never fear the darkness, Bran. The strongest trees are rooted in the dark places of the earth. Darkness will be your cloak, your shield, your mother's milk. Darkness will make you strong.
PassiveAce
Profile Blog Joined February 2011
United States18076 Posts
February 24 2012 15:42 GMT
#10
hahahahaha thats SO funny. I would love to know the mothers response.
Call me Marge Simpson cuz I love you homie
Deleted User 135096
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
3624 Posts
February 24 2012 15:43 GMT
#11
LOL!!! 5/5.
Administrator
Jedclark
Profile Blog Joined February 2011
United Kingdom903 Posts
February 24 2012 15:45 GMT
#12
LOL.

5/5

What did the mother say afterwards?
"They make it so scrubnubs can PM me. They make it so I can't ignore scrubnubs!" - "I'm gonna show you how great I am." MKP fan since GSL Open Season 2 #hipsternerd
forgottendreams
Profile Joined August 2010
United States1771 Posts
February 24 2012 15:46 GMT
#13
5/5....
FractalsOnFire
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Australia1756 Posts
February 24 2012 15:48 GMT
#14
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL HILARIOUS!!!

Oh man the look on that mother's face would've been priceless!
Chaves
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
Brazil315 Posts
February 24 2012 15:52 GMT
#15
LOL'D HARD - what to say hmm? maybe the mom should ride the horse and stay cool kkkkk
nooboon
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
2602 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-02-24 15:53:21
February 24 2012 15:53 GMT
#16
Oh gawd, please if tell us what happened after. This is too funny.

On February 25 2012 00:40 Ph4ZeD wrote:
Epic story, and wow how did that daughter come into the world if the mother is that clueless?


In the "heat" of the moment the mother's first thought would have been, "OMG what is wrong with my daughter?" and not "oh my daughter is having an orgasm at nine".

UmbraaeternuS
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
Chile476 Posts
February 24 2012 15:56 GMT
#17
So, for those of you who want to know the rest of the dialogue, I went on and performed a full neurological examination, which of course was normal, and then the most awkward chat of my life begun like so:

-Ok madam, like I said before, there's nothing to be worried about. Your daughter does not have epilepsy. Her neurological examination is normal and the... behavior she's presenting is not consistent with epilepsy either.

-Oh God, that's a relief! But what do you mean when you say "behavior" like that?... Is... is it what I think it is?...

-What do you think is going on, madam? (my poker-face suddenly morphed into a major, epic trollface)

-Well... My little girl is just 9... she can't be... you know... masturbating?

-I hate to break the news like this, but your little girl IS masturbating, and the grunts and spasms she is presenting are probably just... you know... orgasms.


The little girl then asks "mommy, what's an orgasms?"

All of the sudden I couldn't hold on anymore and chuckle a little, the mom laughs too afterwards, her cheeks bright red/purple/"WTFrainbow"

-Oh... my... *lady covers her mouth with her hands, girl gives her the "did I do something wrong" look*

*awkward silence*

-Madam, don't be ashamed, this it's perfectly normal. You know masturbation is a very normal and natural thing, even in children; you just have to give her "the talk" and recommend her she does that in private, if she decides to continuate with it. Don't punish her because of this, just explain what needs to be explained.

-But... orgasms? Are you sure, doctor?

-Madam, orgasms are a physiological thing, children can have them. And I assure you, she's having them, and that's why she's engaging in this repetitive behavior with the couch... Just give her "the talk" and don't worry so much, she's going to be fine.

She then apologized for the awkward moment, thanked me and took her little girl home saying:

"Oh, honey, we're sooo gonna have a long mother-to-daughter conversation when we get home..."


I closed the door and laughed like there's no tomorrow, thinking "daaamn, I've SO got to post this on my TL blog when I get home"...
LOL.

Thank you for reading.
therealwinters - Skype / @DrUmbra - Twitter // "There is nothing more cool than being proud of the things that you love" - Sean "Day[9]" Plott <3
Erasme
Profile Blog Joined February 2011
Bahamas15899 Posts
February 24 2012 16:03 GMT
#18
AHAHAHAHAHA
Little girls aren't pure anymore LOL
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d7lxwFEB6FI “‘Drain the swamp’? Stupid saying, means nothing, but you guys loved it so I kept saying it.”
Newbistic
Profile Blog Joined August 2006
China2912 Posts
February 24 2012 16:07 GMT
#19
Aren't you violating some kind of doctor-patient confidentiality thingamajig?
Logic is Overrated
Integra
Profile Blog Joined January 2008
Sweden5626 Posts
February 24 2012 16:07 GMT
#20
Girls matures faster than boys so ya... and the story was hilarious btw
"Dark Pleasure" | | I survived the Locust war of May 3, 2014
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