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Hello TL.
I want to share with you another of my medical tales.
I was attending my medical consult today. The last patient of the day was a 9 years old girl who came with her mother, who was a lady about 30 years old.
-So what brings you to my consult?
-Well, my daughter has been having these weird episodes of blackouts and spasms back home for the last month, and it has me so worried. I think it might be epilepsy, so I brought her right away...
So I calm the mom down, and begin taking up the little girl's medical history. Remarkabely healthy, all her vaccinations up to date, no family history of epilepsy, nothing. Then I asked a few more questions regarding the so-called spasms, while the little girl payed a lot of attention to what her mother and I were talking about, and randomly smiling.
-Tell me a little more about those spasms she has... Any specific thing that detonates them? How many times a day/week does she have them? Does she fully recover consciousness after the black-outs you describe or is she a little sleepy and disoriented afterwards? Does she lose control of her sphincters?
-Well... It always happens like this. She likes to sit on the arm of this big couch we have on our living room, like riding it, so she begins rocking back and forth and after a while she turns red, sweaty and suddenly she begins grunting and has these spasms, then blacks out for a few seconds in the couch... And no, she does not lose control of her sphincters...
... I begun looking at the mother in disbelief. What was going on was so obvious!! I put on my best poker-face, gather all my power to not burst into laughter (the whole situation was so damn funny) and ask the little girl:
-So how do you feel, honey? Have you felt ill the last few days?
-No mister Doctor, I feel wonderful! But I feel so much better after playing horsie in the couch! It feels so good I want to do it again and again! I don't want mommy to be worried, I feel fine!....
Her mother looks at her with her mouth gaping open... Then looks at me.
You can imagine the rest of the chatter. I had to break her still-in-denial-and-so-damn-naive mother the news... Still with my best poker face.
Her little girl had discovered the big O'.
God, was that awkward... I don't want that to ever happen again.
 
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....
i dont know what to say
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LOL that must have been a funny day at the office
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LOL i so want to know what the mom did when you told her.
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hahahahaha how awesome is that? great story! 5* ^^
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LOL wow dude. That had to be extremely awkward hahaha
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lmao pls share with us how you explained it to the mom afterwards and her response =D.
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Epic story, and wow how did that daughter come into the world if the mother is that clueless?
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so that part in one episode of House has actually happened to doctors before? Holy shiet.
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hahahahaha thats SO funny. I would love to know the mothers response.
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LOL.
5/5
What did the mother say afterwards?
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LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL HILARIOUS!!!
Oh man the look on that mother's face would've been priceless!
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LOL'D HARD - what to say hmm? maybe the mom should ride the horse and stay cool kkkkk
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Oh gawd, please if tell us what happened after. This is too funny.
On February 25 2012 00:40 Ph4ZeD wrote:
Epic story, and wow how did that daughter come into the world if the mother is that clueless?
In the "heat" of the moment the mother's first thought would have been, "OMG what is wrong with my daughter?" and not "oh my daughter is having an orgasm at nine".
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So, for those of you who want to know the rest of the dialogue, I went on and performed a full neurological examination, which of course was normal, and then the most awkward chat of my life begun like so:
-Ok madam, like I said before, there's nothing to be worried about. Your daughter does not have epilepsy. Her neurological examination is normal and the... behavior she's presenting is not consistent with epilepsy either.
-Oh God, that's a relief! But what do you mean when you say "behavior" like that?... Is... is it what I think it is?...
-What do you think is going on, madam? (my poker-face suddenly morphed into a major, epic trollface)
-Well... My little girl is just 9... she can't be... you know... masturbating?
-I hate to break the news like this, but your little girl IS masturbating, and the grunts and spasms she is presenting are probably just... you know... orgasms.
The little girl then asks "mommy, what's an orgasms?"
All of the sudden I couldn't hold on anymore and chuckle a little, the mom laughs too afterwards, her cheeks bright red/purple/"WTFrainbow"
-Oh... my... *lady covers her mouth with her hands, girl gives her the "did I do something wrong" look*
*awkward silence*
-Madam, don't be ashamed, this it's perfectly normal. You know masturbation is a very normal and natural thing, even in children; you just have to give her "the talk" and recommend her she does that in private, if she decides to continuate with it. Don't punish her because of this, just explain what needs to be explained.
-But... orgasms? Are you sure, doctor?
-Madam, orgasms are a physiological thing, children can have them. And I assure you, she's having them, and that's why she's engaging in this repetitive behavior with the couch... Just give her "the talk" and don't worry so much, she's going to be fine.
She then apologized for the awkward moment, thanked me and took her little girl home saying:
"Oh, honey, we're sooo gonna have a long mother-to-daughter conversation when we get home..."
I closed the door and laughed like there's no tomorrow, thinking "daaamn, I've SO got to post this on my TL blog when I get home"...
LOL.
Thank you for reading. 
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AHAHAHAHAHA
Little girls aren't pure anymore LOL
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Aren't you violating some kind of doctor-patient confidentiality thingamajig?
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Girls matures faster than boys so ya... and the story was hilarious btw 
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On February 25 2012 01:07 Newbistic wrote:
Aren't you violating some kind of doctor-patient confidentiality thingamajig?
Nope. No names and just a story means no breach in confidentiality. Think of it as a funny annecdote.
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On February 25 2012 01:07 Newbistic wrote:
Aren't you violating some kind of doctor-patient confidentiality thingamajig?
He didn't provide us with any information on the patient or her family, there is no chance of us finding out who they really are. So no, he didn't violate it . Plus anonymity over internet is kinda big, that's a plus.
Anyhow, amazing story from both comedy and developmental points of view :D
Edit: UmbraaeternuS beat me to it ;P
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On February 25 2012 01:07 Newbistic wrote:
Aren't you violating some kind of doctor-patient confidentiality thingamajig?
He's not disclosing any patient details. Just saying a 9yr old girl and 30 something mother. Prtty sure lots fall into that category.
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This was hilarious.
I did expect her feigning blackouts as in "I don´t remember breaking this or that" but man was I wrong. How can you see something happen not once but multiple times in the same way and think it´s some kind of random epillepsy?
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Man, write again! I haven't laughed so hard in ages!
Stories like this one sometimes make me feel bad that I didn't become a doctor, like my grandma wanted
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Yo man just keep in mind the hypersexuality syndromes... don't think its absolutely normal for a 9 yr old girl to start openly masturbating without insight.
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On February 25 2012 01:49 SushilS wrote:
Yo man just keep in mind the hypersexuality syndromes... don't think its absolutely normal for a 9 yr old girl to start openly masturbating without insight.
Kept in mind, man... No history or behavior related to abuse or anything like that in this case, just a kid finding out she can feel good by rocking in the arm of a big couch. And she's a kid, phychiatrically speaking that excludes a bunch more causes,
When kids do these kind of things it's usually because they found out by accident (like rocking in the couch'es arm, felt good, wants to do it again). What you say though is true, we should keep an eye out for those things.
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Do you think having the same conversation with her father would have been better or worse? :p
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On February 25 2012 01:49 SushilS wrote:
Yo man just keep in mind the hypersexuality syndromes... don't think its absolutely normal for a 9 yr old girl to start openly masturbating without insight.
some of the biggest advances or insights of mankind was found on pure luck or on accident, why should this "insight" be any different?
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Canada9720 Posts
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I'd pay to see the expression on the mother's face
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LOL YOOOOOOOOOOO
BLACKOUTS MOM? REALLY? LOL, you think the problem is BLACKOUTS?
10/5 if I could LOL
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I guess some moms just won't accept the fact kids grow a LOT faster nowadays... I'm still laughing at the memory of that consult. What a day, LOL.
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Rofl, its a good thing you told the mom not to punish her or anything for it, would condition her to become a prude the rest of her life
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Reminds me of the toy harry potter vibrating broomstick.
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LOL
Best story blog I've read on TL in awhile! 5/5
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rofl.... Just imagine that little girl when she's older and thinks about this lmao. Great blog this is the second one today that cracked me up :D
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On February 25 2012 01:07 Newbistic wrote:
Aren't you violating some kind of doctor-patient confidentiality thingamajig?
No, he hasn't used any names or anything that could be specifically linked to the patient.
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Awkward and hilarious!
Oh how "naturally" the human bodies find pleasure in... errr... =)
5/5
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Laughed my ass off, thanks for sharing!
10/5. Where's that button?
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On February 25 2012 03:54 Djzapz wrote:
Reminds me of the toy harry potter vibrating broomstick.
Oh, LOL. You cracked me up with that comment xD
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Girls mature fast these days.
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Wow, so work of fiction also happens in RL ._.
Will look for that episode just to see how close it was to my experience.
I haven't seen House a lot, since I'm not much of a fan of the show.
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Not saying your story isn't true, good sir. Just saying it sounded familiar.
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On February 25 2012 22:02 Pushover wrote:Not saying your story isn't true, good sir. Just saying it sounded familiar.
Sorry if I made my words 'sound' like that, that was totally not my intention.
Watched the episode and it IS incredibly similar. Laughed so much at the way House tried to tell the mother what was going on using euphemisms. Damn, I should have done that too, LOL
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EPT
