So those are the facts of the situation. Now, when she told me all this today I was kind of in shock, both from the possible cancer and the wedding stuff. She often gets mad when she springs things on me and doesn't hear exactly what she wants immediately. I suck at reading what she wants to hear and don't say the right things - as I did today. I was kind of quiet trying to process what I was just told and proceeded to voice a few concerns over when this would happen and if my parents and brother could even make it on short notice (yes I did console her first about the news of possible cancer). That voicing of concern on my part certainly didn't help my situation but she was beyond pissed that I even hesitated or had to process what she just told me.
So first question, was I being insensitive/being an asshole at this point? On one hand after having some time to think I really wish I would have just said "Yes, whatever you want that's fine" like she wanted to hear. On the other hand I don't think it's unreasonable to give someone a little time with huge news like this before delving into things.
Also, and probably the most important part of all this, I feel like now no matter how I feel about anything it doesn't matter because the possible passing away of her grandad soon trumps everything else. I actually have strong feelings about the whole real small wedding and then having a 'fake' larger wedding later and not having my whole family there for the real deal. Should I even mention this to her?
Sorry for the long post. Long story short, am I being selfish/insensitive/an asshole about this situation? I feel like my concerns and possibly my parents concerns about the wedding part of this just doesn't count and maybe it shouldn't. I just don't know if it's appropriate for me to voice these concerns when obviously losing a grandparent is more important than a wedding or pretty much anything else in life.
I feel like I should include that I lost all of my grandparents many many years ago, I barely even remember my parents telling me or the funerals. She says I don't handle death or anything really serious things well so that may be true. I also HATE not having in say in things that directly involve my life or what I do which I feel might be the source of all of this. I just need some outside thoughts, which may in fact confirm that I'm just being a selfish prick.
If you read all of this thank you. Please share your thoughts.