these are the things i've earnestly pursued in my life:
- tvz & zvt in broodwar
- a few music song things
- cataloging experiences/sensations
look at this list, it's the most self-centered and useless shit. i did almost literally nothing during college except jerk off and get high and somehow finished an (albeit shit) degree. i haven't been sober for longer than a month in three years and i have a fulltime job that is easy and pays well. factor in my relations and low standards and i will never have to worry about money in my life. i overcame existential angst because i'm smart enough to understand camus, but not smart enough to delve into the rabbit hole of 'real' philosophy. i frequently blow off even my best friends because i happened to meet extremely cool people that always forgive me for it. what the fuck?
all i care about in life right now is pursuing young artistic cute women and what an absurd... luxury that is!
in the sirens of titan, the greatest sin in vonnegut's invented religion ("The Church of God the Utterly Indifferent") is to attribute positive twists of fate to your own doing, and believe that anyone deserves anything that happens to them. i think about this all the time, but i don't know what to do with this information. do i apologize? am i wasting something? my friends with more productive jobs and higher status seem so unhappy still, but i'm fine. is a life happily lived worth it already? is it complacency to aspire for the most important thing, happiness, and then just be completely satisfied once you hit it?
edit: i'm not a girl, but you can continue being weirdly nice to me because of the 1% uncertainty. makes the internet a much more pleasant place.