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This is a difficult blog to write.
Basically, I'm trying to make sense of the fact that my mom seems to take the efforts I make to be proactive in my life as a favour to her.
For example, if I mention that I'm trying to change my diet for the better and that its working, she comes across in a well meaning way but it gives me this aftertaste like "that wasn't what I was going for when I told her," and I feel more depressed and confused than anything after sharing it. Mainly, what I tend to be looking for is encouragement, but she talks about the subject in a tone like its a relief for her more than its a step for me. I don't want to say this, but it's gives the impression, true or not, that she doesn't care about my future. That wouldn't grind me so much if it wasn't that she seems to accept her behaviour as being fine.
Honestly at this point I would rather have a mother badgering me about why I'm not living life to her standards, at least I would have an opponent of sorts to bounce my feelings off.
It's a difficult thing to work out when thinking about it. My mom and I have an unhealthy relationship because I feel she has a low self-esteem and fails to put me in my place most times. In fact, my siblings and I have often had to help her cope in tough situations. Any time she does try to be strict, its in an out-of-control fashion, rather than being a show of authority.
Does anyone know what I'm talking about and if so, what was your experience and how did you manage it.
Thank you and, at any rate, it feels better to have written this...
 
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All you can do is trust her and explain her in a positive way how she could make things go better. You can't force her to change, make her see it on her own.
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sorry about your mom, but nice job on the diet! keep working hard and hopefully you'll feel happier in the future :D
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How old are you? Don't talk to your mother. All problems solved. What's the point anyway? It not only makes you look like a girl but it makes you feel like one and that's just wrong.
I hope this doesn't come out wrong. I love my mom and we talk when it's needed, sometimes she asks me about a gf etc. and I usually answer, but that's about it. You should have other people to talk to about stuff... Your mom might always be there for you, but don't take advantage of that, it's just not worth it. Maybe she's just trying to let you know you should grow up and stand on your own feet. Do it. Be a man.
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Sounds like you also have a low self esteem issue because of your sensitivity to your mother.
Sharing very personal things with your parents can be very difficult, especially since they're so far away from how you feel about your life and how they essentially can rule your life for better or worse. I feel like sharing how you feel about your weight is the most personal and honestly something most everyone in the family can attempt together. It does sound like a relief a lot of times, but don't forget the encouraging words. My girlfriend has gone on weight watchers twice in the two years I have known her and both times it was really hard to say "I am going to start" and for me not to sound like I am excited to see her lose weight (I am, but I mean...too excited). The best way to support her was to encourage her and be a backbone, on the flip side she had to realize no matter what I was saying about it I was trying to make her feel good.
That is where you need to realize that your parents, siblings, friends, etc. may not say the right words or say them in the right tone but I can assure you they are happy you want to be healthier and willing to help.
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Sounds like you are at the stage where you should start treating your parents as other human beings and stop treating them as demi-gods, i know intellectually you probably realize this somewhere around when you start puberty (at least for me) but in practice it wasn't until i reached about 21-22 years of age until i started converting that knowledge into how i considered their actions and dialogue towards me. Your parents probably knows nothing more of life than you do at this point so you have to stop looking to them for answers. Just as you take what your friends tell you with a grain of salt you must do the same with your parents!
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what does she say? "Oh im so glad you are losing weight. Its so embarrassing walking around with a fat kid." Yea right. Of course she would take personal joy in her child's successes. That doesnt mean she isnt happy for you, or don't want to encourage you to do productive things. It sounds like shes pretty lenient as far as discipline goes. Its your job to make her not regret it, for her peace of mind and yours.
Don't listen to that guy who said "just dont talk to her." Thats terrible advice. That's applicable if your parents are being abusive or something which I dont think is the case here.
Parents are humans too. They want to feel appreciated. They want communication. They want to know what your thinking and how youre feeling. Try to be supportive and dont harbor some weird thoughts like shes out to get you or something lol.
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You really should at least tell us how old you are if you are asking for advice. I'm with nttea on this, seems like you're at a point in your life when you realize that your parents aren't perfect and you have to rely on yourself for some stuff. That's a perfectly normal and healthy process but it can be painful at times.
And just because she's not encouraging you it doesn't mean she doesn't love you. Maybe she was genuinely worried for you and she's relieved now. Or she thinks you are doing her a favour and wants to show she's thankful. Or whatever. It doesn't really matter. I'm just saying just because she didn't say what you needed to hear she could still care about you. She just doesn't understand you perfectly, because she's not perfect. She's just human.
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It would be good to know if she is a single mother or not, as that can make parenting and other things a lot harder to deal with, depending on her personality type. Age can also be a factor, sometimes if you have a lot older parents, sometimes nuances like that will just completely go over there head. Sorry if that seems like someone trying to rationalize a defense for your mother, but it is some things to consider.
In any relationship, friend lover parent child, in some form or another you need to express your feelings towards the other person. If you don't communicate about problems, you are not giving a fair chance to find improvement in the situation, even if the said party should know better. Talk to your mother, tell her how you feel and how it affects you and your siblings, and see if she makes efforts to improve (or if she needs help making those efforts).
When i kicked my father out of our family's house, my mother looked like (and for awhile had been living like) a person with Stockholm's syndrome. The stress of her current life situation literally turned her into a completely different person, and it made it very hard to judge her later on decisions she could have made to better our living situation.
TLDR - Adults have feelings too, make sure there is nothing going on that would merit your mother being insensitive ect, and whether there is or isn't anything, try your best to communicate-out a solution. If your sibling are affected/care, they should be involved too.
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Release your care about what your mother thinks about what you do, who you are and how you are to the point where your care-o-meter shows 0.
Apply your care to what you think, care-o-meteter needs to show 100 or max.
So now you don't care what your mother says and wherther she cares about what she says and why. Iit's your life so is it worth it to depend on her or her appreciation or whatever it is you expect from her..
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well, if im right she already has a tainted perspective of you, and you'll never be able to be emotionally
dependent on her. So get the idea, that she'll be there to support you, out of your head.
if you want a positive life, only you can make that happen. you cant lean onto others for what you lack.
you'll end up pressuring them, and creating a faulty foundation for yourself.
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Wat... that makes no sense. You worry for those you love. Especially your children ofcourse its a relief to see them make the right choices. How is that anything other than caring for your future?
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EPT
