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My girlfriend has a 2 year old son. Her ex is a total piece of shit. Abusive, manipulative, cokehead, alcoholic, cheater, etc. Total fucking scumbag. When she left him, he didn't give two flying fucks about her, or their son. Never bothered to call, try and visit his son, hasn't paid her a dime in child support (and he makes a metric shit-ton of money).
Recently, due to the court ordering him to actually pay her some money, he demanded a DNA test. Just to make it that much more difficult. There was no doubt he was the father.
DNA test came back. It's 99.9999% certain he's the dad.
I've been with her long enough that he's started calling me dad. I have no problem with this. I'd rather be a positive role-model and a good dad to this wonderful little boy than have this fucking scumbag poison him with his attitude, his irresponsibility, his anger, his short temperedness, and his habits.
He sued her for visitation rights. We are completely sure that he's only doing this out of spite. To either hurt him, or her. He got the rights. He's going to be in my house, and I have to step out so they can have their time together.
I feel sick to my stomach. Do I even have a right to be concerned though? I'm feeling really confused and defensive and threatened and angry that this was allowed to happen. There's no way he'd pass a drug test whatsoever. I understand that it's "his" son, but he walked out on them, treated them like garbage, abandoned his child.
Argh!
edit: spelling
 
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I use to think there were a lot of good people in this world.
Then I started working and learned about life
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On December 08 2011 04:48 HardBridge wrote:
I use to think there were a lot of good people in this world.
Then I started working and learned about life
morality is in the eyes of the beholder, there are plenty of "good" people in the world just as there are plenty of "bad" people in the world its just how you view each one
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That's a tough situation, I'm sorry. Unfortunately the law screws up sometimes, and there's just nothing you can do. All you can do is offer your girlfriend any emotional support she may need and make sure she is able to stand up to her ex and not be intimidated by him.
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Does he pay child support now? If not I wonder how he won the visitiation rights case in court.
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Well, everyone deserves a second (or third, etc) chance. Seeing his own kid turn out to be a better person than he is might make him reflect on his doucheyness and make him change. It sucks that your kid will learn that his biological father is someone like him, but when you and your gf bring him up well, I see no reason to be concerned.
Just don't purposely antagonize him or anything, and you guys will be alright.
Good luck!
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Hey man its ok what your feeling now, im sure it will get easier as time goes on. Its a good thing that the guy is trying to see his son even if its for the wrong reasons. Personally my father left me when i was one and never met him. I think theres no harm in him coming over, just remember to be the better man!!! I think it will work out for you friend. GL <3
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Cant she demand drug testing as part of visitation?
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When you feel like your son have grown old enough to understand, tell him everything.
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Sorry bro, but I think that you have to step aside for the law a bit. I believe it may be possible to ask a judge for a drug test of some kind and then go through the route that he may be harmful to the daughter. That is the only way I can think to keep him away.
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Watch the last parts of Season 1 Dexter. Should solve your problem.
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9933 Posts
eww that's gross. i can't even imag- UGH. you can't be there to supervise when he's there? considering how spiteful he seems, i would be really uncomfortable letting him have free reign in the house.
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So give an anonymous tip that he's a cokehead and ask DHS to give him a drug test. Then he won't come near you or your family. That's what I would do.
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This is why when you find out a girl has a kid you run in the other direction.
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Kind of funny that you bitch about him doing drugs when :
On December 07 2011 05:11 HackBenjamin wrote:Probably the best post in this thread. Mushrooms are an incredibly mind-opening experience. I learned tons about myself on a mushroom trip, plus shit was glowing and had trails. Good times 
And you smoke weed too. I guess those don't count as drugs anymore?
Kid sounds fucked either way.
User was warned for this post
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I don't think theres much you can do, the guys a total scumbag but it is his son. Blood runs deeps he could care for his child, but of course it could be like you said this guy could be doing just out of spite. I think your in a difficult position although i can't tell you the right answer. I would just tell you to believe that you and your gf will raise this child to be smart enough to know good decisions from bad decisions. The guy probably gets what a few hours a week with the child? You get all the rest, raise the child as if it were your own and i'm sure the child will learn one day the struggles his parents had to go through to give him the best life.
Good Luck!
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United States762 Posts
he might think of you the same way you think of him :O
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9933 Posts
On December 08 2011 07:43 Kurr wrote:Kind of funny that you bitch about him doing drugs when : Show nested quote +On December 07 2011 05:11 HackBenjamin wrote:Probably the best post in this thread. Mushrooms are an incredibly mind-opening experience. I learned tons about myself on a mushroom trip, plus shit was glowing and had trails. Good times And you smoke weed too. I guess those don't count as drugs anymore? Kid sounds fucked either way.
he didn't bitch about the guy doing drugs. he specified 'cokehead'. anyone that has any experience with weed or shrooms knows that "drugs" is the stupidest lump umbrella term. coke is a different beast. cool uninformed post
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I'd install some hidden cameras in the meeting area. Just in case. As long as he treads the kid right give him a chance. If anything comes up, he seems drunk, drugged or anything else go to court and have his rights removed.
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Embrace the philosophy of MOAR.
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Kurr, I know you're really closed-minded from your really uninsightful posts in that thread, but I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that he'd be better off without his sperm donor in his life.
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On December 08 2011 08:08 Marradron wrote:
I'd install some hidden cameras in the meeting area. Just in case. As long as he treads the kid right give him a chance. If anything comes up, he seems drunk, drugged or anything else go to court and have his rights removed.
Completely agree ! It's your house, so you can have as many cameras as you want. And if anything turns bad, you can just show the video to the juge lol.
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On December 08 2011 07:43 Kurr wrote:Kind of funny that you bitch about him doing drugs when : Show nested quote +On December 07 2011 05:11 HackBenjamin wrote:Probably the best post in this thread. Mushrooms are an incredibly mind-opening experience. I learned tons about myself on a mushroom trip, plus shit was glowing and had trails. Good times And you smoke weed too. I guess those don't count as drugs anymore? Kid sounds fucked either way.
Caffeine is a drug. Nicotine is a drug. Those are consumed by hundreds of millions a day and people rarely bitch about people taking these "drugs" on the same day as they are around kids. Alcohol is a drug, and yet someone having a few beers one night and visiting their child the next doesn't necessarily endanger the child. Don't generalize so much.
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how long will the dad have to spend time with the kid? Hopefully it won't be enough to negatively influence in him.
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On December 08 2011 14:44 Jumperer wrote:
Why would anyone ever date a single mom?
Because one is not so insecure in dealing with children and exes (in fairness, many aren't as bad as this guy).
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Best thing to do is stay out of it.
cuz either way you'll look like a jerk.
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issue is the kid calling you dad, that's why you're feeling bad
you're jealous and that's normal
just don't bring up the topic with the kid, it concerns him only
elevate yourself and think to some extent there's a small chance this could turn out positive
however if hes a busy coke head and is doing all that only to piss his ex off, then don't worry, unless hes a fucken psycho, he will get bored eventually
now problem is the kid might get a bit hurt in the process or confused
situation sucks, you need a good deal of self control and maturity over this
maybe you should prevently, go see a psychologist to help you cope with the situation or even get advice from
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I really want to give you good advice but I just can't. I don't know enough about this issue to tell you some wise advice...and I feel every other user in this forum(if he's not your IRL friend) is in the same situation.
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Why does he have to be in your house while he's visiting his child? Shouldn't he take the child away and return him to your house after he's done?
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I like the camera idea. Watch like a fucking hawk and turn the tables on him if he fucks up. If he ever shows up drunk or high, document it somehow and get the rights revoked.
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On December 08 2011 22:07 _awake_ wrote:
Why does he have to be in your house while he's visiting his child? Shouldn't he take the child away and return him to your house after he's done?
Depends, if the visiting rights are very small. Like a few hours I believe it is normal to do it either under observation or at the childs house. I assume he doesn't get custody in the weekends ?
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It's his child, he pays child support.
Why should he not be allowed to visit his own child?
Sadly, being a good human being is not a requirement for being a father.
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On December 09 2011 01:23 zalz wrote:
It's his child, he pays child support.
Why should he not be allowed to visit his own child?
Sadly, being a good human being is not a requirement for being a father.
Sadly, the law seems to favour crackheads and obnoxious bitches over hardworking people that have atleast two braincells fully functional. Twisted system over there, in NL (I am dutch) it's much less like that.
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EPT
