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Recently, my mom has come under the impression that my boyfriend is a failure because he doesn't pay for everything.
My boyfriend and I typically agree to split the costs for food. But my mom thinks this is completely unchivalrous. My mom had an easy ass life -- my dad paid pretty much for everything (and still does blah).
I personally hate the idea of the man having to carry the weight of the relationship and provide for the woman. I didn't go through higher education for the purpose of getting a job to get married and become a dead weight.
I definitely don't want to disappoint my dad and become a lazy fuck who just marries someone for money. My dad busted his ass to get an education, work for years and eventually achieve the dream of owning his own business.
You don't achieve that kind of success by having everything handed to you on a silver platter.
NO GOLD DIGGING FOR ME. SUP.
/rant
How do you feel about splitting costs in a relationship?
EDIT: a few people have been asking, so here's some more info about me and my bf.
I'm Chinese, born in the US though. 3rd generation ABC. Aww yehh.
I'm 21, my bf is 28. Met him while working. :'D
He does pay for all his expenses himself (car, rent, bills, etc.) and I pay my own way for that crap too.
My mom is just annoyed that he doesn't pay for meals and treat me out to things.
 
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Korea (South)11602 Posts
I once was super cheap on one date and went out to breakfast with a girl where we went to a hotel 20 minutes away that served complimentary breakfast (free food obv.)
relationship didn't last long.
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God i wish all women were like you. Doesnt matter how you look, you get a 10/10 just for being a woman who doesnt focus on money.
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First dates are always a given, 50/50. Any other time I think it's alright in a relationship to pay for the other and what-not but not to the extent where the woman feels like she's being "bought". I'd also make an honest effort to ask if she could do the same for me. Spliting costs in a relationship should be mutual.
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How you handle this is between the two of you, it's not your mom's business (unless it's costing her money!)
If I were seeing a woman who felt strongly about this, though, I might suggest taking turns paying, just because to me I'd feel more comfortable with someone who permitted me to be generous once in a while without making me feel weird about it.
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Wow our moms think alike! Seriously. When I had a boyfriend she was appalled that we took turns on paying for things or split the bill. She also thought it was terrible that I sometimes visited his house because "you should let the boy come visit you" yeah idek. She once witnessed me holding the door open for my boyfriend. Don't get me started on the talking to I got after that lol >.>
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On November 24 2011 17:28 SarR wrote:
God i wish all women were like you. Doesnt matter how you look, you get a 10/10 just for being a woman who doesnt focus on money.
I like money when it's my own, not other peoples'. :p
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Depends on the couple but should be mutually agreed upon. I definitely think 50/50 is the way to go, personally. If it's supposed to be an equal relationship it should be equal in all respects, not equal except when tradition benefits the woman (tradition where it benefits the man have mostly died out due to woman's rights movements, etc.)
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Your mothers make me lose faith in humanity.
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The man paying the check is just old fashioned, not gold digging. No reason to bag on your mom.
I've met some girls who are okay with it, some who are not; likewise I always try to pick up the tab just in case she's the former and if she is the latter she will (should) tell me.
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On November 24 2011 17:33 Ruffian wrote:
Wow our moms think alike! Seriously. When I had a boyfriend she was appalled that we took turns on paying for things or split the bill. She also thought it was terrible that I sometimes visited his house because "you should let the boy come visit you" yeah idek. She once witnessed me holding the door open for my boyfriend. Don't get me started on the talking to I got after that lol >.>
Hahaha. I'm not alone!!
): How do you deal with that?
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On November 24 2011 17:34 kierpanda wrote:Show nested quote +On November 24 2011 17:28 SarR wrote:
God i wish all women were like you. Doesnt matter how you look, you get a 10/10 just for being a woman who doesnt focus on money. I like money when it's my own, not other peoples'. :p
I wish women over were thinking the way you do. Women here think just like your mom, they come into this world with the idea that they are owed a living by men.
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I thought you were actually going to tell us her advice on how to be a gold digger. Maybe there were some super evil gold digging secrets.
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My gf doesnt like me paying for her anytime, she usually offers to pay for me, but i always try to pay her way
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
I personally hate the idea of the man having to carry the weight of the relationship and provide for the woman. I didn't go through higher education for the purpose of getting a job to get married and become a dead weight.
Then don't get pregnant too often.
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Ask your mom if she thinks you'll stop working after you have your first child ... I don't care about costs, I'd probably pay for a while, split after it's gone stable. But no way in hell I'd allow/encourage my wife/girlfriend to not get a job. I find the idea of a woman just staying home to care for the kids is a bit ridiculous. The more she makes above me the better.
But I hate any idea of relationship so for the time being there's a low risk of having to deal with that, maybe later, in my 40s.
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Gold digger is such a cool word though ..
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On November 24 2011 17:35 Gamegene wrote:
The man paying the check is just old fashioned, not gold digging. No reason to bag on your mom.
I've met some girls who are okay with it, some who are not; likewise I always try to pick up the tab just in case she's the former and if she is the latter she will (should) tell me.
I understand that the concept is old fashioned, but, it is pretty dated now.
Women make money too now -- why can't we spoil our dates? :p
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On November 24 2011 17:36 kierpanda wrote:Show nested quote +On November 24 2011 17:33 Ruffian wrote:
Wow our moms think alike! Seriously. When I had a boyfriend she was appalled that we took turns on paying for things or split the bill. She also thought it was terrible that I sometimes visited his house because "you should let the boy come visit you" yeah idek. She once witnessed me holding the door open for my boyfriend. Don't get me started on the talking to I got after that lol >.> Hahaha. I'm not alone!! ): How do you deal with that?
Yes! And the sad part is there are probably a lot of moms who think this way >: (
Basically I told her this is the 21st century. That I would like to be treated as an equal and not have to depend on someone to "take care of me." We totally disagreed and still do today but she never tried to punish me or anything. She was just all "well I guess I'm old fashioned hmph hmph." I guess there's nothing you can do but try and ignore it :/
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My girlfriend has the same mindset as you 
She won't let me pay completely everytime...when I gave her expensive gifts, she scolded me for it T_T
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EPT
