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It's a been a long journey on my way to Masters. It's been about a week since then and I'm still happy about my promotion. After all, I spent the past few months crying, complaining, raging, and actually even maturing a bit before the Blue star of acknowledgement finally came up.
I went through a lot. I probably had some of the worse mindsets a player could have on their way to Masters, obviously not bad enough to not get a promotion at all, but you get the point. Basically my pent up feelings of being a Diamond player since Season 1, receiving condescending comments from existing Master players, really ate at my heart and soul. I knew how to analyze a replay, I knew how to improve my mechanics, I even understood where my play was lacking. But it seemed to me like no matter how hard I tried, there was always a mountain of curveballs on the ladder that were thrown my way to prevent me from executing what I had focused on in practice and theory.
I was frustrated. Like many people I sought comfort on the forums. I didn't want to be grouped up into that crowd of players who mindlessly allowed themselves to rage and complain. I would view threads about rage and try to insert my own opinions on what is reasonable and what is not, but honestly in the back of my mind I knew I had a huge amount of pent up emotions, held back by sheer will power. It just a large fat chunk of unreasonable anger and frustration stored up inside of me because I had no way to release it, or to even deal with it. I am such a hypocrite. I used to workout during a fit of emotions but even that didn't work anymore. Eventually I was simply just sad, I would ball up my fist after a disappointing loss and hold back the urge to slam my desk. If I was successful then there wouldn't be any physical damage, but there was always some lingering mental damaged. I was really sad, even a bit depressed after making mistakes I thought I had already covered.
So the struggle continued. My worst fits of emotions was during the time I had just reentered the game around June '11. Eventually I started to try to relieve myself by just directing really terrible thoughts and feelings towards my opponent and ladder. I just outright hated the ladder community. I would make sick (ync comments) personal comments about my opponent to myself during the game, regardless if I was winning or losing. Being self-conscious as I was, I knew it was horrible, but I couldn't stop myself. It was the only way I could vent the frustration without going wild and breaking things. It was sad, it really was and I still am ashamed at myself.
So moving into early fall I started to see the light of Master League. Moving up towards High diamond you start seeing Master players occasionally on their way out of the league. I got even more pissed. Low Master players are just as good or significantly worse than High diamond players, thats just how the MMR system works to balance out the league promotions. But I couldn't accept that at the time. "These people are just taking up space in Masters..." "I beat them, I should be in Master", "I was significantly better than these Low Master players" is what I would tell myself during those days, I was wrong.
I stayed in High Diamond for another 2 months. I would win and win and win, then lose terribly to the Master players I needed to compete with, and continue to win again with High Diamond and rock bottom low Masters. It was a brutal process. I was seriously at my wits end, and contemplated on quitting the game for good this time.
That was around the time I started to make a turn for the better. For the two months I kept playing, I played the same way I had always played without any thoughts of making a few adjustments to my play. Obviously from hindsight you can see my that mechanics would get better (Master level Mechanics), but without changing the mindset of "I'm better than these Low Masters, I should win" I was doomed to lose to Mid Master players forever.
That added more fuel to the fire, making me think that although my mechanics were superior, I thought that I was simply born with intellectual deficiencies that didn't allow me to fathom the reason why I could not figure out why I couldn't improve myself. That really really hurt, because I began to question my well-being, whether or not I would end up working at Wal-Mart as a career job because I just wasn't intelligent overall enough to get through the competitive job market. I thought to myself, "If I can't even hit Master league with serious and honest effort, in a video game where not everyone takes the competition seriously, then will I be successful in real life?" It was a daunting thought, people can question whether or not that thought should a valid thought for an adult to contemplate, but I find it to be a pretty legitimate question. Because in the end I realized it was because of my immaturity that held me back and made me so emotionally effected by it.
Finally, I reached out. I started asking the Master players who beat me what I had done wrong. Unfortunately many of them were condescending, but they would at least tell me why I had I lost. However the response was very candid and uninformative. In almost every case all they would say is it was because I was "Bad". It was frustrating to keep seeing that, but from my general logic about right and wrong, if the general population is saying the same thing then they're probably right about something. Some of the few non-jaded players on the ladder were able to give good sound advice. I listened but I was still very reluctant to follow through with their advice, I was stubborn because of my ill-feelings towards players on the ladder. But surely enough when I used their tips and I began to win more games.
That was it, I realized it. I was simply just terrible, not worthy of the promotion until I fixed my play, not to my own standards but to the standards of the actual game. This entire time I was working on the same mindset that my play was superior and made no effort to adapt. Stupid right? Yeah it is, I agree. But it is hard for the actual person in question to realize this himself, and unfortunately only until they themselves come to this realization, they will never change. It's like the egotistical asshole at the party, he's not going to get a clue until someone punches him in the face and comes back to his senses. In my case I was just the stubborn guy in the UFC ring getting my face plastered before finally tapping out.
Being in High Diamond means you're doing a lot of things right, but a few things wrong to not get promoted. The longer you are in High Diamond, the more stubborn you really are to adapting your play. Surely enough, I simply added the right amount of Corrupters to my ZvP, completely changed my ZvZ philosophy, and refined my ZvT build orders with more spinecrawlers. That's all I needed to do the entire time. I had my other bases covered with my macro, because all you guys ever say in the strategy forums is macro better. I could perform all sorts of things, my hands could handle it but my mind wouldn't allow it.
TL;DR - I was a stubborn fart who unconsciously had an ego, came to realize it, adapted my game, and got promoted.
I hate people with huge ego, so I couldn't fathom the possibility that I myself had an ego. But I did, it wasn't obnoxious, but it was there and it was enough to hold me back. Right now I'm losing a lot to the upper tiers of Mid-Master players, but it's fine. I'm not brushing off like before without understanding why "its fine" because now I get it.
Listen if you're not already a pro then there are HUGE LEAKS in your play, HUGE. You just don't see it because it encompasses your entire understanding of the game to the point that only a significantly superior player can recognize it. I knew that losses are a good source for learning, but I didn't understand the concept of that idea. I knew I was "Bad" but I didn't fully understand the fact that I was REALLY BAD. When you don't understand something you get frustrated, frustration turns to depression, depression turns to anger, and anger turns to hate. It's a vicious cycle you must break before anything to improve at any kind of activity in my opinion.
Here's an update on how my mindset is now. Yesterday I played a ZvZ while in skype with my friend unrelated to the game. My opponent 6pooled, I successfully block the initial rush, but because of simple mistakes I loss on the 2nd push. I didn't feel anything. In fact I felt pretty good because now I added a new tactic to my library with that loss. I was like awesome, I didn't know you could still win with 6pool even if your first push completely fails. Essentially he just saved up a massive amount of lings and made a 2nd spine (his first one failed), and I loss while I was distracted talking on Skype because I thought it was over. Back then I would have seriously raged, and shut off skype with some mean comments. This time around I chuckled and told my friend about it. Similar story to my previous blog about me conquering ladder cheese rage, but at that time I still had those feelings of rage pent up, but not this time.
All in all, I really have to say... SC2 has helped me mature a lot. I feel kind of silly to have a video game effect me so much personally seeing how its almost irresponsible to allow yourself to behave with such a mindset in the first place. But seriously, this game has changed the way I approached learning and understanding things. Maybe not the game itself, but more how I improved myself as a player with the game. I essentially had to change my personal values and logic in order to get promoted, and I think that is pretty significant.
That's it for my long blog, serious props to anyone who reads the entire thing. Thank you.
 
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I skimmed it, you're welcome.
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Well, we should keep in mind that words like "good" or "bad" are relative terms. It all depends on what you are using as a standard for comparison.
If you are comparing yourself to top masters or pros, then yes, you are bad.
On the other hand, in comparison to 90%+ of players, you are pretty good, which might make a number of people feel like you are actually being more elitist and arrogant by calling yourself bad.
I'd agree though, that having the attitude that you are always bad is best if you want to constantly improve as a player. I can't tell you how many silver and gold players have told me their macro is pretty good 
By the way, I suggest you should really rethink a mentality like this one. But that's just me.
from my general logic about right and wrong, if the general population is saying the same thing then they're probably right about something.
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On November 22 2011 01:26 liberal wrote:By the way, I suggest you should really rethink a mentality like this one. But that's just me. Show nested quote + from my general logic about right and wrong, if the general population is saying the same thing then they're probably right about something.
I haven't run into a real life scenario yet that makes me think otherwise. On the internet that logic keeps me from getting flamed but I do see where it's a bad way to think. I mean what if someone is voicing a really important point but is the minority, right? But so far I haven't seen anything like that, and I like to abide by this rule especially on TL. Keeps me out of trouble. If anything I guess it's alright to voice the opinion but a different story to try to enforce it.
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wow this one is really good
i kind of have the same problem after i had a 5 month break from the game during the summer i even got demoted into plat -.-, but i hope i have already understood that i am just way too bad and have to do more to get better to getr promoted some day.
congratz on ur promotion and keep it up
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On November 22 2011 01:41 Snuggles wrote:Show nested quote +On November 22 2011 01:26 liberal wrote:By the way, I suggest you should really rethink a mentality like this one. But that's just me. from my general logic about right and wrong, if the general population is saying the same thing then they're probably right about something. I haven't run into a real life scenario yet that makes me think otherwise. On the internet that logic keeps me from getting flamed but I do see where it's a bad way to think. I mean what if someone is voicing a really important point but is the minority, right? But so far I haven't seen anything like that, and I like to abide by this rule especially on TL. Keeps me out of trouble. If anything I guess it's alright to voice the opinion but a different story to try to enforce it.
flock of sheep thinking is super dangerous.
I studied something related in psychology, you would be surprised how many people would actually say the wrong answer even if he is completely certain of what the right one was, just so that he can feel approved by the society/try to bend into the society.
If anything, don't and never do this kind of thinking in voting/investing. Extremely important to make sure you are thinking it through and not just taking in information from one-sided, especially when it is a land-slide-ly one sided
LOL completely about the blog, very nice read 
I feel the same way when I was trying to get into diamond, I could beat diamonds whole day and still get stucked in Plat.
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Nice blog. I can totally relate to hating people with huge egos and then realizing I have one myself. These kind of self realizations are the key to becoming better at anything!
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Good read, i went through the whole thing.
The first step to becoming a good RTS player (and in fact anything in life) is aknowledging (not sure about this word)that you are quite bad and that there is always a LOT of room for improvement.
You have learn to fail with grace.
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good read. Grats on promotion and more importantly getting the right mindset!
@ Marou: acknowledging
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Nice! Good post. Congrats on masters 8)
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I read the whole thing. I find this blog very interesting, because I am going thru plat and trying to get to diamond. And more and more, I encounter that my ego actually stands in the way of improving my play sometimes. So reading ur blog I can recognize certain elements as well (well not the BM) and the torrent of negative emotions that wash over u after a loss or close defeat. It all comes down to expectations. And if it's one thing Sc2 teaches you, it's that if you give up you will never become better. Grats to you and GL with ur journey up to highmasters
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Good post, a lot of ragefilled whiny people need to read it.
Games like starcraft with super high skill ceilings are such a joy once you have the mindset to flip losses into positive learning experiences.
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There was a quote that I live by that said this (paraphrased), "I don't want to be perfect. If I aim for perfection, there will be no room for improvement."
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Good read, but it is worth noting that just because you have a blue Star next to your name doesn't mean you are good now. I've been masters for probably 5 months or so, and watching my own replays is painful because there is still so much more that I can do to improve. Most of my shortcomings come from my mechanics, which I realize will only improve when I can commit a significant amount of time to playing the game (time which I don't have and can't picture myself having in the near future), but there are a few simple things like scouting my opponent's tech switches quicker, reacting (to drops, placing forcefields, psi storm and blink micro) and transitions that I need to refine as well. It's part of the fun of the game =)
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Nice man. The lesson you learned is very important and will help you immensely in all areas of your life. The mindset of "I'm bad, but I'll keep working hard to learn and improve" is realistic and constructive. There's so many people that do the opposite "I'm good but I can't improve because x reason". They just keep blaming others and making excuses instead of actually trying to identify and fix their mistakes. This is something that chess taught me, after hearing about how the GMs that were near invincible only got that way by losing a lot and learning from their losses.
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Thanks for saving me the time to post something like this in the DotA sub-forum. I went through something like this for DotA, so I know the feeling. Just keep in mind that this process is cyclic and not a one time thing, so don't repeat your mistakes at a higher level down the road.
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Great blog. Everybody who doesn't realize they're awful should read this. 5/5
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5/5. Helped me overcome my fear of laddering, and I managed to get my headphones back too.
On a more serious note, realizing how bad I was has helped me rage SOOOOO much less.
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I had to smile about some points here and there but overall the blog's general message is really good. Gonna link it to some people or maybe even in the HoN competitive forums - most of those guys would do good reading and comprehending this..
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On November 22 2011 03:54 Chef wrote:
You're still bad.
That's what I thought:
"I understood that I had an ego problem and that I was bad and then I became good." Ooops seems I just reproduced my ego problem. See you in two month when you hit an other brick wall.
Why people care so much about being "good" or "bad". Just enjoy the game for Christ Sake. I'm sure you have better opportunities in life than Starcraft to prove yourself you are worth something (ideally you don't have to prove yourself anything, but that's an other question).
When people who don't know BW very well were playing against me, they were always thinking I was a god of Starcraft. When I was playing against a B player, I was a complete noob. I never cared about either of them. I knew I was good enough to enjoy, and the reason I wanted to improve has never because my ipenis would grow, but rather because the process of learning was fun.
There are very good players around who never managed to quit this mindset of "I'm a fucking badass", and who, despite their huge talent never achieved anything because when they were losing or winning were all about "I'm better I shouldn't lose" or crap like that. Some people find it funny, for me this ego-fest bullshit is the best way to never achieve anything at all. I don't really need to name anyone.
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Upon learning the pts needed to reach a promotion, I think the only thing in people's minds is how to play MORE games than winning them. As we all know, the system will benefit the player in the end to make them 50/50 or close to at least, so eventually everyone will get a promotion.
I've always had an egotistic mindset, but I never let the game get to me, ladder is meant to be fun.
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He already acknowledge he is bad, what he gain from this, is an enlightened mindset that can easily adapted into other aspect of his life. Congratulations on becoming a zen master, you life would be a lot easier from now on.
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sticking with it for 2 months like that is a pretty huge accomplishment gz on making it into masters after all that work
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France12886 Posts
On November 22 2011 04:09 zZygote wrote:
Upon learning the pts needed to reach a promotion, I think the only thing in people's minds is how to play MORE games than winning them. As we all know, the system will benefit the player in the end to make them 50/50 or close to at least, so eventually everyone will get a promotion.
o_o.
No?
You will have the same ratio but your MMR will be lower, thus you won't be promoted nor demoted...
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5/5 and you made me sign in to post that I really enjoyed this blog.
It takes a lot of guts to write something about this admitting your own weakness. I think it's really important that the player themselves recognizes their own faults, and seeks out ways to improve. I also encounter a bunch of condescending master league players as well, but whenever I watch replays of myself playing against them, I notice that they're also really bad lol.
glglglgl on the road to high masters :D
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Hey guys, thanks for the comments I'm surprised at all the positive feedback. I'm not much of a writer so I'm glad some of you guys thought it was a good read.
But yeah, just because I'm Masters now doesn't mean I'm "good" at all. Let me tell you guys what I witnessed two days ago.
I was at MLG Providence and watched DRG play on the main stage. In the venue they also have the POV of each player over the booths so we can see what the game looks like on their screen. Guys DRG's mechanics are ridiculous. Like everyone else who is not a pro, or even just not on DRG's monster level- are leagues below him. I couldn't believe how fast his mousespeed and accuracy was. I never in my life have seen someone play so well mechanically. I might be praising my own mechanics in my blog, but seriously it's complete garbage compared to these guys. I probably will never get to DRG's level of skill, but I at least I know where I stand.
I'm probably one of the few weird people who stream just for the sole purpose of re-watching my POV. My handle on the mouse was horrible like 2 months ago, and 2 months ago I thought I had pretty "good" mechanics lol. So we're always improving, I know that I may be thinking that I'm playing a lot better now, but there's still an entire continent's worth of improvement to go.
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Been there, experienced that ;-) Dropping your ego makes the game a lot easier on the mental part, you improve so much quicker than you normally would. Great read indeed, 5/5
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I read the whole thing, and I got to say I'm going threw that right now but I never really thought I was good due to the ppl around me, plus all the tournament I've entered and lost in the first or 2nd round. I completely agree with this, again is about having fun and that why I keep playing. Also on a side note, another good thing to do is never think the game is imbalance becuase this is a RTS and RTS' are like puzzle in a way. Just need to figure them out, then is solved the only problem is it's in "mid-flight". Before I forget congratulations and good luck in the future, love the blog/s.
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On November 22 2011 04:01 Biff The Understudy wrote:That's what I thought: "I understood that I had an ego problem and that I was bad and then I became good." Ooops seems I just reproduced my ego problem. See you in two month when you hit an other brick wall. Why people care so much about being "good" or "bad". Just enjoy the game for Christ Sake. I'm sure you have better opportunities in life than Starcraft to prove yourself you are worth something (ideally you don't have to prove yourself anything, but that's an other question). When people who don't know BW very well were playing against me, they were always thinking I was a god of Starcraft. When I was playing against a B player, I was a complete noob. I never cared about either of them. I knew I was good enough to enjoy, and the reason I wanted to improve has never because my ipenis would grow, but rather because the process of learning was fun. There are very good players around who never managed to quit this mindset of "I'm a fucking badass", and who, despite their huge talent never achieved anything because when they were losing or winning were all about "I'm better I shouldn't lose" or crap like that. Some people find it funny, for me this ego-fest bullshit is the best way to never achieve anything at all. I don't really need to name anyone.
Dayum wut... you can go without hitting a brick wall for 2 months? I hit one like every 4 hours LOL
Emotions really need to stay out of sc2, one needs to keep the head cool and bring out the best of one's problem solving skills. Maybe emotions can feed your motivation to get better, but it shouldn't get past that.
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On November 22 2011 04:55 Snuggles wrote:
I was at MLG Providence and watched DRG play on the main stage. In the venue they also have the POV of each player over the booths so we can see what the game looks like on their screen. Guys DRG's mechanics are ridiculous. Like everyone else who is not a pro, or even just not on DRG's monster level- are leagues below him. I couldn't believe how fast his mousespeed and accuracy was. I never in my life have seen someone play so well mechanically. I might be praising my own mechanics in my blog, but seriously it's complete garbage compared to these guys. I probably will never get to DRG's level of skill, but I at least I know where I stand.
Yeah. When we watch pros play it's all like "wow look at his control" or "look at how he positioned his army for the upcoming attack" and we take for granted the fact that these guys are macroing behind it. Their macro and mechanics are SO GOOD that it seems like it's being done for them, setting up their 3rd and 4th while harassing, making units, injecting, hitting all their pylons, building turrets on time, etc. I played some games after watching MLG Providence and was like, wow, this is hard.
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On November 22 2011 04:55 Snuggles wrote:
Hey guys, thanks for the comments I'm surprised at all the positive feedback. I'm not much of a writer so I'm glad some of you guys thought it was a good read.
But yeah, just because I'm Masters now doesn't mean I'm "good" at all. Let me tell you guys what I witnessed two days ago.
I was at MLG Providence and watched DRG play on the main stage. In the venue they also have the POV of each player over the booths so we can see what the game looks like on their screen. Guys DRG's mechanics are ridiculous. Like everyone else who is not a pro, or even just not on DRG's monster level- are leagues below him. I couldn't believe how fast his mousespeed and accuracy was. I never in my life have seen someone play so well mechanically. I might be praising my own mechanics in my blog, but seriously it's complete garbage compared to these guys. I probably will never get to DRG's level of skill, but I at least I know where I stand.
I'm probably one of the few weird people who stream just for the sole purpose of re-watching my POV. My handle on the mouse was horrible like 2 months ago, and 2 months ago I thought I had pretty "good" mechanics lol. So we're always improving, I know that I may be thinking that I'm playing a lot better now, but there's still an entire continent's worth of improvement to go.
A bit off topic, but if you like watching really fast players play (and who doesn't) you should check out the (now former) broodwar pro Hiya's Stream. My god he is good, lol
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Its always about yourself, the subject is not the issue. You will find the same understanding in a lot of other things if you go deep enough.
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Nice realization and OP, and although there may be some more maturing to do, it's cool that a game like sc2 allowed you to learn the things you learned. You are right that this is a life lesson that can be applied to anything. Admitting defeat, swallowing pride sometimes is where you can begin to actually change into what you want to be.
This happened to tons of people on PGT and ICCUP but it was way more exaggerated and pronounced. A guy who stomped bnet pubs and logged on ICCUP and was D+ for 3 seasons in a row really couldn't do anything but feel helpless looking at his own skill gap. The gap between D+ and C- even was oceans apart, let alone A- or Olympic players. If you never played bw ladders then now you understand why so many bw players were saying C+ players were almost guaranteed sc2 masters.
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Great blog, thanks! I can relate to it a lot, having been stuck in high Diamond for as long as I've been playing SC2.
On November 22 2011 01:16 Snuggles wrote:
Being in High Diamond means you're doing a lot of things right, but a few things wrong to not get promoted. The longer you are in High Diamond, the more stubborn you really are to adapting your play.
Wise words! I recently went through a really unhappy time where my mind was completely closed and all I would do was play more and more greedy, with the mindset that I "just" had to macro more and I would start winning. That period is over now but it lasted long enough that I came very close to a demotion to platinum. Now I am working hard on identifying and fixing the massive holes in my play and my rank is climbing again.
I hope other players who are struggling with the mindset that they "should" be beating their opponents read this blog!
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Nice, congratulations. You worked for something and got it. Good read.
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EPT
