after my orphan-troll, something a little more serious, but a lot more tedious. This is asking dating advice on the internet, and I'm aware about serious repercussions this can have.
I'm about to hit my 24th year on this planet and I have never been on a date. Not that I haven't had girls, but that's kind of the problem. I met my first serious GF when I was 16, but we met in school and we never really dated. We just met up to fuck, moved in together after a couple of months and lived together for 5 years.
So at the age when other guys learn how to approach women, I simply did not.
After we split up, I never really was fond of getting to know new people. I had some one-night-stands and a couple of longer sexual relationships, but nothing serious anymore and again I've never dated. I've never even approached a girl or initiated a talk. Once I walked in a brothel, but I was doubtful as to the hygiene of the prostitutes, so I left without purchasing anything.
So yeah, here I am, 24 years old, solo, no idea how to approach women, below average looking (I'd say 3,5 / 10. Not immediately repelling, but you wouldn't look longer than needed) and not interested in clubbing and such. Pretty much socially retarded.
I considered online-dating, but it feels rather pathetic and you have to upload a picture, and looks aren't my forte, as mentioned.
My hobbies don't exactly make me a pussy-magnet either. I like books, I play a couple of instruments and I play Starcraft. Also I move to another town every year or so, so friends are hard to come by.
So yeah, what to do to get my dating going?
€: Most advice here revolves around being confident, a trait I simply lack.
There are no two ways around it. I find most girls much to pretty to even talk to them, which really sucks. Once someone gets the ball rolling, I'm fine, but it's impossible to initiate anything. If you suggest to look out for uglier girls then, give it up. Pretty much every girl I see has something beautiful about her so that doesn't help in the slightest.
forget finding you a date, i'd like to hear more about how you had a live in gf for five years and didn't spend a mother fuckin' dime on taking her to dinner once. You turned the game on it's ear and fucked the shit out of it for free. The fuck?
On September 20 2011 22:30 Morfildur wrote: Well, you could do the same i did when i was 21 (though in the more modern facebook-variant):
Go on facebook. Search for: - Female - 20+ - Living in your city - Single
Then message every girl with "hey, how are you?" until one responds. Ask for a date. If no => next.
Yes, i was a desperate virgin at that age :p
Haha, desperate situations call for desperate measures, I guess. How did that work out for you?
Well, it ended up in a 6 year relationship because my now ex-gf thought "hey, he wants a date and is fine with my best friend being there, too. Free food and drinks for us" -.-
However, i wouldn't do that again eventhough i'm now single again since more than 2 years in which i had 1 date after which she didn't speak to me again -.-
I'm in a similar situation with moving a lot and therefor not having any friends and no social life, doubt it will ever change so i'm preparing myself for a "forever alone" life :-/
On September 20 2011 22:37 Hawk wrote: forget finding you a date, i'd like to hear more about how you had a live in gf for five years and didn't spend a mother fuckin' dime on taking her to dinner once. You turned the game on it's ear and fucked the shit out of it for free. The fuck?
Well, we lived together, so it wasn't exactly for free. Worth it though, she was way way way hotter than me, to this day I don't know why someone like that would even talk to me. Come to think of it, she made more money than me and thus paid for most of our stuff.
But I don't want to reminisce (yay to me if that's spelled properly).
On September 20 2011 22:37 Hawk wrote: forget finding you a date, i'd like to hear more about how you had a live in gf for five years and didn't spend a mother fuckin' dime on taking her to dinner once. You turned the game on it's ear and fucked the shit out of it for free. The fuck?
I agree.
You are a master. It's been a week and I'm getting the shit bitched out at me because 'we don't go anywhere.'
Don't ever think for a second that you dont deserve the person you are with.... And with guys...looks dont mean anything...Be a man and walk up and talk to every girl youre attracted to...regardless of the outcome youll learn something
On September 20 2011 22:37 Hawk wrote: forget finding you a date, i'd like to hear more about how you had a live in gf for five years and didn't spend a mother fuckin' dime on taking her to dinner once. You turned the game on it's ear and fucked the shit out of it for free. The fuck?
I agree.
You are a master. It's been a week and I'm getting the shit bitched out at me because 'we don't go anywhere.'
Yeah I'm awesome. I didn't fuck for 3 months now, but yeah, I should wear a shirt saying "pussy destroyer".
On September 20 2011 22:37 Hawk wrote: forget finding you a date, i'd like to hear more about how you had a live in gf for five years and didn't spend a mother fuckin' dime on taking her to dinner once. You turned the game on it's ear and fucked the shit out of it for free. The fuck?
I agree.
You are a master. It's been a week and I'm getting the shit bitched out at me because 'we don't go anywhere.'
Yeah I'm awesome. I didn't fuck for 3 months now, but yeah, I should wear a shirt saying "pussy destroyer".
Come on guys, advice!
Hmm... for advice... Well, if you are a programmer, you could take over my job. Access to currently 143 Terrabyte HD porn (... and i hate 99.999% of all porn stuff -.-)
On September 20 2011 22:37 Hawk wrote: forget finding you a date, i'd like to hear more about how you had a live in gf for five years and didn't spend a mother fuckin' dime on taking her to dinner once. You turned the game on it's ear and fucked the shit out of it for free. The fuck?
I agree.
You are a master. It's been a week and I'm getting the shit bitched out at me because 'we don't go anywhere.'
Yeah I'm awesome. I didn't fuck for 3 months now, but yeah, I should wear a shirt saying "pussy destroyer".
Come on guys, advice!
Hmm... for advice... Well, if you are a programmer, you could take over my job. Access to currently 143 Terrabyte HD porn (... and i hate 99.999% of all porn stuff -.-)
First of all, you will be insecure about how to approach women. This doesnt mix very well with women sensing fear in you. So you have to do something about that. Drastic.
Go out for a month or so and say "Hi" to every female you meet on the street. You can take it even further if you don't "dress up", just go as your own unshaven self with your gaming apparel or something.
This will help, because if you're dressed up in a club you'll feel much better and are already used to talking to females who don't know you. Once you got over that step you only need interesting topics you can basically bring up with any random stranger. Like "I'm sorry, can I ask you a question, my friend and I have this debate and I'd like to get a female opinion on this". Than ask her something extremely general, like "If it's okay to still be friends with an ex although you're already in a new relationship" or "Who lies more, men or women" or something like that. Try to just have a friendly conversation with her, be the one who keeps the discussion going, make it interesting. Once you get a couple of positive signals in body language, like her laughing, smiling or touching her hair, say something like "Hey that was really nice, you brought a lot of insight to this from another perspective". Be ready to go on, than when she answers, turn around again and say "Yea, was nice meeting you. You seem pretty cool, we should go drink something sometime" and ask for her number.
My hobbies don't exactly make me a pussy-magnet either. I like books, I play a couple of instruments and I play Starcraft. Also I move to another town every year or so, so friends are hard to come by.
Right there your golden you can basically hit on any girl and tell yourself well im not going to see them even if i fuck this up. Sometimes thats all you need is that confidence booster dont worry about how you look im a 6/7 and i've seen my friends whos a 4/5 get WAY more girls than me how? He just doesn't give a shit he's confident in what he does he knows he aint good lookin but he gets way hot girls. Confidence, and don't talk to girls hoping to date them women just know and will run away.
On September 20 2011 22:33 OpticalShot wrote: Wait who says instruments aren't pussy magnets? My go-to weapon of choice for picking up chicks during high school was the music room piano.
So with that, my advice for you is to use your musical talent... in any way possible. I'm sure you can find a way, GLHF!
Hell yeah!!
I did the same. My ace was always the piano in the rehearsal room where my wind band played. Played some rock /soft ballads the ladies would be very relaxed and impressed:
Ladies - "Those fingers are very flexible..." Me - "You know that I play the sax too? You have to see my tongue work, baby...!"
Music is the key to life. Play /listen music and you'll live better and happier.
Just have things to talk about, once you have that you'll have the confidence you need. It can be anything, news, politics, popular bands (music), television series, movies, funny personal stories, random facts, etc. Load your arsenal with topics so that you can always find something interesting to say. Approaching without being awkward is the hard part, the rest is practice and being natural.
On September 20 2011 22:37 Hawk wrote: forget finding you a date, i'd like to hear more about how you had a live in gf for five years and didn't spend a mother fuckin' dime on taking her to dinner once. You turned the game on it's ear and fucked the shit out of it for free. The fuck?
Those girls are usually ones with daddy issues. The best is when you have them sneaking into your house after your parents go to bed and them leaving shortly after a movie and a good time. After you get that it is hard to actually spend money and take a girl out for dinner.
Advice for you. Go up to girls and look like a fool a couple times when you are nervous. Ask questions, see what they like, ask them out to do something that you both might enjoy (drinking or a movie or something spontaneous). Girls want to go on dates and get treated well most of the time...if they say no, say cool and go onto the next one.
On September 20 2011 22:33 OpticalShot wrote: Wait who says instruments aren't pussy magnets? My go-to weapon of choice for picking up chicks during high school was the music room piano.
So with that, my advice for you is to use your musical talent... in any way possible. I'm sure you can find a way, GLHF!
Ladies - "Those fingers are very flexible..." Me - "You know that I play the sax too? You have to see my tongue work, baby...!"
Somehow I feel I wouldn't like the kind of girl who falls for that.
On September 20 2011 22:26 caruso wrote: I considered online-dating, but it feels rather pathetic and you have to upload a picture, and looks aren't my forte, as mentioned.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with online dating - I know many great couples made up of regular, good-looking people who have met online. It's simply another alternative (and in my opinion a better one) from the tedium of 'going to the bar' in order to meet women. It also removes a good chunk of the drawback as you aren't putting yourself out there in a way where you can absolutely get destroyed, retreating with what's left of your devastated self-confidence after some lady shits all over you in front of all of her friends; which I gather is something you can use.
Are you actually looking for a relationship? If so, more expensive sites like eharmony separate the people who are serious about meeting someone from the larger-world of online meat-markets, such as lavalife, plentyoffish, etc. You get what you pay for. I know three couples who got married in the last year after meeting through eharmony. It's an environment where someone might be more willing to take a shot on a guy like you, seeing you as 'good relationship material' as opposed to just a pretty face and a hard dick to keep them warm for a couple of nights.
Don't think of it as pathetic. Is it really any more pathetic than someone getting slobbering drunk to the tune of fucking T-Pain so that they comfortably embarrass themselves in front of scantily clad teenagers at the local club? It's probably a better fit for you. That, and you have nothing to lose.
On September 20 2011 22:37 Hawk wrote: forget finding you a date, i'd like to hear more about how you had a live in gf for five years and didn't spend a mother fuckin' dime on taking her to dinner once. You turned the game on it's ear and fucked the shit out of it for free. The fuck?
I agree.
You are a master. It's been a week and I'm getting the shit bitched out at me because 'we don't go anywhere.'
Yeah I'm awesome. I didn't fuck for 3 months now, but yeah, I should wear a shirt saying "pussy destroyer".
Come on guys, advice!
Here's my best advice:
As far as your looks, if you don't like your looks start going to the gym, you will feel stronger and more confident.
But about the OP, when you ask a girl out, you don't want to say "will you go out on a date with me" or something like that. Instead you want to invite her to something fun, or to just get coffee/tea. If you feel really inclined to do dinner and a movie, save that shit for later. That's not a good way to get to know someone, plus it can be more tense if you are already nervous. Better to invite her to something you would want to do regardless.
On September 20 2011 22:37 Hawk wrote: forget finding you a date, i'd like to hear more about how you had a live in gf for five years and didn't spend a mother fuckin' dime on taking her to dinner once. You turned the game on it's ear and fucked the shit out of it for free. The fuck?
I agree.
You are a master. It's been a week and I'm getting the shit bitched out at me because 'we don't go anywhere.'
Yeah I'm awesome. I didn't fuck for 3 months now, but yeah, I should wear a shirt saying "pussy destroyer".
Come on guys, advice!
Here's my best advice:
As far as your looks, if you don't like your looks start going to the gym, you will feel stronger and more confident.
I have no problem with my body, I'm slim and pretty fit, that's no problem at all. Generally, I don't care about my looks. Two showers a day and a lot of care for the teeth, but that's about it. I'm not interested in fashion, I don't style my hair, I don't want contacts and all that.
It just seems so tedious to spend so much time about the part of myself I care least about.
On September 20 2011 22:26 caruso wrote: I considered online-dating, but it feels rather pathetic and you have to upload a picture, and looks aren't my forte, as mentioned.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with online dating - I know many great couples made up of regular, good-looking people who have met online. It's simply another alternative (and in my opinion a better one) from the tedium of 'going to the bar' in order to meet women. It also removes a good chunk of the drawback as you aren't putting yourself out there in a way where you can absolutely get destroyed, retreating with what's left of your devastated self-confidence after some lady shits all over you in front of all of her friends; which I gather is something you can use.
Are you actually looking for a relationship? If so, more expensive sites like eharmony separate the people who are serious about meeting someone from the larger-world of online meat-markets, such as lavalife, plentyoffish, etc. You get what you pay for. I know three couples who got married in the last year after meeting through eharmony. It's an environment where someone might be more willing to take a shot on a guy like you, seeing you as 'good relationship material' as opposed to just a pretty face and a hard dick to keep them warm for a couple of nights.
Don't think of it as pathetic. Is it really any more pathetic than someone getting slobbering drunk to the tune of fucking T-Pain so that they comfortably embarrass themselves in front of scantily clad teenagers at the local club? It's probably a better fit for you. That, and you have nothing to lose.
Haha, that's really well written and made me laugh.
I don't know man, you make a really good point about and for online dating, but I have strong inexplicable reservations...
Im copying a post I made a while back on something else:
My two cents on the general topic (not the current convo), after a fair amount of experience.
Everyone and EVERYONE will talk about how you need to believe in yourself and be confident.
But you know what? Almost anyone can tell when you're faking it. Guess what: to appear confident you have to DO SOMETHING WORTH BEING CONFIDENT ABOUT.
This is hard (obviously, or everyone would have that magical "confidence" that gets people everything from jobs to women) but not as hard as you'd think, especially with women. This is the "macro" of being an attractive person.
looks
Now, some people are born more attractive than others and that's just the genetic lottery. Nothing much to be done about that, same as how some people are born more intelligent. But there are basic things EVERYONE can do to look much better, no matter how you started out.
1. Get in shape. This is great for a number of reasons, and there's an excellent thread here on TL about health and fitness. I can't tell you how incredible I felt when I lost a lot of weight (which mean't my broad shoulders finally starting working for my body type). You gain confidence IMMEDIATELY, and it shows. You don't stress about what makes you look fat and you don't get depressed about it. For guys who are too skinny, the equivalent is beefing up a little with some weights. Nothing insane; you're not looking to be a bodybuilder, just in shape.
This is by far the hardest thing on this list. But its the bread and butter of feeling like an attractive person and BEING one.
2. Get a good haircut. Many people often feel they just don't have good hair, and burn with constant envy at those who get out of bed, spend a minute on their hair and look like movie stars. Here's the thing: a good haircut will, in 8 out of 10 cases, BLOW YOU AWAY with how much better you look. A stylist rather than a supercuts, essentially.
3. Stand up straight. Seriously, thats it. It's a little harder than it sounds to get in the habit of but if you always try to keep your shoulders back and your head level, you'll look better, feel 'taller' and therefore more confident.
4. Get decent clothes. You can lounge around in old tshirts with silly sayings on them at home. When you go out to the bar or a party or whatever, make an effort. I suck at fashion myself, so I let female friends much more aware than I pick for me. In the beginning, a muted but slick looking and well cut proper shirt with well fitting jeans or whatever can go a long way.
social
1. Speak CLEARLY and in a relaxed way. You can't control certain emotions sometimes but you CAN control how you speak. People who are socially awkward (I used to be) tend to either mumble, or speak VERY fast, and both are very off-putting. It gives the impression you just aren't confident about what you're saying.
2. Look women (and other people) in the eye when talking. Again, that's seriously it. Like the good posture thing, its a little harder to consistently do than it is to say but not THAT hard.
Lemme know if you want to hear more I was unwell in high school...like really unwell...and being sort of shy and bookish to begin with, I was in social limbo when I finally came back. I had put on a lot of weight, and spent my days reading books and playing video games. Disgusted with myself, I finally resolved to "fix" those things about me I didn't like and which made me lose confidence in myself.
On September 20 2011 22:26 caruso wrote: I considered online-dating, but it feels rather pathetic and you have to upload a picture, and looks aren't my forte, as mentioned.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with online dating - I know many great couples made up of regular, good-looking people who have met online. It's simply another alternative (and in my opinion a better one) from the tedium of 'going to the bar' in order to meet women. It also removes a good chunk of the drawback as you aren't putting yourself out there in a way where you can absolutely get destroyed, retreating with what's left of your devastated self-confidence after some lady shits all over you in front of all of her friends; which I gather is something you can use.
Are you actually looking for a relationship? If so, more expensive sites like eharmony separate the people who are serious about meeting someone from the larger-world of online meat-markets, such as lavalife, plentyoffish, etc. You get what you pay for. I know three couples who got married in the last year after meeting through eharmony. It's an environment where someone might be more willing to take a shot on a guy like you, seeing you as 'good relationship material' as opposed to just a pretty face and a hard dick to keep them warm for a couple of nights.
Don't think of it as pathetic. Is it really any more pathetic than someone getting slobbering drunk to the tune of fucking T-Pain so that they comfortably embarrass themselves in front of scantily clad teenagers at the local club? It's probably a better fit for you. That, and you have nothing to lose.
Haha, that's really well written and made me laugh.
I don't know man, you make a really good point about and for online dating, but I have strong inexplicable reservations...
Get past them. Like I said, you have nothing to lose. Wait til one of the better sites has a promotion or something like that and spend a few bucks. At the very least, you might get to talk with some nice people.
1. You say you don't look good, but then you say you don't care how you look. If that's true, than your attitude is perfect, nothing to change here. Women don't care too much how you look, they care how you carry yourself.
2. You've been in a long term relationship, and had multiple sexual relationships. Meaning you're not socially retarded.
You've just never formally initiated contact or been on a 'real' date.
To me you sound like Lewis Hamilton who's afraid of driving a certain street just because he's never been there before.
TL has supplied us with numerous girl blogs, but yours isn't even a real problem.
On September 20 2011 22:33 OpticalShot wrote: Wait who says instruments aren't pussy magnets? My go-to weapon of choice for picking up chicks during high school was the music room piano.
So with that, my advice for you is to use your musical talent... in any way possible. I'm sure you can find a way, GLHF!
Hell yeah!!
I did the same. My ace was always the piano in the rehearsal room where my wind band played. Played some rock /soft ballads the ladies would be very relaxed and impressed:
Ladies - "Those fingers are very flexible..." Me - "You know that I play the sax too? You have to see my tongue work, baby...!"
Music is the key to life. Play /listen music and you'll live better and happier.
Naw man that's wayyy too suggestive.
It's more like, play play play... while scanning the room for targets. Acquire targets, note coordinates. Then once your fancy piece ends (or you feel like you've played enough), casually walk out the door - but make eye-contact ("eye-stamp") with your targets (they'll be looking at you), strong but brief, then casually walk out. Next time you see girl, girl will talk to you first.
When I was trying to hit on choir girls though, it was more of play choir songs which will make them voluntarily join in to "practice," in which case all that needed to be done was to pick the best one and say that she needs more practice... with me volunteering to accompany, of course. After school hours, empty music room, a boy, a girl, and a piano...
On September 20 2011 22:33 OpticalShot wrote: Wait who says instruments aren't pussy magnets? My go-to weapon of choice for picking up chicks during high school was the music room piano.
So with that, my advice for you is to use your musical talent... in any way possible. I'm sure you can find a way, GLHF!
Ladies - "Those fingers are very flexible..." Me - "You know that I play the sax too? You have to see my tongue work, baby...!"
Somehow I feel I wouldn't like the kind of girl who falls for that.
Also, I hate any drama. Things should be easy.
Well...that dialogue was made up. ^^
But what happened is that the girls that I would take to listen me usually got more at ease so if the date was a little 'cold' after that things would be warmer. They would see that despite being a little shy I was actually a romantic and sensitive guy. They would be at least more open to conversation and from that point onward things would go more naturally. For me, the piano was the ultimate ice breaker. And the fact that I played an instrument showed them that I wasn't a dumbass.
Of course that I only took there girls that would indeed like to hang out with someone like me. The kind of girls you refer too, probably wouldn't appreciate in the slightest some guy playing piano. If I wanted those kind of girls I would bought myself a motorcycle and not a piano. ^^
On September 20 2011 23:59 niteReloaded wrote: OP, your 'problem' is not really a problem..
1. You say you don't look good, but then you say you don't care how you look. If that's true, than your attitude is perfect, nothing to change here. Women don't care too much how you look, they care how you carry yourself.
2. You've been in a long term relationship, and had multiple sexual relationships. Meaning you're not socially retarded.
You've just never formally initiated contact or been on a 'real' date.
To me you sound like Lewis Hamilton who's afraid of driving a certain street just because he's never been there before.
TL has supplied us with numerous girl blogs, but yours isn't even a real problem.
I fail to see why mine isn't a problem. Maybe it's not as severe as with other people, but I start feeling increasingly badly about it and I can't muster up the courage to actually do something about it.
I met none of the girls under usual circumstances. One was my roommate, a couple I met at school, one was a blind date set up by a friend's girlfriend (my first and last, I've never seen a more profoundly disappointed look on a face and I don't care to see something like that ever again. She looked like a small boy who wanted an SNES for Christmas and got a bunch of socks), one I met in WoW (lol) and so on. I initiaed none of these encounters, and I never would have been able to do it.
Now that I'm too old to rely on freak-girls wanting to live out their Harry Potter fetish, I feel increasingly lonely and that sucks.
What attracts a woman to a man when she's in high school will change drastically by the time she's in her 20s. So please keep in mind that the OP is 24 years old. In high school, it's as much about the ratifying opinions of her friends as anything else ("this guy gets attention from other girls therefore I suppose I should want to date him") whereas a girl in her 20s has a chance of actually knowing what she wants, having been through relationships and learned along the way. She may be less concerned about justifying her choice based on the confirmation of others but rather on what she has learned actually makes her happy. Which, of course, can be anything.
I wonder how many people giving advice have actually dated women as opposed to just girls. It's a very different experience. And being in his mid-20s, the OP has a pretty good chance of encountering women on his travels.
tl;dr: He's not going to learn the guitar and go hang around high school band rooms. WTF.
tl;dr: He's not going to learn the guitar and go hang around high school band rooms. WTF.
I probably will do just that, I'm going to study music and educational psychology soon, but getting girls that way would result in me ending up in jail
Thanks for the post again.
You're ofc absolutely right, girls are so different from women, which doesn't necessarily make it easier for me.
I think you should relax and not see further than the moment. I have that sort of problem too, getting to talk to girls can be quite difficult but it's often because you think of her (obviously) as a potential girlfriend.
My experience is for that most of the girls I dated (if not all), I wasn't really looking forward to dating them. I was just talking and having fun until I realized something could be going on and it really helps with the pressure. Also I guess girls want to feel they have work to do to attract you. If you come to them all sweaty and tensed, they won't bother at all.
Also as previously said, don't be afraid to fail because getting used to try and fail also will make you feel more comfortable talking to girls until it really works.
edit: Also, feels good to type and read that cause that's something I really should do more.
1. Traditional dating is no longer traditional. People no longer introduce themselves, ask women out on dates, etc. It now relies a lot on "connections" friends of friends meeting with these women friends at parties, etc and then they establish outings and not really dates. Don't believe the media, people date, it's just never labeled or stated as a date or "hanging out" or some other bullshit. I've never went on an actual "date", but rather a less pressured romantic evening that didn't have any bullshit media nuances.
2. Online dating is anything but shameful. It's traditional. The stigma of online dating is by traditionalists and functionalists (sociology) that believe that you should find someone in your area, but that just deters and sweeps away the use of your resources, if you don't like anyone here, why not find someone somewhere else.
The internet allows you to do that, there is no shame in doing it.
On September 20 2011 22:26 caruso wrote: My hobbies don't exactly make me a pussy-magnet either. I like books, I play a couple of instruments and I play Starcraft. Also I move to another town every year or so, so friends are hard to come by.
I'm of the opinion that your hobbies are your best bet.
The way I see it, you practice your hobbies, but since you aren't meeting women you're either sticking with one group too much or going solo. If that's the case then you need to put yourself in a lot of rooms.
What does this mean? You like books, so see if a local bookstore has a discussion group, a book club, or some other random social endeavor that brings people together (and maybe it's just me, but I think men would be in the minority for activities like this). You play instruments, so why not see if there's a local public band or orchestra. Play Starcraft? Participate in LANs if they're available (this is probably the biggest stretch). The idea behind all this is that the more rooms you put yourself in the more people you meet. Meeting more people means you're meating more women. Meeting more women means you could meet someone who shares a genuine interest. I've found that going on dates comes naturally when you have something in common you both enjoy. It's a great way to build confidence since you're already confident in your hobby. Meeting datable women is a numbers game so it's no surprise you're not dating anyone if you're not meeting anyone.
Since you're moving around a lot it IS a little more difficult to find something consistent. Then again, if you're in a totally dry area you'll be in a new area soon. Who knows, maybe you'll find a place you really like in the process!
Edit: Feel free to try internet dating. You WILL meet new people that way too.
On September 20 2011 22:37 Hawk wrote: forget finding you a date, i'd like to hear more about how you had a live in gf for five years and didn't spend a mother fuckin' dime on taking her to dinner once. You turned the game on it's ear and fucked the shit out of it for free. The fuck?
"Once I walked in a brothel, but I was doubtful as to the hygiene of the prostitutes, so I left without purchasing anything." caruso (Girl Blog)
Without "purchasing" anything .. legendary My advice to you .. go to a college with a nice campus and lots of opportunity to get practical, like medicine. You pretty much have to get to know the girls you are studying with and chances are good that you'll be invited to a dorm party where you grab a couple of beers and hunt down a chick with some nice bootie eventually. Forget dating.. you can do that when you're 30 and have lots of facebook friends gathered up from college to impress. The classic one liner is just stupid and outdated. If you gather up enough momentum you could try a sincere .. "hey`o, i'm sorry if i maybe offend you but, i find you to be very beautiful (try to avoid making a stupid facial expression), and i'd love to have your phone number so i could ask you to a date sometime." You can do this at a clothing store where you can tell she doesn't have anything important to do. Theoretically it should work 1 out of 20 times and the 19 times it doesn't she'll be flattered and will politely decline.
On September 21 2011 00:13 Flaccid wrote: What attracts a woman to a man when she's in high school will change drastically by the time she's in her 20s. So please keep in mind that the OP is 24 years old. In high school, it's as much about the ratifying opinions of her friends as anything else ("this guy gets attention from other girls therefore I suppose I should want to date him") whereas a girl in her 20s has a chance of actually knowing what she wants, having been through relationships and learned along the way. She may be less concerned about justifying her choice based on the confirmation of others but rather on what she has learned actually makes her happy. Which, of course, can be anything.
I wonder how many people giving advice have actually dated women as opposed to just girls. It's a very different experience. And being in his mid-20s, the OP has a pretty good chance of encountering women on his travels.
tl;dr: He's not going to learn the guitar and go hang around high school band rooms. WTF.
On September 20 2011 22:37 Hawk wrote: forget finding you a date, i'd like to hear more about how you had a live in gf for five years and didn't spend a mother fuckin' dime on taking her to dinner once. You turned the game on it's ear and fucked the shit out of it for free. The fuck?
Those girls are usually ones with daddy issues. The best is when you have them sneaking into your house after your parents go to bed and them leaving shortly after a movie and a good time. After you get that it is hard to actually spend money and take a girl out for dinner.
Well of course, that's college =p
like flaccid said, he's was with her for 5+, he's clearly an adult that would be hanging around women brah, these shennanigans do not work there
Well, if you don't have a lot of chumps who bring their chumpettes that you could get to know/hit onto hang out every now and then, you have to initiate contact with stranger women, which is always hard, even if you have selfconfidence and it seems like you don't. i'd suggest that you ask a fellow girl for help about your looks first, girls usually know a lot better what you could change to be more attractive (haircut/clothing etc). Start working out, eating healthy etc- these make small changes in your looks but maybe you can move up 1-2 points on your scale.
The next step would be creating the contact. Keep in mind that 80% of women decide about you in the first minute, so looks/good conversation starter is the most important here. Most women love it if you're funny, make a clever joke or something. But then these women are usually shallow, the more sensible type usually looks through the cover. But those are rare. Hot ones are even more rare. So you have to get used to being repelled and humiliated if you want to eventually date one, and that's not easy- but the "law of big numbers" works, i have a soldier mate who's not too good looking but he hits on like 20 girls a night and sometimes he succeeds. you need a special mindset for this though
The thing is, if you just want to score, the best bet is pretending to be something you're not, rich/succesful/confident etc., but that's a whole set of skills to master to sell yourself as barney stinson (all this if you're not already a rich rockstar, which is unlikely)- all this to make the best first impression in a shallow situation. If you want something serious, chances are you won't find it for years, which will make you desperate
which brings to online dating, a "desperate" method- people lie their asses off on dating sites, repelling is like 100 times easier to accept, hitting on someone is also 100 times easier, and you can hit on multiple women with no real consequences to your pride. Also the women on the sites are most likely also desperate and have lower expectations than the hottie in the gym or in the bar.
Overall i'd suggest you try some dating site, i know like 10 people who have happy relationships out of an online chitchat on some site, also a few more who just fuck around girls they found at one of these, it just seems the easiest and most efficient way because you said you're "socially retarded". Also it's starting to be widely accepted so it's not so awkward. But then it's not really likely that you'll get to date the hottest girl on earth through online methods.
Overall i'd suggest you try some dating site, i know like 10 people who have happy relationships out of an online chitchat on some site, also a few more who just fuck around girls they found at one of these, it just seems the easiest and most efficient way because you said you're "socially retarded". Also it's starting to be widely accepted so it's not so awkward. But then it's not really likely that you'll get to date the hottest girl on earth through online methods.
It's really not about finding the "hottest" girl.
Most girls are pretty in my eyes, but they have to have their own personality and be clever. Spuditiy is such a turnoff.
I'd consider this online dating, but it doesn't seem like there are any sites to do it on in Germany that don't have ridiculous prices.
Overall i'd suggest you try some dating site, i know like 10 people who have happy relationships out of an online chitchat on some site, also a few more who just fuck around girls they found at one of these, it just seems the easiest and most efficient way because you said you're "socially retarded". Also it's starting to be widely accepted so it's not so awkward. But then it's not really likely that you'll get to date the hottest girl on earth through online methods.
It's really not about finding the "hottest" girl.
Most girls are pretty in my eyes, but they have to have their own personality and be clever. Spuditiy is such a turnoff.
I'd consider this online dating, but it doesn't seem like there are any sites to do it on in Germany that don't have ridiculous prices.
hmm strange we have alot of free ones here in hungary
still i think it'd be good for you because you can cross a lot of barriers through online chat that may seem impossible in real life, and you can also browse through girls without any embarassment, chat with one, eventually arrange a date, etc
i once dated a girl who started to talk to me in an irc channel because she liked my name, and she was smart and also pretty, so it's not impossible at all. too bad she lived far away from me
Overall i'd suggest you try some dating site, i know like 10 people who have happy relationships out of an online chitchat on some site, also a few more who just fuck around girls they found at one of these, it just seems the easiest and most efficient way because you said you're "socially retarded". Also it's starting to be widely accepted so it's not so awkward. But then it's not really likely that you'll get to date the hottest girl on earth through online methods.
It's really not about finding the "hottest" girl.
Most girls are pretty in my eyes, but they have to have their own personality and be clever. Spuditiy is such a turnoff.
I'd consider this online dating, but it doesn't seem like there are any sites to do it on in Germany that don't have ridiculous prices.
Forget online dating. I worked for a company that had online dating sites and for all of the sites, 80% of the profiles are fake and the remaining 20% are desperate men messaging every fake profile they can find.
Sure, there is the occasional lucky match, but such sites aren't worth it in 95% of the cases.
This doesn't mean online dating isn't worth it, but don't even try dating sites. Facebook, etc. are good enough by themselves, just search for women from your area, look for people that share the same interests, etc. and send them a nice message.
Hell, my ex found her last 2 boyfriends in WoW, so as long as you are active in anything, you should be fine.
Just try to find someone before you become a grumpy, old, burnt out wreck like me :p
For your situation I think online dating is your best bet. It sounds like you're more of an "inside" guy as opposed to "outside" (correct me if I'm wrong), so stuff like bookclubs/open mics might not work for you. If you already have problems approaching women, its going to be even more difficult to do it in public situations where you're trying to do something else at the same time.
And because you move so often, you don't have time to build up a large social network of friends who can hook you up. I think that's how most non-clubbers hook up nowadays, friends-of-friends setting up others with their coworkers/other friends.
5-10 years ago I would've advised against online dating because it was full of creeps and stalkers. But now online dating has become much more mainstream. There's a lot of people out there like you who don't want to go clubbing and don't have much time to waste just looking for relationships.
You might consider yourself a 3.5/10 but who knows, maybe you're being too hard on yourself. The fact is that most dating sites are filled with 3.5s anyway so that's not really much of a problem as long as you keep your expectations low.
On September 21 2011 04:06 RoboBob wrote: For your situation I think online dating is your best bet. It sounds like you're more of an "inside" guy as opposed to "outside" (correct me if I'm wrong), so stuff like bookclubs/open mics might not work for you. If you already have problems approaching women, its going to be even more difficult to do it in public situations where you're trying to do something else at the same time.
And because you move so often, you don't have time to build up a large social network of friends who can hook you up. I think that's how most non-clubbers hook up nowadays, friends-of-friends setting up others with their coworkers/other friends.
5-10 years ago I would've advised against online dating because it was full of creeps and stalkers. But now online dating has become much more mainstream. There's a lot of people out there like you who don't want to go clubbing and don't have much time to waste just looking for relationships.
You might consider yourself a 3.5/10 but who knows, maybe you're being too hard on yourself. The fact is that most dating sites are filled with 3.5s anyway so that's not really much of a problem as long as you keep your expectations low.
Overall i'd suggest you try some dating site, i know like 10 people who have happy relationships out of an online chitchat on some site, also a few more who just fuck around girls they found at one of these, it just seems the easiest and most efficient way because you said you're "socially retarded". Also it's starting to be widely accepted so it's not so awkward. But then it's not really likely that you'll get to date the hottest girl on earth through online methods.
It's really not about finding the "hottest" girl.
Most girls are pretty in my eyes, but they have to have their own personality and be clever. Spuditiy is such a turnoff.
I'd consider this online dating, but it doesn't seem like there are any sites to do it on in Germany that don't have ridiculous prices.
On September 21 2011 00:56 Torte de Lini wrote: 1. Traditional dating is no longer traditional. People no longer introduce themselves, ask women out on dates, etc. It now relies a lot on "connections" friends of friends meeting with these women friends at parties, etc and then they establish outings and not really dates. Don't believe the media, people date, it's just never labeled or stated as a date or "hanging out" or some other bullshit. I've never went on an actual "date", but rather a less pressured romantic evening that didn't have any bullshit media nuances.
This is most important, especially in Germany where traditional dating has never really existed as institutionalized as in the US in the first place. I don't think I know anyone who has ever been on something like a real, proper date.
"Dating" in Germany has always functioned via connections as TDL describes. Since you are a social retard, you probably won't have many real life connections to exploit for dating, so online dating really is something you should try. Use your 90 day ban to sign up to OKCupid. Which brings me to this:
Overall i'd suggest you try some dating site, i know like 10 people who have happy relationships out of an online chitchat on some site, also a few more who just fuck around girls they found at one of these, it just seems the easiest and most efficient way because you said you're "socially retarded". Also it's starting to be widely accepted so it's not so awkward. But then it's not really likely that you'll get to date the hottest girl on earth through online methods.
It's really not about finding the "hottest" girl.
Most girls are pretty in my eyes, but they have to have their own personality and be clever. Spuditiy is such a turnoff.
I'd consider this online dating, but it doesn't seem like there are any sites to do it on in Germany that don't have ridiculous prices.
Forget online dating. I worked for a company that had online dating sites and for all of the sites, 80% of the profiles are fake and the remaining 20% are desperate men messaging every fake profile they can find.
Sure, there is the occasional lucky match, but such sites aren't worth it in 95% of the cases.
That is so wrong haha.
Well maybe that is true for the many of costly pay sites that fight over the German market, but as long as a site remains free and you don't pay a cent that is simply not true.
And even if it was, there is your chance to not be a retard and stick out from all the donkeys who desperately message every girl they can find.
Start working out at the gym. Not for the body, but because this will get you confidence and also lets you prove to yourself that you can be determined when you put your mind to something.
Get out in public. Anything - go for a run, join a club, go to concerts. The whole trick is simply to be comfortable in social settings. From there things will likely sort themselves out.
yeah those disgusting round breasts and those hidiously firm asses... starcraft is much more satisfying. i mean you don't have to buy flowers for a hydralisk and if it's time amy reid is always ready to do it
EPT
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