Secondly: Do any of you guys have good organization systems to suggest? I've cleared a lot of crap out of my room. But I don't know where I should plut stuff. Still probably need to clear out more...
Also any recommendations for school. Folder/binders/?
Warning: 2300+ Words of rant. But if anyone could help that would be most appreciated ;D
Village people are random tt
Parent rage blog # 1: Still hostage with a year to go
It was 12:07am on the 20 of August, 2011. Many of my friends are going to their respective colleges and getting moved in. But for me, my internet shut down and a disgruntled mother stormed out of her bedroom, telling me in a sharp tone, it’s 12:07. My mental response is, so? But instead I just sit there, and say that I’ll be in bed by 12:30. But no that’s inadequate, she threatens to bash in the monitor, and so I go to bed.
Let me make it clear: I’ve been going to bed fairly early in general, by my own volition. Not necessarily because I want to (I actually am a bit of a night owl by nature) but because I want to avoid this shit from happening. And you may call me an idiot because I decided to initiate this confrontation. But I’ve frankly had enough of all this ridiculousness.
Firstly, I have made some really stupid decisions. I tend to procrastinate and put things off, although not ridiculously so. A few years ago I lied a lot to my parents, mostly about stupid things. These things really had no consequence. Nobody should have cared about them. But they became an issue to my parents, and in the ensuing power struggle I lied a lot about stupid actions. I didn’t go out and smoke, or drink, or even attend parties and lie about it. I didn’t practice bassoon and lied about it. I had math homework which I would do later in the night, but I lied about that. Soon I figured out that my parents were going to intrude and find out that stupid information anyways and I would get in trouble.
Secondly, I dislike bringing up my surgery. I would like to believe that I can function as a normal person. It’s becoming increasingly clear that I can. But my parents tend to accuse me of playing a sort of sympathy card because of it. I fail to see how my actions are fishing for sympathy. What I’ve been through is major, and some people have had a lot of sympathy, (namely my sophomore English teacher……..) But when you look at things, my mom is the one whining about my situation to the office. She both encourages me to use my situation, and accuses me of using it. But more on topic…
Even before this, when I was 12 I wanted to get Age of Empires II. My friends had it, and it seemed cool. It became a sort of unhealthy obsession for me. I never actually saw the game, but it sounded cool. When I went to their houses, my mom made sure I could not see it. I asked to get it, and she got upset. I turned 13. I now met the requirements for the teen rating. I wanted to get it, but she refused citing my brother. It wasn’t until I was 15 that I ended up just torrenting it but in any case…
This bit is from Kindergarten. One of my best friends lived in a two story 3,000 square foot house. He was really young, and all his friends were from the same area. I live in a 2k foot one story ranch house, and he innocently asked my mom why our house was so small. Sure, if he knows what he’s saying it’s rude, but he was sooo young. He had no idea. She yelled at him and sent him home.
Somewhere in there, a friend invited me to see return of the King. She wouldn’t let me go, and my friends all got mad, but she wouldn’t let me go, and a lot of my friends just started to think she was crazy.
But as things progressed, things did not improve. I did fairly well in school, I got a B from a teacher that everyone thought was a bitch, and then managed to correct it 4 months later because she had forgotten to enter one of my projects >.> Parents blew up over that.
But for the last four years, I have wished to be able to have a TV/computer in my room (Was unreasonable four years ago... I also wished to be able to eat out with friends, and at friends houses occasionally.
For the last year, I have wished to drive. But no matter what I do to appease, the situation does not improve.
TV: Have never taken strong action on it. In fact mostly watch TV on computer now >.>
Computer: I know that a lot of studies say that it is a negative thing to have a computer in a room. But as things are now, the computer is on a tiny desk in the kitchen. My room is at least like 150 feet away down the hall. And basically all of my assignments need to be typed. It would be nice to have all of my stuff for work consolidated into one room. But I’m afraid that she says this is bullshit. Probably 5 months ago, after a huge blowup, when I cleaned out my room, I just moved the computer into my room. She blew up, blahblahblah breach of trustblahblahblah. Said I was trying to hide it. I dunno, but it seems obvious when there is a monitor on my desk, and not one in the kitchen
In terms of eating out with friends/being out at dinner, she’s being the most nazi parent ever. This brings asian parent to a whole new level, although it’s really over the top.
She threatened to break up my computer if I didn’t show up for dinner, when I informed her that there was an MUN function from 3:00-7:00. We eat at 5:00. She said there are all these studies linking eating separately from the family to an increase in crime. And yeah, those children are more likely to commit felonies.
I wear a helmet when riding a bicycle. I cross my is and dot my ts when it comes to the law. It can be really frustrating. But the fact that she would imply that if I spend time not eating dinner with the family would make me a felon made me really mad.
I tried to fight back rationally: oh, I forgot, that doesn’t work. I argued that to a certain degree the fact that all the members of our family saw each other so much was a sort of bad thing. It created a pressure cooker situation where basically everyone is stuck in the house, and pressures grow. You may say my parents could leave, but let’s lay this out.
Recreational behaviors for my mom: Telling my grandma how incompetent I am (more later…)
‘’ Dad: uhhh, running. Yeah, that’s it.
‘’ Brother: Reading anime
Me: Going out with friends sometimes, if parents allow it, not going to LANs because they are too late and dangerous qq
Essentially everyone sits in the house. My mom complains about the time I spend on the computer, and that I should get out. But when I go to get out she is like “oh, you should just sit in the yard, or go to the library, or …” Not “socialize with friends” And if she does want me to socialize with friends, she wants me to go to a house where fruit punch is served, and we play a game of pick up soccer in which I dominate because everyone else is so unathletic.
In the last week, with the writing of college essays, I’ve become increasingly pessimistic. A lot of my friends are wiritng about their strong family for college apps. Is this a good thing? Dunno. But pretty much all of my thoughts regarding my family are negative. Here are some things I might write about in college apps.
1) Being an admin on Wikipedia, not worrying about age, age blind. Also the amount of subjectivity, and the difficulty of communicating online.
2) Doing MUN with a full torso and neck brace.
3) Other even more personal stuff
But when I was thinking of topics, a lot of it turned out to be “overcoming barriers layed forth by the family either verbally or physically”
Finally, in terms of driving, it is complete bullshit.
This is the cycle
1) I need to go to dentist or something like that
2) Mom makes me drive her there so I can get practice driving
3) She complains on the way there that I can’t drive alone
4) She comments that my driving is pretty good
5) She says I still need more practice for permit
6) I ask how much
7) She wont’ say
8) I ask to take the driving test, she says I’m not responsible enough.
9) I ask if I’ll ever get one, she won’t say
10) I say that I shouldn’t even drive her if I’m not going to get a license
11) She ignores me
Alright. Tell me this. Am I the most mature 17 year old in the world? No. Am I more mature than most of them? Dunno. I haven’t been given enough leeway to tell. But I would assume that I’m mature enough to drive a car if probably 95% of the people in my class have a license.
I’m not sure as to the accuracy of this, because my brother does have a lieing problem, but he claims that when he was riding his bike to the library, somebody mistook him for me, and made fun of him/ (me) for not being able to drive. My mom didn’t give a shit .She just was like haha funny. No you bitch, you are bringing this upon me. Do not tell me that you have no other choice but to refuse any sort of responsibility to me. You are making that choice, and it is one thing to take responsibility, but it is another to blame me for not doing things you prohibit me from doing.
The biggest thing that I’ve figured out when applying to college is my lack of confidence. And the problems it has caused. A lot of it is caused by the split feedback between my friends and those at school and my parents
For example Mom “you won’t get into UC Riverside”
Friends “apply to Stanford, you’ll get in”
Mom “you’re irresponsible”
Friends “you’re very responsible”
I frankly don’t know what to do. I had a panic attack two years ago during a math test. A lot of it was caused by my parents saying “you need to study more your’e gonna fail blahblahblah” I knew the material, but had a complete breakdown during the test. (Causing me to get a B in the course…)
Another point that goes along with this. Both my brother, and my mom brazenly go after me for not being in a relationship. I just have no idea how to deal with it. I lack the confidence to ask people. I’m fairly sure they would say yes, but I get all anxious. I get anxious with a lot of things. I didn’t get anxious before :\ And it’s especially ironic considering my parents met through classifieds in a newspaper, and it was my dads first real relationship. And my mom’s third or something like that.
Along a similar vein, my mom always says I look like shit. Sure I have no idea how to dress, but I’ll wear jeans and a shirt, and generally look fairly neat. She wears sweatpants, and a monochrome t-shirt. In public with me. >.>
Lastly, I have no idea what I want to do for a job. OK, my parents really want me to go an engineering route, and I’ve been trying to say that I want to do that. Sure, I’m capable of it, but it’s not where my interests really are. I’m more interested in economics/banking/finance. It’s where I’d like to work, but there is a lot of pressure to go in that direction. A college counselor is going to talk to us soon. How the heck should I go about it :/
MEAT OF RANT
In a year I will be at a four year institution of some sort. I don’t know where, but wherever it is, I’ll have infinitely more freedom than I do now. My biggest worry is ironically that I will be unable to deal with it. I haven’t dealt with being able to stay up past 12:30 ever. I’ll have that ability. I’ll be able to go out when I feel like it. I could go to parties, if my better judgment doesn’t stop me. My mom maintains I’m not ready for smaller responsibilities. But really, the time gap for me to learn to be more independent is closing .Keeping the status quo, in which I’m not allowed to do much of anything, cannot, and will not assist me when I head off to college. So what the heck should I do… I’ll be an adult, who can’t stay up past 12:00, and can’t have internet past 11:30.
I’ve been thinking about it, and have thought about just entirely contradicting her. Taking the computer into my room, and locking myself in. Something dramatic like that. I dunno. Problem is that doesn’t’ accomplish anything. Other problem is that it’s been extensively debated and it’s never going to happen unless if I make something happen. But should anything be done? :/
And I just thought of this:
Perhaps the reason I’m so attracted to the thought of going to Korea, is not necessarily that it is Korea, but that it is a society and place in which I would be entirely free from my parents. Rational? No. Probably why? Yeah. I don’t know what to make of it. Do any of you?