EPTShe had to go back to work, so I read a book in her store for a while, something like '1001 dreams analyzed' where it attempts to break down all the subconscious symbolism within our dreams based on Freud's and Jung's works. The only thing I took out of the book was within the first couple sentences; (paraphrasing here) "Psychological theories of dreams suggest that our brains process and dump unwanted mental material at the end of a day, like a computer discards unwanted data before shutting down." In other words, dreams don't mean shit.
Something else I learned that day, Laughter is not a good form of medicine when your stomache hurts. But hey babe, is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I would love to tap that ass. No? Well at least give me your name so I can have it to go with the face when I masturbate later.
Seriously though, I learned that Calcium blocks the absorption of vitamins and other things. And that the word absorb turns a b upside down when you add -tion. For years I've been taking a multivitamin every morning with calcium fortified OJ, what a waste.
So anyways, I told her I was gonna go look around the shops and check out the beach until her shift was over and then we would go do something together. I walked down the bike trail along the beach towards the pier. Once I got to there, I noticed a peculiar bird.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/kI9LU.jpg)
let's get a closer look
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/JCzsb.jpg)
a foot closer
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/pYJAM.jpg)
what?
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/aSzUt.jpg)
the?
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/8gq2H.jpg)
fuck is wrong with your leg?!
After that, I walked to the end of the pier watching all the (mostly mexican) people fish. I saw a dude catch a fish and just throw it on the ground and I watched it flop around in its feeble attempt to hang on to its now shortened life. I thought about how vegans and peta enthusiasts have it all wrong. Without hunting out the weak animals, how will evolution weed out the crap? How will survival of the fittest keep the second rate animals out of the world? It made me proud to be an omnivore. I was helping make the world a better place. Pandas can fuck off, they are retarded bears when compared to these ones http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=253904
On the way back I took the street route, to come full circle on my quest of exploration. I learned something else new: Safest thing in the world. Propane locked in a cage. Who would ever try and bust it open? I also saw this street for some mild amusement.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/IjY6x.jpg)
When I got back, she had about 15 minutes left of work so I shot the shit with her coworker. She was telling me how her fiance is a picker and makes a lot of money selling shit on ebay. Most of the stuff he finds really cheap in antique stores or even found some old 50s amplifier in an alley that sold for a couple grand. She said it was cool except the fact that their house was starting to get filled with 'junk' and that he even wanted to get a storage unit. So she had all the discovery shows covered now; Pickers, Storage Wars, and Hoarders. I made the observation, laughed, and my stomache grumbled.
When we left her work we stopped at a Condom Revolution (its a sex shop, for those that don't know). I saw these and lol'd
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/taUF8.jpg)
The worker there was totally out of place, she looked like a nerdier version of the girl off little house on the prairie, the one with the pig tails.
![[image loading]](http://www.travelmonitor.com.au/images/stories/20110526_melissa-gilbert.jpg)
.She had glasses, very plain looking, milk of magnesia complection, maybe 5'8" , skinny and was really micromanaging the shit out of us. She was very open and blunt about what all the products did even going as far as demonstrating sex toys with her hands. Telling us about what her husband of 10 years likes and doesn't like (she couldn't have been more than 28 years old, thought that was strange). I've only been with this girl for a few months now, and we aren't that serious yet so it was a bit awkward but whatever, i'm open. It was probably more awkward for her than me. The worst part was when she ran out to the car because she forgot her wallet and the worker was tellin me how the Coochi Cream is the best shit in the world for shaving, she even catches her husband using it. And I said "I know, my ex used to swear by it. Good shit" turned around, there was my new girl. Later the worker apologized for getting me in trouble.
We left with 12 assorted condoms, a few lube samples, a free bottle of lube, and some lingerie (a corset that I tried to get her to pose in to post here for you guys but she said no.) Sorry guys ):
Her fam is out of town and we had the whole house to ourselves. She had plans for a special night before her trip to Montana, but my irritable abdomen had other plans. I hadn't really noticed it, but it had been slowly getting more and more uncomfortable all day.
I thought maybe I had eaten some bad food at my friend's house the previous day since he said he has gotten salmonella and food poisoning before. I texted him and his sister, they were both fine. I knew it wasn't just some bad gas stuck, constipation, or some other typical gastrointestinal discomfort. Especially since I didn't eat that much in the past 72 hours and what I did eat was very typical diet for me. She was starting to freak out and insisted taking me to the hospital. I don't have insurance and I don't wanna go unless I am 99.9% sure there is something serious going on.
The ride was terrible, every little crack, dip, and bump in the road was a punch in the gut. It was about 6 miles away. The main thing bothering me was the thought of all the hospital bills and waste of time and money if nothing was seriously wrong.
Upon arrival the pain was getting into into pretty intolerable levels. Maybe a 7 or 8 on a scale of worst pain Ive ever had being a 9 or 10. I sat in the ER waiting room for 10-15 minutes writhing around in my chair. I filled out the sign in form so fast in the sloppiest doctor chicken scratch I've ever written. It was so bad that when they finally got me into a gurney they had my wrist name tag all wrong and had to redo it. They hooked me up to an IV drip of Electrolytes and antibiotic, stuck a heart monitor on my finger, and a blood pressure cuff on my arm.
The ER seemed moderately busy on a Monday night. The french kid next to me had some kind of panic attack and was hyperventialting and freaking out at the machines beeps and boops because everything was so foreign to him. He had a translator there who wasn't doing a very good job. He stated that his hands were shaking too bad for him to unzip and piss in a bottle for testing and had to have a male nurse help him unbutton. Once they gave him some anti anxiety meds he calmed down and they left, but the woman translator was really pissed off because she felt that the hospital didn't do enough, or wanted him to stay overnight for observation. She kept babbling on about being treated as a human and wanted to file a complaint card etc. The staff was nothing but helpful and understanding from my point of view, in fact everyone was way too thorough and nice the entire time I was there. (I must've been asked 2 dozen times my height, name, weight, allergies, etc.) I'm pretty sure everyone on the floor knew me at this point.
After a few hours a new guy filled the french kid's empty gurney. He had 3 seizures and only spoke spanish. Irony wasn't funny to me at this point (remember what I learned at the top of paragraph 3), but the pain had subsided somewhat since I had been laying there for an hour or so. It had shifted down and to my right. I thought great, it was a piece of chip, or some food stuck in my intestines blocking the flow and now it was moving along. Everyone kept asking me if I wanted some pain killers and I kept denouncing any, the pain was only at about a 3 now and I wasn't trying to spend money I didn't have even if the taxpayers might pick up the tab. Plus I'm sort of anti drugs as I try not to even take advil when I have a headache or clariton when I have an allergy. And besides that, I've had morphine before it probably would have hurt my stomache more than the pain at this point and I didn't feel like puking.
It was about 11:30 pm and there was only 1 doctor working the floor tonight. So when he finally got to me I was pretty ok. He asked me all the basic questions and did some feeling around. He suspected appendicitis. He did a simple test and pressed down slowly and released quickly on the spot where the appendix is and it made a sharp pain as he let go. He ordered a cat scan of my abdomen immediately. The dude took me to the room and stuck some iodine coloring agent into my IV for the pictures. He warned it would be a warming sensation but damn, this was like a heat wave rushing through my body. Especially on my genitals, very odd feeling when you are naked under a thin blanket being scanned.
He wheeled me back to the gurney and 5 minutes later the doc came in and said; "Yep, your appendix. We're gonna have to take it out." I questioned if there was any antibiotics I could take for a week or so and come back to see if it got any better. He reaffirmed that appendixes (appendi?) don't work that way and they had to operate. It hadn't burst or anything, it had just swelled up and I caught it pretty early.
Lucky for me I hadn't eaten since about 1:30pm and barely drank much either (partly because I knew that before surgery you can't eat or drink anything for 12 hours) and I suspected something from early on. The surgeon wasn't going to be there until the early morning and I would be the first in line. They shipped me up to a room on the 3rd floor and I watched some really old Chevy Chase and Goldie Hawn movie. I coudln't really sleep, not because of the pain, (which was really at about a 1 or so at this point, I denied painkillers the entire time) but more the anxiousness of surgery. I finally passed out about 5am or so and what seemed like immediately the nurse came in and started prepping me for surgery with a battery of questions. The first one at around 6am was "Hey Mike, Sorry blah blah blah surgery blah blah questions: How tall are you?", I hesitantly replied; "6'2" and then paused for a couple seconds to make sure I didn't just tell her I was a midget or as tall as an ultralisk. I was literally befuddled by my own answer and I only knew it was right because she didn't question it and moved right along to the rest of the questions. Only after she left did I really begin to wake up.
They moved me to the holding room at about 6:20 and I thought it sounded like a prison term. Kinda felt like a prisoner at this point since so many people were controlling me and passing me around the hospital. They started me on another antibiotic and I think a painkiller (Dilladud or something). The surgeon came in and told me what the problem was and how the operation would go. He was a short Italian fellow maybe late 40s and he said something like, 'poo poo stuck in there' and laughter still wasn't good medicine.
Shortly thereafter the nurses took me to the OR strapped my legs with some blood circulation cuffs/pads, strapped my left arm to my side, and strapped my body down to the table, my right arm outstretched with the IV in my elbow still and the anesthesiologist dosed me up. Last thing I remember is him saying; "This is an oxygen mask and it will.... ."
I woke up about 9:30-10:00 and it fucking hurt now, back up to about a 6 or 7. The nurse popped in just about then and this time I said, 'Drugs please.' We had built a pretty good rapport over the night joking around and what not. She had the same name as my girl friend. I kept getting dosed and was in and out of consciousness for the next 4 hours or so. They tried to bring me breakfast of liquids and I didn't even look at it.
Around lunch is when the loopiness started to dwindle off. They brought me the same meal again. It was chicken broth, jello, some cranberry juice, and water iirc. I slowly pecked at the broth with my spoon and slurped up a few jello cubes. I remember that I don't really like jello.
My girl friend came back around 3. I was doing crossword puzzles that they had left me the night before. She didn't get much sleep that night either because her friend was leaving town and wanted to spend some time with her and she couldn't get any good sleep knowing I was in the hospital. She crawled into my bed since I wasn't really in much pain and we did a word search puzzle together. She got owned, 39 to 4 on words found. She passed out on my shoulder as I was listening to music on my ipod. I passed out a little after her.
They gave me early dinner of country fried veal steak, mashed potatoes, steamed veggies, salad and milk at 5:30pm. I mowed that down like no tomorrow even though they told me to take it slow. I was even eating all the shit I normally dislike, like cauliflower and the veal was like meatloaf.
To my surprise they released me at about 6:15 pm the same day.
+ Show Spoiler +
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/Glc58.jpg)
PS- The symptoms and operation techniques: http://www.umm.edu/general_surgery/lap_appendectomy.htm
and for those who wanna SEE one, here: http://images.lifescript.com/images/ebsco/images/si55551264.jpg
OR HERE:
they actually only used 2 incisions on me, a large one through my navel, and the smaller one in my pelvic area.
