EPTAlso, believe it or not, there's a reason why these sort of thing sells and could be enlightening to the less exposed or social kind of people.
On the internet, it's a little bit harder to take an interest in someone because there is also no one-on-one personal encounter or interaction. In most cases, it's amongst other people simultaneously talking and giving their own input of the subject, so trying to engage with someone about your interests is difficult when there is no initiative or direct focus of attention.
As children, there are little responsibilities resting upon our shoulders. The idea of minding another's well-being, your financial situation and current health are generally not within our hands and with good reason. Granted there are exceptions and even some cases, they very shoes we're morally demanded to fit are too big and become overwhelming to walk in.
As we grow older, so do the number of things we have to be mindful about. The very obligations we come to grow and learn about exhaust us and pine away the few moments we can manage to reserve for our few and leftover hobbies. It's normal that we eventually to think of others when the very few times we talk or do things we desire or like are pure memories of the very childhood we took for granted.
As children, the idea of getting others to like or even accept our company isn't a difficult one. We're new to socializing, anxious to meet new people, discover things or explore new places and share them with everyone we can. With the lack of actual responsibilities and the strength of learning alongside in an institution that teaches us about the norms, morals, values and conventions of society, we grow to want to fit in or at least become an intergral part of the world that we're surrounded by and forced, eventually, to interact with on some level.
Whether there is a business, social, self-esteem or general gain to be liked everyone, getting them to like you might be proven difficult for some (not all, obviously).
+ Show Spoiler +
Like in part 1, these "How to-" guides are fairly obvious to many, but if that's the case, you obviously don't need a guide and I congratulate you on a wonderful and easier aspect of your life
Similar to being appreciated, we like to walk into a room without the distinct feeling that everyone is glaring at you until you melt. You would also like the right people to like you or take note of you. Opportunities arise, relationships are constructed and acceptance becomes less of a worry to pile onto your load.
How do we accomplish this? Well, believe it or not, the steps are rather simple and fall along the lines of understanding, considering and thinking of others. Dale Carnegie's many famous lines were: "When you take a sincere interest in others, they will respect you as a person and take an interest in you." Essentially, what comes around, goes around. However, such a concept eludes the very brightest people and seem to overlook such a basic feature in socializing.
Consider the idea of an interview for a job or for a sponsor. Why is the sponsor talking to you? How do you gain their interest in you, your product or your company? If you start telling them what they can do for you, they're not gonna bother. They can do a lot of things for a lot of people, but their self-interest and the sustainability of their company is a much bigger priority and with good reason.
This is a level of evident interest. When you walk into an interview, you obviously don't talk about how this job will save your marriage, feed your kids and pay for your car insurance. While that is a very harsh and unspoken reality, it doesn't speak of you nor does it speak of your beneficial qualities that could help boost the company is an aspect that they want to improve.
This foundational form of an interest is an agreement with both people understandably wanting something out of it. But have you considered going further? There are 3 levels of interest: Self-Interest, Interest of the Society and Interest of the People. Self-interest will always be present and aware of it, no matter how much you strive to quench its desires, it will always seek for more. This is normal and this is called the Pursuit of Happiness. The interest of society is interconnected with the company, workplace or home you are in. They are duties as a role within that environment that you always take into account. Consider it a simplistic form of the Ego (Freud) where you are morally obligated to mind yourself, where you are and how it is functions.
The Interest of the People (or Person) is what we want. By taking a genuine interest in someone, they equally become interested in you. For instance, upon walking into this meeting I had yesterday, I always open with a "how are you" and a smile (this will be elaborated after). Am I interested how the person is? Generally, yes. Personally, I would like to know what mood he or she would be in so I know what to avoid talking about and/or what level of amicability we can establish. I had gains and interests behind my planned actions, but I also wanted to make sure that my associate was comfortable or nor overwhelmed with something else.
When inquired, he told me he was feeling bushed, tired and in a real rut lately. I took it upon myself to inquire and show a level of personal care as to why that was so. He spent the next 45 minutes talking about his sister's wedding, all the planning. The number of reports he has to file and get done, etc. Before I knew it, our meeting was nearly over and I didn't get to say or talk about what I had wanted in him. But because I took a general interest, asked a pertinent question and followed up with ensuing questions, not being mindful of the time and letting him exert all this bottled up frustration onto me, he apologized, offered me a luncheon and said we could talk for two hours and the meal would be on him (if you've never been to Lucca, I suggest you go, very good Italian fresh food restaurant). There were 2 levels of interests there: a general polite one, minding the courtesy of the society and the relationship I had with the associate (an acquainted and business one) and a more personal one, letting him say as much as he wanted to share without interruption and without letting him think he was out of line or uncomfortable.
+ Show Spoiler [An exemplary scene] +
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jx8Q0lnvf8c
In this scene, I believe Will Smith wanted to talk to this businessman and shares a cab with him. As he was chatting, the businessman seemed preoccupied, busy with his own affairs, despite how trivial it is.
This is where the scene takes off. Will Smith spends the whole car ride solving it, amazing the man, yet... he achieved nothing of his in the whole meeting. Is a terrible thing? No, not entirely because he left a mark on the person and in future attempts to talk to him. He will know and remember that you did something for him and that you minded his business, even when small. All in all: people care so much about the smallest things, because it is important to them to bother with. Showing it is important to you is a huge step!
In this scene, I believe Will Smith wanted to talk to this businessman and shares a cab with him. As he was chatting, the businessman seemed preoccupied, busy with his own affairs, despite how trivial it is.
This is where the scene takes off. Will Smith spends the whole car ride solving it, amazing the man, yet... he achieved nothing of his in the whole meeting. Is a terrible thing? No, not entirely because he left a mark on the person and in future attempts to talk to him. He will know and remember that you did something for him and that you minded his business, even when small. All in all: people care so much about the smallest things, because it is important to them to bother with. Showing it is important to you is a huge step!
This works for almost all situations. Some would say this is manipulation because you are aware of the outcome. But the reality is that I truly did and still do care about his sister's wedding and in fact, after I inquired again about the wedding: I was invited. It's not a false sense of care or interest, it's a genuine one and wishing well onto others (knowing that the action requires little to no effort and that he doesn't hurt me seeking others benefits they deserve and hope for). How do you keep yourself genuinely interested? Knowledge. The knowledge to know more about the person, about certain relationships and the need to understand your society. When someone asks or tells you about something, inquire or answer, propose an idea and figure how it can be accomplished or how you can draw a benefit from it. Still manipulation? I would rather think not.
Dale Carnegie has several other tips:
Smile.
Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.
Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.
So, to conclude. Taking an interest into others, a sincere one, will make life for you much, much easier. Even if you have nothing to gain in a person, asking them how their day went, what is new or how XYZ event or person is going will have a significant, even if originally miniscule, effect on the person that will help paint you in a color that suits your needs and in the end; desires.
There's a reason why partners of any gender, love a "good listener". It's one thing to listen, it's another to ask for more things to listen to.
I hope this helps everyone else. This is part 2 of a few ideas I have. No idea if I'll ever finish or do another part but I have the following in my head thus far to do:
- How to accept criticism or inquire advice
- Being resourceful and showing effort
+ Show Spoiler [Some backstory] +
If you're wondering how the hell I know all of this stuff. When I was a child, my father was listening to motivational tapes. I always found it pathetic, weak and odd of him to listen to other people babble for 3 hours a tape about things that would seem obvious to an adult (I was 12-13 at the time). He kept going on with it though and made my brother and I listen to it for 8 hours every drive up from Montreal to New Jersey [my parents just got divorced at the time]. This went on for maybe 4 years, about every day for 4 months (summers + winter vacations). I fought, I threw a tantrum and tried to make fun of the tapes, but he kept playing them and made them louder every time. Even when I played on my Gameboy or even late at night, he still played them until they became an incorporated part of how I work, think and see people.
Additionally, my father tried to combat our self-destructive personalities with a paper. It was a 600-word paper from this man on our name and just a lot of complimentary adjectives. I didn't understand the words then, but we read it every night in front of the mirror with passion and excitement for my father, despite our dismay or disinterest.
I haven't listened to them in years, but their basic concepts of human interaction has some reside in me, I only figured who they are out, now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXZvwqGksfU&feature=related
Dale Carnegie was the man and my father listened to him like a religion and forced us to listen as well.Additionally, my father tried to combat our self-destructive personalities with a paper. It was a 600-word paper from this man on our name and just a lot of complimentary adjectives. I didn't understand the words then, but we read it every night in front of the mirror with passion and excitement for my father, despite our dismay or disinterest.
I haven't listened to them in years, but their basic concepts of human interaction has some reside in me, I only figured who they are out, now.
