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NeverGG
United Kingdom5399 Posts
The 'Awkward Ugly Turtle' blog posted in the last couple of weeks got me thinking about how annoyed I actually am. It seems like recently everything annoys me - people, food, my own habits, money, etc.
The behavior of others is probably the main issue - people pushing into queues on the subway, making noise in the goshiwon where I live beyond midnight, etc. They're all things I'd never do to other people, but which get me really riled up when others do them to me.
(Even when I tried to do something nice by leaving a little gift (I noticed she is also a Vocaloid fan, so it was some Vocaloid notelets) for a girl who lives next door to me (to apologise for accidentally being noisy during the daytime) she just put it aside, and ignored it outside of her door. >.< I love doing nice things for people, but I feel like I come across as too weird/highly strung, and get too easily angry with people to communicate this.)
Do people actually like having others give them gifts/go out of their way for them? Or is it seen as too strange?
I'd like to become a bit more 'laid back' before I end up having some kind of heart attack. So, for someone who is really awkward around others, and has no intention of forcing herself to study Korean - Can people suggest their methods of de-stressing?
(I can't drink for personal reasons, and have zero interest in relationships.)
My current list stands at;
~ Cooking (Easily done, provided I can get the kitchen to myself.)
~ Focusing on my diet and exercising a bit.
~ Reading books.
~ Watching dramas etc on my netbook.
~ Exploring new types of music.
~ Going on more walks.
~ Shopping. (Only when I'm not broke obvs.)
~ Working on my model kits (Kamen Rider ^_^)
~ Chores (laundry etc. I'm a neat freak.)
Also, any tips about coming across as less of a lunatic otaku due to getting nervous, and being overly confident would help. I don't come to TL meets in Seoul any more because of this. (Honestly, unless people share my hobbies I have no idea how to talk to them.)
  
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If you have a way to be around animals, many people find them calming and that they make them happier because animals don't need to talk and don't judge you for anything.
I find my dog is very sensitive to my emotions. When I am excited she is running around barking and wants to play. When I'm sad or upset she comes and lies down next to me. She was terribly abused before I found her at the shelter, but she is amazing because she is so incredibly loving of everyone and just wants to be loved back. 
Animals + chilling outside are definitely my two biggest stress relievers.
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De-stressing seems rather personal, as it becomes something you associate with the notion which usually works best. For me, music has always been my go-to thing for easing my frustration. Both listening to music and playing instruments has always seemed to be my perfect outlet, but I can't guarantee that for anyone else. GL finding your outlet
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Yes, I have to agree that being with my dog is definitely one of the most chill moments. There's just no way I can be mad or upset or anything around an old beast like her.
But when I'm out of the house, it has to be walking somewhere I haven't been before (or haven't been often), while listening to music if possible. And of course if I happen to be dressed for the gym or have a change of clothes, then definitely that. Nothing makes you feel better than... well, feeling better.
Good luck trying to relax~  Good luck trying to be less nervous about meeting people too. Maybe you can try spending more and more time in some crowded areas like malls, little shops, etc.?
+ Oh and I just thought of a good de-stresser after posting. Singing/humming/whistling along to a favourite song can be great for just forgetting about everything around you (careful not to be too loud!). Sometimes I'll be freaking out about something, then go to my room, turn up a really catchy tune, and just start singing and dancing. Works for me!
+ + Looking in the mirror and making silly faces. If you can get yourself to laugh, you'll feel great.
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Reading books and listening to music you are interested in helps a lot, from my experience.
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For me it is getting outside and excerising. I love boxing. Nothing better than beating the crap out of something. Not sure if that is possible in Korea, but excercise is a definite stress relief.
Another is to have someone who you can call and rant at. Get it off your chest so to speak. A good friend is a must.
Finally, whenever I get really stressed I try to breath deep and think about my life in ten years time. I'll be mega wealthy, with a lovely family, friends, pets and whatever is stressing me now just passes.
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I like receiving gifts.
Your insecurities are no different from others when it comes down to lines, crammed subways, etc. Personally, I think you could use a few more friends down there. It's hard for you because you come across as an introvert who is insecure with herself and doesn't speak the language fluently, so the social interactions are slim to none. You've been living there for years now and it's probably time for a change of scenery. Then again, work is work. Anyway, I'll PM you when I head to Korea. I could use a tour guide and this way I could assess your situation better.
You have me intrigued. I like oddballs and you are quite the oddball Missie.
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Blogging.
Starcraft.
Watching SNSD. <3
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Starcraft and exercising are pretty good stress relievers for me. Anything that keeps you very active to keep your mind off of something.
Also, did the person you give the note too ever express not liking your noisiness during the daytime? If she never did, then she might've not noticed it and getting a random apology would catch her off-guard. If I was in that situation, I would assume the note was for someone else.
Also, any tips about coming across as less of a lunatic otaku due to getting nervous, and being overly confident would help. I don't come to TL meets in Seoul any more because of this. (Honestly, unless people share my hobbies I have no idea how to talk to them.)
I used to be like this in Middle School, but I found that the best way to talk to people with no common interest are getting to know things that can almost apply to anyone. The way I can spark a conversation with a person not interested in video games is to tell them work stories (I get to see a lot of strange people when working at Quiznos) or not-so-mainstream current events. Don't do it in an awkward manner though. You need some type of ice breaker...and sometimes the opportunity simply does not present itself.
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Oh dearest NeverGG! How I love reading your blogs!
I, too, was once paralyzed by the prospect of having to meet and engage in conversations with people with whom I shared no common interests. Then I realized, that there is not a person in the world with whom I share no common interests. Who doesn't like to breathe? MMMmmmm~~~ fresh air full of oxygen and nitrogen and minor quantities of other gases. What's not to talk about?
Did you know that our atmosphere is composed of 5 principal layers? Or that the overall mass of the entire atmosphere is a whopping 5×10^18kg!!!!!!! That's MASSIVEEEE!
From breathing, you can go into so many other topics.... Do you breathe in with your mouth and out with your nose? Or do you breathe in with your nose and out with your mouth? Or in with the nose out with the nose? Or in with the mouth and out with the mouth? THERE ARE 4 POSSIBILITIES!!!!
But this number of possibilities expands all the way to 8 when you consider whether or not you breathe diaphragmatically!
Do you like to sing? SINGING REQUIRES BREATHING!
Look outside. Look at the sun. Stare intently at the air molecules that surround you and embrace all that you have in common with your fellow human.
So don't give me this nonsense about not having COMMON HOBBIES! A hobby is only what you make of it, so make a hobby out of making hobbies! THEN YOU WILL HAVE SO MANY HOBBIES EVERYONE WILL WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND!
Luckily everybody already does want to be your friend, you excellent person, you :3
Cheers!
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On July 27 2011 12:23 Whole wrote:
Also, did the person you give the note too ever express not liking your noisiness during the daytime? If she never did, then she might've not noticed it and getting a random apology would catch her off-guard. If I was in that situation, I would assume the note was for someone else.
Pretty much sums up my thoughts on the gift. Too courteous. Her alias is deceiving :o
Making small talk with others is a good skill to have. It doesn't just have to be about the sharing similar tastes and interests. Hell, I had a conversation with random strangers today about the proper amount of time it takes to wash ones hands in the stall. Studies say 20 seconds of lathering yet most people rinse and don't wipe off properly. Women are just as bad as men when it comes to this from what I read.
P.S. Gummy I'm showing you how it's done as we speak when it comes to your goal.
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Yeah, I also really, really need to destress....will steal any and all ideas that come up ;;
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On July 27 2011 12:36 Z3kk wrote:
Yeah, I also really, really need to destress....will steal any and all ideas that come up ;;
I find that setting unrealistic goals for myself and then trying my best to meet them and them coming up well short anyway is a great way to stress myself out. Since I find myself doing this all the time, a simple way I might destress would be to stop doing that.
For normal people, things like watching a movie, listening to Norah Jones, hanging out with friends, going to the gym, playing an instrument, etc... are totally reasonable ways of de-stressing. I happen to do these all the time, which is why I am such a well-adjusted and non-bipolar individual!
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Watching a movie is progressive procrastination though. You aren't bettering yourself or your situation when you do stuff like that. Lots of people like the gym, but for some who are self-conscious it can be taxing in itself.
In NeverGG's case, she might want to start her own modeling group or join one. Then again, language barriers. :[
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Watch Hell's Kitchen... No seriously, it will relieve your stress.
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I dont get, why are you awkward around others ?
Anyways, based on what Ive read, its seems to me that the mental state you're describing is the product of something else. Im gonna take a stab here and say that your mental state is a result of loneliness. Ive gathered from your blog that you don't seem quite in tune with your environment like a cog in a machine that is slightly misaligned.
This in itself is a form of loneliness. I mean you could have a world full of people around you and still be lonely because there isnt really a connection between you and them. You are "trying" to connect but your self-defeating attitude gets in the way as you seem to second guess yourself. If im right about my assessment, then I suggest you change your game plan on social interactions and your attitude about yourself mainly and those around you.
I'll leave this here for now GL
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I hear SaRrAceN is a smart man.
Sounds like they were right.
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Well I certainly understand why you have stress, if I cut out women and booze I'd probably commit suicide. For me a major stress reliever either includes comedy or shirt eating. Try eating a shirt
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On July 27 2011 12:59 Divinek wrote:
Well I certainly understand why you have stress, if I cut out women and booze I'd probably commit suicide. For me a major stress reliever either includes comedy or shirt eating. Try eating a shirt
Laughing is a good.
You didn't actually eat your shirt! D:
I'm saddened. <-- Not laughing right now.
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Drawing is a good way to de-stress. You're pretty good at it too from what I saw of that Prince of Tennis plastic fan you made the other day.
Even just writing stuff down like this is a decent way.
I get annoyed at people on trains too. The worst is people who just barge on without letting people get off and then just stand right in the door - blocking people from getting on and off.
Escalators are another thing. I'm not sure how it is in other places but in Melbourne there's a bit of a system going where if you aren't in a hurry you stand over to the left. That way if people need to rush for a train they can go up faster to the right. I missed a train once because some guy was blocking the escalator. That was kinda annoying.
It's a good thing I find the train so relaxing - that itself is a good way for me to de-stress (sometimes too much and I fall asleep... only missed my stop once though ^^)
Playing games is a fun way to de-stress as well. I've been playing through FF4 on my PSP the last few days and that has been really relaxing... Okay well aside from when Cagnazzo killed everyone but Cecil and I only had one Phoenix Down and hadn't saved in ages. Such a relief when I pulled through that lol.
I like giving and receiving gifts no matter what they are. What I've learned in life is some people really seem allergic to receiving gifts. I've had some people get really angry at me for giving them presents because they either don't like what I gave them or they feel like the only reason I'd give them is because I want something in return... Which is never true. What I learned from that is you can never please everyone so you shouldn't let it worry you. Can't let a few bad experiences ruin others.
Nothing wrong with being a lunatic otaku either. I've got a big hug lined up for you in a couple of days.
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I am not sure how to say this but since you asked Can people suggest their methods of de-stressing? I am going to put my answer in spoiler...
+ Show Spoiler +If I am stressed to the point that my previously stated methods can't help, well I squeeze one out. Sexual release, no matter what form is appears in, is just that, a release. On most occasions I don't need to, but damn if I feel all ragey, a quick slip between the sheet sorts things out good and proper.
My 2c
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When I am stressed to the point of becoming misanthropic (which, I think, happens to everyone, right?) I have in the past found these things helpful (not necessarily all at once):
1) working out to exhaust myself; no gym needed, just aerobics like squats and ballet exercises. I just do it in front of a mirror (for postural reference) in my bedroom.
2) hanging out with my sisters-- or other people it's easy to laugh with-- and watch something silly (I can give you recommendations if you want!)
3) writing a funny story about the stuff that really bothered me-- it helps me see the 'ridiculous' in it. And in general, if I can laugh stuff off, I find myself feeling much more generous and patient with the rest of the world.
4) Cleaning and organizing my stuff. It makes me feel more on top of things and in control of myself, and that makes me feel more able to deal with the rest of the world. Plus inventing new ways of organizing things can be kind of fun! well... maybe that's just me being weird. But surely other people think that too?
5) do anything that makes you proud of yourself. Maybe take photos? I've seen some of your photos in past blogs and your pictures are beautiful!
Okay, that's all I can think of off the top of my head. I hope you feel better soon!
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NeverGG
United Kingdom5399 Posts
On July 27 2011 11:59 RedJustice wrote:If you have a way to be around animals, many people find them calming and that they make them happier because animals don't need to talk and don't judge you for anything. I find my dog is very sensitive to my emotions. When I am excited she is running around barking and wants to play. When I'm sad or upset she comes and lies down next to me. She was terribly abused before I found her at the shelter, but she is amazing because she is so incredibly loving of everyone and just wants to be loved back. Animals + chilling outside are definitely my two biggest stress relievers.
My Mum does this cute thing where she holds the phone up to my cat to see if I can hear it purring ^_^ Actually, it's definitely possible. There are a couple of new cat cafes that have opened up close to my house, and I really enjoy going to play with the kitties. It's a bit weird/embarrassing going on my own, but the staff at the one I tried were really friendly. I'm hoping to get a cat of my own (since I'll let my mum keep my other one now it's used to living with her.) when I eventually go home.
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NeverGG
United Kingdom5399 Posts
On July 27 2011 12:13 StarStruck wrote:
I like receiving gifts.
Your insecurities are no different from others when it comes down to lines, crammed subways, etc. Personally, I think you could use a few more friends down there. It's hard for you because you come across as an introvert who is insecure with herself and doesn't speak the language fluently, so the social interactions are slim to none. You've been living there for years now and it's probably time for a change of scenery. Then again, work is work. Anyway, I'll PM you when I head to Korea. I could use a tour guide and this way I could assess your situation better.
You have me intrigued. I like oddballs and you are quite the oddball Missie.
Yeah, outside of work and one friend I never really interact with anyone. I do like a lot of time to myself, but I find that when I am put into social situations (or I want to do nice things for people) I'm always pretty bad at it. ^_^ Hahaha, thanks - I like the term oddball.
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NeverGG
United Kingdom5399 Posts
On July 27 2011 12:23 Whole wrote:Starcraft and exercising are pretty good stress relievers for me. Anything that keeps you very active to keep your mind off of something. Also, did the person you give the note too ever express not liking your noisiness during the daytime? If she never did, then she might've not noticed it and getting a random apology would catch her off-guard. If I was in that situation, I would assume the note was for someone else. Show nested quote +Also, any tips about coming across as less of a lunatic otaku due to getting nervous, and being overly confident would help. I don't come to TL meets in Seoul any more because of this. (Honestly, unless people share my hobbies I have no idea how to talk to them.) I used to be like this in Middle School, but I found that the best way to talk to people with no common interest are getting to know things that can almost apply to anyone. The way I can spark a conversation with a person not interested in video games is to tell them work stories (I get to see a lot of strange people when working at Quiznos) or not-so-mainstream current events. Don't do it in an awkward manner though. You need some type of ice breaker...and sometimes the opportunity simply does not present itself.
Yes, she did - only once, and since then I've been even more considerate than usual. I always wear headphones when watching things on my netbook, and I never make any noise from 11pm onwards (except for using the bathroom.) When I came out the notelets were stuck on the sil of her mini window, and the note I'd stuck to her door had been left where it was - so I assume she rejected it. I just took the note off the door, and put the notelets back in my room.
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NeverGG
United Kingdom5399 Posts
On July 27 2011 12:51 StarStruck wrote:
Watching a movie is progressive procrastination though. You aren't bettering yourself or your situation when you do stuff like that. Lots of people like the gym, but for some who are self-conscious it can be taxing in itself.
In NeverGG's case, she might want to start her own modeling group or join one. Then again, language barriers. :[
I'd *love* to start my own modeling club. I'm thinking of just asking the staff at Nonno21 if I can use a table to make my kits during the monthly flea market. I've been with my friend several times now, so they know I'm a good customer. It'd be a good way to pass the time until their 5pm raffle, and to help people to approach me if they want to.
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How long ago was it though? If it was long ago, she may have forgot. If it was recent, you still shouldn't look too much into it. People can have a lot of shit going on in their life, and maybe she just didn't have the time to properly respond or was occupied with something. You can never really know, so don't let it bother you imo.
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NeverGG
United Kingdom5399 Posts
On July 27 2011 12:51 SaRrAceN wrote:I dont get, why are you awkward around others ? Anyways, based on what Ive read, its seems to me that the mental state you're describing is the product of something else. Im gonna take a stab here and say that your mental state is a result of loneliness. Ive gathered from your blog that you don't seem quite in tune with your environment like a cog in a machine that is slightly misaligned. This in itself is a form of loneliness. I mean you could have a world full of people around you and still be lonely because there isnt really a connection between you and them. You are "trying" to connect but your self-defeating attitude gets in the way as you seem to second guess yourself. If im right about my assessment, then I suggest you change your game plan on social interactions and your attitude about yourself mainly and those around you. I'll leave this here for now GL
I tend to become really loud and a little attention seeking, or overstate my quirkiness when I'm in a group of more than three. I think it's because I don't want to seem boring, or moody. Susie says I'm actually much nicer when I'm only with one friend, since I don't try too hard.
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NeverGG
United Kingdom5399 Posts
On July 27 2011 15:20 Whole wrote:
How long ago was it though? If it was long ago, she may have forgot. If it was recent, you still shouldn't look too much into it. People can have a lot of shit going on in their life, and maybe she just didn't have the time to properly respond or was occupied with something. You can never really know, so don't let it bother you imo.
Maybe a month ago? I only saw her Vocaloid posters through the window when I passed by yesterday, and I got so excited to see she is also a Vocaloid fan that I wanted to do something to show her I'm one too. (The notelets were Vocaloid.) You're right about me not knowing her circumstances, but it seemed pretty clear that she didn't want to know. It's a shame because finding fans of otaku things here who aren't teenagers is really difficult. (Finding foreign ones is almost impossible since most of the ones who are into something are koreaboos. I'm not using this term negatively, but I did have a bad experience with a group of foreign kpop fangirls who were very elitist towards Japanese things.) I'm lucky to have cgi, but sadly he lives quite far away, so we only meet up once or twice a month.
Thanks for all the suggestions so far everyone ^_^
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On July 27 2011 12:43 Gummy wrote:Show nested quote +On July 27 2011 12:36 Z3kk wrote:
Yeah, I also really, really need to destress....will steal any and all ideas that come up ;; I find that setting unrealistic goals for myself and then trying my best to meet them and them coming up well short anyway is a great way to stress myself out. Since I find myself doing this all the time, a simple way I might destress would be to stop doing that. For normal people, things like watching a movie, listening to Norah Jones, hanging out with friends, going to the gym, playing an instrument, etc... are totally reasonable ways of de-stressing. I happen to do these all the time, which is why I am such a well-adjusted and non-bipolar individual!
All right, will take this advice to heart .__. Thanks!!
Bad goal-setting is a hallmark of my stress indeed. Hope you feel better, NeverGG!!
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If you find anything that works, tell me please. I've tried a lot and nothing worked - i'm not far from just giving up :/
A few month ago i even got 2 kitten, but they turned out to just stress me even more, so i gave them to a family that would care better for them.
On July 27 2011 12:43 Gummy wrote:Show nested quote +On July 27 2011 12:36 Z3kk wrote:
Yeah, I also really, really need to destress....will steal any and all ideas that come up ;; I find that setting unrealistic goals for myself and then trying my best to meet them and them coming up well short anyway is a great way to stress myself out. Since I find myself doing this all the time, a simple way I might destress would be to stop doing that.
If it would be so easy to stop setting high goals... I'm a great programmer with more knowledge than all my coworkers combined - which is actually not that big of a feat as this company only hires the cheapest people they can get and when i started, i thought i'm a horrible programmer and asked for too little -, so i expect myself to write perfect code... based on a legacy system that only works correctly when the stars are in the correct position while there is a solar eclipse... it's not pretty 
Well, NeverGG, i wish you more luck than i have. I hope you find something that works for you.
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Hit the bottle! (not hard :p)
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NeverGG
United Kingdom5399 Posts
On July 27 2011 16:02 SenorChang wrote:
Hit the bottle! (not hard :p)
I did mention in the op that I don't drink ^_^;
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On July 27 2011 16:07 NeverGG wrote:I did mention in the op that I don't drink ^_^;
Oh my bad! I missed that one line D:
I find exercise is one of the best ways for me to de-stress and take my mind off things, in the OP you said you exercise a bit maybe being more regular would be a good thing :D
+ good TV series (I watch too many) and good movies!
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I can't believe no one mentioned masturbation.
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On July 27 2011 19:25 Sotamursu wrote:
I can't believe no one mentioned masturbation.
Probably because
a) The OP is female, so while it might have positive effects, it's just a different story
b) It doesn't work when the (inner) stress is too high
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I'm not sure how immediately applicable this will be, but my best de-stressing advice comes with music - personally I find that playing the piano helps my mind escape everything else in the world. I get immersed into music, that's what I'm trying to say. So like if I was super-stressed about an exam coming up and studying wasn't going very well, I'd take a 15 minute break and play a couple pieces, then after I'd come back to my desk and start studying in a "better" state. Can't quite say music makes me all calm and relaxed, but it is definitely a refresher.
Not sure if that's applicable to you though >_< I've played piano for 16 years now so it's probably only natural that I can resort to it whenever I'm stressed. Also, unless you already own one, buying a new piano is probably going to add a ton more money-related stress... alternatively, you could buy a cheap guitar and learn/play it independently. Related to music, maybe you should grab a TLer and go to kareoke together and vent it all out with crazy singing~
Then again, posting and communicating here on TL is a part of de-stressing already =)
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On July 27 2011 21:58 underscore wrote:
Meditation.
I was about to say, "Ever try guided meditation?"
I suppose it's a bit different from me recommending this. I had huge stress management issues a few years ago and when I started going to public meditation sessions I was falling asleep before they were halfway done!
As a general rule of thumb I also don't do anything stressful in my apartment (if I can help it). All work is done at the work place and all worrying phone calls have me pacing around outside.
Otherwise netflix, sc2, and skype have been my buddies!
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Agreed about meditation, it has been a huge help to me in un-stressing myself and just being more calm and confident in general. It doesn't have to take too much time either, I meditate for 15 minutes each morning and that is enough to calm myself for the rest of the day.
The most straight-forward method is to just try to focus on your breathing, I like counting my breaths (breathe in 1, breathe out 1, breathe in 2 etc.) to 10 and then repeating since it helps me to focus more easily.
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I rarely get stressed out, but when i do - the only two things that work are physical exhaustion (buy a punching bag if you feel aggressive/confrontational while stressed, much better than punching the wall) or a beautiful pair of eyes to drown in.
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One of my favorite ways to de-stress is watching progames of BW but now it seems that BW is the main cause of my stress Today.
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Being an introverted anime fanatic myself I know where you're coming from when you try to cope with stress.
Relationships are just too much of a bother, getting high and drinking doesn't really help either even with friends. You've got a pretty good list already, I can't really think of anything to add to it. Usually you can figure out the best way to de-stress yourself based on what you like doing the most.
For me it'd probably be watching my favorite comedy anime and having a good laugh. During college I would go out for long long walks in Boston by myself while listening to music. One of the most relaxing moments I've had in my life doing that. I can't really describe why, but it's just so great to walk around and let your worries drift off while you take in the scenery.
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number one thing to do is exercise and work on your health
watching funny stuff or listening to music works for me as well
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Heya Never,
This may not at all be an option, but have you considered moving back home? You feel like an outsider in Korea, don't speak much of the language, have no intention of learning, and worry about fitting in. So... dunno if this is inappropriate to ask, but what keeps you over there? I was under the impression that you weren't doing your old job of photography for the BW community anymore?
Since you seem to be stuck in a rut, perhaps a big change is in order?
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My experience with stress is that it is almost all self imposed. For instance I don't think you can be stressed if your mind is blank, like in meditation. To be stressed you have to be thinking about a lot of things that make you stressed. The things people are mentioning are activities that let them forget about the things that stress them out, but I imagine a lot of them quickly fill up with stress again once the activity is over. What you have to remember is that the stress isn't real, it's just in your head. If you can forget about it by distracting yourself, you can make it disappear by just forgetting about it any other time.
I suggest becoming organized with what you want to be doing with your time. Organize your thoughts too. You're only stressing yourself out.
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EPT![[image loading]](http://i52.tinypic.com/2m3itew.jpg)
