• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 04:54
CEST 10:54
KST 17:54
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
RSL Season 1 - Final Week1[ASL19] Finals Recap: Standing Tall10HomeStory Cup 27 - Info & Preview18Classic wins Code S Season 2 (2025)16Code S RO4 & Finals Preview: herO, Rogue, Classic, GuMiho0
Community News
Firefly given lifetime ban by ESIC following match-fixing investigation14$25,000 Streamerzone StarCraft Pro Series announced6Weekly Cups (June 30 - July 6): Classic Doubles6[BSL20] Non-Korean Championship 4x BSL + 4x China9Flash Announces Hiatus From ASL66
StarCraft 2
General
RSL Season 1 - Final Week Firefly given lifetime ban by ESIC following match-fixing investigation The SCII GOAT: A statistical Evaluation TL Team Map Contest #4: Winners Weekly Cups (June 30 - July 6): Classic Doubles
Tourneys
$25,000 Streamerzone StarCraft Pro Series announced FEL Cracov 2025 (July 27) - $8000 live event Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament RSL: Revival, a new crowdfunded tournament series WardiTV Mondays
Strategy
How did i lose this ZvP, whats the proper response Simple Questions Simple Answers
Custom Maps
[UMS] Zillion Zerglings
External Content
Mutation # 481 Fear and Lava Mutation # 480 Moths to the Flame Mutation # 479 Worn Out Welcome Mutation # 478 Instant Karma
Brood War
General
BW General Discussion BGH Auto Balance -> http://bghmmr.eu/ [G] Progamer Settings ASL20 Preliminary Maps [ASL19] Finals Recap: Standing Tall
Tourneys
[Megathread] Daily Proleagues [BSL20] Non-Korean Championship 4x BSL + 4x China [BSL20] Grand Finals - Sunday 20:00 CET CSL Xiamen International Invitational
Strategy
Simple Questions, Simple Answers I am doing this better than progamers do.
Other Games
General Games
Nintendo Switch Thread Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Path of Exile What do you want from future RTS games? Beyond All Reason
Dota 2
Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion
League of Legends
Positive Thoughts on Setting Up a Dual-Caliber FX
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Heroes of StarCraft mini-set
TL Mafia
TL Mafia Community Thread Vanilla Mini Mafia
Community
General
US Politics Mega-thread Things Aren’t Peaceful in Palestine Summer Games Done Quick 2025! Russo-Ukrainian War Thread Stop Killing Games - European Citizens Initiative
Fan Clubs
SKT1 Classic Fan Club! Maru Fan Club
Media & Entertainment
Anime Discussion Thread [Manga] One Piece [\m/] Heavy Metal Thread
Sports
Formula 1 Discussion 2024 - 2025 Football Thread NBA General Discussion TeamLiquid Health and Fitness Initiative For 2023 NHL Playoffs 2024
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread
TL Community
The Automated Ban List
Blogs
Men Take Risks, Women Win Ga…
TrAiDoS
momentary artworks from des…
tankgirl
from making sc maps to makin…
Husyelt
StarCraft improvement
iopq
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 555 users

Depression and shit.

Blogs > Meeran
Post a Reply
1 2 3 Next All
Meeran
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
Sweden91 Posts
June 30 2011 02:23 GMT
#1
Ok, so for all of you that doesn't want to read a long boring blog about how I feel and shit,
you should just go back and browse around some more in another fun blog insted.



+ Show Spoiler +
So basically I'm sitting here at 3:56 in the morning trying to write something that makes remotley since of my lifefor the past few years.

I've been depressed as long as I can remember almost. It started around when I was 13-14years old (now I've just turned 21), at first I guess it was just a normal teenager syndrome, fighting with parents all the time, feeling useless and worthless. And around 14ish I cut my wrists, and sure it made the pain I felt go away for a while, but never stopped if from going away forever. I never cut my wrists for wanting to die though. But death thoughts was has always been in my mind when shit hits the fan. I can't remember myself being super depressed until I was around 19ish. Sure it's always been there but it's starting to get worse now. After getting out a 3 years relationship I was in between (15-18) I felt happier than I've done in a long time. I decided to have a nice summer with just lots of doing fun shit since I just turned 18. But after just a month or two I fell in love with a guy and a year later we moved in together in the area he grew up, so I ended up moving away around 500km, leaving friends and school behind. For the first year I was just chillin around, having a few extra jobs just to get some income, but I never really felt happy about dropping school due to love. So after a year I applied for going my last year as a design art student in a school nearby. (I graduated this summer with pretty shit grades but at least I made it though finally.) But after living together for 1,5 year and been together for 2,5 year it ended due to me falling in love with another man. So me and this outher guy got together and still are. Only problem is he lives even futher away.

But then it comes to my depression, I'm the type of person that when I get down, I get very quite and anyone who tries to talk to me I just push them away. All I want is to be left alone but yet not. I get mad if I don't get the attention from my boyfriend, but yet I get mad 'cause he won't leave me alone. And basically anything can trigger these feelings. I can be perfectly fine and the next minute I can be weeping around and be mad as hell, and after the madness gone away I'm just totally lost in myself, being meh and sad. I do not allow myself to get happy again, and the only thing I want is to disappear forever. I want to stay sad. Now it has come to the point where I'm pushing away my own bf, the one I'm supposed to care for the most. And all I can think of is breaking up with him to make it easier for him, insted of see me going under. I've tried for so much to not go to the point where I just lose it and break up. I've tried so hard for not giving up, for wanting to be the best I can for him, for wanting the future we've talked about. But I just feel everything is hopeless and I can see it kills him, to not be able to make me feel better. But my problem has nothing to do with him, it's all about me. But I'm trapped somehow it feels, I can't tell people close to me how I feel.
But I'm not ok. I've just admitted to myself that I'm no alright, that it's not ok to be like this. I've got a time to see a shrink but that's not untill end of july, and I seriously don't know how I'm gonna last till then. Life just suck in my point of view, and I've lost all feelings for living. No reason to get up in the morning no more.


TL;DR - Depressed like fuck, pushing bf away, confused and lost.


I'm sorry if this didn't make any since for you lovely people that read it all, but if you have any questions or if you think I missed something please ask/write.
Right now I need all the help I can get.


Love to all of the lovely TL members <3

*
Number J - Day[9]
Earll
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
Norway847 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-06-30 02:50:57
June 30 2011 02:37 GMT
#2
Your second boyfriend was best. Maybe he was your one shot at true awesoemenss which is now gone forever. Oh well such things happen.

Edit: Corrections.
Editedit: See shrink.
Wat
d_so
Profile Blog Joined December 2007
Korea (South)3262 Posts
June 30 2011 02:40 GMT
#3
On June 30 2011 11:37 Earll wrote:
Your first boyfriend was best. Maybe he was your one shot at true awesoemenss which is now gone forever. Oh well such things happen.


lol how encouraging
manner
SarR
Profile Joined June 2011
476 Posts
June 30 2011 02:41 GMT
#4
Wow, you need help. Those types of feelings are not normal. You should probably work on yourself first before bringing anyone into your life as your mental state will most certainly cause you to hurt them, especially when they try to reach out.

Another human being cannot make you satisfied with yourself. You have to do that on your own. GL
MonsieurGrimm
Profile Joined August 2010
Canada2441 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-06-30 02:42:49
June 30 2011 02:42 GMT
#5
I don't have much advice other than that you shouldn't break up with your boyfriend, that's something you'll definitely regret. there's nothing wrong with you though, you're not broken, you're just sort of.. stuck. but don't ever think there's something wrong with you and be hard on yourself for how you feel, a lot of people (more than you'd think) go through with this and feel the same way you do and even though you'll tell yourself it doesn't, it gets better.

definitely see the shrink at the end of july... until then, focus on other things you care about (don't focus on things you don't care about - and if you do care about it, consider whether you should care or not. not giving a fuck about anything means nothing can get you down, although it's also not that good an idea for other reasons). focus on your boyfriend, starcraft (assuming you play it), your work (if you enjoy it) - things that you can think about. and by thinking about it, I mean think about IT - for example, with starcraft don't think about your relation to it, rather just think about IT. same with your boyfriend, don't think "I'm too much of a burden on my boyfriend" (which is absoloutely not true). rather, talk to your boyfriend about what's up with him, what he's thinking, etc.

anyhow, you have the strength to get through this - don't ever think that you don't

EDIT: also don't listen to retard trolls, they're retarded.
"60% of the time, it works - every time" - Brian Fantana on Double Reactors All The Way // "Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people." - Eleanor Roosevelt
AngryFarmer
Profile Joined June 2011
United States560 Posts
June 30 2011 02:43 GMT
#6
Well basically I think you're depressed because you'd doing nothing and you don't know what to do. Maybe you think your life isn't going anywhere. What do you want in life? Have you ever had a goal that you wanted to fulfill? From what you wrote, the source of your depression is still unknown. We can try help you identify it if you want to discuss.
Hookt
Profile Joined June 2008
Sweden2 Posts
June 30 2011 02:44 GMT
#7
I will add poll to make this thread better:

[] First.
[x] Obbe.
[] Phil or some shit I don't know.

User was warned for this post
d_so
Profile Blog Joined December 2007
Korea (South)3262 Posts
June 30 2011 02:49 GMT
#8
ok so. i'm not good at this encouragement stuff either. But I do believe that our own words effect emotions from us. If u dwell on the down then you're going be down. There's no way to be objective about vocalizing your depression, cuz just the fact u focus on it will bring u down.

I also believe that what condition one may have is not something that has to define that person. For example, depression. You may have a clinical form of depression, you may not, but either way i don't believe it has to dominate u. You can choose to be controlled by it or you can choose to get out of it. One might not be as easy as the other, but there is still a choice.

So, if ur down right now I say do the following.

- Smile. Hold it. Keep holding it. Look at the mirror. Keep smiling
- Say "I can".
- Go run. Pick a manageable course and run at a slow pace. During the whole run, every time u feel pain say "I can". Keep saying "I can" and keep going until you finish.
- Wear something u look good in.
- Smile again
- Eat something delicious but not something ur going to gorge on.
- Read a newspaper or a book or something.
- Say something funny to your boyfriend or if he says something funny try to laugh even if it's stupid. If he does something to piss you off or whatever just think to yourself, "I can" like you did in the run.
- Sleep.
- Wake up, smile immediately! Then take out some paper and do the pro/con thing about your boyfriend. Figure out what you want to do with your lives.

That's my advice! good luck.
manner
munchmunch
Profile Joined October 2010
Canada789 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-06-30 02:59:31
June 30 2011 02:53 GMT
#9
How about coming clean to your boyfriend, saying that you need him to worry less about you (or at least, pretend to worry less). Or ask him to get some help in dealing with you (ie. if you don't want to be alone, arranging sympathetic friends to visit or help out).

Anyway, stop feeling guilty about what is happening with the relationship. You are still very young, I assume that your boyfriend is the same. Anything that happens now will not be devastating. The main thing is to get yourself in good working order before taking relationships too seriously. Life will get better, especially with some professional help (and patience).

Edit: Ok, how about saying this to your boyfriend: "I love you and care for you. But I need to fix my problems before I can really be serious about a relationship. I would love it if we could just have a casual relationship right now, and maybe think about a more serious relationship when I've got my shit together. At least for now, please don't think of me as being your responsibility". Of course, that's only a good idea if that reflects how you feel...
HowitZer
Profile Joined February 2003
United States1610 Posts
June 30 2011 03:04 GMT
#10
What do you eat? And do you exercise outside at least a few times a week?
Human teleportation, molecular decimation, breakdown and reformation is inherently purging. It makes a man acute.
Redux
Profile Joined September 2009
United States21 Posts
June 30 2011 03:23 GMT
#11
There's no need for things to be so cut and dry. There is an in-between and you find it one day.
The more you think, the less you know.
Darpa
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
Canada4413 Posts
June 30 2011 03:30 GMT
#12
Life is always worth living regardless of how much it seems to suck. You need to find what makes you happy. For some people its a new job, some its a new spouse, others a new city. For me to get out of my teenage depression I travelled the world. I left the country for 6 months and met tons of new people and did things way out of my comfort zone. If you cant afford something like this, get a job and start saving and work towards it as a goal. You will find that even working towards something is incredibly rewarding. It sounds to me like you feel trapped in the tedium of every day life. Get out their and change it, rather than complaining about it. Making an effort to be positive will actually make you feel more positive.

In the end only you can figure out what makes you happy. So go out and do it! =D
"losers always whine about their best, Winners go home and fuck the prom queen"
VelRa_G
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
Canada304 Posts
June 30 2011 03:31 GMT
#13
Take anti-depressants. Seriously. I have friends who are starting to look up after taking them. Happiness, love, and seratonin.
Nuda Veritas
Kamais_Ookin
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Canada4218 Posts
June 30 2011 03:38 GMT
#14
Anti-depressants could be useful for all we know it may be chemical imbalance in your brain or something. Exercising can be helpful as well ofc and a given to be doing.

Really though, it's kinda tricky to help because we don't know the root of your problems; why are you depressed in the first place. As I said above the anti-depressants can help but you should also try to just spend some time by yourself and really think hard on why your feeling bad and what you can do about it. Think about what makes you happy as well and try and do those stuff more often. Your currently in a relationship and since he hasn't left yet with the way you are as you've described it means that he must be a caring and patient person. He can be a great support person for you as can other people you know.
I <3 Plexa.
guN-viCe
Profile Joined March 2010
United States687 Posts
June 30 2011 03:44 GMT
#15
I just wanna say, you can be happy.

You have been happy before, you can be happy again. Some people walk around happy the majority of their lives. It is possible for you too, regardless of how bad you feel right now!

It will require time, and it will require some hard work, but it can be done. Your health should be your #1 priority right now.


My advice(echo's some others; I speak from experience as well):

1) Find a professional. You are already seeking that option, so give yourself a pat on the back. That takes courage.

2) Try to be happy. I know it sounds hokey, and it's not some cure all. However, positive self talk does make a difference. You are allowed to be happy. You deserve to be happy. Believe in yourself.

3) Exercise. Some depression can be cured or lessened via exercise. Lifting weights and jogging/situps both have antidepressant effects. You may feel self conscious exercising, so try some home exercise routines, maybe some Yoga. Search the web or Youtube for advice.

4) Eat healthy. Lots of advice out there on this. Avoid junk/processed. Eat whole foods.

5) Realize that depression takes time to set in, it also takes time to get out of. Do not get discouraged! You will be depressed for a while, but it will slowly get better(exercise produces a small dose-dependent anti-depressant effect, so try to exercise frequently!)

6) Reach out to a support group(family and friends). Talk to your boyfriend. Try to involve him.
Never give up, never surrender!!! ~~ Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence -Sagan
Xyik
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
Canada728 Posts
June 30 2011 04:00 GMT
#16
Create some small, short term goals for yourself and accomplish them. Things like cooking a certain dish, being able to jog farther, getting to know people at work better, learn about random facts you're interested in (google) and apply them to your everyday life, share them with your bf.
Drinking Nestea
Profile Blog Joined June 2011
38 Posts
June 30 2011 04:12 GMT
#17
Check out www.suicideforum.com - I posted there heaps when I was suicidal, it's kind of like how if you're into StarCraft you come to TL. Suicide forum is full of depressed people who share advice and experiences or just rant. If you post this same thread there you'll get heaps of detailed responses from people who read your posts in detail.
HuK
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
Canada1591 Posts
June 30 2011 04:17 GMT
#18
seems to me like u need to seek some serious medical help
ProgamerLive like a God or die like a Slave 11:11
Earll
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
Norway847 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-06-30 04:19:01
June 30 2011 04:18 GMT
#19
On June 30 2011 13:12 Drinking Nestea wrote:
Check out www.suicideforum.com - I posted there heaps when I was suicidal, it's kind of like how if you're into StarCraft you come to TL. Suicide forum is full of depressed people who share advice and experiences or just rant. If you post this same thread there you'll get heaps of detailed responses from people who read your posts in detail.


Now I am no expert in being depressed, so I might be wrong here and this might be a good idea, but is it really a good idea, when suicidal\depressed, to hang about other people who are suicidal\depressed?
Wat
Demonace34
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
United States2493 Posts
June 30 2011 04:40 GMT
#20
I would say if it has been going on since you were 14 that you need therapy on top of some prescription drugs to balance out your mood. I've been going through some of the same problems (only for 4 or 5 years) and have been talking to people close to me to find a solution.

The bottom line is that depressed you isn't actually you. At one point in most depressed peoples lives, they were happy and content and motivated to get up every day and go off to school and see their friends or go off to work or school and get things done. When it turns into depression and the social barriers start closing, you start pushing people who are close to you away, not wanting to wake up and face tomorrow or have no goals or aspirations. That is the time to get medical help and see a professional to eventually get you back to a normal happy life.

I've actually been putting my depression aside and hoping that it will go away without therapy or help and it just hasn't. I guess I should stop and actually take my own advice, but it isn't an easy thing to do. I hope you also are able to get better and be happy with your boyfriend and your life. Just remember, no matter how hopeless you feel, you can get better..you just have to find help.
NaNiwa|IdrA|HuK|iNcontroL|Jinro|NonY|Day[9]|PuMa|HerO|MMA|NesTea|NaDa|Boxer|Ryung|
1 2 3 Next All
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
Next event in 1h 6m
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
trigger 8
StarCraft: Brood War
actioN 348
Hyuk 338
Backho 297
Soma 78
Noble 70
Sharp 52
Soulkey 48
JulyZerg 31
EffOrt 26
sorry 23
[ Show more ]
NaDa 19
yabsab 18
Sacsri 17
Bale 15
Free 9
sSak 8
IntoTheRainbow 6
Dota 2
XcaliburYe438
XaKoH 366
League of Legends
JimRising 567
Counter-Strike
shoxiejesuss780
chrisJcsgo69
Heroes of the Storm
Khaldor178
Other Games
tarik_tv5430
shahzam737
Stewie2K543
ceh9508
crisheroes332
monkeys_forever244
Liquid`RaSZi130
Lowko94
SortOf86
Organizations
Other Games
gamesdonequick23581
StarCraft 2
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
sctven
[ Show 15 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• Berry_CruncH373
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• intothetv
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• LaughNgamezSOOP
• Migwel
• sooper7s
StarCraft: Brood War
• tankgirl 1
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
Dota 2
• lizZardDota2192
League of Legends
• Lourlo1378
• Stunt477
Upcoming Events
RSL Revival
1h 6m
ByuN vs SHIN
Clem vs Reynor
OSC
4h 6m
Replay Cast
15h 6m
RSL Revival
1d 1h
Classic vs Cure
FEL
1d 7h
OSC
1d 11h
RSL Revival
2 days
FEL
2 days
FEL
2 days
CSO Cup
2 days
[ Show More ]
BSL20 Non-Korean Champi…
2 days
Bonyth vs QiaoGege
Dewalt vs Fengzi
Hawk vs Zhanhun
Sziky vs Mihu
Mihu vs QiaoGege
Zhanhun vs Sziky
Fengzi vs Hawk
Sparkling Tuna Cup
3 days
RSL Revival
3 days
FEL
3 days
BSL20 Non-Korean Champi…
3 days
Bonyth vs Dewalt
QiaoGege vs Dewalt
Hawk vs Bonyth
Sziky vs Fengzi
Mihu vs Zhanhun
QiaoGege vs Zhanhun
Fengzi vs Mihu
Replay Cast
5 days
Replay Cast
6 days
Liquipedia Results

Completed

Proleague 2025-07-07
HSC XXVII
Heroes 10 EU

Ongoing

JPL Season 2
BSL 2v2 Season 3
Acropolis #3
KCM Race Survival 2025 Season 2
CSL 17: 2025 SUMMER
Copa Latinoamericana 4
Jiahua Invitational
Championship of Russia 2025
RSL Revival: Season 1
Murky Cup #2
BLAST.tv Austin Major 2025
ESL Impact League Season 7
IEM Dallas 2025
PGL Astana 2025
Asian Champions League '25
BLAST Rivals Spring 2025
MESA Nomadic Masters
CCT Season 2 Global Finals
IEM Melbourne 2025

Upcoming

2025 ACS Season 2: Qualifier
CSLPRO Last Chance 2025
CSL Xiamen Invitational
CSL Xiamen Invitational: ShowMatche
2025 ACS Season 2
CSLPRO Chat StarLAN 3
K-Championship
uThermal 2v2 Main Event
SEL Season 2 Championship
FEL Cracov 2025
Esports World Cup 2025
Underdog Cup #2
StarSeries Fall 2025
FISSURE Playground #2
BLAST Open Fall 2025
BLAST Open Fall Qual
Esports World Cup 2025
BLAST Bounty Fall 2025
BLAST Bounty Fall Qual
IEM Cologne 2025
FISSURE Playground #1
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2025 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.