Basically, there's this girl that I was really good friends with in high school. We hung out a lot but she was dating a friend of mine plus I was really awkward so naturally we were never more than friends. After high school we basically lost touch.
Fast forward to now, it's 5 years later, and I run into her at a bar. We talk for a while and decide to get together this Wednesday night. So my dilemma is that I have no clue where I stand with this girl. Clearly she doesn't hate me or she wouldn't have agreed to go out, but it's super unclear whether we're just hanging out as friends or if this is a date or what. If possible I want to treat this like a new relationship and try to make something romantic happen, but I don't know if she still sees me as just a friend after so long.
Also I'm not sure what kind of setting would be good for this outing, I was thinking of taking her to a comedy club since it would be kind of fun and layed back but also give us a chance to talk. I don't think there are any glaring flaws with that plan but idk.
This is pretty much the most confusing social situation ever for me and I just have no idea how to go about it at all.
Just be yourself, make her laugh and make her feel like there is no pressure involved...
That is how you get a second date...
just dont pull any moves, be funny, flirt (with your demeanor, no cheesy one liners), be well dressed and try to smell good (a splash of perfume, none is better than too much)
Do you have any friend girls around you can let analyze whether she means a date or a date date? I find it is physically impossible for the male brain to understand that beforehand.
For reference
(entire episode explains this dilemma better)
On the other hand, there is nothing really on the line, right? So just go for it and assume it's a date date. Incredibly awkward moment is the worst that can happen right?
If you're wondering whether she thinks it's a date or not, that may be in the way you worded the question of asking her to hang out, which is something you should figure out. I wouldn't jump head-over-heels just yet either, you said you haven't seen this girl in quite a few years, and people inevitably change over time. Just go and have a good time, be yourself, if things work out, ask her out again.
Uhh, lol. It's been five years and I'm assuming you haven't really seen her since, so she probably just wants to catch up with an old friend. I would just go with the thought that she is strictly your friend, cause this is not going anywhere. Relax and have fun.
woah, slow down. Unless there's something in the wording, as TheSchwA said, there's nothing in what you said that implies it's a date...Though, unless I completely fail at reading between the lines, it seems you had interest in this girl? Anyway, the default assumption should be that she just wants to hang out because you guys were good friends in high school - a reconnect, catch up on old times sort of thing - otherwise it could get awkward. Just play it safe. Try not to worry about "what this means" or "how I should take this" and just have fun Wednesday. And then, if it goes / is going well, start thinking about how you want to play this.
My policy is to just treat the night as if you're just two friends meeting for a bite to eat. If you're right well mission success, if you're not right then you've probably never been happier to be wrong
On June 21 2011 01:16 Jonas wrote: My policy is to just treat the night as if you're just two friends meeting for a bite to eat. If you're right well mission success, if you're not right then you've probably never been happier to be wrong
While at the bar did either of you ask if the other was seeing anyone? Although it could just be in the same line of questioning as "how are you?" and "what are you up to?" it probably means "are you available?".
Also, if she gave you her number, text her. See how much of a conversation you get going. If she seems very open to talking/texting with you, flirt with her and suggest you get together sooner (if possible). Don't push things, but that will at least let her know that you're interested in more than just a friendly hang out on Wednesday night (although the comedy club sounds like a good idea also).
As long as she's comfortable with it, it doesn't really matter if the night is set out as a friend or a date thing, it's all in what you make of it. If you're interested (that's 'sexually interested') then make it apparant. You don't need to shove your stuff at her, but it's really not hard for a youngish guy to make it clear that he's 'on the market' , some hints and jokes in the right direction and show that you're completely comfortable with talking about sex and it's all good. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't need to be and shouldn't be a blind 1a2a3a into the vajayjay, but the point is you let her know that you're a sexual being who is comfortable with letting it be known with attractive members of the opposite sex; you're not a eunich who's just there to carry her physical and emotional baggage, so don't let yourself come across as such.
I know nothing about how interested you are willing to be with her, but the main point is it's all in what you make of it. It can be a 'jus friends' encounter (that's totally legit if that's what you want), or it can be a more sexual encounter, it's all what you make of it. Hope it helps, and I hope Fana's proud
Always go for it. If you lose there's no reason you can't be normal friends.
It's far harder to go from friend to something more than it is to go from nothing to something significant. If she's used to seeing you in a platonic setting then she might not welcome you in a more intimate light. But, since she's not used to seeing you at all, you should get in there before she starts to think nothing will happen.
a word of advice: Check to see who is on the billing at the comedy club...
a few years ago, I went to one with my buddy to one to pair up with the friend of a girl he was bringing on a first date. A shameless attention whore, he volunteered to go up on stage with a few others to help the performer, who was then revealed to be a sex hypnotist.
For the next half hour, my friend's date watched as he completely and unknowingly shamed himself by violating a chair multiple times, fellating beer bottles, pretending to be one of several puppies breastfeeding off of a mother dog/another volunteer and generally humping everything in site.
But hey, she's still his gf more than three years later so who knows!
Basically, there's this girl that I was really good friends with in high school. We hung out a lot but she was dating a friend of mine plus I was really awkward so naturally we were never more than friends. After high school we basically lost touch.
Fast forward to now, it's 5 years later, and I run into her at a bar. We talk for a while and decide to get together this Wednesday night. So my dilemma is that I have no clue where I stand with this girl. Clearly she doesn't hate me or she wouldn't have agreed to go out, but it's super unclear whether we're just hanging out as friends or if this is a date or what. If possible I want to treat this like a new relationship and try to make something romantic happen, but I don't know if she still sees me as just a friend after so long.
Also I'm not sure what kind of setting would be good for this outing, I was thinking of taking her to a comedy club since it would be kind of fun and layed back but also give us a chance to talk. I don't think there are any glaring flaws with that plan but idk.
This is pretty much the most confusing social situation ever for me and I just have no idea how to go about it at all.
Why do you even think you have a standing with this girl at all? Do you have friends? because you sound like someone who is very socially inexperienced.
Why would you even think that she might hate you?
Here's a tip, calm down. Treat her like a dude but flirt with her SOFTLY, no sexual innuendo. Just take it easy and let things progress normally. Why didn't you just meet her at the bar again? Bring your friends along in case things go sour. Make it a night out and she's just tagging along. The more you stress about this girl the more awkward you will seem to her.
I agree with the other posters, and will add that it's just as important that while you are trying you make her feel like there's no pressure, you genuinely believe yourself that there's no pressure. As to how she sees you, I think it's safe to say that you are neither friend nor romantic interest but acquaintance at this point. But that's not a bad thing!
Most relationships come from acquaintances making mutual decisions to see each other more and more, until something blossoms. Especially in the adult world, we yearn for the chance to start from acquaintances (not on Match.com, etc.) so we can take it slow and get to know each other. Take your time and get to know her for who she is NOW, not who she used to be, while at the same time sharing who you are now.
I find that us nerds tend to over-analyze everything in regard to social interactions. Maybe it's from our current generation of preferred cynicism, but really, the more time you spend analyzing, the worse off it's going to be.
Just enjoy the night out, keep the conversation fairly light, make her laugh, make her smile, and learn what you can about her that's changed. Most people will be surprised, that you may end up answering a lot of the questions you were trying to analyze in your head just from talking normally.
Just go into the night planning to enjoy yourself. Maybe the girl's interested, maybe she just wants to hang out with an old friend. Stop thinking so damn much. Being more interested in her than she is in you just leads to sads, so just approach this as "just friends" unless you're planning to just hook up. For some people that can lead to deeper friendships, but the fact that you're asking TL what to do leads me to believe that's not a possibility here.
I don't get why some guys jump into IWANTTODATEHERmode everytime they meet a new girl. Not saying OP is like that, but that's the vibe I get from most of these type of blogs.
EPT
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