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When there is a special edition of a parent rage blog, you know something really bad has happened...
So I'll start with a previous blog. There was a backyard key, because my mom wouldn't let me have one. And she attached it to a 1ft by 6inch piece of wood. But it's inconvenient going into the backyard to get the key, and why the hell will hse not let me have one. I'd like to think that I"m ressponsible enough to have a key. With just a year and 2 months until college, if I can't have a house key there is something seriously wrong.
So I disattached the key from the block of wood and put it on a keychain. And then my mom asked about the keychain, and had a fit, and I put it back.
So then I just carried it around loose (note, don't do that)
I had it yesterday coming home from school. Sometime between yesterday after school and this morning, it ended up outside of my pocket.
So I couldn't find it, so I called my mom and confessed this morning. She got really mad (I was afraid what would happen if I didn't tell the truth, and she always says she will have a better reaction if I don't lieee) Wellllll that didn't work out. She had a huge fit, and started saying about how I wasn't ready for college, I have no responsibility, etc. SO I get home from school, she tells me to look. SHe yells at me for a very very very very long time about lack of responsibility. And about how my brother is more responsible than me, and about how he can have a housekey, but I won't have access to one, so I can't even get in until 5:00 two days a week.
So at this point, after being told I was soooo irresponsible I got mad. And when you get mad you make less than optimal decisions.
I know that my mom doesn't need to use the car/house key until like 6:00. So I take the key and leave to get a couple keys cut. One to "replace" the one I lost, and one to use for myself. TO put on a keychain.
Well, alas my mom finds out what I was doing. So I"m leaving OSH.
And she pulls up at like 40mph in the parking lot, with squealing tires. I thought there was a robber taking off or something along those lines. And the OSH people hear it and run out, and are like SLOW DOWN MA'AM. And then she yells at me. "show me the keys, all of them" At this point I'm just sitting there sort of shocked like lolwut. AND THE RECEIPT. YOU CUT MORE THAN 2 DIDN"T YOU. SO I show her the reciept.
And then she said "WHEN YOU GET HOME SOMETHING IN YOUR ROOM WILL BE MISSING"
And then she took off, almost hitting my foot, and causing the OSH worker to yell at her again, and look at my with sympathy. SO now I"m at the nearby library contemplating what the hell to do. What should I do?
Sigh.
 
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show her the error of her ways. lay low somewhere for a couple of days and make her think you've gone missing. but don't skip school.
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I have finals tomorrow.
Also, if I do go to school but am not at home she'll call me missing and they'll know I'm at school so it's over.
So no.
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Maybe she locked the door on the way out of the house, and now she doesn't have a key to get back in. :p
Now THAT would be ironic.
I also don't have a house key right now, but that's more because we recently changed the front door/knob, so I have keys to the back but not the front, and the back door knob is kind've screwed up, and almost impossible to open. So instead, I just phone the house repeatedly until someone opens the door at night :p
Just got my car back from the shop today too, maybe I'll get some keys cut this weekend.
Edit:
About your situation:
Is there any rational reason that your Mum has given you for not being able to have a key? Have you ever asked? That would probably be the first step to have taken.
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Dunno. SHe has em now.
She won't let me have a house key, is the thing.
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All of this drama seems like a hell of a lot more inconvenient than just going to the backyard, no? Sometimes you just have to let your parents have their way, even when they're wrong. But what would I know, I'm not an angsty teen anymore.
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just go missing/run away after your finals.
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On June 09 2011 07:25 Froadac wrote:
Dunno. SHe has em now.
She won't let me have a house key, is the thing.
Well that's what I'm wondering about, has she ever given a reason for it?
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How long until you're 18?
Regardless, I think the best solution here is to just talk it out. Say what you feel, and have respect for what she feels. Be civil. Apologize if necessary, and try to make up some ground and get your relationship with her on course if possible. Iirc from your last blog or so, you're a responsible guy, but she just doesn't respect that. Try to show her that and prove it to her, first by talking to her, and gradually from there.
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Because I"m generically irresponsible.
yes, in terms of just having the housekey in the backyard, I understand it's fine. It's not a big deal for me to go around back. But it angers me that at 17 I can't have a housekey, and it has to be in the backyard.
It's not ratinoal, and I havne't fought over a lot of things where it makes no sense. But my thought is I'd better fight for rights now :/
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So let me get this straight.
Your Mom says you are not responsible enough to have a house key.
Your Mom leaves one hidden in the backyard so you can still get into the house?
You decide to take the key so you do not have to go into the backyard to grab the key.
You then lose the key?
I mean your situation sucks, but maybe your Mom is right when she says you cannot be trusted with a key. It also seems you do the opposite of what she says. The only way to fix your situation in the long term is to prove to your Mom you can be a responsible young adult. Only way to do that is man up and act like a young adult. Do you have a part time job? If not maybe get one to show her that you can do something responsible.
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Damn Froadac ><
your mom needs to lay off. But she's probably just doing it because she worries about you. I think Kralic's got a good idea, try to put yourself in a responsible situation. Get a part time job or even volunteer dude  .
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She won't let me have a job because i"m not responsible enough.
It was a stupid power move on my part, I'll admit that. But I've proven in more than one way that I'm responsible enough for a house key.
I lost the housekey. I know it's in the house. I can find it in 15 minutes, but I admit my fault and got roasted.
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She said you couldn't have the keys because you aren't responsible. You go and take the keys and lose them. I think it would've been easier to just go in through the back. Deal with it for a couple months and then have freedom in college. But you blew it
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awu: I dealt with it for 2 years. Never lost it once.
I volunteer, so I"m responsible for stuff. But that doesn't count in her book
I'm responsible for the second and third largest clubs at my school. But that doesn't count either.
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The reality is just that your mom is fucking insane. There is no use trying to fight it. The best thing I would do is to just tolerate it, you need have the self confidence to recognize that what she says isn't true. Honestly from reading a lot of your blogs it seems that because your parents say things, they become more likely. (if you are irresponsible, forcing you to get a job will give you more consequences that you care about, encouraging you to act more responsibly. It is like they are trying to justify their opinions by making them come true, and then covering their intent with lies that make you think their statements are true). Make sure your actions reflect someone who you want to become, and force yourself to ignore your parents, they aren't helping you. I think there are a bunch of ppl on here who support you. Don't provoke your parents, take their punishments and train yourself to ignore them.
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On June 09 2011 07:34 Froadac wrote:
She won't let me have a job because i"m not responsible enough.
It was a stupid power move on my part, I'll admit that. But I've proven in more than one way that I'm responsible enough for a house key.
I lost the housekey. I know it's in the house. I can find it in 15 minutes, but I admit my fault and got roasted.
How can she control whether or not you can apply for a job? I'm pretty sure it's up to your employer to figure out whether you're responsible enough or not to work for their company :p
Also, I think I remember seeing you bought a car in one of your blogs. So then, don't you have keys to that, for which you must be responsible, and also, isn't driving in itself a responsible activity? (Being safe, taking care of your vehicle, following the rules of the road, etc.)
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I'm really having trouble understanding why you wouldn't get a housekey, even knowing that you're going to lose it. Did something happen in the past that makes your parents feel the need to control your coming and going?
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So let me get this straight...
You're mad, because she didn't think you were responsible... which you proved right by stealing and losing a house key? And then later you went behind her back and stole a copy of a new set of keys, which further proved how immature you were about the whole situation?
And you're mad at her for overreacting to you being wrong about the situation by her squealing her tires and wanting to take something of yours as retribution for you stealing something of hers, never mind the fact that some random person may now have the key to your house because of you (although you compared her to a robber, which was funny)?
Oh okay. Got it.
Well played. She was definitely the jerk in that whole situation.
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On June 09 2011 07:51 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
So let me get this straight...
You're mad, because she didn't think you were responsible... which you proved right by stealing and losing a house key? And then later you went behind her back and stole a copy of a new set of keys, which further proved how immature you were about the whole situation?
And you're mad at her for overreacting to you being wrong about the situation by her squealing her tires and wanting to take something of yours as retribution for you stealing something of hers, never mind the fact that some random person may now have the key to your house because of you (although you compared her to a robber, which was funny)?
Oh okay. Got it.
Well played. She was definitely the jerk in that whole situation.
....read his blog
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On June 09 2011 07:34 Froadac wrote:
She won't let me have a job because i"m not responsible enough.
It was a stupid power move on my part, I'll admit that. But I've proven in more than one way that I'm responsible enough for a house key.
I lost the housekey. I know it's in the house. I can find it in 15 minutes, but I admit my fault and got roasted.
If you are older then 15 then she has no right to tell you that you can't work, just so you know... I think you need to step up to the plate and act like a man, maybe she'll treat you like a man. Get a job, whether "mommy says so" or not, start being a productive member of the house by contributing funds for food, or even rent... and maybe she'll view you as something other then a liability.
Honestly, you shouldn't act like you've got it so bad... My dad made me work 20 hours a week at the Hotel he is a manager of by the time I was 13 years old. Dude paid me 8 quarters (yes, $2) for the week and thanked me for paying for the light bills.
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So you wound up finding it?
And making copies of a house key that your mother obviously thinks you're just going to lose again is possibly the worst idea you could have had.
So lets take a look from your moms POV
"My son is too irresponsible to have a house key. He stole the one I wanted to leave outside for him, and lost it. Gee, looks like I'm right. Oh, hey, now he's going to make copies to lose all around town so strangers can have a key to the front door of my house."
Yeah, I can't see why she would get so angry. Maybe she is going to steal your shit so you can realize the risk she feels she runs by having you have a house key. Theft, that is.
sorry dude.
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On June 09 2011 08:02 Gene wrote:
Yeah, I can't see why she would get so angry. Maybe she is going to steal your shit so you can realize the risk she feels she runs by having you have a house key. Theft, that is.
Frankly, everyone in this story sounds like they're behaving really irrationally. That's why I think there's more to the story.
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Why the hell would your parents want to prevent you from getting into your own house?
Your mom sounds like an absolute control freak, sorry.
Even if you do lose the key (which you wouldn't of done if you had a key ring, too bad she took that from you), than just make another one.
Not everything really fits, why is there a key on a piece of wood in your backyard that you have to use in the first place?
To let people who want to rob your house in?
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but the few people that said you have to prove your responsibility are right. get a summer job. She probably doesn't want you to have a job as it will negatively affect your studies, despite the reasons she gives you. Summer's almost here, get crackin,.
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She has flat up told me "you can't have a job"
And gene, you make a point. I behaved irrationally. I did find the key, I lost the key INSIDE the house.
Both parties acted irrationally.
My move was a power move, yeah, I admit it. STupid to do.
Btw, because I'm not 18 she needs to sign my work permit, which she won't.
My behaviors were irrational. My train of thought was "I've dealt with it for 2 years correctly, I"ve asked, she still says no. This doesn't make sense. I am mad. You have said Im' incredibly irresponsible, rawr, screw you" Not a terribly responsible POV.
Then again, it seemed pointless being responsible and nothing changes.
DUK3, so I can't take it, and it can't be lost.
Although to be honest, me carrying around a key on a keychain is infinitely less risky than hiding it under the tablecloth to my back table.
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I'm sorry dude. Come back to TLHF and rage with us
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On June 09 2011 08:33 eshlow wrote:
I'm sorry dude. Come back to TLHF and rage with us
Haha. To be honest working out has helped me with a lot of stress But still :/
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You were in the right and you're a kid man, don't worry about it too much. Sometimes you just gotta remind those parents that someday you'll be making decisions for them when they get old and senile. If parents behave too irrationally too often reality tends to hit them real hard when they realize their kids are never coming back after 18.
Sadly parents are allowed to be wrong and yet right, if only they were like a boss at work and actually paying us straight up for that privilege!
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=) I've locked myself in the spare bedroom. So I"ll just study in peace.
Well, I was right in principle, wrong in practice (I should be allowed to have a key, but I didn't approach it right, I guess)
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She's stay at home, she just takes my brother places. So no dice.
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how old is your brother/are you the first child?
maybe your mom got some overprotective complex after dealing with all your body metal issues over the years (plus you're little and look about 11 iirc), idk how long that was going on for but by 17 you should have had a summer job and been able to drink milk.
you're rich right, maybe it's also some privileged overprotective stay-at-home mom thing.
shit can only get better or worse, its entirely up to you to control it.
i suggest you suck it up and focus on the things you've learnt to enjoy without wasting energy on the crap that pulls you down. if you stress about something like this itll fuck with your mental health too (as you've noticed), you cant go through life letting shit get you down coz you'll end up with anxiety issues.
be cool
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Yeah. Just ignore it :/
We're relatively well to do, but poor for the area. She's real overprotective, yeah, but there are other issues.
She didn't actually take anything, just won't talk to me which is fine with me...
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Wow, life without a computer - that's gonna suck =/
Just focus on your finals for now.
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On June 09 2011 09:46 Thrill wrote:
Wow, life without a computer - that's gonna suck =/
Just focus on your finals for now.
? I have the computer.
And yes, finals focus. Only one more day.
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hahahaha she might have taken your computer :D
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I'm back home. She didn't take anything.
Well, that I"ve noticed yet.
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On June 09 2011 09:57 Froadac wrote:
I'm back home. She didn't take anything.
Well, that I"ve noticed yet.
Go lay down on your bed, only to crash to the ground after you realize she stole a leg.
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Wow, you guys seem a little wacky.
When most people would take the normal route your house decides to drive on the pavement!
If you could find the key in 15min why didn't you? Seems a hell of lot easier and cheaper than getting keys cut? Seems like you have trouble balancing risk/reward which is probably why your mum doubts your responsibility.
As for the work thing, there are ways to prove your responsible without taking time away from study. This is especially true if your mother doesn't want you to.Have you asked your mum what she would consider responsible behaviour?
I can't help but feel that your mother is just really frustrated with you which is why she lashed out. I mean if she has put processes in place to keep things under control and you circumvent them, then obviously she is going to be upset. She probably didn't take your stuff because that would achieve nothing.
I'm sorry mate but this just seems to be a clasic case of teenage rebellion with no understanding of the consequences behind your actions. From what you have written there is nothing to suggest that you can be that responsible young adult that she feels you need to be before you can have your key. You have to show her you can be responsible, and the only way to do that is to find out what she deems being reponsible.
Good luck with your finals!
Edit:
On June 09 2011 08:49 Divinek wrote:
You were in the right and you're a kid man, don't worry about it too much. Sometimes you just gotta remind those parents that someday you'll be making decisions for them when they get old and senile. If parents behave too irrationally too often reality tends to hit them real hard when they realize their kids are never coming back after 18.
Sadly parents are allowed to be wrong and yet right, if only they were like a boss at work and actually paying us straight up for that privilege!
I don't understand this point. How is he in the right? We don't know why she won't give him a key. She may have very good reasons. Hell we know he loses stuff, he managed to lose the key he wasn't supposed to take.
Yes she may have over-reacted regarding the key cutting but surely this is out of frustration. If you specifically tell your child not to do something, then they go ahead and do it anyway, won't you be pissed? As for looking after them later in life, this guy is a teenager, he clearly is not acting reponsibly, he has his whole life to grow up and show some maturity. The whole point of setting boundaries is to teach children that you cannot always get what you want. You have to earn it. I would bet a bucket-load of E-Sports dollars that there is a specific reason why Mr Froadac is not allowed a house key.
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I'm a little confused. Did you give her the keys when she pulled into the lot? If not I would have gone back in and got another key.
Your plan was good, you just got a little unlucky. If your brother has a key I would borrow his to get it cut again, or just take it off the piece of wood and get a new one sometime.
However, since she obviously doesn't trust you with the key, the way to get your way is to bring up possible scenarios where not having a key would put you in a dire situation. Or if you're a manipulative kind of person every few days you have to wait outside come up with something bad that 'happened' that could have been averted if you'd only had a key. Something as simple as "I didn't feel well and couldn't get any medicine" might work.
Gaining her trust is probably the best long-term plan, but I don't think it's the path I would have taken.
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On June 09 2011 10:09 Probulous wrote:Wow, you guys seem a little wacky. When most people would take the normal route your house decides to drive on the pavement! If you could find the key in 15min why didn't you? Seems a hell of lot easier and cheaper than getting keys cut? Seems like you have trouble balancing risk/reward which is probably why your mum doubts your responsibility. As for the work thing, there are ways to prove your responsible without taking time away from study. This is especially true if your mother doesn't want you to.Have you asked your mum what she would consider responsible behaviour? I can't help but feel that your mother is just really frustrated with you which is why she lashed out. I mean if she has put processes in place to keep things under control and you circumvent them, then obviously she is going to be upset. She probably didn't take your stuff because that would achieve nothing. I'm sorry mate but this just seems to be a clasic case of teenage rebellion with no understanding of the consequences behind your actions. From what you have written there is nothing to suggest that you can be that responsible young adult that she feels you need to be before you can have your key. You have to show her you can be responsible, and the only way to do that is to find out what she deems being reponsible. Good luck with your finals! Edit: Show nested quote +On June 09 2011 08:49 Divinek wrote:
You were in the right and you're a kid man, don't worry about it too much. Sometimes you just gotta remind those parents that someday you'll be making decisions for them when they get old and senile. If parents behave too irrationally too often reality tends to hit them real hard when they realize their kids are never coming back after 18.
Sadly parents are allowed to be wrong and yet right, if only they were like a boss at work and actually paying us straight up for that privilege! I don't understand this point. How is he in the right? We don't know why she won't give him a key. She may have very good reasons. Hell we know he loses stuff, he managed to lose the key he wasn't supposed to take. Yes she may have over-reacted regarding the key cutting but surely this is out of frustration. If you specifically tell your child not to do something, then they go ahead and do it anyway, won't you be pissed? As for looking after them later in life, this guy is a teenager, he clearly is not acting reponsibly, he has his whole life to grow up and show some maturity. The whole point of setting boundaries is to teach children that you cannot always get what you want. You have to earn it. I would bet a bucket-load of E-Sports dollars that there is a specific reason why Mr Froadac is not allowed a house key.
Have you ever read one of Froadac's blogs before?
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Did she tell me not to cut a copy? no
She said I wouldn't be able to have a key at all, and my brother would have the only one.
It cost 4 bucks to cut the keys.
My mom says "you have to do the small things right consistently" to be responsible. One small screwup counteracts months of hard work.
If I try to say "what do you see as responsible, what must I do to be responsible" I just get a vague and ambiguous "what I say is responsible"
The specific reason is "I'm irresponsible and a compulsive liar"
And if we want to talk about boundaries
1) no sleepovers allowed
2) no parties allowed
3) 11:00 hard bedtime.
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Did you ever find out how you got caught? How did she know what you were doing?
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Dunno. Probably saw house key was gone and extrapolated.
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On June 09 2011 11:10 Froadac wrote:
Dunno. Probably saw house key was gone and extrapolated.
That's way too specific a conclusion. Unless you've threatened to make copies before I'm guessing she's tracking you somehow.
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I get 10:30 hard bedtime >.>
Also, I've learned to just shrug off stuff that makes other teans go mad lol. Then I laugh to myself and realize that they act worse than my Dad. Then I begin wondering how he was as a teen... then it gets weird lol.
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On June 09 2011 11:31 Zim23 wrote:Show nested quote +On June 09 2011 11:10 Froadac wrote:
Dunno. Probably saw house key was gone and extrapolated. That's way too specific a conclusion. Unless you've threatened to make copies before I'm guessing she's tracking you somehow.
I didn't have my phone. I'm pretty much untrackable imo.
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On June 09 2011 10:34 Meapak_Ziphh wrote:Show nested quote +On June 09 2011 10:09 Probulous wrote:Wow, you guys seem a little wacky. When most people would take the normal route your house decides to drive on the pavement! If you could find the key in 15min why didn't you? Seems a hell of lot easier and cheaper than getting keys cut? Seems like you have trouble balancing risk/reward which is probably why your mum doubts your responsibility. As for the work thing, there are ways to prove your responsible without taking time away from study. This is especially true if your mother doesn't want you to.Have you asked your mum what she would consider responsible behaviour? I can't help but feel that your mother is just really frustrated with you which is why she lashed out. I mean if she has put processes in place to keep things under control and you circumvent them, then obviously she is going to be upset. She probably didn't take your stuff because that would achieve nothing. I'm sorry mate but this just seems to be a clasic case of teenage rebellion with no understanding of the consequences behind your actions. From what you have written there is nothing to suggest that you can be that responsible young adult that she feels you need to be before you can have your key. You have to show her you can be responsible, and the only way to do that is to find out what she deems being reponsible. Good luck with your finals! Edit: On June 09 2011 08:49 Divinek wrote:
You were in the right and you're a kid man, don't worry about it too much. Sometimes you just gotta remind those parents that someday you'll be making decisions for them when they get old and senile. If parents behave too irrationally too often reality tends to hit them real hard when they realize their kids are never coming back after 18.
Sadly parents are allowed to be wrong and yet right, if only they were like a boss at work and actually paying us straight up for that privilege! I don't understand this point. How is he in the right? We don't know why she won't give him a key. She may have very good reasons. Hell we know he loses stuff, he managed to lose the key he wasn't supposed to take. Yes she may have over-reacted regarding the key cutting but surely this is out of frustration. If you specifically tell your child not to do something, then they go ahead and do it anyway, won't you be pissed? As for looking after them later in life, this guy is a teenager, he clearly is not acting reponsibly, he has his whole life to grow up and show some maturity. The whole point of setting boundaries is to teach children that you cannot always get what you want. You have to earn it. I would bet a bucket-load of E-Sports dollars that there is a specific reason why Mr Froadac is not allowed a house key. Have you ever read one of Froadac's blogs before?
No, I haven't. I am just responding to this one. If the others give me some context then I guess I will give them a read.
On June 09 2011 10:39 Froadac wrote:
Did she tell me not to cut a copy? no
Do you really expect your mother to list the things you shouldn't do? How was she to know you would steal the other key, lose them and decide to take her keys and get them cut? That is like saying she should tell not to try and cut powerlines.
She said I wouldn't be able to have a key at all, and my brother would have the only one.
This sounds like sibling jealously to me. What difference does it make if your brother has one?
It cost 4 bucks to cut the keys.
Economically speaking this interesting. How long did it take you get the keys cut. If it was more than the 15min it would take to find the original key then getting them cut is more expensive regardless of the price.
My mom says "you have to do the small things right consistently" to be responsible. One small screwup counteracts months of hard work.
If I try to say "what do you see as responsible, what must I do to be responsible" I just get a vague and ambiguous "what I say is responsible"
Reading this, it sounds like she is frustrated. Doing small things consistently is being responsible. Consider if you had a job and occasionally didn't turn up. It is a small thing to be at work on time but it is a sign of being responsible. I seriously doubt it is one screw-up. Like I said previously there must be some reason she won't give you the key in the first place.
The specific reason is "I'm irresponsible and a compulsive liar"
Well are you?
And if we want to talk about boundaries
1) no sleepovers allowed
2) no parties allowed
3) 11:00 hard bedtime.
My house my rules. I am sorry that you don't like them but your mum is putting these in place for a reason. It is exactly the same as TL commandments. They are strictly moderated and some people can't handle them but they are there to keep order. If you are regularly breaking rules then there is little reason to be sympathetic to you.
Now if you have tried to make a deal with your mother for something specific and she refuses, that is a different question. For example, you want to have a sleep-over, what are you willing to do for it?
Having re-read what I have written, it may seem a little harsh. I don't want to upset you but this is simply what I see when I read the blog. Anyway, my essay is over. From what I read your mother deserves more respect, but hey I am some random guy on the internet.
Good luck with the finals.
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Have you ever thought of sending mail to Dr. Phil. Its a little extreme. But for one it'll make her an pulbic embarressment (which judging from your blogs, she has done that to you many times), and also she may auctally learn to be a better parent. Also dr. Phil might just let her have it.
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Dr.Phill? Please. He only has triple murder pedophile hermaphroditic mothers on his show.
So I guess you're like 16-17? It sucks. Living with your parents sucks. I'm 18, and from my own personal experience I would agree with myself in saying that 16-whenever the fuck you leave is the shitiest time to live with your parents. Dad is going through the mid-life crisis, mom is hitting menopause. It fucking sucks. My mum is just a shade less insane than yours. She made the last two weeks hell while I was looking for a job. Now that I have a job secured for the summer, shes yelling at me because I can't take a week off to go to my cousins wedding half way across the country. When I got the job, she yelled at me because I wasn't excited enough.
I guess both are parents our still clawing at whatever sort of solid control they can exert over our lives. Admittedly it was dumb to lose the key, but she should have treated you like an adult first and let you have a key. My heart goes out to you man. Living with melodramatic parents who cause loads of tension and arguments is a very shitty existence. It sounds like your parents are sending you away to college though, so at least there's that.
You could always move out. The concept of moving out at our age is a little strange to use middle class internet generation types. I'll just say that my dad moved out when he was 16, and he supported himself just fine without once having to go back to his parents for help. If it's really unbearable, man up, get a job at your local mcdonalds full time and get a small apartment down town. It can be done.
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Man your parents are insane! Do you have your own license? Can you legally work in your state? If I were you and I had both those things I would be outa there in a heartbeat.
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On June 09 2011 12:18 Probulous wrote:Show nested quote +On June 09 2011 10:34 Meapak_Ziphh wrote:On June 09 2011 10:09 Probulous wrote:Wow, you guys seem a little wacky. When most people would take the normal route your house decides to drive on the pavement! If you could find the key in 15min why didn't you? Seems a hell of lot easier and cheaper than getting keys cut? Seems like you have trouble balancing risk/reward which is probably why your mum doubts your responsibility. As for the work thing, there are ways to prove your responsible without taking time away from study. This is especially true if your mother doesn't want you to.Have you asked your mum what she would consider responsible behaviour? I can't help but feel that your mother is just really frustrated with you which is why she lashed out. I mean if she has put processes in place to keep things under control and you circumvent them, then obviously she is going to be upset. She probably didn't take your stuff because that would achieve nothing. I'm sorry mate but this just seems to be a clasic case of teenage rebellion with no understanding of the consequences behind your actions. From what you have written there is nothing to suggest that you can be that responsible young adult that she feels you need to be before you can have your key. You have to show her you can be responsible, and the only way to do that is to find out what she deems being reponsible. Good luck with your finals! Edit: On June 09 2011 08:49 Divinek wrote:
You were in the right and you're a kid man, don't worry about it too much. Sometimes you just gotta remind those parents that someday you'll be making decisions for them when they get old and senile. If parents behave too irrationally too often reality tends to hit them real hard when they realize their kids are never coming back after 18.
Sadly parents are allowed to be wrong and yet right, if only they were like a boss at work and actually paying us straight up for that privilege! I don't understand this point. How is he in the right? We don't know why she won't give him a key. She may have very good reasons. Hell we know he loses stuff, he managed to lose the key he wasn't supposed to take. Yes she may have over-reacted regarding the key cutting but surely this is out of frustration. If you specifically tell your child not to do something, then they go ahead and do it anyway, won't you be pissed? As for looking after them later in life, this guy is a teenager, he clearly is not acting reponsibly, he has his whole life to grow up and show some maturity. The whole point of setting boundaries is to teach children that you cannot always get what you want. You have to earn it. I would bet a bucket-load of E-Sports dollars that there is a specific reason why Mr Froadac is not allowed a house key. Have you ever read one of Froadac's blogs before? No, I haven't. I am just responding to this one. If the others give me some context then I guess I will give them a read. Do you really expect your mother to list the things you shouldn't do? How was she to know you would steal the other key, lose them and decide to take her keys and get them cut? That is like saying she should tell not to try and cut powerlines. Show nested quote +She said I wouldn't be able to have a key at all, and my brother would have the only one. This sounds like sibling jealously to me. What difference does it make if your brother has one? Economically speaking this interesting. How long did it take you get the keys cut. If it was more than the 15min it would take to find the original key then getting them cut is more expensive regardless of the price. Show nested quote +My mom says "you have to do the small things right consistently" to be responsible. One small screwup counteracts months of hard work.
If I try to say "what do you see as responsible, what must I do to be responsible" I just get a vague and ambiguous "what I say is responsible" Reading this, it sounds like she is frustrated. Doing small things consistently is being responsible. Consider if you had a job and occasionally didn't turn up. It is a small thing to be at work on time but it is a sign of being responsible. I seriously doubt it is one screw-up. Like I said previously there must be some reason she won't give you the key in the first place. Well are you? Show nested quote +And if we want to talk about boundaries
1) no sleepovers allowed
2) no parties allowed
3) 11:00 hard bedtime.
My house my rules. I am sorry that you don't like them but your mum is putting these in place for a reason. It is exactly the same as TL commandments. They are strictly moderated and some people can't handle them but they are there to keep order. If you are regularly breaking rules then there is little reason to be sympathetic to you. Now if you have tried to make a deal with your mother for something specific and she refuses, that is a different question. For example, you want to have a sleep-over, what are you willing to do for it? Having re-read what I have written, it may seem a little harsh. I don't want to upset you but this is simply what I see when I read the blog. Anyway, my essay is over. From what I read your mother deserves more respect, but hey I am some random guy on the internet. Good luck with the finals.
If you are ever finding yourself defending froadac's parents then you really need to go read more of his blogs.
They are bat-shit crazy.
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While your mom is a little loopy, I give her credit for figuring out where you went.
A year and three months before college, eh? Some parents become gradually worse until the big moving day. Sounds like you're hitting all sorts of nerves with her, so I'm guessing you're showing traits she doesn't like about herself...
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On June 09 2011 14:05 Comeh wrote:Show nested quote +On June 09 2011 12:18 Probulous wrote:On June 09 2011 10:34 Meapak_Ziphh wrote:On June 09 2011 10:09 Probulous wrote:Wow, you guys seem a little wacky. When most people would take the normal route your house decides to drive on the pavement! If you could find the key in 15min why didn't you? Seems a hell of lot easier and cheaper than getting keys cut? Seems like you have trouble balancing risk/reward which is probably why your mum doubts your responsibility. As for the work thing, there are ways to prove your responsible without taking time away from study. This is especially true if your mother doesn't want you to.Have you asked your mum what she would consider responsible behaviour? I can't help but feel that your mother is just really frustrated with you which is why she lashed out. I mean if she has put processes in place to keep things under control and you circumvent them, then obviously she is going to be upset. She probably didn't take your stuff because that would achieve nothing. I'm sorry mate but this just seems to be a clasic case of teenage rebellion with no understanding of the consequences behind your actions. From what you have written there is nothing to suggest that you can be that responsible young adult that she feels you need to be before you can have your key. You have to show her you can be responsible, and the only way to do that is to find out what she deems being reponsible. Good luck with your finals! Edit: On June 09 2011 08:49 Divinek wrote:
You were in the right and you're a kid man, don't worry about it too much. Sometimes you just gotta remind those parents that someday you'll be making decisions for them when they get old and senile. If parents behave too irrationally too often reality tends to hit them real hard when they realize their kids are never coming back after 18.
Sadly parents are allowed to be wrong and yet right, if only they were like a boss at work and actually paying us straight up for that privilege! I don't understand this point. How is he in the right? We don't know why she won't give him a key. She may have very good reasons. Hell we know he loses stuff, he managed to lose the key he wasn't supposed to take. Yes she may have over-reacted regarding the key cutting but surely this is out of frustration. If you specifically tell your child not to do something, then they go ahead and do it anyway, won't you be pissed? As for looking after them later in life, this guy is a teenager, he clearly is not acting reponsibly, he has his whole life to grow up and show some maturity. The whole point of setting boundaries is to teach children that you cannot always get what you want. You have to earn it. I would bet a bucket-load of E-Sports dollars that there is a specific reason why Mr Froadac is not allowed a house key. Have you ever read one of Froadac's blogs before? No, I haven't. I am just responding to this one. If the others give me some context then I guess I will give them a read. On June 09 2011 10:39 Froadac wrote:
Did she tell me not to cut a copy? no Do you really expect your mother to list the things you shouldn't do? How was she to know you would steal the other key, lose them and decide to take her keys and get them cut? That is like saying she should tell not to try and cut powerlines. She said I wouldn't be able to have a key at all, and my brother would have the only one. This sounds like sibling jealously to me. What difference does it make if your brother has one? It cost 4 bucks to cut the keys. Economically speaking this interesting. How long did it take you get the keys cut. If it was more than the 15min it would take to find the original key then getting them cut is more expensive regardless of the price. My mom says "you have to do the small things right consistently" to be responsible. One small screwup counteracts months of hard work.
If I try to say "what do you see as responsible, what must I do to be responsible" I just get a vague and ambiguous "what I say is responsible" Reading this, it sounds like she is frustrated. Doing small things consistently is being responsible. Consider if you had a job and occasionally didn't turn up. It is a small thing to be at work on time but it is a sign of being responsible. I seriously doubt it is one screw-up. Like I said previously there must be some reason she won't give you the key in the first place. The specific reason is "I'm irresponsible and a compulsive liar" Well are you? And if we want to talk about boundaries
1) no sleepovers allowed
2) no parties allowed
3) 11:00 hard bedtime.
My house my rules. I am sorry that you don't like them but your mum is putting these in place for a reason. It is exactly the same as TL commandments. They are strictly moderated and some people can't handle them but they are there to keep order. If you are regularly breaking rules then there is little reason to be sympathetic to you. Now if you have tried to make a deal with your mother for something specific and she refuses, that is a different question. For example, you want to have a sleep-over, what are you willing to do for it? Having re-read what I have written, it may seem a little harsh. I don't want to upset you but this is simply what I see when I read the blog. Anyway, my essay is over. From what I read your mother deserves more respect, but hey I am some random guy on the internet. Good luck with the finals. If you are ever finding yourself defending froadac's parents then you really need to go read more of his blogs. They are bat-shit crazy.
Wll then I guess I am wrong. I just can't help but see this as a whine blog. But since he is leaving shortly anyway, it doesn't really matter anyway.
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On June 09 2011 14:22 Probulous wrote:Show nested quote +On June 09 2011 14:05 Comeh wrote:On June 09 2011 12:18 Probulous wrote:On June 09 2011 10:34 Meapak_Ziphh wrote:On June 09 2011 10:09 Probulous wrote:Wow, you guys seem a little wacky. When most people would take the normal route your house decides to drive on the pavement! If you could find the key in 15min why didn't you? Seems a hell of lot easier and cheaper than getting keys cut? Seems like you have trouble balancing risk/reward which is probably why your mum doubts your responsibility. As for the work thing, there are ways to prove your responsible without taking time away from study. This is especially true if your mother doesn't want you to.Have you asked your mum what she would consider responsible behaviour? I can't help but feel that your mother is just really frustrated with you which is why she lashed out. I mean if she has put processes in place to keep things under control and you circumvent them, then obviously she is going to be upset. She probably didn't take your stuff because that would achieve nothing. I'm sorry mate but this just seems to be a clasic case of teenage rebellion with no understanding of the consequences behind your actions. From what you have written there is nothing to suggest that you can be that responsible young adult that she feels you need to be before you can have your key. You have to show her you can be responsible, and the only way to do that is to find out what she deems being reponsible. Good luck with your finals! Edit: On June 09 2011 08:49 Divinek wrote:
You were in the right and you're a kid man, don't worry about it too much. Sometimes you just gotta remind those parents that someday you'll be making decisions for them when they get old and senile. If parents behave too irrationally too often reality tends to hit them real hard when they realize their kids are never coming back after 18.
Sadly parents are allowed to be wrong and yet right, if only they were like a boss at work and actually paying us straight up for that privilege! I don't understand this point. How is he in the right? We don't know why she won't give him a key. She may have very good reasons. Hell we know he loses stuff, he managed to lose the key he wasn't supposed to take. Yes she may have over-reacted regarding the key cutting but surely this is out of frustration. If you specifically tell your child not to do something, then they go ahead and do it anyway, won't you be pissed? As for looking after them later in life, this guy is a teenager, he clearly is not acting reponsibly, he has his whole life to grow up and show some maturity. The whole point of setting boundaries is to teach children that you cannot always get what you want. You have to earn it. I would bet a bucket-load of E-Sports dollars that there is a specific reason why Mr Froadac is not allowed a house key. Have you ever read one of Froadac's blogs before? No, I haven't. I am just responding to this one. If the others give me some context then I guess I will give them a read. On June 09 2011 10:39 Froadac wrote:
Did she tell me not to cut a copy? no Do you really expect your mother to list the things you shouldn't do? How was she to know you would steal the other key, lose them and decide to take her keys and get them cut? That is like saying she should tell not to try and cut powerlines. She said I wouldn't be able to have a key at all, and my brother would have the only one. This sounds like sibling jealously to me. What difference does it make if your brother has one? It cost 4 bucks to cut the keys. Economically speaking this interesting. How long did it take you get the keys cut. If it was more than the 15min it would take to find the original key then getting them cut is more expensive regardless of the price. My mom says "you have to do the small things right consistently" to be responsible. One small screwup counteracts months of hard work.
If I try to say "what do you see as responsible, what must I do to be responsible" I just get a vague and ambiguous "what I say is responsible" Reading this, it sounds like she is frustrated. Doing small things consistently is being responsible. Consider if you had a job and occasionally didn't turn up. It is a small thing to be at work on time but it is a sign of being responsible. I seriously doubt it is one screw-up. Like I said previously there must be some reason she won't give you the key in the first place. The specific reason is "I'm irresponsible and a compulsive liar" Well are you? And if we want to talk about boundaries
1) no sleepovers allowed
2) no parties allowed
3) 11:00 hard bedtime.
My house my rules. I am sorry that you don't like them but your mum is putting these in place for a reason. It is exactly the same as TL commandments. They are strictly moderated and some people can't handle them but they are there to keep order. If you are regularly breaking rules then there is little reason to be sympathetic to you. Now if you have tried to make a deal with your mother for something specific and she refuses, that is a different question. For example, you want to have a sleep-over, what are you willing to do for it? Having re-read what I have written, it may seem a little harsh. I don't want to upset you but this is simply what I see when I read the blog. Anyway, my essay is over. From what I read your mother deserves more respect, but hey I am some random guy on the internet. Good luck with the finals. If you are ever finding yourself defending froadac's parents then you really need to go read more of his blogs. They are bat-shit crazy. Wll then I guess I am wrong. I just can't help but see this as a whine blog. But since he is leaving shortly anyway, it doesn't really matter anyway.
If you go read his blogs I promise your position will change.
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On June 09 2011 12:18 Probulous wrote:Show nested quote +On June 09 2011 10:34 Meapak_Ziphh wrote:On June 09 2011 10:09 Probulous wrote:Wow, you guys seem a little wacky. When most people would take the normal route your house decides to drive on the pavement! If you could find the key in 15min why didn't you? Seems a hell of lot easier and cheaper than getting keys cut? Seems like you have trouble balancing risk/reward which is probably why your mum doubts your responsibility. As for the work thing, there are ways to prove your responsible without taking time away from study. This is especially true if your mother doesn't want you to.Have you asked your mum what she would consider responsible behaviour? I can't help but feel that your mother is just really frustrated with you which is why she lashed out. I mean if she has put processes in place to keep things under control and you circumvent them, then obviously she is going to be upset. She probably didn't take your stuff because that would achieve nothing. I'm sorry mate but this just seems to be a clasic case of teenage rebellion with no understanding of the consequences behind your actions. From what you have written there is nothing to suggest that you can be that responsible young adult that she feels you need to be before you can have your key. You have to show her you can be responsible, and the only way to do that is to find out what she deems being reponsible. Good luck with your finals! Edit: On June 09 2011 08:49 Divinek wrote:
You were in the right and you're a kid man, don't worry about it too much. Sometimes you just gotta remind those parents that someday you'll be making decisions for them when they get old and senile. If parents behave too irrationally too often reality tends to hit them real hard when they realize their kids are never coming back after 18.
Sadly parents are allowed to be wrong and yet right, if only they were like a boss at work and actually paying us straight up for that privilege! I don't understand this point. How is he in the right? We don't know why she won't give him a key. She may have very good reasons. Hell we know he loses stuff, he managed to lose the key he wasn't supposed to take. Yes she may have over-reacted regarding the key cutting but surely this is out of frustration. If you specifically tell your child not to do something, then they go ahead and do it anyway, won't you be pissed? As for looking after them later in life, this guy is a teenager, he clearly is not acting reponsibly, he has his whole life to grow up and show some maturity. The whole point of setting boundaries is to teach children that you cannot always get what you want. You have to earn it. I would bet a bucket-load of E-Sports dollars that there is a specific reason why Mr Froadac is not allowed a house key. Have you ever read one of Froadac's blogs before? No, I haven't. I am just responding to this one. If the others give me some context then I guess I will give them a read. Do you really expect your mother to list the things you shouldn't do? How was she to know you would steal the other key, lose them and decide to take her keys and get them cut? That is like saying she should tell not to try and cut powerlines. This was sort of sarcastic on my part lol. Show nested quote +She said I wouldn't be able to have a key at all, and my brother would have the only one. This sounds like sibling jealously to me. What difference does it make if your brother has one? Basically point being I wouldn't be able to get into the house if she wasn't there, aka I waste 3 hours a day. Economically speaking this interesting. How long did it take you get the keys cut. If it was more than the 15min it would take to find the original key then getting them cut is more expensive regardless of the price. But if I stay in the house I get yelled at for a couple hours. I bike to osh and it takes 40 minutes. Show nested quote +My mom says "you have to do the small things right consistently" to be responsible. One small screwup counteracts months of hard work.
If I try to say "what do you see as responsible, what must I do to be responsible" I just get a vague and ambiguous "what I say is responsible" Reading this, it sounds like she is frustrated. Doing small things consistently is being responsible. Consider if you had a job and occasionally didn't turn up. It is a small thing to be at work on time but it is a sign of being responsible. I seriously doubt it is one screw-up. Like I said previously there must be some reason she won't give you the key in the first place. Well are you? When I was 8 I was. She can't get that out of her head. Show nested quote +And if we want to talk about boundaries
1) no sleepovers allowed
2) no parties allowed
3) 11:00 hard bedtime.
My house my rules. I am sorry that you don't like them but your mum is putting these in place for a reason. It is exactly the same as TL commandments. They are strictly moderated and some people can't handle them but they are there to keep order. If you are regularly breaking rules then there is little reason to be sympathetic to you. I haven't broken any of those rules. (Well, bedtime for projects...) Now if you have tried to make a deal with your mother for something specific and she refuses, that is a different question. For example, you want to have a sleep-over, what are you willing to do for it? It's non-negotiable. "Be better/more mature" is the response. Having re-read what I have written, it may seem a little harsh. I don't want to upset you but this is simply what I see when I read the blog. Anyway, my essay is over. From what I read your mother deserves more respect, but hey I am some random guy on the internet. Understandable, there is certainly a fair bit of truth in what you say, although I disagree with most of it ^^ Good luck with the finals.
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Wow, feel sorry for you. Things will change once you start being able to make some of your own money.
I am a bloody airhead, lost and forgot all sorts of items all over the place and the only reason I don't do it as often anymore is because I force myself to double/triple check. I still sometimes trip cause I don't pay attention where I walk, occasionally forget stuff, forget when someone calls but meh, it's just who I am, could probably get some meds but I tend to forget about it every time I think about going to a doctor.
Yet I still had a key around my neck since I was 6 (home from school at noon, parents home after 5, needed some way to get in/out of the house), keys get lost but you do kind of need them. Keychain is way better than backyard or loose. Point is you can't become responsible unless you have responsibilities. I did well at school (like really really well, helped with getting the freedom to do what I wanted while awake so didn't have party/going out restrictions and only got in trouble for drinking once, but I did overdo it that night), I learned to check for stuff so I don't forget, I learned to take responsibility when I fuck up and eventually ended up as close to normal as I was ever going to get :D
But oh my it was a difficult road to get my parents to trust me, think I got punished some way or another at least once a week. My mom still doesn't think I'm mature enough and I'm 28 and own my own place and a job, I suppose it's because I refuse to find a gf and/or get married ...
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Thats pretty messed up =/
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Sorry I'm not one of the TL'ers who will automatically agree with the blogger
You are definitely not ready for college...I can't believe someone whose about to graduate highschool can't even hold the mundane task of keeping track of a key, all you have to do is put it in your pocket... I was given a key when I was in 3rd or 4th grade...I don't believe I ever lost it either.
Your mother is probably right for punishing you like a child as well. I've never heard of someone about to enter adulthood and life on their own (maybe not financially but emotionally) who is still being punished by parents taking things away from their room.
I really think you have some serious thinking to do about your maturity level and the stage of life that you are at. If my parents spoke to me like a child when I was going into to college I would of sat them down and had a conversation about how I'm not a child anymore and they need to respect the decisions I make in life whether they are correct or not because at the end of the day it's my life and not theirs. I don't think that's something you are either capable of or ready to do.
Gl bro
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On June 10 2011 02:21 VTArlock wrote:
Sorry I'm not one of the TL'ers who will automatically agree with the blogger
You are definitely not ready for college...I can't believe someone whose about to graduate highschool can't even hold the mundane task of keeping track of a key, all you have to do is put it in your pocket... I was given a key when I was in 3rd or 4th grade...I don't believe I ever lost it either.
Your mother is probably right for punishing you like a child as well. I've never heard of someone about to enter adulthood and life on their own (maybe not financially but emotionally) who is still being punished by parents taking things away from their room.
I really think you have some serious thinking to do about your maturity level and the stage of life that you are at. If my parents spoke to me like a child when I was going into to college I would of sat them down and had a conversation about how I'm not a child anymore and they need to respect the decisions I make in life whether they are correct or not because at the end of the day it's my life and not theirs. I don't think that's something you are either capable of or ready to do.
Gl bro
1) I'm a junior
2) I put it in my pocket, it fell out when I was looking in a cabinet to get myself something to eat for lunch.
3)Non sequiter Because my mom treats me poorly, I am deserving of poor treatment?
4) I tried to open up that conversation. Their argument is "but your poor decisions affect us" So what exactly should I do?
Not trying to be combative, but those are my thoughts.
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yeah im with you. ive proven myself to my parents time and time again, held a job since i was 14, did very well in school, kept summer jobs, behaved like an angel as a kid, graduated college with a 3.4 while working. im still treated like a child it's absurd.
your poor decisions do affect them, your argument being simply how severely or insignificantly. but i wouldnt touch that one either you just can't win. i know from experience.
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OP, you definitely need to move out when college starts, for the sake of your sanity. At best your mother sounds controlling and irrational; at worst, mentally ill.
When I was a little bit older than you, I used to argue with my mom a lot, and we had a really bad relationship. I'm not blaming this all on my mom; while I also think she was fairly irrational a lot of the time, I was definitely frustrating to deal with, and I was frustrated about living at home and took it out on other people. Eventually they told me to move out, which I honestly thought was the best thing to do at the time. This was shortly before I turned 20.
After I moved out (and into residence), things got a lot better -- I wasn't chafing under the rules of my parents, I was enjoying life more and meeting lots of new people, and my relationship with my mom got a lot better as a result. It forced me to learn to be more responsible and how to be an adult. I went on to buy a condo shortly before I turned 23, and now I live on my own in the center of one of the best cities in the world. I'll be the first to admit that I wasn't very responsible when I lived at home. A lot of it was that I wanted to do things on my time -- for example, I'm extremely fussy about keeping my place clean, but I do it on my time. I might go on a cleaning spree at 2AM, for example. At home, my parents expected that I do what they wanted when they wanted, which I chafed at.
But honestly, being an adult, contributing member of society, is easy.These are my 'responsibilities' as an adult:
1) Do work (in my case, be a graduate student).
2) Get paid (automatically deposited in my bank account)
3) Pay my mortgage (automatically deducted from my bank account)
4) Pay my strata fees (automatically deducted from my bank account)
5) Pay my homeowner's insurance (automatically deducted from my bank account)
6) Pay property taxes (twice a year, takes about 5 minutes)
7) Pay federal/provincial taxes (once a year, takes about two hours)
8) Pay my TV/internet (automatically charged to my credit card)
9) Pay my cellphone bill (once a month, takes 5 minutes)
10) Pay my hydro bill (once every two months, takes 5 minutes)
11) Buy groceries (once a week, takes an hour or so)
There are other things, like cooking, and cleaning, which you should do but don't technically have to when you live on your own; they take a few hours a week in total. But as you can see, the amount of time it takes me to fulfill my adult responsibilities (besides working) is pretty much negligible. Obviously it's expensive to live on your own, and it requires some adjustment to work a full-time job, but as a high-achieving student you're probably working hard all the time anyways, and putting in more than 40 hour weeks anyways. The difficulty of transitioning to adulthood is overrated.
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EPT
