EPTI am asking because I am one of these people that has a gift. I call it the "Gift of Appreciation". That is correct. I was built with this keen ability to find the beauty in many things, to understand it on a deep level, to connect to the people doing what it is and see where and how this has come to be.
What I am not gifted with though is to ability to emulate.
I can listen to almost any piece of music and hear what is happening. I can see the notes and chord structure along with the timings, the modulations, and be able to express what is so amazing about this piece of music to almost anyone in a way that they can understand, but can I copy it? Rarely. I can play a various chunk of instruments, but none of them on a level of depth and beauty as I can see in others.
I am not much of a sports fan, but I can watch a baseball game avidly. I can see the difference in the long-term between an 0-1 pitch and a 1-0 pitch along with the ability to give people the run down of what is happening and why it matters for ever step of the way. I can throw decently enough and hit okay, but could I ever play in the majors or even the minors for that matter? There is no friggin' way.
I love chess. It is a game that requires some of the most intense concentration to look into the board and into the opponent and see moves many places ahead. I can explain the theory behind the placement along with the structure of the opening. There is almost nothing more amazing than replaying games from Capablanca, Fischer, Morphy, or Kasparov and seeing the simple, subtle moves that make them great. Can I see those when I play? Goodness no.
There is the game of StarCraft which I love playing and watching. It is like chess but in real time with strategy, tactics, information and build orders all taken into account. I love watching the game. There is nothing more amazing than watching TLO pull a win out of nowhere or see the simple things that MC or MVP do that make them champions. I appreciate the greatness of July, NaDa, and SlayersBoxer with the ability to explain why they are great and why they were important to people that could not give a crap and get them to understand, but when I hit that button to play a ladder game, can I do any of it? Not a chance.
The study of theoretical math is something brilliant to me. I love playing with the ideas and trying to form pictures of simple numbers and symbols on a page and turning them into art, but could I ever have thought up the brilliance of simplicity in things like Fibonacci, Pythagoras, or Mandelbrot? Heck no!
My favorite novelists are Kurt Vonnegut and Charles Dickens. I sure as hell can explain everything they said and show you how there is a secret wonderful thing hidden in the beauty of a well-structured sentence, which builds into a wonderful plot. I love graphic novels and can tell everyone everything great about Dave Sim, Alex Robinson, or Craig Thompson. I can read all of these writer's books over and over and never get tired of them. Can I draw a person or create a sentence with beauty and meaning? Hardly.
Some of us in the world were born with this innate sense for the depth of things. Some of us can teach and embolden people with their meanings and virtues. We can see things in the way that the most passionate and able see them, but only with the granted ability to sense and not do. We are those people that were given the gift of appreciation. For years this pissed me off. I could practice on the drums for months, be decent enough to play in various bands, but never reach the loftiness of the greats like Neil Pert, Danny Carey, or Gene Krupa. I would try and try and pour my blood, sweat, and tears into these things that I loved but always felt like I was falling short.
For all of those out there that are afflicted with this gift as I am, I want you to know that it is not a bad thing, just a frustrating thing. Without the appreciators, concert venues would be empty and the only people interested in an MLB game would be the other players watching from the bench. Appreciators also make great teachers. Sometimes people will question your credibility as you attempt to teach because you cannot do, but that is garbage. Sometimes you have a stronger ability to harness the passion and pass it on than the people who do it. Passion for something is contagious and those who can feel the tears come when watching an amazing film or staring deeply into a painting are necessary to this world.
So please, if you are like me and if you sometimes feel like you are cursed into always being the bridesmaid but never the bride, learn to accept that position. Where would a bride be without a great bridesmaid my their side? Where would Mozart be today without us?
It seems like a curse, but let me promise you, it is not.
