[Relationship] 7 Years Strong then Gone - Page 3

On April 10 2011 14:42 StorkHwaiting wrote:
I also quit playing any and all PC/video games so I could be a more productive person.

I don't drink, do drugs, or watch TV. So, when I'm not writing my novel or working out, I have absolutely nothing to do.

I also quit playing any and all PC/video games so I could be a more productive person.

I don't drink, do drugs, or watch TV. So, when I'm not writing my novel or working out, I have absolutely nothing to do.

On April 11 2011 09:22 StorkHwaiting wrote:


I agree. A lot of my friends advise hooking up and finding a new girl is the best way, but I just couldn't even stomach doing that right now. Seems kind of repulsive to me.

I'm spending a lot of time sitting on my dock by the lake watching the birdies haha :D. And, at this point, I'm not moving on. I'm just chilling out. I think the moving on thing sounds sort of strange because the rest of my life will still continue just the same. But I don't see any way to bury my feelings or pretend they don't exist, so I will simply feel the same way I do towards her but accept that she's not receptive to it. And maybe day by day that will fade or I'll find someone else, but I'm not going to try to do anything rash to hurry the process. That seems like it'd just cause scars.

On April 10 2011 14:42 StorkHwaiting wrote:
I'm living with my parents again and they're great, really nice and loving. But I don't say a word to them about my former relationship. I'm scared if I show my sadness, they'll hate her. They're very protective and will think any girl who dumps their son is a stupid bitch, and it would guaranteed destroy the chances of good relations between her and my parents if we ever got back together. So my family support group isn't there. Most of my friends have scattered to other states for schools and jobs as well. The friends I had in Orlando, I haven't been in touch with for so long that I would feel like a total piece of shit if I called them up only to be a total emotional wreck in front of them. Why the hell would they want to deal with that mess or console me? And I'm not together enough to go out to a club or party or even a fucking game of football. I just feel like working out and walking around in a daze all day.

On April 15 2011 07:22 Thrill wrote:


^ What is TL supposed to say to that? You're some sort of puritan who none of us can relate to. Start playing games again and prove you're a normal human being who can combine fun with productivity or go see a councilor. The fact that you have NO life what so ever without her is proooooobably the reason she broke up with you.

"I have absolutely nothing to do" - that statement almost makes me angry. It's an insult to every hard working person in the world to resent the gift of time.

...

On April 15 2011 15:38 j0k3r wrote:


Your dock? By the lake? By God man please go fishing. Orlando is friggen known for its trophy largemouth bass in each little golf pond. If you want to pick up a new hobby, which I strongly suggest you do, learn to fish. It costs no more than an SC2 CD to pick up. Being in nature with a strong focus can teach you a lot of things about life such as patience, planning, even humor at some of the stuff that can go wrong. It gives you much time to reflect yet gives you time to occupy your mind too. If you already fish then ignore whatever I said lol.

I'm sincerely sorry about your situation though. You remind me of a guy I live with, he's often breaking walls and doors in front of his gf and it's hella scary (for me, probably 10x for her). I'm glad I got the violence out of my system before I met my current gf. I doubt she'd still be with me if I broke shit like I did when I was 13. Yet I'm still a little concerned by your OP..... unsure of where me and her will be 7 years down the line. There are definitely parts of my life that need to change, that we've talked about for over a year and that I've done little to none besides give empty promises and empty words. Fuck man, I really thank you for sharing your experiences, however shitty they are, they've given me some inspiration and struck some fear in my own heart to change somethings about myself.

At any rate, you have to do what's best for yourself, which means to mitigate the pain as much as possible. Establish a new routine in your life, set some goals and push yourself to accomplish them. Try a new job, something you've never done before and see what happens. Along the way you'll meet plenty of people. The process will be slow at first but you'll probably feel much better in a few months. Honestly from what I've heard the trust had disappeared from your relationship, not the love. You both obviously still have feelings towards each other, but what good are feelings when you can no longer trust the other half to change what needs to be changed? Restoring trust is a monumental task, and if she has already moved onto someone else you need to let it go. It pains me to say this because I'd probably want to win my own gf back with all my power if this ever happened to me, but 7 years? It's hard to earn back trust after that long unfortunately, and I think you're intelligent enough to understand that and not hold it against her.

What you're clinging onto is one last glimmer of hope. Contrary to everything I've said so far, since the circumstances permit and she is coming back to visit her parents, go see her. Ask her if she thinks she can trust you again. Show her your complete sincerity, there is nothing to lose anymore. If she doesn't think so, don't pressure her, just accept that life will go on. But maybe, just maybe, you'll hear what you want, and you can take things slowly from there. I think you have to try. I probably couldn't live with myself if I didn't give it one last try.

You sound like a really decent guy. Stay strong. If you're ever in NYC again and want to have some drinks with some NYU peeps let me know. Hope this helps.

On April 15 2011 16:46 shinwa wrote:


It seems we are really similar on this matter. This is the exact way I have been (and still am to some extent) handling situations like this. Not mentioning much of my feelings to neither friends or family thinking they will judge and come to despise a person that you still love. I have done this several times and let me tell you this; It will not only hurt yourself, but also the people around you and possibly damage the relationships you have with them.

Now that may sound dramatic, but your friends and especially your family are there to stick with you through all the best and worst times and I think you need to realize that. Otherwise it's quite possible that you'll dig a hole for your self with your own loneliness.

I mean, I get it man. I am the same. When I parted with my girlfriend of 3 years which I seriously though, felt and knew was the love with the capital 'L', I couldn't speak to it with anybody for a very long time. All of my friends and my entire family also loved that girl and I couldn't bear telling them what really happened, fearing that they would change their minds and resent her.

When I finally got it together and decided to speak with them, I was strangely surprised by how understanding they all where, even given some of the not so flattering details (these I've only shared with my friends though) that the girl put me through the last couple of months. I haven't told them all that happened, but I am also over that and feel no need to share every detail just for the sake of sharing. I have found though, that I am still very bad att talking about my general feelings with others - something that I did not have troubles with in my younger years. I myself have a long way to go but I still urge you to at least consider this advice.

My point is that you shouldn't underestimate your family neither your friends. Don't keep your feelings bottled up inside. Vent. At least a little. I promise you, it'll feel good. As you said, your family seems great and I am sure they have experience in the field and won't be too judgemental. In the end, and you might not feel like this now, it's your feelings and wellbeing that is most important to you. Not your ex's and what people think about her.

I wish you the best.