EPT[Relationship] 7 Years Strong then Gone - Page 2
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don_kyuhote
3006 Posts
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Darkchylde
United States473 Posts
I'm with the majority on the board. As hard as it is, just allow time to heal the wounds. Find something that you enjoy to help you through it. Whether it's working out, picking up other hobbies, meeting new friends or girls, maybe even pick up an extra job or something to keep your mind off things. I agree with severing off the relationship too. If she's already in another relationship, she's moved on and no real good can come of it. You'll just get more tied up emotionally with her. My girl and I get into fights from time to time that make me feel the same hollowness. You feel like a zombie going through the day. I hope you get through this relatively smoothly and don't do anything drastic. | ||
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EscPlan9
United States2777 Posts
You really should have some time apart and set some boundaries. Right now you two have a lot of emotional baggage coming into this so there is no chance you'll be able to treat each other as "just friends" now. Take care of yourself in the meanwhile. All you can really do is make sure you learn from your mistakes so you don't repeat them. | ||
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Stratoss
Czech Republic129 Posts
 Good luck anyways. | ||
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DoubleZee
Canada556 Posts
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where
144 Posts
On April 10 2011 17:38 Rekrul wrote: PICS agree, also tell us what you did wrong if you want suggestions. gl | ||
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StorkHwaiting
United States3465 Posts
On April 11 2011 03:48 where wrote: agree, also tell us what you did wrong if you want suggestions. gl Was violent, critical of her, and demanded her to do a lot of shit for me. Not gonna put up pics, though, sorry. Don't have her permission and TL is a big place. But yeah, it was mostly the negativity and violence that drove her away. She also keeps insisting there's a big intelligence gap between us and it makes her really nervous around me because she doesn't want to feel stupid. I'm a real ladies man.... >_> P.S. Thanks for all the feedback and support. It helps and is much appreciated. | ||
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chaokel
Australia535 Posts
On April 11 2011 03:52 StorkHwaiting wrote: Was violent, critical of her, and demanded her to do a lot of shit for me. Not gonna put up pics, though, sorry. Don't have her permission and TL is a big place. But yeah, it was mostly the negativity and violence that drove her away. She also keeps insisting there's a big intelligence gap between us and it makes her really nervous around me because she doesn't want to feel stupid. I'm a real ladies man.... >_> P.S. Thanks for all the feedback and support. It helps and is much appreciated. :| Can't really feel any sympathy for you if it was due to violence, that's something thats fairly unforgivable in my book. Heres to hoping you have learnt something from the experience though and will go into any future relationships differently. | ||
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Sermokala
United States13909 Posts
I'd just say throw yourself into something that will reward you later so you stop thinking about it and start again with something else. | ||
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StorkHwaiting
United States3465 Posts
On April 11 2011 04:27 chaokel wrote: :| Can't really feel any sympathy for you if it was due to violence, that's something thats fairly unforgivable in my book. Heres to hoping you have learnt something from the experience though and will go into any future relationships differently. Yeah, I'm not expecting any sympathy. 100% my fault and not acceptable. Just looking for tips on how to keep it together. I respect her decision and can't blame her in any way. | ||
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shinosai
United States1577 Posts
The best way to keep it together is to go out, meet new people, and do things. Stay busy, and playing games isn't really busy. Not that you have to give up games, but you do need some activities in your life. Also, one additional piece of advice: If you were really violent with her, don't try to get back together with her. She doesn't deserve it. With the next girl you meet control yourself. | ||
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StorkHwaiting
United States3465 Posts
On the violence, it was shoving and throwing things around, not like straight up hitting anyone, and it was on both sides. But yeah, really unhealthy and just still not good. | ||
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Khenra
Netherlands885 Posts
Three months ago, me and my ex broke up after four years. We were each other's first in everything, just like you. We've had our problems, and only now do I realise how mentally exhausting it was. When we broke up, I basically declared myself 'sick' for two weeks. I slept during the day and played video games during the night. After that I managed to pick myself up and get on with my life. I can tell you, I am much happier now than I was six months ago. Give it some time. In a few weeks you are going to look back and see the wonderful things you've had with her in the past seven years. But for the first time you will be able to look forward and see a whole different future, not tied by any relationships. And I can tell you now, it feels great. | ||
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Svartstol
Sweden171 Posts
Whilst I'm not violent I do loose control when I get mad, never at her though. "Was violent, critical of her, and demanded her to do a lot of shit for me. But yeah, it was mostly the negativity and violence that drove her away. She also keeps insisting there's a big intelligence gap between us and it makes her really nervous around me because she doesn't want to feel stupid. I'm a real ladies man.... >_>" This could have been me, this IS me if I don't change. Thanks OP for making me realize that i need to shape up through your mistakes. I'm stunned, thank you. | ||
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HowSoOnIsNow
Canada480 Posts
On April 11 2011 03:52 StorkHwaiting wrote: Was violent, critical of her, and demanded her to do a lot of shit for me. Not gonna put up pics, though, sorry. Don't have her permission and TL is a big place. But yeah, it was mostly the negativity and violence that drove her away. She also keeps insisting there's a big intelligence gap between us and it makes her really nervous around me because she doesn't want to feel stupid. I'm a real ladies man.... >_> P.S. Thanks for all the feedback and support. It helps and is much appreciated. I'm abit in the same situation as you. I'm getting aggressive with her and it scares me. She has always been violent with me, and pretty emotionally reckless, but i never though of it as reasons for me to be physical with her. She punched me in the face a few times, and since then, it's like a barrier has been broken. Negativity is all around, and there's no trust in whatever we try to achieve togheter. I'm trying to find a solution before it's too late. | ||
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Vlare
748 Posts
I know it's easier said than done, but try not to think about her, and just do "normal" stuff, be it work, sc2, work out, go out with friends. Whatever you do that makes you happy, do that. Stay positive, and over time it will get easier. I've been sans girlfriend for about 8 or 9 months now and I still think about her, but it's easier now. Just don't do anything stupid, and keep busy. And sex isn't the solution. while it's nice while it's happening, it's not a long term solution to a broken heart. I hope everything works out for you buddy, keep strong. | ||
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StorkHwaiting
United States3465 Posts
On April 11 2011 08:44 Svartstol wrote: Am i reading about myself here? I can relate to everything you said you did wrong and apply it to myself. I'm exactly the same way, I'm also dating my first love and I am her first.. Wow Whilst I'm not violent I do loose control when I get mad, never at her though. "Was violent, critical of her, and demanded her to do a lot of shit for me. But yeah, it was mostly the negativity and violence that drove her away. She also keeps insisting there's a big intelligence gap between us and it makes her really nervous around me because she doesn't want to feel stupid. I'm a real ladies man.... >_>" This could have been me, this IS me if I don't change. Thanks OP for making me realize that i need to shape up through your mistakes. I'm stunned, thank you. Yeah, definitely don't make the mistakes I did. I think the thing with being each other's first is that the expectations are SO high. Like it is end of the world type catastrophe, so every fault in your partner, every mistake is magnified ten-fold. I realize looking back on so much of the drama that it was just plain stupid. And it was my ego that got in the way of so many things. Glad my story might help someone out. | ||
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StorkHwaiting
United States3465 Posts
On April 11 2011 08:46 HowSoOnIsNow wrote: I'm abit in the same situation as you. I'm getting aggressive with her and it scares me. She has always been violent with me, and pretty emotionally reckless, but i never though of it as reasons for me to be physical with her. She punched me in the face a few times, and since then, it's like a barrier has been broken. Negativity is all around, and there's no trust in whatever we try to achieve togheter. I'm trying to find a solution before it's too late. Yeah, that is a definite no-no. Once the barrier is broken, it almost guarantees it will happen again because the boundary is then set after violence. And as it gets more and more heated, the violence could get worse. It's terrible situation. Definitely try to tell the girl that hitting = break up and then genuinely walk away if she does it again. That's probably the only way to get through to them. | ||
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StorkHwaiting
United States3465 Posts
On April 11 2011 08:57 Vlare wrote: I was in a similar situation, 5 years though, then it all just fell apart. What's important is that you keep busy/ focused and try not to think about how shitty/sad it is because you will end up super depressed and that just blows ( been there ). I know it's easier said than done, but try not to think about her, and just do "normal" stuff, be it work, sc2, work out, go out with friends. Whatever you do that makes you happy, do that. Stay positive, and over time it will get easier. I've been sans girlfriend for about 8 or 9 months now and I still think about her, but it's easier now. Just don't do anything stupid, and keep busy. And sex isn't the solution. while it's nice while it's happening, it's not a long term solution to a broken heart. I hope everything works out for you buddy, keep strong. I agree. A lot of my friends advise hooking up and finding a new girl is the best way, but I just couldn't even stomach doing that right now. Seems kind of repulsive to me. I'm spending a lot of time sitting on my dock by the lake watching the birdies haha :D. And, at this point, I'm not moving on. I'm just chilling out. I think the moving on thing sounds sort of strange because the rest of my life will still continue just the same. But I don't see any way to bury my feelings or pretend they don't exist, so I will simply feel the same way I do towards her but accept that she's not receptive to it. And maybe day by day that will fade or I'll find someone else, but I'm not going to try to do anything rash to hurry the process. That seems like it'd just cause scars. | ||
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Vlare
748 Posts
On April 11 2011 09:22 StorkHwaiting wrote: I agree. A lot of my friends advise hooking up and finding a new girl is the best way, but I just couldn't even stomach doing that right now. Seems kind of repulsive to me. I'm spending a lot of time sitting on my dock by the lake watching the birdies haha :D. And, at this point, I'm not moving on. I'm just chilling out. I think the moving on thing sounds sort of strange because the rest of my life will still continue just the same. But I don't see any way to bury my feelings or pretend they don't exist, so I will simply feel the same way I do towards her but accept that she's not receptive to it. And maybe day by day that will fade or I'll find someone else, but I'm not going to try to do anything rash to hurry the process. That seems like it'd just cause scars. It just takes time :\ Just stay positive and do stuff you enjoy, there's honestly not a ton you can do in that position. I hope it works out for you buddy ^_^ Best regards | ||
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