The Reaper Man

On April 06 2011 04:18 UKISS wrote:
Small and agile
I'm pretty fragile.

Reaper's the name
and speeds my game.

First I was here,
now I'm there.
I can be freaking anywhere.

I start with but poke, (what)
but that ain't no joke.

Scouting is key,
Information for free!

Dual pistols for guns,
cause shooting is fun.

Flying up and down hills.
Plenty of thrills.

If you train me, I'll do the best I can.
Yours truly, the reaper man.~

On April 06 2011 04:30 WarChimp wrote:
Its pretty good, however its quite a basic poem a pretty easy rhyming scheme of just AA BB CCC DD EE FF GG HH.

The final line is a little awkward though. The first line has 11 syllables while the last line has 6 syllables. Which makes it awkward to say.

Not a bad poem. Why don't you try to perhaps do more of a more advanced poem like a sonnet (a 14 line poem split into an octave[8 lines] and a sestet[6 lines]) Or perhaps a haiku which is a 3 line poem. First line has 5 syllables, second line has 7 syllables and final line has 5 syllables. To make a total of 17 syllables. (At least the English version does, the Japanese Haiku version seems to follow what they call moras)

Although its a nice poem, its quite a basic poem, no real use of metaphors or similes, personification, assonance or alliteration. Which are the basic fundamentals that almost all poetry has. That and rhyming couplets which your poem has incorporated.

All in all, its alright man, not bad at all

On April 06 2011 04:30 WarChimp wrote:
Its pretty good, however its quite a basic poem a pretty easy rhyming scheme of just AA BB CCC DD EE FF GG HH.

The final line is a little awkward though. The first line has 11 syllables while the last line has 6 syllables. Which makes it awkward to say.

Not a bad poem. Why don't you try to perhaps do more of a more advanced poem like a sonnet (a 14 line poem split into an octave[8 lines] and a sestet[6 lines]) Or perhaps a haiku which is a 3 line poem. First line has 5 syllables, second line has 7 syllables and final line has 5 syllables. To make a total of 17 syllables. (At least the English version does, the Japanese Haiku version seems to follow what they call moras)

Although its a nice poem, its quite a basic poem, no real use of metaphors or similes, personification, assonance or alliteration. Which are the basic fundamentals that almost all poetry has. That and rhyming couplets which your poem has incorporated.

All in all, its alright man, not bad at all

On April 06 2011 05:49 superllama wrote:


Edit: Easy up ducis, no worries, everyone has their own opinion. . . 'course, that includes yours as well

I just write spontaneously, whatever gets in my head is instantly slammed into posts, I wrote some other poems but some I put more work into than others. Also some jerk gave me a 1.5 star on one I worked on for like 20 minutes straight, WHAT A JERK!

your advice lacks the full tonal color that is often expected in nublets with too much free time. The structure is uninspired and fairly bland. While I would not recommend your advice to a friend, i might use it as toilet paper in a zombie apocalypse.

all in all, alright, but full time consideration of another profession might be in order.

seriously, its a poem about a reaper, deal with it

On April 06 2011 07:22 WarChimp wrote:


And thats fine there is no problem with that. I am curious to see your other work.



How about instead of insulting me over the internet you instead offer something mildly intelligent to say. Perhaps you should fix up what I said. If what I said you do not agree with how about you offer some other perspective instead of trying to make your epenis look bigger.