The pilot announces that some sort of panel is somehow preventing fuel from doing something that he doesn’t really care knowing about. He sort of does care about it because he doesn’t want to crash. Well, not exactly.
He sits wondering why larger people breathe louder than smaller people. He also wonders if the larger planes are more or less likely to crash compared to this smaller plane.
His mind shifts back to the pamphlet. He finds it amusing that on the front of it, it just says, “Be Safe.” It kind of sounds like an advertisement to remind kids to wear condoms. He thinks it is probably difficult to make these emergency pamphlets one hundred percent in pictures yet not make the reader feel alarmed. He thinks the authors did a damn good job.
However, there is one problem he has with the pamphlet. It’s this series of pictures describing how to save an infant from a disastrous plane crash. All you really have to do is throw a little life vest on him. No big deal. The kid is wearing a comfortable looking onsie with footie bottoms.
This one guy in an army uniform (not the dressed up kind, but the “I have to report back to base in my practical camo clothes” kind) gets very annoyed when he finds out the spilling over guy is in his seat. They both show each other their tickets that have them sitting in the exact same seat. He thinks to himself they should just share. “A double booking!” the army guy shouts. He thinks to himself that the two people who got double booked should just rock, paper, scissors to decide who gets to stay and who has to go. First come first serve is an outdated method of dealing with situations of this magnitude.
So the infant, in all his blue pajama glory, has his eyes closed the entire time he is being placed within the saving graces of the life vest, all while the plane is probably rocketing hundreds of miles per hour toward the surface of the earth below (panels 2-6). He thinks it kind of looks like a comic book except the artwork is subpar. These panels he finds quite amazing. Either the kid is a really heavy sleeper or the guy who has a head, an arm, but not a body, is really efficient and fast at putting that sucker on him. It really just seems like the kid is dead, but he couldn’t be because his arms are up in the air at the appropriate steps as the crazy limbs guy places the vest on him. The seventh and last panel on infant life saving shows the kid in the life vest floating in the middle of a gigantic body of water at night, with his eyes STILL closed. The last noteworthy thing he finds in the pamphlet is…
Apparently takeoff will be in five to ten minutes and the pilot is overjoyed with the high degree of patience the passengers are displaying throughout this terribly stressful situation.
Well, the last interesting thing in the safety pamphlet is a symbol with high hell shoes with a bold red line shooting diagonally across them. Does this mean no high heels are allowed on planes? He starts searching to see if any females on the plane have high heels on. Nobody in his vision does. Maybe the flight attendants do. No, they just have those fake high heel looking shoes on. The ones with the low heels for more comfort and less sexiness. They really are much more like sneakers than dress shoes or high heels. He concludes that high heels are allowed on the plane, but must be removed and discarded in the case of a life-endangering but exciting scenario, such as a blazing fire inside the plane.
He remembers he needs a haircut.
He realizes in the case of an emergency situation he would be one of the last people to reach an emergency exit just based on his seating situation. This is another reason why first come first serve is really a terrible way to decide things like who has a better chance of survival.
He wonders what his last thoughts would be if the plane were nose-diving into the ground. He attempts to create such an event in his imagination but soon realizes it is impossible to really simulate your dying thoughts.
He sits and hopes takeoff will happen before his mind gets the best of him.
He feels not the least bit uncomfortable that he has chosen to refrain from speaking with the spillover. He can easily live with the decision not to speak to that guy.
He figures that after about four seconds of the plane leaving the ground, his chances of surviving a crash drop by over ninety-nine percent. At least the moment will happen too fast to comprehend a negative or positive thought.