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You are the reason things are as they are. You call yourself 'ugly, stupid and not particularly funny' - would you like to be friends with someone like this? If you really believe in this negative self-image of yours, people will react to it and be put off by this negative vibe you emit.
You have created an invisible cell for yourself out of negative (and false) beliefs you constantly try to re-inforce. You may very well be able to read bodylanguage but this borders dangerously close to 'I can read minds and know exactly what this person thinks of me', thus interpreting every random gesture as a hostile act towards you. Memory, too, can be distorted by your emotional state. I am not saying that you cannot read bodylanguage or remember certain dialogues long past but the same part of you that is responsible for your 'I am ugly and stupid' self-image will also negatively connote your memories and perception of things. Your perception of things is not the truth but your own interpretation.
If the girl subconsciously put a barrier between you and her she did it for a reason. I know this is tough but somehow she felt threatened and acted accordingly - maybe it was, for a change, your bodylanguage or the vibe you gave off. You know what? You would probably have acted the same way as she did.
You will be perceived by others the same way you perceive yourself. Your self-image is not a realistic one. You consider yourself stupid even though you are attending university, have great English skills and help your peers with their work. An Asian Wunderkind might regard you as being comparatively stupid but not the guy working at Subway wishing he had gone to college - again, perception.Their views do not matter though.
Change your self-image. You have your strong and weak points but you need to view them realistically. At the moment, you only see negative aspects of your personality, totally blown out of proportion. Yes, there might have been occasions were you did not act smart or funny but the same is true for the opposite. Always try to re-inforce your positive beliefs, creating a strong foundation - just ask yourself why you are smart and come up with as many reasons you - realistically - can. Creating an overly positive image of yourself is almost as bad as an overly negative one and will not help you. This also requires mental discipline and awareness: Everytime you catch yourself thinking that you are stupid you have to trigger your more realistic views of yourself into action - 'Well, I am attending university, so I cannot be that stupid'. If you honestly think that you are ugly - change it. Get yourself a new haircut, start working out, buy new clothes - and remember these things the next time you think you are ugly.
People naturally flock to people with a positive aura. One of my friends is a very bubbly, lively and happy person, can talk to anyone and shows interest in others. She has a lot of friends. I know this is hard but if you start to emulate such persons, people will perceive you much better. Greeting people you only know somewhat, showing interest in how they are and what they do. Making them feel good about themselves.
This post has become far bigger than I initially wanted to. In no way did I want to patronise you - I have been (and sometimes still are) in your shoes and know what it is like. If you change, people around you will change too. I wish you all the best.
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I really doubt you being 'ugly and stupid' is the reason people do not want to socialize with you. I can imagine you from your description of yourself, and the problem seems to be that you're too busy trying to be nice rather than being yourself, which results in a very socially akward aura around you. THIS is why people aren't comfortable around you - they're not sure who you are because your act is not based on who you want to be, but who you think they want you to be.
So yea, relax a little, don't worry too much about what others think, and just act like a moderate version of how you are when around family/friends. Also, helping people is fine, but helping too much is a problem - if it's a menial task they can very much do themselves, then let them do it themselves; you're not their slave. If it's something only you can help them with, help them enthusiastically as this is a way of you showing your proficience as well as helping someone truly in need of help. This is a display of personality that can outshine your social awkwardness.
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Meh i'm an introvert
The story sounds familiar enough
I've experienced some of the other side because i studied, understood and manipulated it
As an introvert, it really isn't all its cooked up to be - you'll find out quickly enough that the reason you arn't like that is because on the inside, you don't really want to be
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Stop living your life for other people. I see that oozing from your posts. Nothing about what you want to do, or what kind of person you want to be, just how you want other people see you or you want other people to treat you. Of course people see you as invisible, because you are, you lack a clear identity outside of a desire to be valued.
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Do you think the people around you are interesting at all?
They are not, that's what makes it all the more silly.
You just gotta be yourself even if everyone else has an act on.
People do that, to get to know another person takes normally years if you get to know them at all.
You can be "friends" with a million people but when you think about it they all seem to act in similar ways and infact you know nothing about them. I had this revelation with many of my oldest friends even, when I stopped trying to please everyone I "lost" most of them. But at the same time I hadn't lost anything, I just could recognize the real friends better.
But I think you will be alone alot. You are afraid of it and you will hate it at first, but learning to do things by yourself and enjoy your life just by yourself is the most rewarding thing I've ever experienced.
conclusion:"It's hard to befriend people because everyone is so afraid of being left alone"
It's simple logic in the end. Took me close to 7 years to realize. And I've never been to a situation like yours.
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You sound pretty intelligent to me... I know a lot of people who can't pick up when they are not liked. I'm not sure of a solution to your problem though, but I would just be myself; if people like me, then they like me.
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What you think other people think of you isn't what other people actually think of you, your perception of other's perception of you is wrong. If you don't believe that, then ask yourself if you can't even emphasize with someone how could you possibly know what they're thinking? All that body-language and shit is bullshit you rationalized, basically seeing what you want to see and ignoring the rest in order to confirm a conclusion you're not willing to give up on. You bring up all these isolated events and they all have the same motif, you're passive as fuck.
Evidence you're passive as fuck:
+ Show Spoiler +When someone asks for my help, I help them. But I'm losing faith in doing that. I don't get anything in return. Passive, they ask for your help, you help them but you expect something in return without doing anything? If [you think] you're so fucking stupid go ask them for help on your homework on a subject you don't know. Stop expecting shit to be handed to you; if you think a good deed isn't reward in itself, then before you finish helping ask them for help on something. I floated the idea of watching a movie together with the students I hang around most of the time. Stop "floating" anything, find a time, a theater, then just straight up ask if they want to go. [Went the see a movie...] Something I told everyone. Stop expecting people to go "oh cool lets see it together", do you know how awkward that is? Invite people. I don't know if this is just my culture, but I find it rude to invite myself to a movie if someone's just talking about going. if they don't invite me then it's assumed they don't want to see this particular movie with me. etc. etc. etc. I got depressed reading that shit but you get the point, stop expecting shit. You don't have to be nice, but you gotta do stuff instead of waiting for stuff.
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On January 31 2011 02:23 Quint wrote:
You are the reason things are as they are. You call yourself 'ugly, stupid and not particularly funny' - would you like to be friends with someone like this? If you really believe in this negative self-image of yours, people will react to it and be put off by this negative vibe you emit.
You have created an invisible cell for yourself out of negative (and false) beliefs you constantly try to re-inforce. You may very well be able to read bodylanguage but this borders dangerously close to 'I can read minds and know exactly what this person thinks of me', thus interpreting every random gesture as a hostile act towards you. Memory, too, can be distorted by your emotional state. I am not saying that you cannot read bodylanguage or remember certain dialogues long past but the same part of you that is responsible for your 'I am ugly and stupid' self-image will also negatively connote your memories and perception of things. Your perception of things is not the truth but your own interpretation.
If the girl subconsciously put a barrier between you and her she did it for a reason. I know this is tough but somehow she felt threatened and acted accordingly - maybe it was, for a change, your bodylanguage or the vibe you gave off. You know what? You would probably have acted the same way as she did.
You will be perceived by others the same way you perceive yourself. Your self-image is not a realistic one. You consider yourself stupid even though you are attending university, have great English skills and help your peers with their work. An Asian Wunderkind might regard you as being comparatively stupid but not the guy working at Subway wishing he had gone to college - again, perception.Their views do not matter though.
Change your self-image. You have your strong and weak points but you need to view them realistically. At the moment, you only see negative aspects of your personality, totally blown out of proportion. Yes, there might have been occasions were you did not act smart or funny but the same is true for the opposite. Always try to re-inforce your positive beliefs, creating a strong foundation - just ask yourself why you are smart and come up with as many reasons you - realistically - can. Creating an overly positive image of yourself is almost as bad as an overly negative one and will not help you. This also requires mental discipline and awareness: Everytime you catch yourself thinking that you are stupid you have to trigger your more realistic views of yourself into action - 'Well, I am attending university, so I cannot be that stupid'. If you honestly think that you are ugly - change it. Get yourself a new haircut, start working out, buy new clothes - and remember these things the next time you think you are ugly.
People naturally flock to people with a positive aura. One of my friends is a very bubbly, lively and happy person, can talk to anyone and shows interest in others. She has a lot of friends. I know this is hard but if you start to emulate such persons, people will perceive you much better. Greeting people you only know somewhat, showing interest in how they are and what they do. Making them feel good about themselves.
This post has become far bigger than I initially wanted to. In no way did I want to patronise you - I have been (and sometimes still are) in your shoes and know what it is like. If you change, people around you will change too. I wish you all the best.
enough said here, i actually agree with every word he puts up here
you're the one you claim yourself to be
im no handsome guy or anything, but being positive, smile, people will renember you, you might think a smile is overrated, but in my eperience, it isnt.
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There's no need to be anyone special, Be yourself. I used to be this invisible kid, And particulary a dork and always got bullied (In the early school days) Then i came on high school. I got respected. People laugh with me, And i got a chance to kick the bullies in the face and get away with it.
Sometimes the friends you think are your friends really arent. Try to find real friends is my advice. Somewhere, Someone. Is something that what you can call a "True Friend" someday. Just search harder.
Oh, And if people ask you to do their maths homework or help them. Be a dick and say no. Since if you barely even know them. they never talk to you untill the moment they need your help.
No is the only good answer.
You could use a boost in your Self-Confidence tough. Don't think your better than the rest. But just as equal. Your not stupid or ugly. and you can be just as fun as your friends.
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Well firstly, as others have said, you clearly aren't stupid.
Secondly, there are lots of people (especially guys) that won't give a shit what you look like if you just get to know them. Just relax about it, and be content with your realizations that most people are shallow. Why worry about it?
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I was this in early high school. Read How to win Friends and Influence people by Dale Carnegie.
Good book despite being old.
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friends are useless, when you're in need financial/emotional need whose most likely to help you? exactly nobody, with exception to your family.
Find a hobby that you enjoy doing with or without other people. Once you know what that is, people you can relate with will always come to you to do that hobby that you both enjoy.
Don't stress about it.
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Don't base your sense of self worth on others. Be who you are, don't apologize for it, but don't expect anything for it, either.
I used to do the same thing. If someone doesn't like me, fuck 'em. I know what I have to offer. I don't need someone's approval or sympathy.
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Alright OP, I'm going to let you in on a secret. Take up a sport you've never been good at and work at it.
It gives your mind something to think about, which leaves less time for you to think about what others think about you.
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Honestly, the real good people in the world, the people who don't care about appearances or precisely how intelligent you are, those are the people you want to be friends with. So in some ways it is a curse to be good looking and smart, because then everyone wants to be friends with you because of those things which don't matter, and you have to weed out the real people from the fake. So work on the things that matter, like being awesome, good, happy, and moral, (and of course starcraft right haha  ), and the people you actually want to be friends with will see through the shit nobody else does. Those are the people that matter.
Another option is simply to ignore everyone in life who doesn't like you to a great extent and spend alot of time on the internet/playing starcraft. When you're on the internet nobody can tell how you look, or how good you are at math or science or whatever, and nobody cares. That's why I like the internet so much. In real life just ignore everyone and everything you don't like, and think about starcraft or something you like or whatever. Hope this helps! 
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You should wrap Christmas lights all around you, dye your hair orange, and attach sparklers to your clothes and light them periodically. Everyone will be able to see you then. =]
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On January 31 2011 07:08 Drizzt3 wrote: Honestly, the real good people in the world, the people who don't care about appearances or precisely how intelligent you are, those are the people you want to be friends with. So in some ways it is a curse to be good looking and smart, because then everyone wants to be friends with you because of those things which don't matter, and you have to weed out the real people from the fake. So work on the things that matter, like being awesome, good, happy, and moral, (and of course starcraft right haha ), and the people you actually want to be friends with will see through the shit nobody else does. Those are the people that matter. Another option is simply to ignore everyone in life who doesn't like you to a great extent and spend alot of time on the internet/playing starcraft. When you're on the internet nobody can tell how you look, or how good you are at math or science or whatever, and nobody cares. That's why I like the internet so much. In real life just ignore everyone and everything you don't like, and think about starcraft or something you like or whatever. Hope this helps!
Isn't hiding online all day merely a form of avoidance? How is that helping the OP at all?
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You ever think those people in your group you call friends aren't really your friends? To me, this rant sounded like a "I want to hang out with these people, but they don't like me" rant. Go find some new friends. It should solve all your problems .
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you havent even lived a 1/4 of your life yet, why you so worried bro. if you're an introvert it's because you don't want to be an extrovert. maybe do some drugs to break the edge with people. get to the point where you don't care at all what people think about you, and then judge the results
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I hear you brother. Your experience is very similar to me. However, it seems there are some things that you need to realize.
You need to first realize what kind of person you are. Are you an actual shy person or an introvert? There is, despite the confusion, a big difference between the two terms. A shy person is someone who is...well shy. He/she cannot bring them self to the social circle BECAUSE of fear or lack of confidence. Your mind is PREVENTING you from socializing. An introvert is someone who, by nature, is a quiet person. Someone who enjoys time by them self and likes to ponder things. Thinking inward like that of a scholar/philosopher. They CAN be a social person but they CHOOSE not to. It is taxing on them to be around others (especially they don't know) and even with loved ones/friends. They feel at peace and "recharge" their batteries by being alone.Think of it in SC terms. If it is tvz you being terran and meching, you don't try to go around with your thors and tanks trying to be mobile. That is zerg's playstyle. So find out what and who you are and use it as your spear point. Use it to attract the people, especially the ladies, and choose whom to befriend.
If you are an introvert, then that is what you are and you need to find out how to work with that. Make that your strong point. Don't try to be something that you are not. Which in this case is you believing you want to be an extrovert.
However if you are a shy person then you need to start reworking your self-image that you have so far portrayed yourself. Sadly, in society people smile and flock to the extroverts. Those would include party-goers, socializers, frats, etc... Now do not be disheartened I am not necessarily saying you should try to emulate this type of personality (unless you find out that is the type of person you are).Buy some new clothes, stop hunching your back, meet new people, start being proactive and start saying yes to everything. You have absolutely no idea what kind of people/event that you meet/experience by just going to that one"stupid little karaoke night" event by yourself. Just go to places and say hi to people that catches your eye. At first it will be awkward, you will have no instinct on what to say or how to interact people but it is ok. You are going for the experience, the most important thing in life. Just remember that you won't see the person, most likely, again so making a fool of yourself is kinda important. You are going to do it anyway, but you should do it so you know the feeling and learn to say "fuck it, who cares let me live life." Clubs (as in dance/rave clubs) are a GREAT place to do this. You can go by yourself and learn some type of clothing that and even dance moves that you can try to execute later, just remember that you are not limited to that area (expand your knowledge by paying attention to what everyone is wearing in public/campus). Go up to a girl, touch her shoulder, or just go right up to her and dance. You most likely will get shot down at first but its ok, it happens to EVERYONE. Embrace that feeling of embarrassment, then bend that over the table, fuck it, and walk to a new girl. Join academic clubs to meet more guys and girls. Just go out and experience how to interact people accordingly. This is also a great way to meet people that are interested in the same hobby as you. So it gives something for you both to talk about.
Later on you are going to realize that you will grow more proficient in speaking and interacting with people. You will grow from just talking simply to people with the "cookie cutter conversations" to interacting with people with your own style and flair. By your own style I mean you are going to start using your own analogies, creative statements, etc... Yea I know that was a horrible explanation but you will know what I mean. Soon you will grow charismatic, start being bold and confident. That is when you will really shine to your potential. This is when you start showing who you really are. How unique and different you are. This is what will make people befriend you, not in a shallow way, but in the most strongest type of bond. For me, I still have yet to meet a girl for 20 years BUT I have friends whom I am proud of to call. All the time people call me "weird" and "different." They look at me weird...but you know what...they can't stop having enough of me . They love me for whom I am. Be yourself. Don't settle to be the "social norm" unless that is who you are. Personally I think it is bland and I can't stand it. What is the point of trying to be what everybody is when you look for someone who is different...someone who stands out.
Just don't over think this. It is not hard. You will realize how easy it is to just start making friends and meeting people. You tutor people? Well then offer to meet them up somewhere like at a coffee shop and try to tutor and get to know them. Just talk. Say anything and something (obviously don't talk about something stupid like CP or a meme you know). You just need to start socializing and start getting out there. The more you put yourself out there, the more you increase your chance of running into someone special.
*Btw get use to meeting some "posers." What do you expect...a lot of people just try to fit into the circle...they try to hide their "unique-ness." The hard part is trying to find the good respectable people. If you find only a few, then HEY be happy. I am a strong believer of having only a handful but trustworthy friends who can can keep in touch of with all instead of having 10000000 friends on facebook but not knowing more then 3 of em.
**Also always try to look good everyday and everywhere. You have no idea how many times I met and interacted with an attractive girl while looking like shit in class because I had the mindset of "fuck the grooming I only have a 1hr block class. Go to class and get out." Extremely embarrasing and getting shut out fast :/
***Quint also said some good input. Whatever image that YOU put out on yourself is the image people will see on you. We humans have that subtle ability to sense and react to the aura someone gives out. If you act with no confidence and hate yourself, then most likely people will treat you like shit. Show that you have a backbone and people will at least give you that second look.
edit: hrrrmmmm. Idk how the majority of this post will relate to your situation...the more I read your post I keep getting a different scenario in my head. It seems like you know how to meet people but are having a hard time making "friends." Seems to me you keep trying to settle for the buttholes as your friends even though they sound like douches. You always have that option of ditching them and meet someone else... It also seems like you are not able to handle the emotions (rejection) very well thus you depressed. In this case go do what I said and learn how to control those emotions.
Other than that tip...some of this seem irrelevant...ehh I put a lot of work into this post...so I am just gonna leave it for reference for some poor soul looking for the light 
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EPT
