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On November 30 2010 08:36 Phrost wrote:Show nested quote +On November 30 2010 08:27 garbanzo wrote:
Interesting read. I like the idea a lot, but I feel like as an actual how-to guide it's quite lacking. Surely there is more to taming a zergling than just feeding it until it comes closer to you. You wrote more detail than that, but at first read that was the impression I got. I don't really know what someone who doesn't know anything about Starcraft lore would think though.
Sounds like a great class, though. Keep showing us more of your Starcraft related writing. The constraints of the assignment (specifically the word count) severely hampered my ability to flesh out a more detailed instruction. Yes there is more but I did not have enough available words to elaborate on it. Maybe I'll rewrite the guide and include more of my initial ideas.
If you do rewrite it, my advice is to begin with the how to, instead of prepping us for three paragraphs, as it really ate up your word count.
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On November 30 2010 08:43 Chef wrote:Show nested quote +On November 30 2010 08:36 Phrost wrote:On November 30 2010 08:27 garbanzo wrote:
Interesting read. I like the idea a lot, but I feel like as an actual how-to guide it's quite lacking. Surely there is more to taming a zergling than just feeding it until it comes closer to you. You wrote more detail than that, but at first read that was the impression I got. I don't really know what someone who doesn't know anything about Starcraft lore would think though.
Sounds like a great class, though. Keep showing us more of your Starcraft related writing. The constraints of the assignment (specifically the word count) severely hampered my ability to flesh out a more detailed instruction. Yes there is more but I did not have enough available words to elaborate on it. Maybe I'll rewrite the guide and include more of my initial ideas. If you do rewrite it, my advice is to begin with the how to, instead of prepping us for three paragraphs, as it really ate up your word count.
A true "how-to" I feel should be written as a list with citations for more detailed analysis but I understand. I wanted to include the warning at the beginning as I felt it would add more character to the assignment and make the teacher less bored (which should result in a better grade I suppose)
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On November 30 2010 08:21 Phrost wrote:Show nested quote +On November 30 2010 08:10 Mothxal wrote:
I don't know if your English teacher will be very favourable to the style. I just finished a similar course for university and the teacher kept critiquing my writing style: too many difficult words, overly lengthy sentences, it was supposedly hard to follow the line of thought.
For your text it's a bit the same, all sentences are around the same length and just state one thing, not to mention that you also use a lot of words with high syllable count. What you might want to do is add more diversity as well as structure. Although I appreciate your concerns, I am not an English major (thank god) but a Game Development major. None of the words I chose to use were because of length or syllable count. I only use vocabulary that I would commonly use in everyday life. It's hard to write a "how-to" that is supposed to be very straight forward with a varying sentence length and word choice. One would assume this is supposed to be a functional text rather than a recreational one.
I was especially thinking of the first paragraph, which at some point has the following:
..it is important to note that this process is very dangerous, and you should assess your own personal strength before attempting this feat.
It is strongly recommended that you have a friend standing nearby with a gun if something goes wrong.
It is extremely important that you are aware that zerglings are dangerous creatures..
"very dangerous, strongly recommended, extremely important", with those words it becomes very dry and difficult to read. In those sample sentences there are a lot of ways you could have written the same thing more concisely.
Not trying to be overly critical though.
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On November 30 2010 09:27 ReketSomething wrote:Hopefully your professor doesn't ban you for plagarism lolol. + Show Spoiler +
oh god.......
Well I said in the beginning it was for my english class =p.
And the time stamp is after I sent the work in to him so it shouldn't matter.
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EPT
