EPT+ Show Spoiler +
Well... maybe just a little ado. Not too much.
Well, how convenient! I noticed while typing this up that each of my items can pair up with another on the list to encompass a certain category. So, instead of a "Top Eight" deal (which would leave me idle for hours trying to figure out whether I like this or that more), I'll just do the categories.
Okay, I'll stop rambling. On with it.
Category The First: Animals
Raccoons
![[image loading]](http://imgur.com/VPLvj.jpg)
If you do not find this little guy adorable, I will personally come to your house and give you smallpox.
If you do not find this little guy adorable, I will personally come to your house and give you smallpox.
A few months back, toward the end of August, I flew to Denver, Colorado, to visit my dad and stepmother. I rarely get the chance to see them, so I was pretty excited. My stepmother is a prominent animal worker who helps run a rescue center in the area; since she has a history of temporarily sheltering stray / injured animals in the house, I wasn't overly surprised to see a large cage in the corner when I arrived at the apartment from the airport. I was surprised to see that the cage had three little raccoons tussling around inside.
Now, before this time, I never really thought of raccoons as anything more than an occasional pest. What I mean is, if I saw a dead raccoon in the road while driving / riding somewhere, I'd think, "Oh, that's too bad", but I wouldn't really be fazed. After that week at my dad's place, though, I've since developed a love and fascination for the little critters. I learned so many things about them that week; they're so friggin' awesome.
Example: Raccoons are very similar to cats. I don't mean their species or anything (they're more related to skunks, hence the constant mild odor they emit), but rather their mannerisms. Raccoons purr just like cats do, and are very adept at climbing. They're also very tactile; they LOOOOVE to touch stuff. A raccoon's first instinct when encountering something new is to examine it by feeling or clinging onto it with their velvety paws (that's not superfluous detail, a raccoon's paws feel SO AWESOME). In fact, that's one of the reasons that it's illegal to keep raccoons as pets. Raccoons are prone to digging through walls and cupboards, so lots of structural damage can occur if you let them loose to do as they please. Well, that and the risk of rabies and stuff. Fortunately, the raccoons in the house weren't discovered… if they were, the Department of Wildlife would have revoked my stepmother's animal care license. It's too bad they're illegal to keep as pets, because I'd get one mañana.
Narwhals
![[image loading]](http://imgur.com/TBnY1.jpg)
See that? It's an improvised extended middle finger to anyone who likes dolphins more.
See that? It's an improvised extended middle finger to anyone who likes dolphins more.
There's not much to say about these guys, but here's a one-sentence summary:
THEY'RE FUCKING WHALES WITH HORNS.
Well, not entirely. That big horn is actually a massively overgrown upper-left incisor. It can grow up to 3 meters and weight about 10 kilograms in a fully grown male narwhal (females can grow them too, but only rarely); there are some recorded cases of a narwhal growing two tusks, though, which allows for double the goring.
Interestingly enough, scientists still are uncertain of the tusk's main role. The commonly accepted theory is that it acts as a secondary sex characteristic, like a peacock's tail plume. Unfortunately, narwhals don't often fence each other with their tusks, but it does happen. Just wish it happened more. =(
Category The Second: Music
Ezel-Ash
![[image loading]](http://imgur.com/q4CXE.jpg)
The above scene just became ten times more rockin' thanks to this mysterious fellow.
The above scene just became ten times more rockin' thanks to this mysterious fellow.
Truth be told, I don't know much about this guy. Fortunately, I already know all I need to: His music fucking rocks! He's done killer remixes for a plethora of songs in video game and anime series, but I think most people know him from the work he's done with Touhou music. Ezel-Ash's style is similar to that of Saitama Saishuu Heiki (also known as SSH), but with more emphasis on piano, which is why I tend to prefer the former's work. Nothing like a bitching piano solo that leads into heavy guitar riffs. =)
Ezel-Ash's website showcases much of his work, but since it's a hassle for you, the reader, to navigate the site and find music, I'll put up some YouTube links of my favorite works. Enjoy!
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Shimotsuki Haruka
![[image loading]](http://imgur.com/bQjg1.jpg)
What a heavenly voice…
What a heavenly voice…
Yeah, yeah, I hear the cries of anger from you guys. "WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU MENTIONING THE ABOMINATION THAT IS J-POP???????? THIS IS TEAMLIQUID, WE ENDORSE ONLY KOREAN MUSICIANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
First of all, cool it with the caps and punctuation. Blog space is at a premium right now, guys. Secondly, I think that she's an excellent singer. You got a problem with that, bitches?!
*ahem*
Annnnyyywaaaaaayy…. Shimotsuki is a Japanese singer (O RLY?) who's done a lot of work for video game, anime, and doujin soundtracks, such as the Atelier RPG series by Gust. (I should get around to finding out what doujin is exactly, but whatevs.) Her commercial albums, though, are what make her so great in my eyes. Again, she has a discography you can browse through if you're interested, but that's a pain in the rectum to download and stuff, so commence the YouTubes!
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Category The Third: Websites
Speed Demos Archive
![[image loading]](http://imgur.com/hZup7.jpg)
This Morrowind run was completed in four minutes and 19 seconds. No, I am not shitting you.
This Morrowind run was completed in four minutes and 19 seconds. No, I am not shitting you.
This site is the place to go for all things speedrunning. The database there, which first started compiling with the advent of a 100% Metroid Prime run submitted by one of the site founders, is a treasure trove of blistering paces and incredible feats. The website is constantly updated with submissions from aspiring gamers with a sole purpose in mind: Beat the game as fast as you can, by any (legitimate) means necessary. Hundreds of games from every major console are displayed, most with multiple speedruns that fulfill different conditions (no kills, 100% items, etc.), and each run is impressive in its own right. If you want to see some crazy tricks that don't necessarily involve Starcraft (and whaddya know, some Brood War runs are there, too!), check this place out.
The Onion
![[image loading]](http://imgur.com/D9ZNS.gif)
This basically sums it up.
This basically sums it up.
Quite simply some of the funniest shit on the Internet. For those who are (shamefully) unaware, the Onion is a newspaper. But not just ANY newspaper… no, it is THE newspaper, at least if you want to learn anything about your miserable little world. There's no other place on the Web where you can read scintillating articles that ponder what Yoda's penis looks like, how the world's reserves of Miley Cyrus will be depleted by 2013, or detailed reports discussing how all the good stuff costs, like, 200 bucks.
You heard it here. Now hear the rest of it there.
Category The Fourth: People
Bill Hicks
![[image loading]](http://imgur.com/ps3at.jpg)
You think you have a reasonable perspective on life? This man would beg to differ, and make you laugh doing so.
You think you have a reasonable perspective on life? This man would beg to differ, and make you laugh doing so.
Widely proclaimed to be one of the best and most influential comedians of all time, Bill Hicks was amazing. Describing himself as "Chomsky with dick jokes", his comedy was dark, controversial, and offensive… and who could ask for anything more? Hicks's material focused on general themes and ideas of existence. He routinely challenged the benediction of the government, religion, and media, and was generally a cynical little fuck.
But he was a hilarious cynical little fuck.
Hicks died of pancreatic cancer in 1997, when he was 32. It's a shame, because he truly was an insightful guy. He gets you to thinking when you hear what he has to say. Granted, he throws in the occasional dick joke, but in terms of philosophy, Hicks's views of society are, at the very least, thought-provoking.
Here's a few examples of his genius:
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General George S. Patton
![[image loading]](http://imgur.com/6XCWQ.jpg)
Rommel, you magnificent bastard! I read your book!
Rommel, you magnificent bastard! I read your book!
World War II would be a lot less interesting without this fellow. Patton was one of the premier U.S. Army officers who served in the European Theater of Operations, in locales such as North Africa, Lorraine, and Sicily. He was a fucking badass, not only because of his leadership abilities, but because he wouldn't take shit from anyone. That, and he was a goddamn poet. I mean, who else but a highly decorated military officer could come up with a gem like:
When we land against the enemy, don't forget to hit him and hit him hard. When we meet the enemy we will kill him. We will show him no mercy. He has killed thousands of your comrades and he must die. If your company officers in leading your men against the enemy find him shooting at you and when you get within two hundred yards of him he wishes to surrender—oh no! That bastard will die! You will kill him. Stick him between the third and fourth ribs. You will tell your men that. They must have the killer instinct. Tell them to stick him. Stick him in the liver. We will get the name of killers and killers are immortal. When word reaches him that he is being faced by a killer battalion he will fight less. We must build up that name as killers.
That's art, pure and simple.
Remember when I said Patton didn't take shit from anyone? That included his own subordinates and superiors. A widely publicized incident in 1943 led to Patton slapping a soldier across the face at a battlefield hospital, thinking the soldier's shellshock was simply cowardice. That little doozy got him temporarily relieved from command by Eisenhower himself… and that's not all the trouble he caused. My storytelling doesn't do him justice, though, so you need to do some of your own research too. = /
There's also a movie that starred George C. Scott as the good General. It's called, fittingly enough, Patton. It's a great movie, one of the best I've ever seen. Check it out.
... Wow, this took a while to type up. I'm gonna go eat some Cheez-Its to get my energy back (which, by the way, are some of my favorite snacks!).
Later.
![[image loading]](http://www.dailycuteness.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/koala-australia-big.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://wondersoftheanimalkingdom.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/sloth_in_a_box.jpg)
