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echo_O
United States115 Posts
Is it greedy of me to feel this way? I want her to be happy but i don't understand her reasoning! Why would she want to stay with somebody that was a total dick to her? Why would she give up the possibility of us being in a committed relationship, even though we have a lot of potential? Girls are so confusing T_T. As well as my blog post. hopefully you guys dont get confused reading it ;D   | ||
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Person514cs
1004 Posts
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echo_O
United States115 Posts
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ramen247
United States1256 Posts
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goswser
United States3519 Posts
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29 fps
United States5724 Posts
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il0seonpurpose
Korea (South)5638 Posts
On April 06 2010 14:29 Person514cs wrote: Don't sweat it. Girls come and goes. Actually even wife comes and goes these days. Just don't pressure her too hard the relation ship might last longer. And always protect your self, if you know what I mean. Man, don't think like that. I am going to marry one girl and only her only :D | ||
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EvilTeletubby
Baltimore, USA22253 Posts
On April 06 2010 14:23 echo_O wrote: Why would she want to stay with somebody that was a total dick to her? Oh boy. Much to learn you have. Trying to put it as bluntly as I can... sure, he is probably an asshole, but he's also probably something you're not; an alpha male. You, on the other hand, are a pussy. Not very PC with the wording I know, but I'm hoping you get my point. Her telling you that she wanted to be with her ex was a test, and your reaction of 'it saddened me' is you flunking the test. Crashing and burning. I mean, even the fact that you post: "Is it greedy of me to feel this way? I want her to be happy but i don't understand her reasoning!" Pretty much sums it up right there. It is 100% a mentality of weakness, of being a follower. This is an absolute turn-off and deal breaker for women. THEY like being the followers, they want a strong-willed man to take charge of the situation, something you didn't do. You need to be more assertive. You need to take more control. You need to be the driving force. Instead of wallowing in self-pity tossing around lame ass cliched ideas ("Why do women want to be with assholes???"), you should try to change yourself. Be more dominant. I don't want you to feel like I'm sitting here bashing you by the way. I myself was in your shoes. I was fucking wallowing in it all through highschool. I was the goddamn pussy, and I fucking loathed everyone who wasn't. Until I changed myself (hey, it started with liquid courage for me, but whatever works for you), and now I'm happily married. I'm willing to bet most guys have been in your shoes at some point. Stop hoping/waiting for something to happen. Make it happen. EDIT - Oh, important disclaimer. Being an alphamale doesn't mean you can't also be a nice guy. The problem is, when talking about relationships, most of the time "nice guy" is synonymous with "total pussy". The "nice guys finish last" line is one of the most delusional, self-commiserating statements I've ever heard. And it's always uttered by the same people.  EDIT2 - How old are you btw? | ||
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Grobyc
Canada18410 Posts
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TommyGG
United States142 Posts
In response to your questions I would just say, love isn't rational. Just because things seem like they should work out doesn't mean anything. Nobody can control their feelings so that they can love the person they seem most compatible with on paper. | ||
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EvilTeletubby
Baltimore, USA22253 Posts
On April 06 2010 15:05 Grobyc wrote: ETT always has the best replies in these types of blogs =] Haha, ty!  | ||
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EvilTeletubby
Baltimore, USA22253 Posts
On April 06 2010 15:05 TommyGG wrote: In response to your questions I would just say, love isn't rational. Just because things seem like they should work out doesn't mean anything. Nobody can control their feelings so that they can love the person they seem most compatible with on paper. Nah, that's crap. I already pointed out what the problem is, has nothing to do with love. On April 06 2010 15:05 TommyGG wrote: I think you should secretly videotape an interaction between you two and post it on TL, so we can analyze the footage and give you accurate advice. And that's just creepy. -_- | ||
Spazer
Canada8031 Posts
On April 06 2010 15:05 TommyGG wrote: I think you should secretly videotape an interaction between you two and post it on TL, so we can analyze the footage and give you accurate advice. I feel like this is just a sneaky way of asking for pics. | ||
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omninmo
2349 Posts
you do not want to get involved with this type of girl... she lacks self-esteem which should be a turn-off to healthy young men such as yourself. | ||
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Cube
Canada777 Posts
but seriously if you're in high school don't even bother. | ||
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petered
United States1817 Posts
even if you are looking for advice in the wrong spot, it doesn't mean I won't try to help someone out. Why would she want to stay with somebody that was a total dick to her? You have to understand that women are motivated by different things than men. A guy is turned on by visual stimulii (obviously) and from being impressed/gaining respect for a girl. i.e. it is sexy when girl is funny or good at sports or can play an instrument etc. A girl is turned on by emotional connection and a feeling of being protected by a guy. Even if her last boyfriend was a dick, she probably experienced some of that emotional connection and feelings of protection. If you notice, a guy's stimulii is almost immediate whereas a girl's is something that takes time. A girl will be more turned on by a relationship with a guy the longer she is in it (generally speaking, not always) whereas a guy generally reaches peak attraction right near the beginning of a relationship. So this girl is probably still experiencing a withdraw of those stimulii, which she can't experience right away with you, while you are hitting full stride in terms of attraction. My advice: give it time. If you continue to develop trust in the relationship and let her experience the way you feel about her long enough, she will probably experience the same(or greater) desire for you that she felt for the last guy she was with. By then she may even start to seem clingly and you will be making a blog post about why your girlfriend always wants you to be spending more time with her when you just want to play some SC. Why would she give up the possibility of us being in a committed relationship, even though we have a lot of potential? I think I already mostly answered this. Seriously, though, be patient. getting over a relationship takes time. You probably don't want a relationship with someone who isn't really into you. She she isn't giving up on all future relationships, but she can't just force herself to feel a certain way. | ||
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petered
United States1817 Posts
There are seeds of truth in ETT's advice, but be careful how you interpret it. Being a dominant male doesn't mean busting down the door and "making her your bitch" or any stupid shit like that. Guys do have to be the catalyst in a relationship, though. You really should be very clear about your intentions. Tell her that you are interested and that you think she needs to get over her dick boyfriend. Be straight up about it. Don't, however, force the issue on her too much. A girl is turned on when she feels "safe" with a guy. A girl will feel safe with a more dominant man (since he can protect her) but not one that forces her into bad situations(like giving her a deadline or something like that) | ||
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EvilTeletubby
Baltimore, USA22253 Posts
On April 06 2010 15:25 petered wrote: also, I should point out that ETT and other's posts were written while I was writing mine. Didn't mean to say they were giving you bad advice necessarily. ^_^ There are seeds of truth in ETT's advice, but be careful how you interpret it. Being a dominant male doesn't mean busting down the door and "making her your bitch" or any stupid shit like that. Absolutely, and I'm actually glad you're following this up with a softer-toned approach than I did. I had hoped my first edit cleared up this fact... it's not my intent for him to start going up and smacking her around or something Guys do have to be the catalyst in a relationship, though. 10000000000% You managed to sum up my entire rant/post in a single line.  You really should be very clear about your intentions. Tell her that you are interested and that you think she needs to get over her dick boyfriend. Be straight up about it. Don't, however, force the issue on her too much. A girl is turned on when she feels "safe" with a guy. A girl will feel safe with a more dominant man (since he can protect her) but not one that forces her into bad situations(like giving her a deadline or something like that) Again, agreed completely. I think the worst thing he could do is give her an ultimatum or something silly like that. Women are definitely very delicate creatures that you have to be very careful with. | ||
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echo_O
United States115 Posts
ETT I have a lot to learn from you =p and I'm 17 btw | ||
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EvilTeletubby
Baltimore, USA22253 Posts
On April 06 2010 15:46 echo_O wrote: well normally I don't care and hook up with chicks (not trying to brag, dont be a dick and post stuff about it) but i feel different around her. I never have this mentality. EVER. so maybe there is something? I dunno just kind of lost atm ETT I have a lot to learn from you =p and I'm 17 btw Tbh - The problem here probably is just that... you feel different around her, so it's making you try to act a different way. My advice is to not treat her that differently than you would other girls you've linked up with. I'm not saying to have your way and not call her the next morning or anything, but it sounds like you're placing a lot of emphasis on how she'll feel about you/the situation, which is actually doing you a disservice. Show as much interest in her as you do those other girls - If she truly cares, she'll put out some effort to make sure you know. If she doesn't, oh well, you're only fucking 17, go out and enjoy life. | ||
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