EPT
[Q] Can you REALLY change your personality?
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Garnet
Vietnam8300 Posts
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Snet
United States3573 Posts
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Xeofreestyler
Belgium6660 Posts
First of all: Dont you ever fucking send a text like that again. You do NOT beg people to do stuff for them. This should be common sense. If anything they should be begging you to do the favor for them, really. Second: Ask yourself this question: why do you wanna please people so badly? Try reflecting on that and post it here. | ||
motbob
United States12378 Posts
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motbob
United States12378 Posts
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meeple
Canada10211 Posts
On November 18 2009 21:09 Xeofreestyler wrote: I replied begging to do it but she hasn't replied. First of all: Dont you ever fucking send a text like that again. You do NOT beg people to do stuff for them. This should be common sense. If anything they should be begging you to do the favor for them, really. Second: Ask yourself this question: why do you wanna please people so badly? Try reflecting on that and post it here. Agreed. Try apathy. Not caring can do wonders for improving your self esteem. You realize that you don't need to please and don't really care what they think. | ||
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druj
137 Posts
On November 18 2009 21:13 meeple wrote: Agreed. Try apathy. Not caring can do wonders for improving your self esteem. You realize that you don't need to please and don't really care what they think. doesn't that lead to narcissism, or at least self-centered behavior? I mean I think you can still care about criticisms, but learn not to take it so emotionally damaging, filter out the nonsensical ones with helpful ones, translate them differently in your head. | ||
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Zanric
United States66 Posts
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Dr.Lettuce
United Kingdom663 Posts
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YPang
United States4024 Posts
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meeple
Canada10211 Posts
On November 18 2009 21:16 druj wrote: doesn't that lead to narcissism, or at least self-centered behavior? I mean I think you can still care about criticisms, but learn not to take it so emotionally damaging, filter out the nonsensical ones with helpful ones, translate them differently in your head. Yes, if taken to the extreme. I'm not saying don't have any compassion or thoughts for other people, I should correct myself by saying you should care less about what other people thing. Trying to please others all the times eventually means that you're unhappy, since you pleased everyone but yourself. | ||
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MisteR
Netherlands595 Posts
It is important to recognize that some people, and some activities, raise your self-esteem, while others lower it. When feeling weak, find the people or the things that help you get stronger. When feeling overconfident, obviously, the ones that bring you down to earth will have value then. Like an eagle flying through the sky, you will have to find the right currents to get where you want to be. Begging is an activity that lowers your self-esteem. If you feel you've got a low self-esteem, don't beg. Doing someone a favor is a confidence raiser. But accepting that it is not necessary is one too. You see were you've gone wrong? You should've accepted the message with grace, assuring you would've loved to do the favor but be pleased none the same that it is not necessary. By doing so, you would've raised your self-esteem, and raised the trust those two girls have in you. Like a djinnie, you will perform only those wishes that are made, and those that should be granted. Doing any less, or more, will go against your very being. My own experience in the matter is this, that while a low self-esteem is a burden, it is only temporary. While many people regard a low self-confidence to be bad for yourself, I have found otherwise. It is healthy to be unsure when the situation calls for that. I find for myself the things in which I have confidence, and the people with whom I feel good, and I'll seek them out when I need them. I've learned to see it as a need for change, rather than a problem, or a bad thing. Have you ever read Dune, the science fiction novel by Frank Herbert? If so, you'll know of the golden road that Muad'dib and Leto the god-emperor follow to ensure the survival of mankind. Though we are only one man a piece, we all have our own golden road to follow. It is the knowledge of what is good and what is bad, that should be your guide along the way to prosperity. | ||
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economist_
Vietnam719 Posts
Its not bad that you care so much about people. I personally think that is very good that you inherit such good trait from your parents. You dont have to change. Its just that sometimes you shouldnt think too much about this, just keep telling to yourself that you did your best and its not your intention that is misunderstood, its your action that has been misunderstood and then try to think about acting better later on. You shouldnt feel ashamed if you really care about people, you feel it when you care about yourself only by doing something damaging to people. Thats common sense | ||
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vnlegend
United States1388 Posts
The strongest catalyst to change is motivation. Another is your environment and the people you hang around with. Let's say that you're a nerdy guy. Start hanging around with people who are more outgoing and do what they do. You have to be open-minded to do this. If you approach it from the angle of "I already know I don't like this so I won't try it" then it's not gonna work. Girls can also improve your life. Just look at Stork. Except for the diet thing (which is probably an asian thing for guys to be skinny), he's become more active and sociable. A good motivation for you could be to improve yourself somehow (get rid of a bad habit, pick up a good one, etc) to impress a girl. I wish I learned this earlier but part of growing up is to figure out who you are. For things like careers, we have certain natural talents that you have to try things to discover what they are. For other things like relationships, you could be the un-attached casual dating kind of guy or somebody who's really intense and prefer long-term serious relationships. It's important to try things out, figure who you are, what you like to do, don't like, and what kind of things you could live with. Maybe you like money but can't live with being an assassin who makes loads of money, know what I mean? Self-esteem is related to confidence, which is related to ability. Girls who are pretty, but have no abilities typically suffer from low self-esteem. Meanwhile I've met girls who are less attractive but are more competent in life (smarter, better career, personal life, etc) tend to have more confidence. Try developing your abilities and become more competent in something. Even small successes will fuel your confidence and make you feel better. I call it ego management. | ||
Gunman_csz
United Arab Emirates492 Posts
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Gunman_csz
United Arab Emirates492 Posts
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Garnet
Vietnam8300 Posts
On November 18 2009 21:09 Xeofreestyler wrote: I replied begging to do it but she hasn't replied. First of all: Dont you ever fucking send a text like that again. You do NOT beg people to do stuff for them. This should be common sense. If anything they should be begging you to do the favor for them, really. Second: Ask yourself this question: why do you wanna please people so badly? Try reflecting on that and post it here. It's like a natural instinct. | ||
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village_idiot
2424 Posts
It totally changed my personality. I used to be a weakling nerd, but now I get pussy left and right. | ||
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alffla
Hong Kong20296 Posts
well im sure u can change it. i used to be kinda shy i guess...... actually i dunno if i've changed or not lol. well what i do know is i care less about things now, and im more motivated to do stuff i wanna achieve, and know how to plan and treasure my time better. and to be generally be more confident with people. | ||
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LastWish
2002 Posts
It becomes very hard to change after you finish school... The reason for this is the fact that you usually have most of the following stable : friends, job, girlfriend, place to live, hobbies... So if you try to change you must change all of this too because the old things will most likely push you back. That's why it's easier to change when you lose job or gf. Your best hope is to move somewhere completely else (ever wanted to travel somewhere far?) and leave it all behind. Sounds cruel. Hell I should do it too... however my pesonality lacks the ever precious initiative. You see my family has always supported me materially but never I had the psychological support. I was raised to do little to no risks with the attitude to act like a above-average polite kid. This however does not suite my personality well and I have had troubles more than once due to that. Well I guess I'm waiting for the opportunity.. and when it comes I won't be prepared well and probably screw it. Fucking cycle... Oh, sorry this threat is about you, I hope you do well. | ||
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